SkylerJean Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I met my best friend Ryan about 4 years ago. We became very close friends instantly. I've had feelings for him since the beginning but I'm a very shy person so tried my best to hide them from him. He's always known how I feel about him, even though I've never told him, it's pretty obvious. No matter how hard I try to not show it, it's impossible. He's always been a very flirty guy. Not just with me, but with women in general. So I'm always getting these mixed signals from him. Some of my friends say go for, make a move, he likes me...stuff like that. Then some friends say gtfo. If he really liked me, he'd make a move already. He's just playing with me. I honestly don't know what to believe or think or feel anymore. It's very exhausting and straining. Last Saturday night, a bunch of us went out for drinks and I guess I drank a little more than I should have. I got drunk...very. A friend of mine told Jason to take me home. He drove me home and helped me to my bed and even helped me change and made coffee. After he made sure I was ok he said he was going to go home. I begged him to stay, so he said he would. He sat on a chair near my bed and I held his hand. That's when I told him. I told him I love him. I told him everything. I didn't plan on it, I even tried to stop myself but it really was like word vomit. I couldn't hold it back. Then I kissed him. He didn't stop me in fact he was kissing me back. We didn't stop there. We made love and fell asleep in my bed (is it weird that I haven't changed my sheets in 6 days? Lol) it was the best experience of my life. Even better than I ever imagined it would be. I have no idea what time he left. It was before I woke up. That was 6 days ago and he hasn't spoken to me since. We usually talk at least twice a day and text almost all day long. This is the longest we've gone without speaking and it's killing me. I feel like I can't breathe and I wish I knew how to fix this or make it better...I'm so hurt and confused and I feel used.. Idk what to do now. I'm mad at him but at the same time I miss him and I'm so scared of losing him. I don't know what to think. I really don't know....
Author SkylerJean Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 Sorry for such a long post, I just want you to be aware of the full story. Lol thanks for listening.
will1988 Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 have you thought about contacting him? maybe the i love you part scared the hell out of him, and he took advantage of you... or maybe he thinks that you were just being drunk when you said that and looking for a hook-up and don't actually like him. the best thing to do is contact him and see how it goes.
Author SkylerJean Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 have you thought about contacting him? maybe the i love you part scared the hell out of him, and he took advantage of you... or maybe he thinks that you were just being drunk when you said that and looking for a hook-up and don't actually like him. the best thing to do is contact him and see how it goes. That's the problem, he's avoiding me. Won't respond to any of my calls, texts, emails...nothing. Not a "hi", not even a peep.
Arabella Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Ouch. Yeah, it doesn't look good... For now, let's give this guy the benefit of the doubt. You guys have been friends forever and suddenly you go and hook up. He may be taking some time to process what happened and figure out what he wants to do next. This may be the reason why he's not responding to your calls -- he doesn't know what to say! Wait one more week, and if you still don't get a response, then I'd go ahead and send him an email or voicemail letting him know that you feel disappointed by his behavior, because as friends... you deserved better than this. Then move on. If he contacts you, good... if he doesn't, you will know exactly what kind of person he is. Good luck!
Author SkylerJean Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 So he finally called me after a week of no contact at all. He told he that he's sorry about how things turned out that night. He said he was embarrassed and ashamed of himself for taking advantage of me in a vulnerable state. He said it wasn't fair to me for him to do that when I was so drunk. I agreed but told him I meant every word I said And that that night was one of the best experiences of my life. He apologized again and also for avoiding me this whole week. I said that's what hurt me the most. Then he said maybe we should let things "cool off" for a bit before anything else happens. I told him that my feelings for him won't "cool off" and time won't change them. Well lets just take a breather to see whats going to happen next. So I said ok, call me whenever you want. So what do you think? Is this relationship fixable or is it totally blown? I've been crying and beating myself up all morning.
will1988 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 IMHO he is being a scumbag. You opened up to him (in more than one way ) and took advantage of that and laid you. Now that he got what he wanted, he does not want to make the comittment. You gave out the milk without making him buy the cow! I would say you can probably fix the friendship, but don't expect anything more "romanticly" from him. He has conquested you, to put it bluntly, and now wants to return to being friends. You got used. I would be royally pissed off if I were you.
looks2k1ll Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I don't know if his motivations have to have been so sinister. You guys shared a moment of passion. But you have known him for four years and he has likely known for a long period of that time how you feel. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, and having sex with him won't change that. Just as you impulsively told him your feelings, he likely impulsively continued with you after you began kissing him. Stuff happens. Sometimes we don't always get what we want. For reasons outside of our control, other people won't always be attracted to us romantically or want to pursue relationships. That's life. It's pretty clear at this point that he doesn't want to continue down that road, regrets "toying" with your emotions, and is trying to dial it back before you get more attached. Don't be surprised if your friendship is forever altered - it is difficult to know that someone loves you so intensely when you have no intentions of going there with them. C'est la vie. You'll eventually find the guy for you, but you'll have to kiss a lot of toads to get there.
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