Time

[starryeyedsurprise]

I don’t know where to start. I started dating this guy about 4 months ago. We are both in our 30’s. On our first date, he opened up and told me everything about his life…..how is lives with his ex for financial reasons (she is moving out in 2 weeks) and how they broke up months before we met and they only dated for 8 months. How he needs to file bankruptcy, has money issues, family issues, etc. etc…..I can handle all that, it really isn’t a problem.

 

So for the last 4 months, I have told him he needs to take care of all these problems and begin a new path in life, he has the ability to fix many things and make them better. All along, he was so insistent on dating me and keeping me. He has told me he loves me, wants to marry me, and have a future with me. To be honest, he is a lot of drama. I am a single mom with no drama. I live day to day and work full time, take care of my child, my body….etc. I have a huge circle of friends and am known to be light and fun.

 

I have tried to end it with him on many occasions, mostly because of the ex living with situation. He has pulled me back everytime I try to end it. The reasons why I try to end it are: fix what you need to fix and then we can continue, but then I feel like a POS because I promised him I would stick by him.

 

So finally, after months of my little pep talks, he is doing better. He got a promotion at work, because of me and my motiviational talks. The ex is moving out, he has re-established a relationship with his son (the mother would never let him see his son) and now gets to see him weekly. All the things we talked about on our first date are happening. He used to work out all the time, so he started training again this week to get back into shape.

 

In the beginning, he would text me from morning til night, all day long. Now we only text a few times a day. I miss the good morning and good night text's from him, so I started, but it just feels pushed now. In the beginning we would have coffee everyday, he spent the entire weekend at my house, we would actually see each other often.....but something has just changed. He's been telling me he wants me in his life, and that I am important to him, but what about me?!? Am I sacrficing my happiness? I am so confused.

 

We have had every type of conversation possible, I have told him how I feel, and he has always pulled me back....but I ask myself for what?

 

So…..my problem is what exactly??? Time. Time has been an issue with us since the beginning. I only see him for a few hours a week. He doesn’t have a car, but we do work at the same building. We will do lunch once or twice a week, and then he will come over or we will go out once a week. I am trying so hard not to be selfish, but I really would love more time.

 

I actually cry about this everyday, and I feel terrible because he is finally fixing his life, which I have told him to do. We have had arguments about this, where I try to end it because I am just so unhappy. I do love him, I do….but I want more and I don’t know how to handle this anymore.

Edited July 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Philosoraptor]

I'm sorry for the position you've been put in. If you're not happy with the current relationship, and you've talked to him about it with no progress, then you need to make the decision best for your own future.

[starryeyedsurprise]

Yes, you are right. If I am hurt and upset and depressed now, it will only get worse. I am mentally exhausted and have gone out of my way for this man because I truely believed in us.

 

I have to do what is best for me, and this relationsh$t is mentally killing me. I had such high expectations, all on his promises, and everything just feels like too much work. I know relationsh$ts take work, but how much is too much?

[JDPT]

Yes, you are right. If I am hurt and upset and depressed now, it will only get worse. I am mentally exhausted and have gone out of my way for this man because I truely believed in us.

 

I have to do what is best for me, and this relationsh$t is mentally killing me. I had such high expectations, all on his promises, and everything just feels like too much work. I know relationsh$ts take work, but how much is too much?

 

 

Well let's step back and take a look and I am in no way advocating for this individual however, it appears that he is making progress partially because of you being there for him but he is trying. Question is, what is really upsetting you? the fact that he has so much baggage attached to him? or perhaps you wish he was closer to perfection? I would understand if after months of you being there for him and talking to him about bettering himself he decided to do absolutely nothing then at that point I would lean more towards making a drastic decision however, it appears that he is making progress at a very slow rate but nonetheless he is. Figure out exactly what it is that upsets you about him or perhaps the relationship itself, this may be a good start for you.

[starryeyedsurprise]

I have thought about both sides. I do think about him all the time. I think about how far he has come in only a few months.....but what really hurts me is when he can't commit to plans or even see me.

 

This is an example of what he does to me, and this was all in the last 4 days. First he now works out 4 days a week, ok great, but there goes my time. He has is son from saturday to sunday, ok, so that only leaves us every other Friday because I have my son every other weekend....So this past weekend, we made "plans", but he had to cancel because he was running around fixing some money issues. Then on Saturday, we had made plans to get our kids together for the day, go swimming and do the carnival. Well his ex wouldn't let him keep his son, so she picked him up early afternoon, and then he got depressed and slept til Sunday. This is the kind of stuff I am talking about. I feel so bad for him, yet I get so dissapointed because we never see each other.

 

I stopped talking to him Saturday, and he has texted and called me 20 x's a day, but I am just too hurt to reply to him or call him back. I don't know what I want anymore. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, but it's sooooo much to handle.