very_confused_011 Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Hi, I have been reading these forums for the last couple of days, and have decided to ask for some advice. At the moment I am in a very dark and lonely place. Three years ago I met a girl from another European country whilst she was studying for 3 months in my country. I was 25 and she was 23. We immediately hit it off, it was very intense, and it always felt so good whenever we were together. When she went back to her country, we had a LDR, and would speak everyday, and it was all going very well. She was a little different from other girls I had been with, and she had a lot of morals, she had had 2 previous boyfriends, yet hadn't really had much sexual experience with them, and seemed to have some issues in the relationship sometimes, and wouldn't let herself become too close to me. I was not in a good place when we met, I was drinking a lot and didn't know what I wanted out of life. However, she reached out to me and tried to help me, and I stopped drinking. This caused me to become isolated from friends though, as it was what my previous life had revolved around, in a way I resented her for it, but I knew it was the best thing I could do for my health. To cut a long story short, I ended up moving to her country, where I am now living...but just over a month ago she broke up with me. Saying that she always feels like she has to fix people...especially when she is in a relationship, she said that even with her friends she is the same and she hates herself. We had spoken about marriage previously, and that we wanted to be together forever. She has always lived with her parents, and didn't seem to have any plans for moving out, despite me bringing it up several times, saying how difficult it was for me to survive financially. Since then I have been devastated, I have no motivation to do anything and have been drinking heavily everyday to ease the pain. I have tried to ask her to change her mind, up until the point where I probably seemed a little too much. I have no idea what to do, she was my life. I know this is unhealthy, but I was working on ways to improve this and my own self-esteem, and had recently joined a sports club. The problem I have now is that she doesn't want me back, but I think one day she will realise she has made a mistake. My parents are not supportive about me relocating back home, and they say I should stay here...I am not sure I will be able to get over her if I stay here though, and my life will be a living hell. I would like to add that it was a very cold break-up on her part, especially after three years, and it's made me feel like I meant nothing to her, and that she seemed to be able to cut me out of her life so easily. Really though, I know she was probably trying to protect herself from hurting. She apologised for the sadness she had caused...but it should have been a lot warmer...it was an effort to convince her to hug me goodbye, at which point she began to cry. If someone could offer some advice, then that would be great.
Author very_confused_011 Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 If someone could offer me some advice I would appreciate it very much! She has told me try let myself move on, but I just can't seem to do it. I can't admit to myself that she has really gone.
Inviv_girl Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Stop your drinking habit!! You have to love yourself in order others to love you and you to love others! She probably tired for babysitting you with this kind of behaviour. Please don't do this to yourself. If you really love her, first you have to love yourself! prove to yourself and her that you are worth it! Do you think with your behaviour now you can impress her?? you knew the first place what made her left you. Be a better person, if she comes along then good, if not just move on! at least you do better to yourself and other girls will see you differently if you are better.
Author very_confused_011 Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 I have managed to knock the drinking on the head, and now feel slightly better. We have been speaking a little bit, and have said some nice words to each other about the good things we gave to each other in the relationship. She has told me that she is happy to be alone, because she needs to concentrate on herself and to become independent from her family before she can make anyone else happy. She said I also need to work through some issues as well, which I know is true. We both said that if we had met at a different time we would probably have been together forever. It is still really difficult, especially that she seems to be happy for her independence, even though she says that she is hurting very much inside about us. I feel like it will take me a long time to get over her, and I have many regrets and wish everything could have been so different. Reading this forum has helped a lot, thank you guys.
Author very_confused_011 Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 I feel so confused at the moment, it feels like our relationship meant nothing to her, and all that I did for us to be together, seem to have meant nothing to her. I tried to love her as much as I could, but she always pushed me away, and it made everything so much worse. How many other boyfriends would move country to be with someone, and then to be left in such a cold way. It really feels like it meant nothing to her. It is so hard to accept.
HeartBroken1988 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I can relate to you as my situation is a bit simillar.. I have met this girl in another country knowing she would come to my country for studies. I was by her side for 2 years helping her with burocratic stuff, language etc' and I loved her with all my heart of course. She decided to stay just 2 years instead of 4 and I was also about to follow her to her country to continue my studies there too. In short, 2 weeks before leaving, she lied, cheated with no regrets and even continued seeing this guy who was obviously just a flinng as she would leave the country. I felt humuliated, like these 2 years has meant nothing to her.
Recommended Posts