Author Coolit Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 I asked my husband if I had humiliated him by my actions. His answer was no. That my actions are my own and not a reflection of him. He told me he doesn't own me or control me. He expected us to be faithful to each other. I chose not to be. I am remorseful enough for him and he is a very forgiving person so he is giving me a second chance. BetrayedH is right. He deserves me to try. It is just that sometimes the self loathing is hard to get past. And when bitter judgemental people comment it actualy helps me. It makes me thankful that my husband doesn't think he knows everything. That he isn't arrogent. Him and my kids are worth fighting my demons for.
Bryanp Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 What a wonderful thoughtful, loving, forgiving and decent husband you have. You should thank your lucky stars that you have a husband who is 1 in a billion. You are a very very lucky woman. Good luck to you. 1
Oberfeldwebel Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 BetrayedH is right. He deserves me to try. It is just that sometimes the self loathing is hard to get past. And when bitter judgemental people comment it actualy helps me. It makes me thankful that my husband doesn't think he knows everything. That he isn't arrogent. Him and my kids are worth fighting my demons for. BetrayedH is correct and I think that you are a good candidate for reconciliation. You need to continue counseling and answer any questions that your husband may ask. However, I would warn not to purge yourself to your husband, that is what the counselor's job. Some people want all kinds of intimate details and that is fine for them, others prefer to know it happened, but want to avoid the mind movies. I don't say either is right or wrong, just the way that way the BS deals with their issues. Be honest, sympathetic and try to be the best wife, mother and person that you can be. Best wishes to you and your family. 1
veryhappy Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Are you religious? Were you brought up that way? You seem unable to forgive or understand yourself in a way that makes me think you had a strict upbringing and you see the world very black and white. Honestly, from what you wrote my main advice would be: skip the alcohol. Nothing good comes out of it.
Artie Lang Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 if your husband has chosen to forgive you, and you also want to reconcile, maybe you should give it a shot. as someone else said, you have an "amazingly" forgiving husband. many WS would jump at the chance to have a gift like that; because it is a gift. one can only imagine the pain, humiliation, and sadness the BS feels. to love someone that much and try to look past such a betrayal, speaks volumes of said person's character. the self-loathing is indicative of the guilt and remorse you now feel. a consequences, i suppose. this is a scar that you and your husband are ALWAYS going to carry around. it's NEVER going to go away. you can only learn to cope with it.
2sure Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 My xH was a serial cheater. He hooked up with people from Craigslist and swingers sights. I loved him very much and when I caught him the first time, when we were newly weds...I was crushed but felt that I could forgive him and that he was forgivable. He had a problem, the marriage didn't, and I wanted to help him through it. I was wrong, Didnt stop cheating, so we divorced. I wish he had been able to change. 1
Author Coolit Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Are you religious? Were you brought up that way? You seem unable to forgive or understand yourself in a way that makes me think you had a strict upbringing and you see the world very black and white. Honestly, from what you wrote my main advice would be: skip the alcohol. Nothing good comes out of it. I was raised in a very strict Christian home. And infedility is defintly no grey area in my mind. So I do believe my self hatred is because I have no little platitudes defending my A. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyways. I can hold my alchohal well, i also can stop easy. The alchohal was a non factor because I merely chose to use it as a tool. The last time xMM and I had sex I was a few hours past my last drink. xMM had been fake drinking for a while as well. We were intoxicated with lust not alchohal. Which in part is why I laughed in his face when he told me I had taken advantage of his drunken state while camping. Still I hear you on the alchohal and besides a girly drink once and a while I will probably avoid being drunk. If anything I think it would trigger memories and make me depressed.
Recommended Posts