Pisces13 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 This is something I'm curious about. You read stuff saying that you don't want to let a girl know that you're too available or interested in her, but I guess you also have to show her somewhat that you are in fact interested at the same time. So what is the difference between showing too much interest, and not showing enough?
soccerrprp Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 So what is the difference between showing too much interest, and not showing enough? Insecurity, lack of communication to address what is or what is not acceptable contact time. I often wonder about this. Every woman, but one, I've dated wanted to be together as much as possible. That was communicated, of course. Some people already start the "games" even before actually knowing what the partner is comfortable with...kind of sad really. 1
Author Pisces13 Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 I guess I'm talking more about the initial stages of dating, like before it gets to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage. It's like you don't want to text etc. too much and come across as desperate, but you don't want to text etc. too little and make it seem like you're not really interested. I'm kind of going through it now myself, I really really like this girl but have been cautious to not come across as desperate or whatever, but at the same time I don't think I've been showing her enough that I'm really interested in her, now I just feel confused lol.
soccerrprp Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I guess I'm talking more about the initial stages of dating, like before it gets to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage. It's like you don't want to text etc. too much and come across as desperate, but you don't want to text etc. too little and make it seem like you're not really interested. I'm kind of going through it now myself, I really really like this girl but have been cautious to not come across as desperate or whatever, but at the same time I don't think I've been showing her enough that I'm really interested in her, now I just feel confused lol. Ah, my point exactly. You have no idea how much is too much or too little. So, talk about it. Communication is key, if there is doubt. 1
Bigcitydreamer Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Thats a good question because it seems like a lot of people are stuck on this concept. In my personal experience I've always played somewhat hard to get. I always remain a bit aloof and never invest until I'm SURE that the other person really likes me. I'd say until the point of making it official I definitely remain a bit distant you can say by replying to messages late and not being overly available ect. On the flip side most guys that I have had LTRs with have been very clear about liking me. Not in a creepy way.. Perhaps they were playing "the game" on some level but in my eyes I barely noticed it because I could pretty much just tell they liked me. Personally I prefer this balance. I like knowing when a guy is into me. Its easier to pursue a relationship with confidence if it's clear they want things to progress. But like I said the guys I've went out with never were over the top. Now I am a girl and I feel like guys and girls play different roles. I think it's more beneficial for the girl to play it calm cool and collected and for the guy to demonstrate interest WITHOUT BEING OVER THE TOP. Over the top examples would be like a guy telling a girl she is beautiful too many times, or seeming overly eager to go on a date. My conclusion regarding all of this though, is that mutual attraction plays a very big part. I do believe that people who date within their league have a much easier time establishing that initial connection. I've always felt genuine attraction for the people I went out with long term so they couldn't really creep me out that much by being over nice. It would almost be welcome. If one of my ex's had sent me flowers at work at any point in the relationship I would have been thrilled. If that weird dude I hooked up with but wasn't that attracted to afterwards sent me flowers I would have been creeped out. So I believe finding that person who just likes you for you is the best bet. The game does exist whereby one should not get invested whatsoever before it is clear the relationship is headed for exclusivity! 2
Mrlonelyone Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 This is something I'm curious about. You read stuff saying that you don't want to let a girl know that you're too available or interested in her, but I guess you also have to show her somewhat that you are in fact interested at the same time. So what is the difference between showing too much interest, and not showing enough? This depends on how turned on the other person is by you. If you make them hot, then they can't get enough of you. If you make them cold then any contact with you is unwanted. In real life it varies with time and circumstance. No one ever feels the same all the time.
BluEyeL Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I like 2 or 3 dates a week, but contact everyday, even a short line/text.
PCS991 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I guess I'm talking more about the initial stages of dating, like before it gets to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage. It's like you don't want to text etc. too much and come across as desperate, but you don't want to text etc. too little and make it seem like you're not really interested. I'm kind of going through it now myself, I really really like this girl but have been cautious to not come across as desperate or whatever, but at the same time I don't think I've been showing her enough that I'm really interested in her, now I just feel confused lol. I was going to start a thread and ask the exact same question you are now asking. I'm lost. I don't want to blow it by too much or too little communication. I am NOT hard up to have to be with a girl, I'd like to be with a girl and I have been seeing one LD lately but I just strive for that perfect blend of availability, haven't a clue if I'm doing it right.
PCS991 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Ah, my point exactly. You have no idea how much is too much or too little. So, talk about it. Communication is key, if there is doubt. Wouldn't even trying to talk about it this early on scare them off because your thinking about it enough to bring it up?? 1
Author Pisces13 Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 I was going to start a thread and ask the exact same question you are now asking. I'm lost. I don't want to blow it by too much or too little communication. I am NOT hard up to have to be with a girl, I'd like to be with a girl and I have been seeing one LD lately but I just strive for that perfect blend of availability, haven't a clue if I'm doing it right. Yeah man, it's tough... especially since what one person will find as overbearing, another won't and so on. This is why I hate dating, I constantly feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Am I doing too much? Am I doing too little? It does your head in! The girl I've been seeing has seemed pretty keen on me, wanting to go on dates with me etc. but she cancelled our date that was scheduled for last night saying she was sick (I do believe that she was), she said she was gutted she had to cancel and when I asked her if she wants to reschedule for next week she emphatically said yes, but for some reason I keep getting a bad vibe that I'm losing her interest, although I hadn't said or done anything out of the ordinary in between yesterday and our last date which was earlier this week, so I don't know why she would do a 180 all of a sudden. Maybe I'm just reading too much in to it all, I dunno.
PCS991 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Yeah man, it's tough... especially since what one person will find as overbearing, another won't and so on. This is why I hate dating, I constantly feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Am I doing too much? Am I doing too little? It does your head in! The girl I've been seeing has seemed pretty keen on me, wanting to go on dates with me etc. but she cancelled our date that was scheduled for last night saying she was sick (I do believe that she was), she said she was gutted she had to cancel and when I asked her if she wants to reschedule for next week she emphatically said yes, but for some reason I keep getting a bad vibe that I'm losing her interest, although I hadn't said or done anything out of the ordinary in between yesterday and our last date which was earlier this week, so I don't know why she would do a 180 all of a sudden. Maybe I'm just reading too much in to it all, I dunno. Well you are not alone, I'm absolutely positive of that. Here is how it went for me yesterday: We talked for 20 minutes on the phone, had a great chat, she said goodnight and lets talk soon....So what is soon? 2 days, 5 days, 2 weeks ? Do I call her? is she calling me? If I do call her will she think I'm needy clingy or whatever the saying is?? Damned if I do damned if I don't.
soccerrprp Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Wouldn't even trying to talk about it this early on scare them off because your thinking about it enough to bring it up?? Yeah, thought about this too. But a light, hey is it okay if I text you once in a while during the day? question would suffice. Then talk about texting and get a feel how she feels about it. Something light...
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