bdizzle Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 (edited) So...haven't posted in a while. Ex moved out of my rental (which she was not paying rent on mind you) back in May. Couple of texts saying "i'll get my stuff next week" and then that would pass and then another saying "have everything out, still have a few things left, can I get them next week" etc. Each time I responded yea no problem, whenever you can. I leave for vacation, I come back June 8th. June 10th, 1130 at night, her mom calls me, for what...no idea. Didnt answer and she didnt leave a message. No big deal. 6/11 she texts me again, something to do with getting her things out...i don't respond. Start my complete NC. Completely quiet from both sides until July 3rd, she texts me saying "sorry to bother you, can you call when you get a chance" I don't respond, nor do I call, nothing. Friday July 6th, find out she finally gets the rest of her things out of my rental. So today marks 31 days of complete and utter silence from me. Know I shouldn't count, but proud of myself for not having caved to anything. Get a message 30 minutes ago..."just so you know. That accident I took the blame for you has made me ineligble to switch my insurance and has raised my premium $400/Yr!" Granted I didn't respond, nor do I plan to...but what the ****? Shes in a relationship with someone else for starters. She never responded to ANYTHING I had to say before. Why bother sending me a message like that? I want to reply so badly "400.00 a year is a small amount compared to the over $20,000+ you cost me in rent, vacation, food, and things for your boys." but I won't. I just don't get why she wants to play a money game, let alone stay in contact even over something as stupid as that when she's already involved with someone else and has been since May. Why not just let it go and enjoy your newfound relationship? Edited July 13, 2013 by bdizzle
Ordinaryday Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 So...haven't posted in a while. Ex moved out of my rental (which she was not paying rent on mind you) back in May. Couple of texts saying "i'll get my stuff next week" and then that would pass and then another saying "have everything out, still have a few things left, can I get them next week" etc. Each time I responded yea no problem, whenever you can. I leave for vacation, I come back June 8th. June 10th, 1130 at night, her mom calls me, for what...no idea. Didnt answer and she didnt leave a message. No big deal. 6/11 she texts me again, something to do with getting her things out...i don't respond. Start my complete NC. Completely quiet from both sides until July 3rd, she texts me saying "sorry to bother you, can you call when you get a chance" I don't respond, nor do I call, nothing. Friday July 6th, find out she finally gets the rest of her things out of my rental. So today marks 31 days of complete and utter silence from me. Know I shouldn't count, but proud of myself for not having caved to anything. Get a message 30 minutes ago..."just so you know. That accident I took the blame for you has made me ineligble to switch my insurance and has raised my premium $400/Yr!" Granted I didn't respond, nor do I plan to...but what the ****? Shes in a relationship with someone else for starters. She never responded to ANYTHING I had to say before. Why bother sending me a message like that? I want to reply so badly "400.00 a year is a small amount compared to the over 20,000 you cost me in rent, vacation, food, and things for your boys." but I won't. I just don't get why she wants to play a money game, let alone stay in contact even over something as stupid as then when she's already involved with someone else and has been since May. Why not just let it go and enjoy your newfound relationship? I wouldn't say it is a breadcrumb. More than likely I would say that she feels guilty about how she dumped you and hurt you so, in her mind, she is trying to reframe things to make you the 'bad guy' and her the 'good guy'. Most of us do it, to varying degrees. You see it a lot on this board - the dumper is usually portrayed as the 'bad guy' and the dumpee as the poor victim who did nothing but love and did nothing to deserve it. Sometimes that is true, but there are ALWAYS two sides to every story and it is telling that we only ever hear ONE SIDE. So yeah, I have studied psychology a bit and it sounds like she is trying to reframe the dumping to make you the 'bad guy' which will make her the 'good guy', and thus allow her to sleep guiltfree at night. Don't respond at all - any response you give her will allow her to think something like "what a psycho, still obsessing over me after all this time" - seriously, it is INCREDIBLE the lengths the human mind can go to to preserve its own dignity.
Author bdizzle Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 Agreed. I made a TON of mistakes in my relationship with her. Still haven't fully forgiven myself for some of the things I did and said. Know she hasn't as well. In hindsight, I think the dumping was somewhat deserved but thats for another day. Thanks for the input Ordinaryday. Won't respond at all, already deleted, just caught me by total and complete surprise that of all the things she could have possibly thrown at me, it was that. 1
JDPT Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 you are doing an amazing job, NC, eventually she will get tired, simply delete, delete, delete.
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I wouldn't say it is a breadcrumb. More than likely I would say that she feels guilty about how she dumped you and hurt you so, in her mind, she is trying to reframe things to make you the 'bad guy' and her the 'good guy'. Most of us do it, to varying degrees. You see it a lot on this board - the dumper is usually portrayed as the 'bad guy' and the dumpee as the poor victim who did nothing but love and did nothing to deserve it. Sometimes that is true, but there are ALWAYS two sides to every story and it is telling that we only ever hear ONE SIDE. So yeah, I have studied psychology a bit and it sounds like she is trying to reframe the dumping to make you the 'bad guy' which will make her the 'good guy', and thus allow her to sleep guiltfree at night. Don't respond at all - any response you give her will allow her to think something like "what a psycho, still obsessing over me after all this time" - seriously, it is INCREDIBLE the lengths the human mind can go to to preserve its own dignity. My ex did this to me as well, months ago. And I probably gave her exactly what she wanted. Damn, wish I didn't so she could stew for a while. But she probably blame shifted and is feeling not a care in the world. Oh well. Months under the bridge now
Author bdizzle Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 My ex did this to me as well, months ago. And I probably gave her exactly what she wanted. Damn, wish I didn't so she could stew for a while. But she probably blame shifted and is feeling not a care in the world. Oh well. Months under the bridge now Its more comical to me than anything. She's really upset about 33.33/month? Of all the things I did wrong and could easily rip me to shreds over, she chooses an incident in which she volunteered to take the heat for because at the time it would have royally ****ed me. There's plenty of things she can blame shift and instantly feel better about, curios as to why she chose that.
Ordinaryday Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 My ex did this to me as well, months ago. And I probably gave her exactly what she wanted. Damn, wish I didn't so she could stew for a while. But she probably blame shifted and is feeling not a care in the world. Oh well. Months under the bridge now Live and learn. One girl about a year ago dumped me in a particularly nasty way, and gave me all the standard dumper cliches like 'let's just be friends' and 'I'm just not ready for a relationship right now'. And no, she never attempted to maintain a 'friendship' with me post break up. Anyway, after being dumped I pathetically sent her one of the break up letters that people here warn you NEVER to send, In which i poured my heart out and acted like a little whiny boy and gave her a huge ego boost, effectively relieving her of any guilt she may have felt. Biggest mistake I made, if I could go back in time I would have done something so different upon getting dumped, but hindsight is always 20/20
Author bdizzle Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 Live and learn. One girl about a year ago dumped me in a particularly nasty way, and gave me all the standard dumper cliches like 'let's just be friends' and 'I'm just not ready for a relationship right now'. And no, she never attempted to maintain a 'friendship' with me post break up. Anyway, after being dumped I pathetically sent her one of the break up letters that people here warn you NEVER to send, In which i poured my heart out and acted like a little whiny boy and gave her a huge ego boost, effectively relieving her of any guilt she may have felt. Biggest mistake I made, if I could go back in time I would have done something so different upon getting dumped, but hindsight is always 20/20 100% in the same boat. Begged, cried, wrote, "stalked", threatened, if there was anything I could do wrong to try and win her back, I did it 100mph. So many mistakes and so many lessons learned.
Author bdizzle Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 (edited) Its more comical to me than anything. She's really upset about 33.33/month? Of all the things I did wrong and could easily rip me to shreds over, she chooses an incident in which she volunteered to take the heat for because at the time it would have royally ****ed me. There's plenty of things she can blame shift and instantly feel better about, curios as to why she chose that. I think it's more than that too that I find perplexing. Why bother contacting me. I know she has enough resentment and reasons for moving on and rightfully so, what's the point of letting me know about something so trivial? You're already with someone else, the damage was done, I/we screwed up beyond repair, you've moved on and want nothing to do with me, why contact me? Edited July 13, 2013 by bdizzle
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I think it's more than that too that I find perplexing. Why bother contacting me. I know she has enough resentment and reasons for moving on and rightfully so, what's the point of letting me know about something so trivial? You're already with someone else, the damage was done, I/we screwed up beyond repair, you've moved on and want nothing to do with me, why contact me? The human psyche is absolutely perplexing. People do all kinds of absolutely insane things all the time. Best not to worry about it too much, because you'll never know!! 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Anyway, after being dumped I pathetically sent her one of the break up letters that people here warn you NEVER to send, In which i poured my heart out and acted like a little whiny boy and gave her a huge ego boost, effectively relieving her of any guilt she may have felt. I thought the pouring of emotions gives them the ego boost, And the relief of guilt comes more from the "I'm fine", "I'm doing great" type of statements from the dumpee?? "Well, I cant be too terrible, because they are doing fine", no??
Author bdizzle Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Had to go digging to find this again. Seems to be weighing on me a little today. Spoke to friends and mom about this. Friends response: "not your problem" & "****ing brutal but I still think you're ahead in the you cost me this much game" and finally "shes out of your life, dont stress." Moms response: "She's concerned with money so maybe things right now aren't going as well for her" & "she said it because you have a history of bailing her out and by sending you that message she also knows she can get to you. She knows you well enough to know you care and that she's always been able to get a reaction out of you...look how much you're dwelling on this now." Never responded to her nor will I, was deleted then and there. When I do feel the urge to text, I just realign my thinking to "she won't respond" and "she's not coming back, you're wasting your time even thinking of texting her." So, Tara, Simon, aloneinaz, among others...what are your thoughts on this? I suppose I should also admit, that while I'm doing my best here to move forward (36days now and not a word from me. Shouldn't count as I've stated before, but whatever), its nice to know that she's thinking of me while involved with her new relationship, even if it is thinking of me in a negative way.
Chi townD Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 You're not responding to her and it's getting on her nerves. She was sending nothing text's. Like the kind of texts you would send to a "friend". But, you're not responding. You're not giving her what she wants. So! She's trying to find ways to not like you; therefore, she can let go and move on. So, she saying to herself, "Why am I trying to talk to this guy? He's costing me an additional $400 a year!" See....
Author bdizzle Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 You're not responding to her and it's getting on her nerves. She was sending nothing text's. Like the kind of texts you would send to a "friend". But, you're not responding. You're not giving her what she wants. So! She's trying to find ways to not like you; therefore, she can let go and move on. So, she saying to herself, "Why am I trying to talk to this guy? He's costing me an additional $400 a year!" See.... Ya, I get that whole blame shifting thing. Guess its just weird to me. I figured she's moved to a new relationship that that is her letting go and moving on. Why drum up our past when she's in something new.
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