Author summerwoes Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Hey everyone. I've come a long way from my initial post here and I thought I was in a good spot going back to school in a week...but today is her birthday and I just CANNOT stop checking her Facebook. I can't decide if I should write on her wall for her birthday or not and it has had me thinking about her all day. We've been NC almost 5 weeks and I'm doing well getting over her but theres still a part of me that is hoping to try again with her. Should I keep NC or just send her a happy birthday post? Any advice? Backstory: This girl wanted to break up about 6 weeks ago after almost 2 years of dating due to GIGS but we talked and decided to wait until we went back to school before we make any decisions. I told her we should take that time and concentrate on ourselves and not talk to each other to which she very reluctantly agreed.
Lei Ping Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Hey everyone. I've come a long way from my initial post here and I thought I was in a good spot going back to school in a week...but today is her birthday and I just CANNOT stop checking her Facebook. I can't decide if I should write on her wall for her birthday or not and it has had me thinking about her all day. We've been NC almost 5 weeks and I'm doing well getting over her but theres still a part of me that is hoping to try again with her. Should I keep NC or just send her a happy birthday post? Any advice? Backstory: This girl wanted to break up about 6 weeks ago after almost 2 years of dating due to GIGS but we talked and decided to wait until we went back to school before we make any decisions. I told her we should take that time and concentrate on ourselves and not talk to each other to which she very reluctantly agreed. She's got her head on straight and you do not. Are you guys are in college to be in luv or to develop your minds for the working world you'll step into when (if) you graduate? You really. really need to put your relationship into the friend zone and take whatever benefits she offers but far from "banging other Guys" which she may or may not be doing, she is focusing on her priority which is her development. You want to impress this Girl? Do what she's doing and rededicate yourself to getting your educational development in order. She won't respect you until you prove yourself worthy of her respect....luv can come later.
flitzanu Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Hey everyone. I've come a long way from my initial post here and I thought I was in a good spot going back to school in a week...but today is her birthday and I just CANNOT stop checking her Facebook. I can't decide if I should write on her wall for her birthday or not and it has had me thinking about her all day. We've been NC almost 5 weeks and I'm doing well getting over her but theres still a part of me that is hoping to try again with her. Should I keep NC or just send her a happy birthday post? Any advice? Backstory: This girl wanted to break up about 6 weeks ago after almost 2 years of dating due to GIGS but we talked and decided to wait until we went back to school before we make any decisions. I told her we should take that time and concentrate on ourselves and not talk to each other to which she very reluctantly agreed. you're not doing NC if you keep checking her facebook. why haven't you blocked her yet?
Author summerwoes Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 The thing is we're still technically together on FB because she wanted to wait to see how she feels when we get back to school and I'm not yet at the point where I'm sure I want to break up with her. But I rarely check her FB and if she doesn't respond to my email like I ask her not to if she doesn't want to keep dating, then I'll block her on FB but besides that we haven't had ANY communication. I'm leaning toward not saying anything for her birthday right now.
It's Just Me Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I'm leaning toward not saying anything for her birthday right now. I'd say that's the smart thing to do. And delete her from your friends list.
Author summerwoes Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 (edited) Oh boy, all right here's what's happened so far since I last posted: So I sent her a long email telling her how I felt and my thoughts on the end of our relationship. Nothing mushy and absolutely no begging. It was very mature and businesslike. At the end I told her to think about us and if she wanted to see what the start of this year would be like. And if she didn't then I told her NOT to contact me at all and not come by to see me at ALL and to update Facebook. Two days later she changed her status on Facebook to single and while I was a little bummed it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. Ended up having three random hookups (no sex) that week but still compared all of them to my ex and missed that connection you have with someone you care for. Later in the week I had a long conversation with a mutual friend (I'll call her Eli) from freshman year (she's roomates with my ex this year) and she told me my ex really just wanted to talk and had wished I hadn't made such a fast cut. Eli said that my ex still had feelings for me but just didn't see us working out in the future for 3 main reasons. The thing is all three things that Eli mentioned where things that I don't do anymore or have changed about myself. Not going into much detail but a lot of them go back to my old irresponsibility and level of maturity. But my ex doesn't know this. She still thinks of me being the same person from 3 months ago. And I know that is not much time but I did a lot of soul searching over the summer about why this relationship broke down and the conclusions I came to were not exclusive to this relationship but problems I would have with any girl in the future, and I set out to fix them. So my question is should I contact my ex (I was thinking mid September so we'll have had over 60 days NC by then) and ask her to talk?? Is it too soon? I know it's likely she'll just want to be friends but I feel like we didn't really have that final talk anyway and there is a chance from talking to our mutual friends that she might want to try again. I just feel like I'm letting that chance slip away by not asking to talk. And Eli said that if I don't contact my ex she doubts she will ever contact me first (i guess that IS what I asked for in the email). Opinions? Thanks guys. Edited August 28, 2013 by summerwoes
turkey21 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Oh boy, all right here's what's happened so far since I last posted: So I sent her a long email telling her how I felt and my thoughts on the end of our relationship. Nothing mushy and absolutely no begging. It was very mature and businesslike. At the end I told her to think about us and if she wanted to see what the start of this year would be like. And if she didn't then I told her NOT to contact me at all and not come by to see me at ALL and to update Facebook. Two days later she changed her status on Facebook to single and while I was a little bummed it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. Ended up having three random hookups (no sex) that week but still compared all of them to my ex and missed that connection you have with someone you care for. Later in the week I had a long conversation with a mutual friend (I'll call her Eli) from freshman year (she's roomates with my ex this year) and she told me my ex really just wanted to talk and had wished I hadn't made such a fast cut. Eli said that my ex still had feelings for me but just didn't see us working out in the future for 3 main reasons. The thing is all three things that Eli mentioned where things that I don't do anymore or have changed about myself. Not going into much detail but a lot of them go back to my old irresponsibility and level of maturity. But my ex doesn't know this. She still thinks of me being the same person from 3 months ago. And I know that is not much time but I did a lot of soul searching over the summer about why this relationship broke down and the conclusions I came to were not exclusive to this relationship but problems I would have with any girl in the future, and I set out to fix them. So my question is should I contact my ex (I was thinking mid September so we'll have had over 60 days NC by then) and ask her to talk?? Is it too soon? I know it's likely she'll just want to be friends but I feel like we didn't really have that final talk anyway and there is a chance from talking to our mutual friends that she might want to try again. I just feel like I'm letting that chance slip away by not asking to talk. And Eli said that if I don't contact my ex she doubts she will ever contact me first (i guess that IS what I asked for in the email). Opinions? Thanks guys. Hey There, Honestly, I feel you on the whole soul searching. You wanna show them you're a changed person and you've changed those unattractive traits and insecurities. You can do that by living your life and not messaging her. Honestly, if she wants it bad enough she will come to you, TRUST me on this. I started getting my life together and shared it with my ex after HE messaged ME. Stick to your guns my friend, if she wants to talk to you,, she will. If you ever feel like giving in, POST HERE first and we will talk you out of it lol
Author summerwoes Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 But you don't think it would be a good idea to talk to her first and have a 2 way conversation instead of my one email and thats it? I mean I have no idea how she actually feels right now. And if she sticks to her original decision then fine, but at least I'll know for sure...like some sort of closure..idk. Personally I think I'd be able to handle it, i've made great strides in the past months and feel incredible about myself and where I am like I really don't need her...but I just have to know for sure. Thanks for the reply though, turkey21.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 But you don't think it would be a good idea to talk to her first and have a 2 way conversation instead of my one email and thats it? I mean I have no idea how she actually feels right now. And if she sticks to her original decision then fine, but at least I'll know for sure...like some sort of closure..idk. Personally I think I'd be able to handle it, i've made great strides in the past months and feel incredible about myself and where I am like I really don't need her...but I just have to know for sure. Thanks for the reply though, turkey21. No, that wouldn't be a good idea. You wouldn't get closure, you would get confusion. You would overanalyze whatever your ex said, which would be intentionally open-ended and ambiguous, partly because your ex doesn't want to "hurt you" and partly because she doesn't want to completely burn that bridge so she has you as moral support/a backup plan. The fact that she is not with you and not making an effort to be with you is all you need to "know for sure". An awkward conversation isn't going to do sh*t for you except make things confusing in your mind when in reality, they're crystal clear. Cliffs: Don't go for a meeting. It's a dumb idea. 1
BC1980 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 I would not look for any type of closure from a conversation with another person. An utter waste of time. You can't talk another person through their feelings. Only time and distance can help that whether it turns out the way you want it to or not.
turkey21 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 But you don't think it would be a good idea to talk to her first and have a 2 way conversation instead of my one email and thats it? I mean I have no idea how she actually feels right now. And if she sticks to her original decision then fine, but at least I'll know for sure...like some sort of closure..idk. Personally I think I'd be able to handle it, i've made great strides in the past months and feel incredible about myself and where I am like I really don't need her...but I just have to know for sure. Thanks for the reply though, turkey21. If you truly wanna talk to her, your mind is set. If you're going in from 60 Days NC tho, I would just talk to her as if she's an old friend. Only go into the relationship stuff if she brings it up. If you jump into it, she might think you are still pining for her and put this all on the back burner.
flitzanu Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 you want to go meet her and talk in person so she can dump you again? you've said you did well without begging and pleading. why go beg and plead her to see that you are so different and not what she thinks? although your ex is just bs'ng your friend. it isnt anything to do with you "changing" its just excuses. she wanted to leave, you wrote her and gave her the easiest opportunity to finish it off.
todreaminblue Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) in a really really logn term relationship this missing me by having no contact with her might work.......to me its really goofy to think not seeing someone helps strengthen a relationship...it si when it is most vulnerable to be a broken connection.........the best time to actually break a connection...hell of a lot easier than if you were close.... in the majority of cases no contact is the way you move on,even from long term relationships that missing thing becomes old if there isnt an end in sight........a plan or thought of when you get to see each other again.........breaking up to me is not a way to get back together...id otn know why people find this so desirable.....isnt logical to me..... when i go no contact....its no contact because i have to get over you scenario, when i break up with someone it isnt a prelude to getting back together.....its goodbye......and you dont see me again till the missin g you thing is done.......its been over eight years maybe nine not sure, since i sighted my ex....... i talk to him now over the phone nwo and my passion for him isnt there...which is good........i havent wanted to see him and rekindle..............if you truly want to stay together i believe the best way is to stick together and seek the help you need to do so ...no games...no ambiguity...no lets have a break...break from what exactly.........you work on it together...or you break up and let it go and move on.....i have not ever gone back to someone i broke up with but then i have only ever been in long term relationships since my teens...deb Edited September 3, 2013 by todreaminblue
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