Does time to grow work?

[muffinman1127]

Hi all, I've never posted on a forum before so I'll try to be brief. I'm 18, and I met my now ex-gf the summer of my junior year and before she went to college. We became each other's first loves, and were basically inseparable. So, we decided to keep going while she was in college (2 hours away only), and we made it through the school year with maybe 10 visits total. When she got back for summer, things were different and we both knew it. She wanted time to focus on work and school, and also said she wasn't in love with me like she once was. The breakup was pretty clean, I never begged and we met up two weeks later to talk about it a little more. It has been 6 weeks since the breakup, and I'm mostly over it because I want to grow more and be more confident and independent. However, we've texted a bit and she says she still cares about me and wants continue to talk. I'm going to the same college as her in a month, so we'll be in pretty close proximity. So my question is this: After a year or two of seeing other people and such, can we give it another chance? Would it be best for me to remain friends with her, or to stop talking to her until its time to try again (or I no longer want to)? I would like to remain friends, and I think I can handle it, but I'd like more opinions. Thank you!

Edited July 11, 2013 by muffinman1127

[hotpotato]

Hello! I think it would be better to have no contact or low contact if you want to get back with her. I would be scared of ending up in the friendzone while she possibly dates other people. I think if you remain friends with her you will need to make sure you are fine with her dating and possibly bringing up her dating life. My 2 cents.

 

Can you two give it another shot? If both of you want tl, I dont see why not.

 

Sounds like you two maybe lost the spark. Sometimes this happen when res get switched or the guy becomes too accommodating.

 

Best of luck!

[muffinman1127]

Thanks hotpotato! You may be right, I'll try to wait it out and see what happens before I push myself. It's good to be young, but oh so confusing too

[happydate]

Hi all, I've never posted on a forum before so I'll try to be brief. I'm 18, and I met my now ex-gf the summer of my junior year and before she went to college. We became each other's first loves, and were basically inseparable. So, we decided to keep going while she was in college (2 hours away only), and we made it through the school year with maybe 10 visits total. When she got back for summer, things were different and we both knew it. She wanted time to focus on work and school, and also said she wasn't in love with me like she once was. The breakup was pretty clean, I never begged and we met up two weeks later to talk about it a little more. It has been 6 weeks since the breakup, and I'm mostly over it because I want to grow more and be more confident and independent. However, we've texted a bit and she says she still cares about me and wants continue to talk. I'm going to the same college as her in a month, so we'll be in pretty close proximity. So my question is this: After a year or two of seeing other people and such, can we give it another chance? Would it be best for me to remain friends with her, or to stop talking to her until its time to try again (or I no longer want to)? I would like to remain friends, and I think I can handle it, but I'd like more opinions. Thank you!

 

You guys are still too young to carry on a relationship. The world is a big place you know. Why not explore it, travel it and really find out who you really are. A woman is not an end all to be all you know. You're still young so you don't know this. But fast forward 10 to 20 years into the future, you will.

 

You can be friends with her ONLY as an associate. You guys separate for a reason and that reason will continue to exist even if both of you force upon yourself to work at it. If you're not meant to be with her, you are not. TOO MANY people force themselves to work out a relationship, marry only to end up divorcing later and hating each other.

 

Think of it as this way. Your younger years are your training years dating a woman. You get to learn and identify who are manipulators, users and abusers and who have man problems. A lot of women will develop issues that they refused to heal. By getting back with your ex, you are denying her ability to heal. This is totally unfair to her. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and say, you are only helping her to heal by doing complete NC. You too are not healed! If you are healed, you will NOT FEEL any emotional longing attachment towards her. Just a knowing you had a great time with her. When this happens, then a friendship can be developed between the two without relapses.

 

There will always be the right woman for you if you have to be patience.

Edited July 15, 2013 by happydate

[muffinman1127]

You're definitely right happydate, and as I'm just starting college soon, I'm sure that'll become much clearer. I guess what I want to know mostly is whether or not your first love really sticks with you. Only time can tell, but I feel like being at the same college as her we're bound to have run ins.

[mysterymissgreeneyes]

I'm mostly over it because I want to grow more and be more confident and independent.

Yeah! Do this.

 

I was ina similar situation when I started college. I think no contact is best too, because it will allow you to smoothly transition into another relationship you want to, or pick up with her a ways down the road when you have a clearer perspective on if you two are really good for each other.

If you keep in close contact, it is very likely that one of you may grow confused over other possible relationships and people will be hurt. Go to college, meet new people. If you'll both be there, it's likely you will see her, but just make of it what you want.

[muffinman1127]

Great advice! If you don't mind me asking, what ended up happening to you and your ex? I feel like in a situation like this nothing is as simple as it seems...