Been replaced and lied to. Finding it hard to cope :/

[Replaced]

I need help on coping with a recent break up. Any similar stories or advice would help me out a lot thanks

 

So... There’s this girl I met online (I’m from the UK, she’s from Germany) and we instantly hit it off. From the start we were bf/gf (her words) although we never made it official and we spent every day with each other. I loved her and she loved me and she was there through the worst times of my life. My Nan died then 2 days later my Dad broke his neck and I had to leave uni for a while to take care of my dad and mum whose stress and blood pressure was over the limit from losing her mum and nearly losing her husband two days later. After a few months it finally settled down. Then it came to my when my uni exams started that the **** hit the fan. While I was busy studying I had to limit my time with my ex and a week before she broke up with me she met a new guy online. Since she met him she stopped saying goodnight (and she always made sure to say it no matter what), she became distant, cold, and when she did reply to me it was short and serious. She was flirting with this new guy when we were in a group call but he eventually left and she became silent. I asked her what was wrong and if there was something wrong with “us” but she said it wasn’t and it was just that she was upset about staying home all the time now and she might take a break from online stuff for a while and that she wouldn’t be on later that day. So I tried to comfort her, give advice and told her she was awesome and she’ll change her life around... then a couple of hours later she comes back on, we don’t speak and she joins that new guy in a game. I felt betrayed, lied to and emotional cheated on. I thought it best to take a break for a couple of days because it was making me ill. When I got back just before my exams started she broke up with me. She said that it was all her fault and she fell out of love and was breaking up now so not to hurt me. She deleted me from everything and got rid of everything that showed anything between us existed. As far as I’m concerned, she lied to me (she told me before she hates liars above all else... such a hypocrite), neglected me, used me until she got her fill then replaced me a guy she met a week before breaking up with me.

 

There’s been no contact for almost 2 months from the day of the break up. She didn’t contact me to say happy birthday but neither did I for hers, however her birthday was 3 days after she broke up with me. I can’t emphasise enough how badly this impacted my exams at uni, I fear I may have failed (my tutor and department is aware of my situation). I’m finding it so hard to cope, so damn hard. I would never do it but the feeling of wanting to end my life is so overpowering and I’ve only just started to get more then 2-3 hours of sleep a night.

 

There are other reasons why this has impacted me so badly. All my life I have been waiting to find “the one” (I’m 23 now) and although I have fell in love a couple of times before, it was always unrequited. This was the first relationship I’ve been in (lasted 7 months). I’ve never had sex or anything closely remote to that as I’ve been waiting for the one. With her I thought I finally found it and I could experience life to the full with someone whom I loved and loved me back. So when she left (and she was the only thing really keeping me going), everything just fell apart within me. I no longer believe in “the one” and no longer going to wait. If someone is attracted to me, and I them, I’m going to go for it. I have had my chances before but that’s another long story. And I have had my chances with girls at uni while with my ex but I would never ever emotionally or physically cheat when in a relationship. I feel like I’m going insane here. I’ve also done the stupid thing of checking up (stalking really I know) on her profiles from time to time. Seeing my replacement post stuff on her profile just made me sick to my stomach. I know I shouldn't have done that and it was only going to bring me hurt but hey, I’m human.

 

I've arranged to see a councillor, and after some time being stuck in the house I’m trying to get a part-time job and do volunteer work. Right now one thing which is helping me is browsing these and other forums for similar experiences to mine. Anyone else who can share me theirs or offer advice would help me through this A LOT. If you managed to read all this then thank you, and you’re awesome

[Mr Scorpio]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. To not only suffer the breakup, but to see it coming in advance (from her flirting with the guy) is heart-wrenching. Next to the death of a loved one or a serious injury/illiness, it is probably the most traumatic thing one can experience. You can't eat. You can't sleep. And once you do sleep, you wake up three hours later and your mind immediately snaps back to the hell you are living through. No fun.

 

So, now you are part of the club. Now you know what all those sad songs are really all about. Appreciate the fact that almost everyone goes through what you are experiencing. Know that you share something in common with billions of people. Know that you aren't alone.

 

Personally, I think it is a good thing that you do away with the idea of "the one". Finding such a person is exceedingly rare. Keeping them once you find them is a challenge, especially in this day and age. It is also a good thing that you have maintained NC. There isn't anything good that will come from you having contact with her at this point in time.

 

Now, quit looking at her FB profile! You admitted that you knew it was going to be a bad idea. Yes, only "human". On the other hand, why aren't you using that as an excuse to call her? Because you know it would hurt to do so! Stop it!

 

Now watch

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[StrongLass]

It's good to see that you're taking positive steps (the volunteering, job searching, new perspective etc.) instead of just throwing a pity party.

 

Two months of NC does a lot more for some than most people would think but it varies from person to person. It only gets better if you let/make it! I know from experience myself.

 

Letting go of the the idea of "the One"? VERY good call That whole concept is more trouble than it's worth. Reality is, it is much more likely that there are a FEW people out there that you could have a great relationship with. As long as you're true to yourself & keep improving as a person odds are excellent that you'll run into one or two of them

 

Just DON'T keep checking up on her profile(s), okay?

[Replaced]

You're both right of course about not checking her profiles and I did stop after my birthday... until yesterday. The feeling to check was so overpowering as I was already having a bad day at the time. Considering how I felt after seeing those two get closer it's CLEARLY not doing me any good and is only going to make things worse for me. I guess I checked up to either hopefully be proved wrong that she replaced me with this guy or that there was a clear declaration of her love for him and I could just leave and never contact her again knowing the type of person she is. Also I guess I'm still in shock that this even happened. She told me before she was cheated on by the guy she thought was "the one" and how badly if hurt her, so I found it hard to believe she would do that to me. But yeah anyway, I AM going to stop looking at her profiles, and no matter how tempting it may get in the future I will and must resist.

 

And yes I know most of us have experienced this situation in our lives. Personally I can't understand those who do this, I just can't even phantom doing something like what she did. I'm now starting to force feed myself into a healthy eating schedule just to force myself to get back to myself.

 

Really feel like I wasted my time with "the one" thing. I've past up many opportunities because of that and now know I've missed out on a lot of good in my life. I'm not gonna do the whole "should of, would of, could of" thing, just going live in the present and whatever happens happens and I'll go for whatever might lead to a good thing now.

 

Oh btw Scorpio, thanks for that vid. This one has also helped me to boost back my spirit when I'm getting down: La video ULTIME de MOTIVATION - Powerful beyond measure - - YouTube