No contact WITH EXCEPTIONS???

[summerwoes]

Hey all, I've been looking around the site for around three or four months and I'd appreciate any advice you guys can give. I want the truth though, harsh or not, so please don't sugarcoat things! Here's some backstory:

 

I met this girl freshmen year in college around the second week of classes and we became close friends from the start. I crushed pretty hard on her the following weeks and really thought she was great: chatty, SUPER friendly, outgoing, SMART ( engineer), cute and girly with certain things but super chill about everything, and very focused on schoolwork. We were both in the same dorm and after a night of drinking, our other friends left and we ended up hooking up. We came home and stayed up the whole night talking and really getting to know each other. We progressed through the friends with benefits phase pretty fast (and lost our virginities to each other in the process) and were dating within the first month. I was really into her but it surprised me when she said she could feel herself falling in love with me at first (around two months in). From that point on I fell even harder for her and our relationship took off and seemed to just get better and better for a whole year.

 

Fast forward to now (we've been dating a year and 9 months and we're currently on the verge of breaking up. We're apart for the summer and originally she decided to break up last week but we talked on the phone the next day for a WHILE and we (she) decided to see how we (she) feels in August when we start school. She has a really official internship right down her career path and has begun thinking about the future and about whether we could make it in the long run..and apparently she's not sure anymore. The people she works with (guys and girls) are incredibly focused and driven (like her) while I'm WAY more laid back. Through this point in college I've been focused on going out, having fun, and my frat which at first was exciting to her but now I feel has pushed her away. I'm having an internal struggle with myself as I realize how many opportunities I've wasted these last couple years and am trying to change myself in that regard. Partly because of her but mostly because of bettering myself personally as well as the fact that the types of girls I am attracted to (smart, focused, know what they want) will always have a problem with someone who doesn't know what they're doing with the'yre life. "What a run on!" I know bare with me. Anywaaayy she feels very independent at with this internship (also far from home) and I feel like I am just holding her back and straying from the ideal guy for her. We talked about this and she agreed but was incredibly surprised and happy when I told her I was actively trying to be more responsible and focused on the future which was a big reason she wanted to wait till August before (maybe) breaking up.

 

Here's my problem: I decided that she needed space anyway and suggested no contact for the month and a half until we start school again. I thought this would give me some time to think about my personal change (and if I'm seriously doing it for myself, and not for her), build up some thick skin if we do end up breaking up, but most importantly give her the space and independence she wants right now (and hopefully make her miss me in the longrun). Except the last night we talked, she got incredibly lovy (started crying and telling me she still loved me a lot) and said she didn't understand why she was feeling this way and didn't want to have these feelings. She said she didn't know if she was going to be able to not talk to me the whole way through so I suggested sending random and sparse pictures just not of us (if she was on a run, a pic of the trail. Or if I was playing soccer, a pic of a soccer ball) and she was ELATED to be able to do this. Now it's day 3 of this semi-no contact and we've texted a combined total of 3 times but I feel like it is still kind of defeating the purpose. MY reasoning for doing it was that it would still keep me on her mind through it all so she didn't forget completely about us, but now I'm not sure if that was a mistake!!

 

Notes:

1)She is 100% honest about her feelings and HATES to play games so I trust her feelings completely.

2)We've fallen asleep together 99% of the nights we've been together since we started dating

3)Last year we spent what I think was WAY too much time together looking back on it now, which may have made us lose some of the romance and made things boring.

 

ALSO: She has said that besides my lack of focus in life, the other main thing that made her lose feelings for me was that she felt like I wasn't giving her enough attention and love this last semester. I DO have a hard time showing emotions so I completely understand and looking back on texts and how I acted around her I mostly agree...which makes me feel REALLY ****ty because it was completely unintentional. I told her this and she was surprised because she said she thought I had lost feelings for her, but felt torn now that she realized I had loved her just as much all along.

 

So I guess I'm looking for advice on:

1) if we should keep sending pictures (and if not how tell her to stop without being as an *******)

2) Thoughts on making the relationship work and having it be how it was before (literally perfect) (Is this still a possibility??)

3) Open to anything else you guys have to say or may have advice on

4) Sorry for the rant guys, I just needed to vent. Hope the background info helps.

 

 

CLIFFS:

1)GF wanted to break up but then changed her mind

2)She needs space so we are not talking except for the ocasional picture (her idea)

3)We are waiting to see how we feel when we see each other again before breaking up

Edited July 12, 2013 by summerwoes

[AllTooWell]

said she didn't understand why she was feeling this way and didn't want to have these feelings. She said she didn't know if she was going to be able to not talk to me the whole way through so I suggested sending random and sparse pictures just not of us (if she was on a run, a pic of the trail. Or if I was playing soccer, a pic of a soccer ball)

 

Go read the GIGs thread.

 

If you want me to be harsh? She is doubting your relationship for a reason. She is an honest girl and does care/love you, which is why she was honest about it, because it can be really painful to doubt/want to leave a relationship for the reasons she is citing.

 

You are young. Like you said, you are first loves, and you have made mistakes in your relationship.

 

 

I think you should cut the crap and break up now. If she is doubting your relationship, she is going to continue to doubt it. It doesn't matter how much you get your life together (you have one month until August, you really can't even change your whole future in a month). You are drawing out a process that seems inevitable. The fact is if she changes her mind, decides you are putting a better foot forward, etc, she may come back in a few months (or years). A month of NC is simply just not very long (I know it seems like ages when you've been talking every day for almost 2 years). You should also consider what would make HER happy. Sometimes you need to let people go.

 

Obviously that is an extreme. But really think to yourself, is this going to work out in the future? Can you trust her again, after she pretty much dumped you? Are you clinging to this relationship because you truly see a future, and a happy and successful one, or because you have grown used to the comfort this relationship provides? If you can HONESTLY say yes to that, then decide for yourself.

 

I don't think that staying in minimal/exception contact will help your situation, though. If anything that allows her to have her cake (decide what she wants) while stringing you along!

 

 

 

You also said that she has admitted she has lost feelings for you. What is gonna make those come back? Nothing you do will change how she feels, believe it or not. It sounds to me like she's preparing herself for life without you. Almost no contact, she gets to detach herself emotionally while convincing herself that theres a chance the relationship will be saved so she isn't doing anything wrong.

 

I dunno, this is a pretty ****ty situation.

[summerwoes]

****. Your post made a lot of sense especially the last part about actually helping her get over me easier with this limited contact. However I thought about the questions you asked above:

 

"But really think to yourself, is this going to work out in the future?"

 

I can't say for sure, no one really can in the majority of relationships but is this a reason to end it things early? We've talked about the future a lot and even as recently as six months ago it was mostly her..

 

"Can you trust her again, after she pretty much dumped you?"

 

It's not about trust for me. I'm glad she told me how she was feeling even if it meant that in that moment she wanted to end things.

 

"Are you clinging to this relationship because you truly see a future, and a happy and successful one, or because you have grown used to the comfort this relationship provides?"

 

While the comfort of the relationship is great it's not at all the main reason for not wanting to end it. I went into this relationship with the thought of it lasting at most a few months (she wanted to break up at the end of freshmen year, ONLY because we were freshmen). Trust me the last thing I wanted was a longterm relationship and even now I don't see myself looking for another for a while. I ALSO want that college experience (our school has a huge hookup culture) and want to meet a lot of girls but we just have such an incredible connection with things and we've both talked about how much fun and how perfect it would be to end up together. Honestly she more than me, but the thing that keeps us from believing it will work is that we are just sooo young.

 

These are just my honest feelings/answers to your questions (not trying to argue in any way) and appreciate your advice.

 

ALSO I read about GIGS earlier on in the year on this site because I was going through it right after I rushed and other girls were EVERYWHERE so I am pretty familiar with it. I mentioned it to her and while she does have some of the symptoms, she's made it clear that its not about meeting new GUYS, its that she began to have doubts about whether it would work out in the future. She's a girl that thinks things through way in advance and she's said that she didn't want to break up now but that she saw it coming (perhaps because of my lack of emotion towards her) sometime this year and that it would be better to deal with the grief for both of us over the summer rather than when we have classes to deal with.

 

I think I'm gonna send her a message/email saying we should do complete no contact until we see each other. Besides this I was also thinking of surprising her and flying over to see her for her birthday which unfortunately is in the middle of all this (August 9th) for two reasons:

 

1) Its spontaneous/exciting (I'll plan a date and do some out of the box things with her)

2) She was REALLY sad that we wouldn't be talking on her birthday and all her roommates' internships end early so she will be completely alone. Should I let her feel that loneliness (would it make her miss us more) or is it better to come see her.

 

****kk me I have no idea what to do!

Thanks again for any advice guys.

[summerwoes]

Ignore. Double post (internet was slow)

Edited July 12, 2013 by summerwoes

[HobGadling]

Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst.

 

It sounds like there's hope. But you're both young and either of you might want to explore other options. But if there's a chance to reignite the spark then go for it.

 

Send her a message on her birthday. But don't go and visit her.

[summerwoes]

Thanks for the reply HobGadling. Thats kind of what I'm doing right now, just hoping it will end up but preparing myself for it not. For me, I think this year will be the best for us to take a break since I will be living in my frat house and there will be girls over 4-5 nights a week so in a way it could be fairly easy for me if I chose to get over her. It's just that I don't WANT to, not yet at least because I still think it can work and my gut tells me we would regret it in the future (she has said the exact same thing)

[AllTooWell]

I don't think that GIGS is always about meeting guys/girls/new people. A lot of people, especially your age, need time to just gain their identity and learn who they are and what they want. We change, constantly, but when you're in a relationship at university it can very easily change/dilute your own goals and what you actually want.

 

Keep in mind that if you guys are really meant to be, what happens now, when you're what, 20, really doesn't matter. If you are meant to be you WILL find a way back into each others lives when things settle down. You would be with this girl for the next 80+ years. You would have very limited options as you would have to work to stay together. It's a huge commitment when you really get down to it.

 

I agree with the other poster. Tell her happy birthday! But don't visit or anything.

[summerwoes]

I don't think that GIGS is always about meeting guys/girls/new people. A lot of people, especially your age, need time to just gain their identity and learn who they are and what they want. We change, constantly, but when you're in a relationship at university it can very easily change/dilute your own goals and what you actually want.

 

I couldn't agree more with this. People do constantly change and sometimes you just need to be alone to figure out who you really are (interests, goals, passions, beliefs). It just SUCKS that I had to meet this wonderful girl right NOW in the middle of all of this figuring out. We always said we should have met five years later than when we did and it would have been perfect (I know I'm using that word a lot, but A LOT of our relationship was/is?)

 

This is helping a lot to think things through and figure out what exactly I want right now too. It kind makes me more comfortable with the "break" and I'm beginning to think maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have some time apart.

 

Its just so ****ing hard when you have so many great memories and know you won't be able to have them again. Its like enjoying an AWSOME vacation but instead of planning to go back soon, being like nope I can't ever go back there again...just because.

 

She was in my dream last night...seriously **** you brain..lol

 

Again, thanks for the help, it means a lot.

[flitzanu]

she's been trying to dump you and you kept convincing her to not leave "yet". what happens when you aren't long distance again and she's forced to deal with this in person? will she stay out of guilt?

 

you can't "enact" NC in a relationship. thats kind of a dumb move. its basically saying "we have no relationship anymore so lets not talk" and then she can't handle not talking (but certainly won't commit to staying with you) so you buckled with this picture crap.

 

if she wants to be with you, let her show you and let her make that decision on her own. you don't need to keep giving her the easy way out, with all ese options of slowly limiting her need to interact with you. it needs to be one or the other.

[summerwoes]

I'm not sure I convinced her of anything, but it could have been unintentional. When we talked I asked her when these feelings had started and she said literally the day she started her internship and that the week before it hadn't crossed her mind. I asked her if she thought there was a possibility that she had gotten these feelings because of the (didn't use these exact works) new level of personal independence (earning her own money, paying bills, cooking for herself, making new friends) and she said she thought it WAS very possible. She then said she didn't know if it would be different if we were together this summer, so a lot of it was her being unsure and it was eventually HER who said we should wait until August. I was very clear that whatever her decision I would accept it.

 

About sending the pictures...the more I think about it, the more it just sounds like bull****. I typed up a text I'm planning to send her when she gets off work and I'd like to hear your guys' thoughts:

 

"Hey (girlfriend), I know we agreed to keep sending each other pictures till August but I feel like its not having the effect I wanted. I still think about you and wonder if I'll get a picture soon when I look at my phone and I don't know if its the same for you (doesn't matter much) but this is supposed to give us time to be our own person and think about ourselves. I don't think we should be sending pictures because it defeats the purpose so I'm going to stop, and I don't want you to think that I don't love you or am neglecting you but I just need some time. I would really like to hear what you have to say, but I'm beginning to think that maybe your initial move was the right one. As much as I don't want to lose you, and my gut tells me it would be a mistake I also feel like I unintentionally convinced you to stay in this relationship. Please let me know if you think I'm wrong or if you feel similarly. Also don't hesitate to call me."

 

I also like to be honest with people and this is exactly how I feel right now.

[Eddie Edirol]

Let her be lonely. Dont visit her or send her a message on her birthday. Let her feel the sting of her decision. Cut her off completely. If she wants to be alone, let her, and you start your moving on process.

[summerwoes]

Thanks for replying Eddie.

 

Let her be lonely. Dont visit her or send her a message on her birthday. Let her feel the sting of her decision. Cut her off completely. If she wants to be alone, let her, and you start your moving on process.

 

I'm not that type of person, and I would eventually like to end up friends with her if we don't end up together so I don't want to burn any bridges yet. I send all my close friends birthday wishes and even if she doesn't want to date anymore she is still at the very least a friend.

 

I do however think going out to see her would be a little much, ALTHOUGH I wouldn't tell her until I was there already, so she would have ALL the expectations of being lonely on her birthday (isn't that almost just as bad?) except I would show up at her door when she gets off work.

 

I'm trying to get my **** together and I did end up landing an internship at a startup in NYC so I could easily afford it.

 

Am I just being a little bitch? SHOULD I let her be alone? I just think there is still a good chance of it working out, not for ever (I don't like to think that far into the future when it comes to relationships as you can't control love) but at least for a couple more GREAT years till we finish college (and maybe more)

 

Anyway, I'm looking for more opinions on whether I should go see her, send her a message or do nothing for her birthday..thanks guys

[Simon Phoenix]

Vote for nothing. Let her do her thing and you do yours. The birthday call/text sounds great in theory, but if it doesn't go your way (and it probably won't), it'll set you back.

[summerwoes]

UPDATES: I sent her the message I posted for you guys above and she called me. We talked for less than a minute and agreed to go completely NC. hearing her voice was the hardest part for me. She mentioned she still wanted to wait till August to see how we feel in person..I know I shouldn't have accepted that but I feel like her situation makes her crave being independent and being single, and it doesn't help that we are apart this summer. I am still hoping but have begun to accept the coming breakup should it happen.

 

For some reason I can't help but look up plane tickets to go see her on her birthday (1 week before we plan to meet again). In my mind I have convinced myself that since shell be completely alone, when I show up by surprise it will help revive her feelings for me. I know even as I write this that it sounds completely crazy and ignorant but love can do strange things. Someone pleaaase convince me to stop myself because I don't think I'll be able to alone. Why do I feel this waaaayy!!?!?

Edited July 13, 2013 by summerwoes

[Simon Phoenix]

UPDATES: I sent her the message I posted for you guys above and she called me. We talked for less than a minute and agreed to go completely NC. hearing her voice was the hardest part for me. She mentioned she still wanted to wait till August to see how we feel in person..I know I shouldn't have accepted that but I feel like her situation makes her crave being independent and being single, and it doesn't help that we are apart this summer. I am still hoping but have begun to accept the coming breakup should it happen.

 

For some reason I can't help but look up plane tickets to go see her on her birthday (1 week before we plan to meet again). In my mind I have convinced myself that since shell be completely alone, when I show up by surprise it will help revive her feelings for me. I know even as I write this that it sounds completely crazy and ignorant but love can do strange things. Someone pleaaase convince me to stop myself because I don't think I'll be able to alone. Why do I feel this waaaayy!!?!?

 

Don't be an idiot and buy tickets. That's a guaranteed failure if you do so. You'll make her feel uncomfortable and the trip will be a disaster. You are broken up for all intents and purposes. It'd behoove you to start acting like it.

[AllTooWell]

UPDATES: I sent her the message I posted for you guys above and she called me. We talked for less than a minute and agreed to go completely NC. hearing her voice was the hardest part for me. She mentioned she still wanted to wait till August to see how we feel in person..I know I shouldn't have accepted that but I feel like her situation makes her crave being independent and being single, and it doesn't help that we are apart this summer. I am still hoping but have begun to accept the coming breakup should it happen.

 

For some reason I can't help but look up plane tickets to go see her on her birthday (1 week before we plan to meet again). In my mind I have convinced myself that since shell be completely alone, when I show up by surprise it will help revive her feelings for me. I know even as I write this that it sounds completely crazy and ignorant but love can do strange things. Someone pleaaase convince me to stop myself because I don't think I'll be able to alone. Why do I feel this waaaayy!!?!?

 

 

Because you're young and in love. Like the poster above said, FOR ALL INTENTS YOU ARE BROKEN UP!

 

This girl has basically dumped you without actually having to dump you. Do not buy that ticket, you will absolutely embarrass yourself. I know it's hard but you need to wait for her to reach out to you (if she does). You need to start trying to get over her now. I think that a break is what's best for you guys, if this girl really is your 'soul mate' fate will reconnect you.

 

You will need to go NC and have time apart to heal before you can be friends. I understand you don't wanna burn bridges but you will make things worse by being in contact (jealousy, clinginess, not wanting to see other people, etc) and it WILL be best for any future relationship (platonic or otherwise) to be put on hold until you have healed and can see more clearly.

[summerwoes]

Thanks for the replies guys. Last night was a really rough night. I read Oracle's post pinned at the top of this Breaks and Breakups section and it helped me quite a bit. Understanding why you feel the way you do and being able to control your feelings really helps a lot. I think falling asleep I kind of began to accept that we were breaking up and tried to stop myself when good memories flooded my mind (or at least analyze them to see if they really were as good as my mind made them out to be). I woke up 3-4 times last night and every time, the very first ****ing though I had was about her...damn..

 

I'm going full no contact:

1)I put all her stuff she gave me to hold onto for the summer in a large black trash bag and put it out of sight.

2)Put all our pictures on all devices into one folder on a keychain drive and put that in the bag.

3)Since wer're technically not broken up yet, I left facebook and other social media alone but I've forbidden myself to go on her page for any reason.

 

I decided I'm not going to go see her for her birthday because she should feel some loneliness through this break since I'm feeling the same way. I also don't think I'll send her a message since it will probably hurt me while I write it and then more while I continue to check my phone to see if she ends up responding.

 

You are right AllToWell, I'm not gonna come chasing after her. If she decides to come back for whatever reason, I'll be there (as long as I'm not involved with someone else..obviously) but until then I going to be distancing myself. Sometimes I think about things rationally and almost feel like I'm being too emotional and almost laugh at myself, like who IS this girl, WHAT is so great about her (these feelings don't last long at all, but I'm glad they're there) I don't want to sound arrogant or full of myself, but I'm a fairly good looking guy, athletic, and social, and in one of the top frats on our campus, so sometimes I feel like I should want this breakup to go out and meet all these girls that are gonna be coming around. But at the same time when I picture myself ****ing other chicks, I imagine it being purely physical and empty of that connection you have when you have sex with someone you genuinely love. The first couple times I'd honestly just be thinking about her and how much better it'd be if it were her

 

I'm going to be taking some tango classes with some other interns from the startup I'm working at and we also decided it would be fun to have cocktail night every weekend where we invite a small group of people and make a different drink every week. I'm still working out every day and playing pickup soccer and ultimate so hopefully all this will take my mind off her.

 

Sometimes I just wish we had had some major argument, or that there were clear cases of clashing personalities so that I could concentrate on those and help convince my self that we weren't THAT good for each other and that this isn't a mistake. It just makes it worse that there is nothing..

Edited July 13, 2013 by summerwoes

[Simon Phoenix]

I think you have the right approach. And I hear you on wishing there was some sort of tension/drama/conflict prior to the break. The breakup that got me on here completely lacked those things -- there was nothing negative for me to latch on to prior to the break, it was literally all good and getting better before it died due to me flipping out when drunk and withdrawing from her. Makes it tougher to get to the anger stage of the break, which is necessary in the recovery process.

[flitzanu]

do YOU think YOU are worth fighting for? obviously you think she is worth fighting for, but the minute you say "hey lets stop the pics and go NC" she's like "ok cool no more talking!! *click*"

 

does that...show you anything about her level of interest?

[summerwoes]

I mean yea but I don't know her reasons for showing disinterest. I still think she's worth it and it was my idea, she just agreed with it and she didn't come across as EAGER. It was more of a thoughtful, slightly reluctant "this is something we have to do" tone. I do realize there's a chance she just doesn't see us working out and is trying to cut ties though.

 

Personally it's gotten easier especially through out the day when I'm busy but I still think of her before going to bed. I'm having a better time accepting what is happening and dealing with it rationally (It's not like I'm physically handicapped for the rest of my life, or one of my parents just passed away.) Yea its ****ty but it helps to think of how incredibly worse it could be.

 

The only thing I'm still having trouble with is getting over the fact that she'll be ****ing other dudes and I won't be special for her anymore (sometimes I wish we weren't each other's firsts) Which is weak as **** because I can't expect her to just stop having sex (lol!). It's getting better though and I'm telling myself to just not give a ****. I think once I get over this I'll be set.

 

Anyone have any advice for dealing with this last part??

[Eddie Edirol]

I mean yea but I don't know her reasons for showing disinterest. I still think she's worth it and it was my idea, she just agreed with it and she didn't come across as EAGER. It was more of a thoughtful, slightly reluctant "this is something we have to do" tone. I do realize there's a chance she just doesn't see us working out and is trying to cut ties though.

 

I think your gut still wants you to try and make it work because you have NO idea why she bailed on you emotionally. if she actually told you instead of being completely cowardly about it, then you would understand why you shouldnt be thinking about her. Instead youre left in the dark, looking for reasons it could work instead of knowing the reasons it wouldnt. If she told you why, you probably wouldnt think she is worth it anymore. Damn shame really.

[flitzanu]

I mean yea but I don't know her reasons for showing disinterest. I still think she's worth it and it was my idea, she just agreed with it and she didn't come across as EAGER. It was more of a thoughtful, slightly reluctant "this is something we have to do" tone. I do realize there's a chance she just doesn't see us working out and is trying to cut ties though.

 

Personally it's gotten easier especially through out the day when I'm busy but I still think of her before going to bed. I'm having a better time accepting what is happening and dealing with it rationally (It's not like I'm physically handicapped for the rest of my life, or one of my parents just passed away.) Yea its ****ty but it helps to think of how incredibly worse it could be.

 

The only thing I'm still having trouble with is getting over the fact that she'll be ****ing other dudes and I won't be special for her anymore (sometimes I wish we weren't each other's firsts) Which is weak as **** because I can't expect her to just stop having sex (lol!). It's getting better though and I'm telling myself to just not give a ****. I think once I get over this I'll be set.

 

Anyone have any advice for dealing with this last part??

 

TIME. there's no magical way to get images of her banging other guys out of your head except for time...eventually you'll stop thinking about it.

[Eddie Edirol]

The only thing I'm still having trouble with is getting over the fact that she'll be ****ing other dudes and I won't be special for her anymore (sometimes I wish we weren't each other's firsts) Which is weak as **** because I can't expect her to just stop having sex (lol!). It's getting better though and I'm telling myself to just not give a ****. I think once I get over this I'll be set.

 

Anyone have any advice for dealing with this last part??

 

You will get over it, but only if you WANT to. If you want to obsess over the images of her and other dudes, then you'll never get over it. If you keep yourself distracted, those images will go away quick. But also think of this, every women (Non virgin anyway) was someones first, so you cant be special forever if you arent with her forever. She wants to move on and you have to let her. You will more likely be special to the next woman you date than the guy that de-virginized her. Know what I mean?

[summerwoes]

I think your gut still wants you to try and make it work because you have NO idea why she bailed on you emotionally. if she actually told you instead of being completely cowardly about it, then you would understand why you shouldnt be thinking about her. Instead youre left in the dark, looking for reasons it could work instead of knowing the reasons it wouldnt. If she told you why, you probably wouldnt think she is worth it anymore. Damn shame really.

 

Kind of. I'm in a mind**** because I'm pretty sure she still has feelings for me but just thinks that it will be very hard/almost impossible to end up together in the longrun. The new internship she's working at right now eventually guarantees her a job in that city which she knows is far from my ideal place to live, and the chances of me getting a job there are uncertain. She just thinks we are going to end up breaking up eventually because we are just TOO YOUNG and there's so much time before we settle down that she would rather break up sooner than get more involved and break up later. Her parents always told her "It's not WHO you meet, but WHEN" and while she hates it, I think she's beginning to think it's true. The problem I'm having is emotionally she's still very attached so I'm heartbroken because we do love each other, but she's thinking very analytically (typical of an engineer) and pushing herself away from me, so I just don't know what to do.

 

I don't think I can just let this incredible girl walk away without at least fighting for her. If it doesn't end up working out I know I'll look back and think: what a shame, but at least I tried to make it work. I'm going to keep NC until her birthday which will be a month.

 

I was organizing my computer and found an old idea I was working on to make her a playlist. I think I'm going to do this for her birthday on August 9th (2 weeks before we plan to see each other). I hope she'll appreciate it but I'm not raising my expectations. Most of the stuff I have given her have been bought so I think a personal gift for her birthday will hit home. And I'm not doing this to get a response out of her, or hope that she'll call me say she was wrong. It's more of a "I know it's you're birthday, and I haven't forgotten about us" thing.

[summerwoes]

UPDATES! I just finished reading this thread:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/395589-heartbroken-must-read

and I must say while I was beginning to have some of these feelings the last couple days this tread kind of brought them to the surface. I'm at the point where I don't know know if I should want to keep dating my gf, or if I should just end it with her before we see each other in August and decide what to do. I feel like I've lost a some interest in her and continue to do so everyday and the fact that she is not as attracted to me as she was before and that she thought about breaking up makes ME less attracted to HER. Don't get me wrong, if she asked to stay together and try right now I would probably take the opportunity but each day I get closer and closer to thinking I shouldn't and that I wouldn't.

 

Not gonna send her that pussy playlist for her birthday which I talked about above.

 

Instead I think I am going to send her an email the day before we planned to talk basically saying "listen, if we're just going to meet for you to tell me you want to break up or that you're still having doubts about us, then I would rather not see you AT ALL or HEAR from you at all" I feel like at that point I will be more indifferent about whether we get back together or not and won't have such a hard time if she decides not to meet or doesn't respond. I will also have MINIMAL contact with her if she decides to break up so it will just seem like a continuation of the 6 weeks no contact we will have by then.

 

I got a side job to model/act and have been working out every other day for a month now and I'm starting to notice cute girls noticing me. I've kept very busy and have picked up some new hobbies. This helps A LOT and I think has sped up the recovery process for me. There is definitely a chance that I won't want keep dating my gf AT ALL when we get back, but only time will tell.

 

Not sure if this was at all an interesting post but thanks for reading. I wrote it mostly to vent and talk about my feelings but any advice/comments are appreciated.

Edited July 20, 2013 by summerwoes