Author ja123 Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 My ex talked about MONEY all the time....after we talked about it, HIS issue was he grew up really poor and as an adult ended up making decent money, so he was VERY careful with it. I totally understood that....he just never wanted to be poor again. But how did he talk about money, exactly? Was it in a complaining, whiny sort of way? How did his fear of being poor again show up in other areas of his life? I think issues like this can permeate everything, and become one's whole outlook.
Author ja123 Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 OP, some people just talk about money a lot. Chinese people talk about money all the time...and it's just a cultural thing (I'm Chinese). My woman and I talk about money often.... We would say, "wow this is way too expensive!" or "I would not pay this much for that". I always tell women early on that I'm broke. Seriously. My divorce costed me $500k, and I pay a ton of money for alimony and child support. Even though I make a decent 6-figure salary, I am left with very little money after all my expenses. I can still afford nice dinners and weekend trips, but I can't afford extravagant toys like I used to. Hench, there is always a conversation where she says, "I hope this dinner/trip doesn't break our wallet"...and I respond, "it's not like we do this every day....." I'm fortunate that I have a very money-conscious woman (unlike my ex-wife). We are definitely on the same page. So basically it's not such a bad thing for a guy to talk about money. As stated above, he is likely to be good at saving. I don't think you should write him off. This post is making me re-consider; however, it is the fear behind his comments that bothers me. I appreciate thriftiness. And I can certainly understand your perspective even everything you've been through. That being said, it's one thing to make assessments as in "Will this break the wallet or the bank?", but it's another thing to say everything is too expensive. That's fear-driven, IMHO. Hmmm I just thought of a segue into a question. When he says that's too expensive, I could ask him to suggest an alternative that isn't too expensive.
Author ja123 Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 Its probably better to find a guy who spends willy nilly and is in debt up to his ass. That way you can save him and feel appreciated. Sorry I was so sarcastic but I couldnt find a way to comprehend how being thrifty and solvent is a bad deal? Read my post I was writing as you submitted yours. I said I appreciate thriftiness. It's responsible to live within one's means. But this guy is fear driven, and that's what bothers me. I guess you didn't pick up on that point.
soccerrprp Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Since you have not had a meaningful discussion on the matter, you have no idea whether it's just thriftiness or obsession. Have a serious conversation. Ask him how he feels about money and how he decides what is and isn't worth spending on. Give him some scenarios. Ask him how he adopted his current financial habits. Delve a little deeper. But, not for long.
FitChick Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I couldn't stand to be with someone who was a miser. The point of being thrifty is so you can splurge once in a while. That's what I do. 1
Leifboat Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 It's possible you might be reading into this too much. I don't smoke, but around here the price of cigarettes has indeed gone up dramatically like $8 a pack. It's no joke. I like to shoot my pistols and rifles, and I can assure you that it has become much more expensive (though the cost of ammo has begun to drop in the last month). Most people shoot 9mm or other pistols at the range, which may cost 15-20 to enter. The cost of ammo has gone from around 14 bucks for 50 rounds to, like 25 at many places. A lot of people shoot at least 100 rounds. So...before getting to into the weeds, you might want to take what he says at face value. The truth of the matter is that cigarettes have become crazy expensive recently, and ammo too....., maybe girls don't like to hear about these matters, but it really is a legitimate concern for those that indulge. I don't have strong feelings about smoking...but it might be a good idea to reassure him that he made the right decision to stop. And, I think shooting dates are a lot of fun, you might suggest that he take you along the next time he goes to the range, you can help pay for the ammo and he will have a lot of fun. I don't know if that's romantic.....but it's what I would like. 1
Author ja123 Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) Well, it's over before it started. This is the update. I'm back home on a Saturday night. He originally wanted to meet at 11 a.m. and spend the whole day together. I told him that was too early for me, as I have some things to do. So, we met at 2 p.m. The plan was that I would show him some nice areas of town. That we'd take a walking tour, go to parks, hang and have beer on terraces, followed by dinner. It sucked, it sucked, it sucked. This guy has few social skills. It wasn't so apparent the first time because we were at a music festival, so there was a lot to listen to and look at. Good grief. Not only is he a bore (I had to carry most of the convo), but when he does open his mouth it was to insult me. I'm sure he wasn't conscious of it, but he was very combative. He knows I do some writing and when I was just talking about a few things he was challenging and mean. I used the word "foibles" and rather than listening to my sentence and allowing me to speak he interjected, "I hate that word." So, we went for beer and he knew I was taking him to a Greek restaurant, but he goes and orders a club sandwich plate. He exclaimed how full he was after. Of course I pick up the tab, as I told him I'd take him out. But, he could've ordered an entrée to save space for dinner. Anyhow, I had bought him a day pass for the bus because we were going to go exploring, and he parked his car pretty far. After walking around, mostly in silence, I just said well we're approaching the next street. I'll wait at the bus stop with you, this bus will take you right to your car. I saw a little flitter in his eye that told me he understood I didn't want anything more to do with him. The bus came, we kissed on the cheek, he said with some hope in his voice "I'll call you." I could hardly make eye contact with him, and I just said, "Yeah, whenever." My tone indicating not to call me. So, yeah, that's that! It was a beautiful summer day, but I'm telling you I'm so glad to be home and away from this guy. So that's that. Thank you for all your input. (Leifboat: going to the range would be up my alley. I'd definitely chip in for the ammo! haha) Edited July 14, 2013 by ja123
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