InsaneTrombone Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 This girl I've been talking to, I had a hunch had some issues going on. We've been speaking for a little over a month, and I think she's very pretty, and we have a lot in common. I find myself kind of wanting to be her hero though. Her life isn't where she would want it to be and she appears to have some issues in herself such as low confidence, trust issues, she doesn't tell people how she feels and keeps it bottled inside, shes a little bit of emo I suppose. I feel like I want to HELP her get through these things. I want to show her that her life CAN be better. She's told me she doesn't know what she wants, and while I'm looking for a relationship, I want to help. Has anyone had much experience with this kind of situation? Did it ever turn out worth your while? I like the girl and honestly want to help her if she ever lets me, but also can't help but feel like I may get burned.
JackDrc Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 You'll boost her confidence and then she will dump you. I'd stay away. You aren't her friend and your motives aren't pure. It'd be one thing if she developed these issues after you were already dating her, but to actively seek her out?
Imported Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Has anyone had much experience with this kind of situation? Did it ever turn out worth your while? I like the girl and honestly want to help her if she ever lets me, but also can't help but feel like I may get burned. Honestly want to help, but what's in it for me. If you actually honestly wanted to help, your only questions here would be how to help her, not if it's gonna pay off to you or get you "burned". You only get burned if you're looking for reciprocation for your "help".
ChessPieceFace Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Pretty sure that white knights end up as chumps most of the time. 1
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 Honestly want to help, but what's in it for me. If you actually honestly wanted to help, your only questions here would be how to help her, not if it's gonna pay off to you or get you "burned". You only get burned if you're looking for reciprocation for your "help". I'm hesitant for sure, especially considering people I know say to stay away. I want to help but she doesn't want to open up or talk about things. She says she's scared and doesn't like talking about stuff to other people. Not sure what I can do to possibly help, maybe confide in her some of my issues?
JackDrc Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Pretty sure that white knights end up as chumps most of the time. But white knights often get the opportunity to talk on the phone or in person with a girl about the guys she is seeing/banging and he probably will as well once she's feeling better. Seeing as OP is attracted to her, I see absolutely no problems occurring with this. White knights basically function as sacrificial lambs to the female ego. This is why you see these ridiculous egos on some girls when there may be no basis for it. Then again, less competition because WKs do not compete. WKs never get the girls due to WKing. If the girl gets with them, it is because the girl is physically attracted. Decent looking guys can get away with WKing girls who are attracted to them but they don't need to and they'd have more stable relationships if they didn't.
JackDrc Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I'm hesitant for sure, especially considering people I know say to stay away. I want to help but she doesn't want to open up or talk about things. She says she's scared and doesn't like talking about stuff to other people. Not sure what I can do to possibly help, maybe confide in her some of my issues? Lets be honest. You want to sleep with her and make her gf. Your motives are hardly altruistic I think. If she was hideous looking would you even care? Answer: no. The fact that you described her as pretty is proof that you would like to get into her pants and a relationship with her which some might see as scummy or at least underhanded , but that's irrelevant, cause there's almost no chance of this plan succeeding anyway. You think that maybe if you fix her she'll be loyal to you because you cared or something. Only consider doing this if the attraction is purely physical but it is still a bad plan.
amaysngrace Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I wanted to help my boyfriend and I did. But mostly I just accepted him for the things he cannot overcome. I know exactly what you mean by wanting to help her but the others are right...she has to want to help herself too. The main problem I find is that when you give so much energy and attention to another person then you can leave yourself short and that's no good. Also are you purposely avoiding making positive change in yourself so absorbing yourself in her problems provides a nice distraction for you and you're just using helping her as an excuse to not help yourself? Think about that. Also look up co-dependency. 1
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 (edited) I wanted to help my boyfriend and I did. But mostly I just accepted him for the things he cannot overcome. I know exactly what you mean by wanting to help her but the others are right...she has to want to help herself too. The main problem I find is that when you give so much energy and attention to another person then you can leave yourself short and that's no good. Also are you purposely avoiding making positive change in yourself so absorbing yourself in her problems provides a nice distraction for you and you're just using helping her as an excuse to not help yourself? Think about that. Also look up co-dependency. Nah, not at all. She just seems so alone with no one to trust or to talk to and then just keeps everything to herself while pushing everyone else away when something goes wrong. I do want to date her and see where things go, but I'm trying to say that issues like this want me to stick around longer in the 'dating' phase than someone else who doesn't want to deal with the possible complications. I guess I'd want to try and be her 'rock'. It helps that we like eachother and both find eachother attractive, yeah...and I am a bit emotionally invested in this girl. I dunno, I just feel like I should give her a real chance where others wouldn't. She doesn't know if she wants a relationship or is ready for one, but she says she likes me and wants to continue to see me and see what happens. Edited July 12, 2013 by InsaneTrombone
amaysngrace Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Nah, not at all. She just seems so alone with no one to trust or to talk to and then just keeps everything to herself while pushing everyone else away when something goes wrong. I do want to date her and see where things go, but I'm trying to say that issues like this want me to stick around longer in the 'dating' phase than someone else who doesn't want to deal with the possible complications. I guess I'd want to try and be her 'rock'. It helps that we like eachother and both find eachother attractive, yeah...and I am a bit emotionally invested in this girl. I dunno, I just feel like I should give her a real chance where others wouldn't. She doesn't know if she wants a relationship or is ready for one, but she says she likes me and wants to continue to see me and see what happens. Then take it slow and make sure your needs are being met too and aren't giving too much of yourself away without much in return. You are going to need to keep a healthy balance and that can be difficult but it is doable. Just go slow. 2
cloverh Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 First you have to figure out why you want to help her. Is the troubled/emo chick the kind of thing you're usually drawn to? Or is this an exception? I did it for my ex. He had issues the size of China. Poor self-esteem/depression/anger-management... The list goes on. The difference is that I wanted to help him even when we were purely platonic. The feelings and relationship things just happened along the way. Was it worth it? Well, I didn't expect anything in return, so I can't say. But we had a wonderful relationship as he slowly ironed out most of his problems. But then again, he's my ex for a reason. We broke up a while back because he came out as being gay. Go figure.
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