cloverh Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 We started out as a kind of casual friends with benefits thing, and neither of us was looking for a relationship. But things got more serious and it transitioned to the point where we both agreed that we were dating - but not in a relationship. Sex is not a big part of it. We both admitted that it's more of an emotional connection than anything else. He once told me that we had great chemistry and compatibility, and that he really enjoys spending time with me. Recently he keeps wondering out loud about how this will all end. I'm not sure how to take that. We had an original implicit 'agreement' that this would end when I went home for the summer. But plans changed and I ended up sticking around. So we're still seeing each other and spending weekends together. Things have been going great. He even suggested that we start seeing each other on an almost daily basis. But there's always the implication that he still doesn't want a relationship - and I'm beginning to want one. For the life of me I can't begin to understand him. He said he doesn't want a relationship, but then sometimes backtracks and says that it's not completely out of the question. And then he acts almost like I am his girlfriend - asking me along to his colleagues' dinner parties, all the romantic hand-holding and cuddling, moving his schedule around to spend more time with me, helping with housework etc. And he cares about me, actually cares. When I walk out at night alone or accidentally cut myself he gets all worried. It's frustrating because I don't know what he wants, and I don't think he does either. What's his deal?
Author cloverh Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 How long has it been? He probably wants to feel free to **** other chicks tbh.. The whole "hooking up" aspect started in April, but by early-mid June it sort of evolved into a casual dating thing. With emotions and feels and whatnot.
BradJacobs Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 by early-mid June it sort of evolved into a casual dating thing. With emotions and feels and whatnot. Would he say this same thing or is this you wanting to believe it? Unlike movies, in the real world FWBs don't always end in a happily ever after.
Treasa Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Agreed. I think you're basically his **** buddy, but he gets to sort of play house and pretend he has a girlfriend without the actual commitment of having a girlfriend. Not only should you not see him as often as you are, but I don't think you should see him at all anymore. Since you two aren't dating, go out on dates with other men. If this guy actually cares about you, that will drive him insane and he'll make it clear he wants you to be his girlfriend. 3
Author cloverh Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 Would he say this same thing or is this you wanting to believe it? Unlike movies, in the real world FWBs don't always end in a happily ever after. He's the one who actually nullified the FWB status and said something along the lines of "I think this means we're dating now." Not only should you not see him as often as you are, but I don't think you should see him at all anymore. Since you two aren't dating, go out on dates with other men. If this guy actually cares about you, that will drive him insane and he'll make it clear he wants you to be his girlfriend. Thanks for that piece of advice. He has, in the past, exhibited some degree of jealousy regarding my close guy friends especially when one of them got a bit touchy-feely but of course didn't really change anything anyway. I suppose this might work though.
Phantom888 Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Wait....I don't get it. You guys are acting like you are in a relationship. If it looks like a relationship, and feels like a relationship, IT IS A RELATIONSHIP!! Don't know why cowardly men are so afraid of that stupid "R" word. As if by avoiding that word, you can dump the girl at any time without feeling anything.
BradJacobs Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 If it looks like a relationship, and feels like a relationship, IT IS A RELATIONSHIP!! Not always true. That's akin to people believing they're dating someone exclusively just because of xyz.
Author cloverh Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 Oh, I think I should have pointed out earlier. We're not actually having sex. For all sorts of complicated reasons involving ethnicity (Asians, and therefore more conservative) and stuff. We're actually both virgins. Yes despite being college seniors and everything. So we're just kind of fooling around (everything but actual sex). I'm not sure if this makes it more or less likely that he's really just running circles around me. Wait....I don't get it. You guys are acting like you are in a relationship. If it looks like a relationship, and feels like a relationship, IT IS A RELATIONSHIP!! Don't know why cowardly men are so afraid of that stupid "R" word. As if by avoiding that word, you can dump the girl at any time without feeling anything. Well, what would you suggest then? I don't want to pressure him to call it a relationship...
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Things have been going great. He even suggested that we start seeing each other on an almost daily basis. But there's always the implication that he still doesn't want a relationship - and I'm beginning to want one. For the life of me I can't begin to understand him. He said he doesn't want a relationship, but then sometimes backtracks and says that it's not completely out of the question. And then he acts almost like I am his girlfriend - asking me along to his colleagues' dinner parties, all the romantic hand-holding and cuddling, moving his schedule around to spend more time with me, helping with housework etc. And he cares about me, actually cares. When I walk out at night alone or accidentally cut myself he gets all worried. It's frustrating because I don't know what he wants, and I don't think he does either. What's his deal? Oh, how I hate the head games... He is not sure if he wants the dreaded "relationship" with you but he still wants to keep you around for his own pleasure. Do you want to be somebody's "almost girlfriend"? Be straight with him and tell him he needs to make up his mind about you. And when he tells you he's not ready to commit just walk away.
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