starryeyedsurprise Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 (edited) I don’t know where to start. I started dating this guy about 4 months ago. We are both in our 30’s. On our first date, he opened up and told me everything about his life…..how is lives with his ex for financial reasons (she is moving out in 2 weeks) and how they broke up months before we met and they only dated for 8 months. How he needs to file bankruptcy, has money issues, family issues, etc. etc…..I can handle all that, it really isn’t a problem. So for the last 4 months, I have told him he needs to take care of all these problems and begin a new path in life, he has the ability to fix many things and make them better. All along, he was so insistent on dating me and keeping me. He has told me he loves me, wants to marry me, and have a future with me. To be honest, he is a lot of drama. I am a single mom with no drama. I live day to day and work full time, take care of my child, my body….etc. I have a huge circle of friends and am known to be light and fun. I have tried to end it with him on many occasions, mostly because of the ex living with situation. He has pulled me back everytime I try to end it. The reasons why I try to end it are: fix what you need to fix and then we can continue, but then I feel like a POS because I promised him I would stick by him. So finally, after months of my little pep talks, he is doing better. He got a promotion at work, because of me and my motiviational talks. The ex is moving out, he has re-established a relationship with his son (the mother would never let him see his son) and now gets to see him weekly. All the things we talked about on our first date are happening. He used to work out all the time, so he started training again this week to get back into shape. In the beginning, he would text me from morning til night, all day long. Now we only text a few times a day. I miss the good morning and good night text's from him, so I started, but it just feels pushed now. In the beginning we would have coffee everyday, he spent the entire weekend at my house, we would actually see each other often.....but something has just changed. He's been telling me he wants me in his life, and that I am important to him, but what about me?!? Am I sacrficing my happiness? I am so confused. We have had every type of conversation possible, I have told him how I feel, and he has always pulled me back....but I ask myself for what? So…..my problem is what exactly??? Time. Time has been an issue with us since the beginning. I only see him for a few hours a week. He doesn’t have a car, but we do work at the same building. We will do lunch once or twice a week, and then he will come over or we will go out once a week. I am trying so hard not to be selfish, but I really would love more time. I actually cry about this everyday, and I feel terrible because he is finally fixing his life, which I have told him to do. We have had arguments about this, where I try to end it because I am just so unhappy. I do love him, I do….but I want more and I don’t know how to handle this anymore. Edited July 12, 2013 by starryeyedsurprise
MrTurk Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 (edited) So…..my problem is what exactly??? Theres not enough TIME in the day to explain all the issues, and why in the world you would keep talking to this guy. But thats what too many women do best....they LOVE dating train wrecks . Edited July 12, 2013 by MrTurk
Author starryeyedsurprise Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 Yes, you are right....he is a train wreck. I guess I tried, and put forth all my effort with this man, but in the end, I am the one who is left in the dust and hurt again. He just cancelled our plans for tonight because he "is all over the map, and has no money and is not going out until he figures things out" his words. I deserve better.
MrTurk Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I swear I need to just quit my job, move into my parents basement, and be a lazy slob....because from my experience on this forum, on dating sites, and in real life contact....THATS what women are attracted to instead of a guy that has his **** together, has a house, a job, no drama, and is in shape. No wonder I'm a f'n loser that cant get a date....I've actually been trying to be productive my whole life
Author starryeyedsurprise Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 LOL, your reply just put a smile on my face because I am the female version of you. I have my Sh$t together, work full time, have 2 college degrees, new car, money, a wonderful son....but somehow I always attract these men who cling to me like their life depended on it, and I am always the one to try to "fix" them because that is what women do, we try to fix and make things better....that is why we are great mothers. I hate that I have to vent on these forums, it obviously means there is definately something wrong, wrong, wrong.
clia Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I deserve better. Yes, you do! I can't believe the level of effort and amount of leeway you've given this guy after only dating him for four months. In my opinion, you should end it. You can do so much better than this guy. Go no contact so he can't pull you back in. Block his phone, Facebook, e-mail, and everything. If he approaches you at work, firmly tell him to stop contacting you. You will have to be strong, but you will be so much better off in the end.
MrTurk Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 somehow I always attract these men who cling to me like their life depended on it ALL women run into losers like that....but most women tell them to F OFF. Its not that YOU attract them....those guys try to leech onto anything and everyone around them
Author starryeyedsurprise Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 It is exhausting how much effort I put into this relationsh$t. I actually started to get depressed and get anxiety, and for what!!!!! I guess I wanted to believe that this was something more, but it appears he was probably using me for something, probably emotional and a shoulder to cry on. I have no idea. I am hurt, and I have cried daily for a few weeks now, if not months. If this relationship is this bad now, than how can it be better in the future, it will only get worse from here.
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