cnfsd7 Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I met this guy in college and we hit it off right away. When we graduated, he moved for work and we began our LDR. We've been in one for 2 years now. But we always got along great and tried our best. We decided that since I recently had lost my job and the market where he lives is better for my career, I was going to go stay with him for awhile and see how it goes. Worst case scenario, I just go back home and we either continue the distance or break things off. He doesn't want to do long distance anymore (or so he's told me numerous times) so I wanted to give this a try. Recently, we got into arguments about how long it was taking me to get there. I'm a very cautious and careful person. I have bills to pay. I just wanted to make sure that I was ready so that we could give it our best shot. My only hesitations were not with him, but with financials. We started arguing more and more, mostly on his end. I found out he lied to me about a few things. But nothing groundbreaking. I forgave him, and tried to put it behind me. Eventually, I got all my crap together and had planned on coming last month. A few days before I was supposed to come, he told me that he wasn't ready. He was extremely depressed. And that he wanted me to wait. This was a month ago. We still talk every day. He still tells me how much he cares. Just that he's so depressed and wants to wait until he can take care of himself. This makes sense to me. To an extent. I never had debilitating depression (as he calls it) but I know it makes you feel hopeless and unmotivated. But since he lied in the past, I can't help but think something else is going on. Only because he's been so depressed and adamant about me coming. I thought he was depressed because I wasn't there. But now I'm not sure what to think. He just keeps saying he wants to get better first. I'm not even sure what that means. His sister does know how depressed he is. But she lives far away from him as well. His friends don't even know about it. Or are just pretending they don't know. I thought being with me would help him not feel alone. So, how do I approach this without downplaying his depression? I want the entire truth. And feel that maybe I'm not getting that.
LittleTiger Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Hi cnfsd7, welcome to LS. The problem you seem to have here is that you can't trust your boyfriend. If you can't trust him, you would be very foolish moving to live with him. It might help if you told us exactly what his lying involved. You say it was 'nothing ground breaking', but it was clearly ground breaking enough for you to doubt the truth of what he's telling you now.
amkxoxo Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I can sort of relate. The guy I was seeing for a while had depression and it was an emotional roller coaster. When we were together some days he would be on top of the world and other days was like a black pit. One day we had an amazing day together and when we met up again that night he was in a slump. It was so sad to see. Its hard because a lot of times you think that they don't want you or aren't giving you enough attention when its really them being hard on themselves. My guy used to go missing for like days and then suddenly appear and be all happy again. When I wouldn't hear from him I would think he hated me but he was trying to deal with himself. Try not to take it personally because it'll kill you. The more you push the more he might retract from your relationship. All you can do is trust him for what he is telling you. Depression is a serious thing. He might also need space....that's what my guy needed and because of that we are not in a relationship. Just keep living your life at home the way you have been and remind him that you are there for him. You moving in might be more stress on his mind and he might feel guilty for being so sad when you move in. Be patient and listen to him.
Recommended Posts