noellelove10 Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Hi Everyone I am new to this site. I just need a lil advice on my current situation. I have been with my bf for about 4 mths now. We started talking when he was deployed in Afghanistan. Which was in June of last yr, he barely got back in March which is when we made it official. Things were great then he mentioned he had to go out of state for training. He said it would be about 3 mths or so. But the bad thing is after that, his new orders sent him to Germany. After really thinking about it, we both agreed that while he was gone we still wanted to be together. A few wks ago, he sent me a text saying he had lied to me. He wasn’t going for training but he was stationed there (I am in Texas, he’s in Georgia). He said he didn’t know how to tell me because he didn’t want to lose me because he thought I wouldn’t want to deal with so much distance. It did bother me a bit but I know his intentions weren’t to hurt me. I told him I supported him and I was proud of everything he was doing and I was still willing to wait for him. This made him really happy. Thing is I really don’t hear from him. His communication sucks. I send him the occasional good morning/have a good day text and he replies (sometimes he doesn’t). I really feel as if I love him. I think I am being patient with him as I know the military life is a busy one. How can I get him to communicate more? I tried telling him before and he will keep up some line of communication then goes back to his old ways.. Any advice? I feel as if I am the only one trying here. I know he’s been hurt before and he told me in the beginning that I needed to be patient with him because he has a hard time expressing how he feels..
amkxoxo Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 (edited) I totally understand how you are feeling. I went through a similar situation with my guy. Except instead of military being the problem my guy suffers from health issues which can make it hard for him to communicate regularly. Like you, I would text all the time and would hear back sometimes. At first he would try and call me when he could. That has since become less and less. I crave more and he cannot give me it. We have since broken things off even though we like each other and want to see if things will work out at a later time when his life is more together. Sometimes its hard but think if what he's going through as well. He probably feels guilty he can't contact you and don't make him feel worse about it. He might need space sometimes so be patient. I got some advice from another user to go " no contact" and see how long until he notices and tries to do something. Its an interesting test. It took my guy two days and he immediately contacted me knowing that I was ignoring him. Be honest with him. But not angry. Tell him you understand his schedule is hectic but would like to make a schedule for when you can talk. Maybe every Monday night. Or every Saturday morning you have a Skype date. Unfortunately I don't know if my relationship can be saved, since right now it isn't possible in his life, I do hope yours can be. Listen to your intuition and try not to get too many mixed answers from people it will drive you crazy. don't let this get you too frustrated. If a guy cares for you, he'll make it happen. I know its hard but you have to trust him. If your questioning it here on this forum it usually is because you lack some form of faith in him. Its hard for a lot of people but trust him, if you trust him it won't bother you. Be confident in yourself and your life independently. This was something I struggled with. Be happy in yourself and without him, this will make you happy with him too. Good luck. Edited July 12, 2013 by amkxoxo
Author noellelove10 Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 I totally understand how you are feeling. I went through a similar situation with my guy. Except instead of military being the problem my guy suffers from health issues which can make it hard for him to communicate regularly. Like you, I would text all the time and would hear back sometimes. At first he would try and call me when he could. That has since become less and less. I crave more and he cannot give me it. We have since broken things off even though we like each other and want to see if things will work out at a later time when his life is more together. Sometimes its hard but think if what he's going through as well. He probably feels guilty he can't contact you and don't make him feel worse about it. He might need space sometimes so be patient. I got some advice from another user to go " no contact" and see how long until he notices and tries to do something. Its an interesting test. It took my guy two days and he immediately contacted me knowing that I was ignoring him. Be honest with him. But not angry. Tell him you understand his schedule is hectic but would like to make a schedule for when you can talk. Maybe every Monday night. Or every Saturday morning you have a Skype date. Unfortunately I don't know if my relationship can be saved, since right now it isn't possible in his life, I do hope yours can be. Listen to your intuition and try not to get too many mixed answers from people it will drive you crazy. don't let this get you too frustrated. If a guy cares for you, he'll make it happen. I know its hard but you have to trust him. If your questioning it here on this forum it usually is because you lack some form of faith in him. Its hard for a lot of people but trust him, if you trust him it won't bother you. Be confident in yourself and your life independently. This was something I struggled with. Be happy in yourself and without him, this will make you happy with him too. Good luck. I should also add, he was suppose to come back around this time and then leave for Germany in August. Now his orders got pushed and he wont be coming back until November or December. I think this is the only reason he told me. He kinda had to admit he lied. I really care for him. We have gone like a week without talking and he seems fine with not hearing from me. But when I do hear from him he’s a total sweetheart. So I really don’t know what to do…
amkxoxo Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Ohhhh I hate that...my guy would do that. It always seemed like he could care less if he years from me or did something with me. Then when we were together or talking he was all over me all cute and stuff. Errrrr its truly because he doesn't know what he wants and yes busy with other things. Its frustrating on your end. Its an unequal relationship. Its not fair and I'm sorry I would suggest going no contact and seeing what happens. Don't contact him and ignore his calls and texts for a few days. It shows how much he notices, and even then it might not be enough. I did it with my guy and he called after two days and I was so happy and now were not together. But as a first step just try it. To be honest, let go of him. Create your own life without him. It will make it harder for him to push himself into your life, but if he truly cares he will Make it happen. You don't want someone who can only give you 70%. Have you talked about expectations with each other?? Do it. Good luck.
Author noellelove10 Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 Ohhhh I hate that...my guy would do that. It always seemed like he could care less if he years from me or did something with me. Then when we were together or talking he was all over me all cute and stuff. Errrrr its truly because he doesn't know what he wants and yes busy with other things. Its frustrating on your end. Its an unequal relationship. Its not fair and I'm sorry I would suggest going no contact and seeing what happens. Don't contact him and ignore his calls and texts for a few days. It shows how much he notices, and even then it might not be enough. I did it with my guy and he called after two days and I was so happy and now were not together. But as a first step just try it. To be honest, let go of him. Create your own life without him. It will make it harder for him to push himself into your life, but if he truly cares he will Make it happen. You don't want someone who can only give you 70%. Have you talked about expectations with each other?? Do it. Good luck. Yeah we talked about it and both of us do see a future together. I know for a fact the job he has can be draining and he sleeps a lot. He actually has a mild heart condition which kind of drains/tires him. I’m used to send him a lot of care packages when he was in Afghanistan and even now, I’m making him a blanket to take with him to Germany.So its pretty clear he means the world to me.He used to sleep a lot when he was here as well. My mind tells me to let him go but my heart says to keep him..He hasn’t met my family yet. So I decided to put him to a test, I asked him if he would meet my family when he returned. He said yes I cant wait. I think if he wasn’t ready he would have told me, so maybe he does take this relationship seriously. I also think when he lied about being stationed there, he could have called it off it he wanted to but instead he asked for my forgiveness cause he didn’t want to lose me. Im gonna try and avoid him for a week and see how that goes. I really appreciate your advice!!!!! *hugs*
Chris516 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I am wondering about going NC. Because, When I called My SO twice in five minutes the other day, she wondered if I was hurt. I had only called twice because my original voicemail was unintelligible. But I wondered later, if an emergency was now, the only justification for returning my cslls. I feel like she is ignoring me. But would she even try to contact me if I ignored her.
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