Ruki. Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 We are both 22 years old, I'm the girl. It's been 1.5 years and well...things aren't going as well as I'd hope. While we have a lot of fun while we are together for the most parts, he never plans or initiates anything for us to do. I always have to plan everything; the last time he planned something for us to do was over three months ago. I also feel that he doesn't appreciate me as much as I appreciate him, and I'll admit that it's probably partly my fault for being too "available" for him. We're both taking summer courses now and sometimes if I ask him to go for lunch or something similar, he replies with something like "I will give you 2 hours." Those words just make it sound like he's doing me a favor by coming out to meet for a couple of hours, I guess he doesn't appreciate and enjoy the time together? He gives me the impression that he doesn't have the time for me. He has also said that he has no time for dates while he has school (which he still has a year left of) and that he will also have no time for them once he starts to work. That left me questioning him a little bit. Every time I ask him for a meet up, he always gives me a similar response as above - "2 hours" or "I'll give you 2 hours." If I don't ask for us to meet up then it would probably never happen, and even when I do ask for it it just seems like he doesn't really care if it happens or not. If he wanted to do something together, he'd say something right? Yes I have asked him why he never plans anything for us to do to and he told me that he "really has to be in the mood" to do something like that...so from that I guess he's almost never in the mood to plan something for us to do together- that he's just disinterested most of the time to the idea. Which brings me to my point...am I just being taken for granted? I'd like to believe that he appreciates me and would take the effort and time to plan for us to do something together but I'm not sure if that's been happening. I'm just so frustrated. My friend told me to go ahead and ignore him until he initiates a date. Thoughts and advice are loved. Thanks!
clia Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I agree with your friend. Pull back completely. Do not ask him to do anything and in the event that he does ask you to do something, do not plan anything. Leave it up to him. If you don't hear from him after a week, consider yourself free and single. (If he doesn't have time for dates, then you don't have time for him.) Which brings me to my point...am I just being taken for granted? I'd like to believe that he appreciates me and would take the effort and time to plan for us to do something together but I'm not sure if that's been happening. Actions speak louder than words. He hasn't planned anything with you in three months, is not initiating seeing you, and seems really ambivalent about spending time with you. Does this sound like a guy who appreciates you and who will take the time and effort to plan something? Nope. 1
Author Ruki. Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 Thanks for your input! In the case that he does ask to do something, would it be appropriate to politely turn him down? I want to avoid giving him the impression that I would say yes and jump at everything he says but at the same time I don't want to discourage him from asking again in the future, if that makes sense.
shexy Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 He sounds like an arrogant dooooshbag. Why are you putting up with that?
D-Lish Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I agree with your friend. I wouldn't keep putting in an effort for someone not willing to do the same. Perhaps he's gotten used to you putting in the effort- so it's become a standard he's just become comfortable with- grown accustomed to. I'd stop initiating and see how long it takes for him to notice. In the meantime- start making other plans. There is someone else out there that will make an effort- even when it's not possible to make you a priority all the time.
CC12 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Thanks for your input! In the case that he does ask to do something, would it be appropriate to politely turn him down? I want to avoid giving him the impression that I would say yes and jump at everything he says but at the same time I don't want to discourage him from asking again in the future, if that makes sense. I understand how you don't want to seem "too available," but on the other hand, the issue that you're having now is that you want him to plan things with you. If he tries to plan something, turning him down would be completely counterproductive. If he offers it, accept it with grace. But before you resort to ignoring him, why don't you just try having a frank discussion with him? You said you've asked him why he doesn't plan anything, and he gave you a really dumb response, but did you tell him how that makes you feel? And have you explained how insulting it is when he says stuff like, "I'll give you two hours" as if he's doing you a favor? If you have expressed to him in simple language that you have a problem with XYZ and he hasn't made any improvements, it's time to move on. No more chances. That's the way he is, and it's not enough.
Recommended Posts