ConfusedHumanBeing Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Hey everyone. Need some help here (See new users, even the people who help out with all your questions need help too) I'm not going to get into my past relationship, but it has been easily the worst year of my life (part of 2012 to now) Ive had to fight (and still fighting) to keep my sanity. The BU happened to the girl I was going to marry, then slowly I lost my job due to the depression, I lost my apartment because I couldn't pay for it, I lost (most importantly) my self respect. I lost everything. As of nine months later, I'm still without a FULL time job (I have a bachlors and masters degree...sweet) and I just moved pretty far away with me and my best friend almost 2,500 miles away from my home (really only my parents and nephews remained there). Its quite a change from this time last year where I was working and living with my ex...happily.. Alright enough of that b***h....here is my trouble. I know what the answer is going to be from most of you, but I'm going to ask it anyways. I'm 27 years old, I HAVE been successful (going to be again soon), and what not. I'm getting there again fully where I want to see other people. I want my ex (and probably a LOT more since I moved here and thats ALL I think about) but that isnt going to happen so I have to move on. I dont really know if I want her or I am just REALLY lonely. Probably the latter because she lied to me and what not... Is 27 too old to be single? Its been bothering me recently. I never use to think so, but everywhere I turn recently, someone is getting into a relationship, getting married, or having babies. I know the summer is chalked full of marriages and that's fine but honestly, Ive never felt so alone in my entire life. Im a good looking guy (always had good looking gf's) and I usually (maybe not so much recently) have great things to offer ladies, but I have such low self esteem currently that....I dont know...there is 7 billion people in the world and all I can do is obsess over what what lost. Its VERY annoying and I wish there was an off switch because I dont WANT to think about it anymore. I'm afraid honestly that my boat is sailing away on good quality girls out there and I dont want to rush anything because it wont work out that way, but.....I dont even know. Can someone answer this truthfully? Maybe share stories? Im just feeling really bummed
lukekarts Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I'm in a similar boat (29) and feeling just the same, albeit 2 weeks in. I expect there will be a lot of generic answers that 29 is still young etc but with friends getting married or having kids it hurts. It's alright having options available but I don't have any single friends to help me meet people - the ones that want to go clubbing etc. That is a real challenge for me.
Legatus Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I know how it feels where everyone around you is getting married, having babies. I'm only 25 but most of my friends are already having families, marriage proposals et cetera. But I know now that we all have to live our life by our standards, not other people. I was dumped few months ago but now I fully realized that being single is not bad. I've been single before, even alone, as my family and friends are in different country but I could not say I was lonely. I enjoy my own company, but at the same time I can go out and be socially flexible. After the break up it was hard for a while. Then I realized I do not miss her, I miss the feeling how it was with her - but that feeling can be achieved with anyone. Now I have got too much to do for myself to even think about other women. I will be dating, of course, as I enjoy company of intelligent women, but I am not going to rush it, at all. You can't feel blue because everyone is doing it. You have to be happy with yourself first, then women will come and you can make someone happy! Get back on track with your life first. Make sure your confident, happy about your life and yourself in general and then you'll see how things turn out...
Lordhellish Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I feel the same way, but I am even older at 32! Since the breakup 4 months ago I have been to a wedding, a christening, an engagement party, and two babies have been born into my social group. Everyone I would hang out with is in a relationship, some happy, some not so. I didn't want to be single at this point in my life, me and the ex were planning to start our own family at the end of the year. I have had compliments since the breakup but nothing has quite worked out and I get friendzoned. I feel as though 'my time' is running out, especially if I want a family and everything. I think that's the worst bit, that I have been led on by my ex for 6 years that we were building a life. I put away my skills at being single, and now I have to relearn. It was easy being confident and talking to women as a friends when I was in the relationship. But now I have no self confidence just when I need to be confident. ARGH!
Lordhellish Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 basically, no 27 is not too old to be single. 27 is the perfect age to meet the person you will grow old with if you meet a girl the same age. you are past the 25 mark where people change, but still young enough to meet a girl and spend a couple of years just being a couple. 3
Legatus Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Lordhellish - 6 years is a long time. I really feel bad that it happened to you. But I think we are young as long as we feel young. I actually find my new youth all over again. Focusing on things I haven't done before, or were paused because of a relationship. It's hard to go back to enjoy being single but believe me: it's possible!
eddyctv Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 PEOPLE! I was single when I was 27-31. Well, I had a girlfriend for a period of time during that stretch, but she was NOT marriage material, so she doesnt count haha. Meanwhile, all my friends were getting married, having kids, buying homes, meanwhile I was single and renting an apartment. LET ME TELL YOU...during that time, I had SEVERAL of my married friends tell me in confidence "dude, NEVER get MARRIED!" and i GUARANTEE YOU a lot of your married friends feel the same way. Don't sweat it - you'll find someone...enjoy your single time. In a few years, you;ll find SO MANY WOMEN that are divorced or want to be divorced. That's what I did, and I scored a chick completely out of my league. Yay!
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 PEOPLE! I was single when I was 27-31. Well, I had a girlfriend for a period of time during that stretch, but she was NOT marriage material, so she doesnt count haha. Meanwhile, all my friends were getting married, having kids, buying homes, meanwhile I was single and renting an apartment. LET ME TELL YOU...during that time, I had SEVERAL of my married friends tell me in confidence "dude, NEVER get MARRIED!" and i GUARANTEE YOU a lot of your married friends feel the same way. Don't sweat it - you'll find someone...enjoy your single time. In a few years, you;ll find SO MANY WOMEN that are divorced or want to be divorced. That's what I did, and I scored a chick completely out of my league. Yay! Thats the issue I guess.....NOT that women out of other marriages are bad because they arent even close, Im saying I want to date someone who hasnt been married before. I feel as if those are going to be slim pickings for me if I dont hurry up
eddyctv Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Thats the issue I guess.....NOT that women out of other marriages are bad because they arent even close, Im saying I want to date someone who hasnt been married before. I feel as if those are going to be slim pickings for me if I dont hurry up WHY limit yourself to people who havent been married before? I dated 2 divorced women and they thought i was a hero because their husbands were such jerks to them. Most of the time, when people marry young, they do it for the wrong reasons, and they were unsure of the person they were marrying (as was the case with the 2 divorcees I dated). There is no reason NOT to date a married woman. In fact, I think it's better! They are hungry for a REAL man. Women who have never been married have never been usually for a reason. I don't know, you should really consider divorcees... 2
BC1980 Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 27 seems young, but I'm 32. Was with my recent ex for 3 years, and we were nearly engaged. I feel like I wasted prime years to have children on him. Now I feel like I've turned a corner, and I don't know if I will get to have kids or not. It's hard when everyone around you is getting married and having babies. I'm happy for them, but it opens a wound for me.
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 WHY limit yourself to people who havent been married before? I dated 2 divorced women and they thought i was a hero because their husbands were such jerks to them. Most of the time, when people marry young, they do it for the wrong reasons, and they were unsure of the person they were marrying (as was the case with the 2 divorcees I dated). There is no reason NOT to date a married woman. In fact, I think it's better! They are hungry for a REAL man. Women who have never been married have never been usually for a reason. I don't know, you should really consider divorcees... Guess I never really thought of it that way......good move eddy...good move.... I guess in my head, I haven't been married. I would want to share the newness of the whole day/institution of marriage with someone who hasn't been married either. I'm pretty jaded towards love currently with my last ex, but I would assume being married then divorced would be even more jaded and questionable to them if that makes sense? Ive been lucky the past two relationships Ive had (1st was three years last ex was 2 1/2) they were both virgins and new to a long relationship so I guess I felt something special when they did first things (not just sex) with me. Maybe that was the downfall with my last ex since she was too young and didnt understand an actual relationship... either way, appreciate all the answers. Keep them coming!
BC1980 Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Be glad you didn't waste more years. My ex's sister told me that after we broke up. She was with a man for 6 years (ages 27-33), and she married another man at age 35. She never did have kids, but she is very happy with her life now. Life works out in ways you never thought it would a lot of times. Just don't ever stake all of your happiness in another person, no matter who they are. People will always disappoint you. There are plenty of married couples with kids, the white picket fence and all that who are miserable. There are some who just go through the motions. Being married has a great ability to add to your life, but it also have the potential to make you miserable. Just go look at the divorce message boards. 1
nescafe1982 Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 27 is really the perfect age to be single! You are old enough to have some relationship experience and to know what to look for in a mate, but still young enough that there are lots of people out there still looking for the same thing. It's hard to see all the engagements, babies, etc on Facebook at 27, but these are really the best years to meet someone new and build something truly lasting. 1
AllTooWell Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I completely agree with the above posters.. 27 is NOT too old at all. Not to be pessimistic but if a lot of your friends are getting married right now, just remember that 50% of marriages fail. On a different note, my mother is over 50. She was married twice (to her high school sweetheart at 23, and then later in life to my ex step-father [very abusive man, glad she's out of that.]) I know sometimes she feels like she is going to die alone (how morbid) and that she is lonely, single, and she is twice your age. But in my whole life I have never, ever seen my mother so happy. She was absolutely miserable with my stepdad. Even before that, she was never happy in her relationships. Since things changed, she has become more spiritual, more active, she has a million more friends and a great social life (better than mine, that's for sure.) Maybe she'll meet someone and fall in love, and be happy in her relationship, but my mom is the perfect example of why being happy with yourself is the most important. I'm just telling you this because being in a relationship (even at 27) isn't your end goal. Being HAPPY should be what you strive for. 3
eddyctv Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 There is no reason NOT to date a married woman. Sorry, meant to say DIVORCED woman, not a MARRIED woman haha...
eddyctv Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Guess I never really thought of it that way......good move eddy...good move.... I guess in my head, I haven't been married. I would want to share the newness of the whole day/institution of marriage with someone who hasn't been married either. You WILL share the newness of the institution of marriage with someone who LOVES you and you love back...there won't be hesitation on their part when they marry YOU. That's how I always saw it anyway haha.
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 eddytvc, you've given the OP some great advice. Discounting a divorced person because they're not "shiny and new" would be a mistake on the part of the OP. I find it funny, the hangups people have about others with more relationship/sexual experience. I say, the more experience, the better! Please don't think I'm discrediting ANYONE who has been previously married. That is honestly not my intent. I do agree (especially after my last two relationships the better) that I need WAY more experienced girlfriends. That is a true given. I guess my first notion about someone who is previously married was a concern of mine, but no deal breaker. I'm kinda new to this too honestly. My first long relationship happened when I was 20 to 23 then 24 to 26. I don't know how to get back in the game again....I'm just lost sorta
JDPT Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 . I dont really know if I want her or I am just REALLY lonely. Bingo! I think you really need to analyze this statement. What lead to all the unfortunate events such as losing your job, apartment and all other things? You may want to shift your mentality to "I have not lost a thing but rather gained it all" What I mean by that is that you now have your freedom, more time on your hands to reconstruct your being and be successful as this is your objective at this point. Recall when you were with your loved one, how much times was consumed whether good or bad times, now you are this stand alone unit that need to make things happen for yourself and that's perfectly ok. Take this opportunity to accomplish all the goals you wish you. Don't feel terrible, I'm 31yrs old and recently lost a 4 year relationship with someone who I quiet honestly thought I was going to grow old with however, things happen in life for a reason and although things are very difficult I must focus on all the positives and believe the my future is full of success even without her in my life. cheer up bud, good luck to you. 1
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 This thread is breaking my heart. You are all so young. You guys and gals are not becoming old maids (and whatever the male equivalent is) I have a son and daughter in your age range and they are both very single. For different reasons. My daughter has never really focused on relationships cause she has been focusing on her career. Now she works with a bunch of 40 year old guys, and rarely meets anyone viable. My son has been hit hard by the economy (out of work) and says he can't afford a girlfriend. Hopefully that will change soon too. It's also harder in some places because the social structures are not single friendly. I know I am their Mom but they are both smart, funny and really good looking! I want them to find someone and be happy, but it's hard to meet people of you don't do bars, and frankly online still is a little weird. I got married young, it was common where I came from. We are together but most aren't. Take your time and pick the right one. <mom hugs> 3
JDPT Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 This thread is breaking my heart. You are all so young. You guys and gals are not becoming old maids (and whatever the male equivalent is) I have a son and daughter in your age range and they are both very single. For different reasons. My daughter has never really focused on relationships cause she has been focusing on her career. Now she works with a bunch of 40 year old guys, and rarely meets anyone viable. My son has been hit hard by the economy (out of work) and says he can't afford a girlfriend. Hopefully that will change soon too. It's also harder in some places because the social structures are not single friendly. I know I am their Mom but they are both smart, funny and really good looking! I want them to find someone and be happy, but it's hard to meet people of you don't do bars, and frankly online still is a little weird. I got married young, it was common where I came from. We are together but most aren't. Take your time and pick the right one. <mom hugs> Sadly heart aches discriminates against no one regardless of their age With regards to "affording a girlfriend" I never viewed a bf or gf to be a financial burden, things should be 50/50 (ideally) We spend money on our loved ones not because they twist our arm or point a gun to our head but out of the goodness of our hearts for the love we have for them, clearly without being a dummy and being taken advantage of. 1
hellon Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Oh good lord. If 27 is too old to be single, I may as well become a nun at 33. But seriously- and you already kinda know the answer to this- no. It's not too old. I know it's hard, and I struggle with it to, but you just can't compare yourself to other people. I had a rash of high school friends who got married and started families when we were 21. That seems like a waste to me, personally. I don't feel like I really started figuring out who I was and what I wanted out of life until my late 20's, and now I have a large group of friends and co-workers who are getting married and starting families in their late 30's. I'm not gonna lie, it doesn't get easier as the dating pool gets smaller. But as long as you don't take this for granted, you're gonna be alright. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I'm in my mid-30s and single. Trust me, you're young. Honestly, my friends are being snapped up into weddings -- just got back from one wedding a few weeks ago and have another in a month. Also have another friend who seems to be on the verge of popping the question to his girlfriend. That would leave only two of us from our core college group that would be single. I'll likely be the only one of us without a date to the wedding next month. At first that was a kick in the nuts, but once I heard that the bride had a bunch of single friends my mood changed quite a bit Do I want to get married? Sure, it'd be cool I guess. I never really thought of it before my last ex and even though I wasn't with her very long, she was the first woman who i could even envision doing that with. In fact, that freaked me out so much that I pulled a burn and basically sabotaged the relationship. But enough about me. 27 is young, heck, most of my married guy friends wish they could have my single freedom. So enjoy it while you can and if you find someone, then cool. 1
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Thank you for all of your opinion and stories thus far. It does REALLY help to see what everyone opinions are. Ive felt so lost and behind everything the past several weeks that LS is really the only thing keeping me sane. Especially during the summer time, ALL you see is marriages and people just, at least seeming to be, really happy with their significant other and whatever and Im glad for my friends and everything....but damn it sucks. I went to a private christian high school in the South, and apparently, their goal was get married early and have kids early. A lot of of my HS got married at 20-22 and had kids almost as SOON as the ring was slapped on. So many of them (again me being 27) are on their like 3rd kid and big house and all that jazz. Again, all happy for everyone, and I wont say my last 10 years since HS were awful because they are full of awesome memories, but I want that. Maybe not oodles of kids lol but the actual relationships and everything. I guess I know DEEP down 27 is not too old. I knew that going into this thread, I just feel like it is sometimes. I shouldnt base my life on what others are doing, but it is hard at times.
s.a.i.n.t. Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Im 28 all my college friends are 28ish. I dont know a single person under the age of 30 that is married or have kids that went to college, or wants a career.
xilver Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Think of it this way. How long do you plan to live? How much of that time do you want to spend with someone else? Yes if you want to have kids and stuff like that then you really want to get started so that you aren't the old dad, but with maturity you will be a better father so you have to think about that too. As far as looks and getting girls goes you have nothing to worry about. Guys do well in their 40's looks wise all you need to do is keep your body in shape, make money, and be yourself without depressing thoughts. Be cool you have your whole life in front of you still.
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