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AP and WS "just friends" after A- ever actually true in the history of the universe?

Betterthanthis13

By Betterthanthis13
in Infidelity

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Betterthanthis13 Established Member

Betterthanthis13

Posted
Posted

I heard of an unbelievable phenomenon where it seems that WS's have a knack for claiming an innocent "just friends" relationship with AP's AFTER DDay. While in R.

 

Is this true?

 

This can't be. This must be an isolated incident.

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janedoe67 Established Member

janedoe67

Posted
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I do not even believe there is such a thing as an isolated incident. Even if there is no more hanky panky, a WS who WANTS to stay friends with their AP while the BS sits there and watches is still wayward. That's like saying, "I know this guy mugged and raped you, but before that he was really nice so can I stay friends with him??"

 

Ick.

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Betterthanthis13 Established Member

Betterthanthis13

Posted
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I would almost think it was fake, but there are 258 comments posted on there with women posting about similar experiences. I don't know if I'd get in trouble for posting a link. Anyway, it's just weird. File in the brain under things I wish I had never read.

 

 

My husband had an affair this year, which I found out about. My problem is that they still keep in contact and she is now planning to move and wants to get a job where my Husband works.

 

This really upsets me and makes me nervous, but what really annoys me is the constant emotionally support this woman needs and demands. She is very intelligent, but constantly phones and emails my husband asking for help and advice on trivial matters, or becomes annoyed if he hasn’t contacted her for a few days.

 

My Husband caves in every time as he feels guilty about what he did to her. She has become and intrusion in our lives and my Husband can’t seem to see a problem with this. He keeps telling me over time she will become less reliant on him.

 

He has ended the physical relationship with this woman, but they continue to keep in contact and want to remain friends. My husband assures me nothing will ever happen again, but I find it hard to trust either of them.

 

I love him and don’t want to leave him, but am slowly coming to the end of my tether.

drifter777 Established Member

drifter777

Posted
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You mean friends as in "friends with benefits"? Or fu*k buddies? But platonic friends?? NO!

Betrayed&Stayed Established Member

Betrayed&Stayed

Posted
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I can only speak for myself, but if my WW ever had any intentional contact with her xOM I would be seeking legal counsel immediately.

  • Like 3
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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If my spouse wanted to remain friends with his exOW, he could. However, he would be free to do whatever he wanted after making that choice, as we'd no longer be together.

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Ninja'sHusband Established Member

Ninja'sHusband

Posted
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My WW wanted to keep attending MA classes with OMM.... Our divorce will hopefully be final next month. We've been separated over a year.

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Betterthanthis13 Established Member

Betterthanthis13

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Yeah.. Just makes me sad.

 

She doesn't even ask a question. She's "slowly" coming to the end of her tether??? She feels she "can't trust either of them"??? The other woman is moving to her city to come work for her husband??

 

I wonder what happened. Maybe she baked this lady a cake and picked her up from the airport when she arrived, carried her bags in and slept on the couch so she could be more comfortable in the bed since she probably needed a place to stay while she was new in town looking for an apartment?

 

I can't take this nonsense where is chumplady

  • Like 2
drifter777 Established Member

drifter777

Posted
Posted
Yeah.. Just makes me sad.

 

She doesn't even ask a question. She's "slowly" coming to the end of her tether??? She feels she "can't trust either of them"??? The other woman is moving to her city to come work for her husband??

 

I wonder what happened. Maybe she baked this lady a cake and picked her up from the airport when she arrived, carried her bags in and slept on the couch so she could be more comfortable in the bed since she probably needed a place to stay while she was new in town looking for an apartment?

 

I can't take this nonsense where is chumplady

 

A million dollars says he's still screwing her. This BH is as stupid as she is naive, but she still doesn't deserve to be betrayed and now humiliated like this. The thing is, if she is not willing to put her foot down she can't expect the two of them to stop the affair on there own. She has to draw some boundaries and be ready and able to enforce them.

  • Like 2
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
I heard of an unbelievable phenomenon where it seems that WS's have a knack for claiming an innocent "just friends" relationship with AP's AFTER DDay. While in R.

 

Is this true?

 

This can't be. This must be an isolated incident.

 

Impossible.

 

100% no way is that possible! If they believe that, then they are blinded and fooling themselves.

Confused48 Established Member

Confused48

Posted
Posted
If my spouse wanted to remain friends with his exOW, he could. However, he would be free to do whatever he wanted after making that choice, as we'd no longer be together.

 

LMAO miss B! Lmao!

Confused48 Established Member

Confused48

Posted
Posted
Yeah.. Just makes me sad.

 

She doesn't even ask a question. She's "slowly" coming to the end of her tether??? She feels she "can't trust either of them"??? The other woman is moving to her city to come work for her husband??

 

I wonder what happened. Maybe she baked this lady a cake and picked her up from the airport when she arrived, carried her bags in and slept on the couch so she could be more comfortable in the bed since she probably needed a place to stay while she was new in town looking for an apartment?

 

I can't take this nonsense where is chumplady

 

 

Omg! You and missB! It's like a comedy routine. I do love gallows humor.

janedoe67 Established Member

janedoe67

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I am waiting for the inevitable arrival of a WS/OM/OW who will say:

 

WE made it work because we have all been family/friends/blah blah and WE are mature enough to handle it/my BS knows it would be unfair to make me do X....

 

To which I would want to creatively say, "Bullhockey you selfish twit." And then I'd get into trouble.....

 

sigh.....

freestyle Established Member

freestyle

Posted
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Yepp-and a recovering alcoholic should still walk around with his/her bottle in hand, and expect you not to worry about it.

 

It astounds me that a WS could expect a BS to be okay with keeping an AP nearby..........:confused:

 

It's like putting the BS in a room with a venomous snake that's already bitten him/her once before--and expecting them NOT to be watching the snake's every single move.........

 

"Why are you hyper-vigilant? Don't you trust me?"

 

fercryinoutloud.

  • Like 5
Coolit Established Member

Coolit

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My xMM was having an exit affair long distance last year. It had started as a vacation hookup. After he told his W he was leaving they decided to work on their M and that they didn't want to split up. But he remained facebook friends with her. When I found out the story I was amazed that his W would allow it. She finally bribed him to unfriend the fOW on facebook but she remained his friend thru other social media. BW knows this and yet she stays.

 

So it does happen. I don't think it is healthy for those involved but it does happen.

 

I couldn't be friends with my xMM not because I would let him screw me again but because I would spend my whole time shaking my head an saying "I risked my marriage an my mental health for you??????"

  • Like 1
SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

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I think it's possible if there hasn't been a DDay. If one of them decided to break it off and the BS didn't know.

 

With the BS knowing? I don't know about that. I'm sure it has happened, but I imagine it's quite unusual.

Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

Posted
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I think it's possible if there hasn't been a DDay. If one of them decided to break it off and the BS didn't know.

 

With the BS knowing? I don't know about that. I'm sure it has happened, but I imagine it's quite unusual.

 

I tend to agree with this.

 

I think it is very possible is there no d-day. If there is a d-day, then I think it would take a good period of time for that to be possible.

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Betterthanthis13 Established Member

Betterthanthis13

Posted
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I tend to agree with this.

 

I think it is very possible is there no d-day. If there is a d-day, then I think it would take a good period of time for that to be possible.

 

See, now THAT makes logical sense. Our society is so "whatever" about infidelity at this point, a WS is conditioned to think that once the BS "calms down" for a long enough period of time he/she should be able to handle them being friends/ co-workers/same social circle again. No DDay, no big deal.

 

Thank you for that honest reply. I will surpress the remainder of my rant and sarcasm as a gesture of my gratitude. I really do appreciate it.

janedoe67 Established Member

janedoe67

Posted
Posted
I think it's possible if there hasn't been a DDay. If one of them decided to break it off and the BS didn't know.

 

With the BS knowing? I don't know about that. I'm sure it has happened, but I imagine it's quite unusual.

 

I think it depends on how the WS feel about the fact that they betrayed their spouse. If they feel, "meh, it's over, it was fun, and they don't know," then friendship is probably possible. If they actually feel remorse about what they slithered around and did and them continue to cover up....they probably won't be capable - in conscience - of being buddies with their fellow slitherer.

 

But then, some people don't really care about the whole right wrong thing as much as they do what makes them feel good.

  • Like 2
BrokenPrincess Established Member

BrokenPrincess

Posted
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My friend just did this! She had a casual A for a couple months with a mutual friend. They were friends/acquaintances for about 3 years before the A, but zero flirting or tension or EA before starting an A. Basically they were the last two standing at a party one night & ended up hooking up, then kept it going. Now she met a single guy to date & called it off with MM. So they're back to being friends. His W doesn't know. I guess it's possible because no DDay AND no deep emotional/romantic ties or history.

 

It's still crazy to me though. As much as I miss my xMMs friendship, I can't be friends with him because I still feel a tingle when I think of his voice.

Plus, on his end he had a DDay and as part of R, his W asked for NC and he felt overwhelmingly stressed and guilty when he broke it. He didn't concerned with it being "wrong" to betray his W again, but he was terrified that he would lose his family. Even though his W thinks we only had inappropriate texting, I still would never in a million years expect her to accept xMM & I being friends again somewhere down the line.

Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
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I told my FWS that of course he could be friends with his fOW (She really, really wanted this) if I could rekindle my friendship with my former college BF, the one he was STILL insanely jealous of!

 

If he would be okay with that, then of course he and she could continue to be "friends.":p

 

I though he was going to throw up.

 

Needless to say he initiated NC with her immediately. Funny how that happened, no?

 

He GOT it.:rolleyes:

  • Like 2
Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
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There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING MORE DISRESPECTFUL to your spouse than trying to remain friends with your xAP.

 

PULLEAZE.....!

  • Like 6
save150 Member

save150

Posted
Posted
There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING MORE DISRESPECTFUL to your spouse than trying to remain friends with your xAP.

 

PULLEAZE.....!

 

Ditto, Ditto, and Ditto.

  • Like 1
2sure Established Member

2sure

Posted
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My xH had several OW and I met and /or spoke to them all prior to the divorce. Chatted if you will.

 

I make friends much more easily than he does. I could have befriended one or two of them, probably could have had my own affair with them if I chose to. I probably threatened that actually.

 

Anyway, the idea appalled him.

 

It's no different.

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