lionness69 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Hello guys! I recently met a guy (26) and have gone to 4 dates (met online). So far it has been great. He is respectful, funny and smart. He works in a business company that requires a lot of traveling. On our 4th date, he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship because he wouldn’t be able to give me enough time in order to to build a relationship. I asked why did he just realized this and not before dating me. He said, after he went to a trip (not a work trip) to see his friend; he met possible clients for his work. I don’t know if this is fishy or I am overreacting because he fled to meet with his friends and was not a work trip. My question is whether he is making up an excuse to not be in a relationship because of the trip. He also told me that probably he would be less busy next year. This also triggered another question, how does he know how busy or not next year going to be? I clarify that I wont be getting physical with him unless we are in a relationship because I feel uncomfortable. I told him this because I am not looking for a hook up and want a serious relationship. He said that he would not force me to do anything I didn’t want. He asked: if I was all right if we just continue dating casually and see how things go. He is going to Las Vegas with some friends this week and we are going to meet Sunday when he comes back from the trip. I really like this guy, but I am worried that he is only trying to get in bed with me. Any advice would be appreciated.
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 This is what he said: On our 4th date, he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship because he wouldn’t be able to give me enough time in order to to build a relationship. [...] He asked: if I was all right if we just continue dating casually and see how things go. And this is what he meant: I don't want to be in a relationship with you and I'm going to give you the lamest excuse there is just so I don't look like a bad guy. However, just because I wouldn't date you doesn't mean I wouldn't sleep with you, so lets see if maybe we can at least be FWB until I find someone I actually want to date. 2
clia Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 On our 4th date, he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship because he wouldn’t be able to give me enough time in order to to build a relationship. This means he does not want a relationship with you. My question is whether he is making up an excuse to not be in a relationship because of the trip. The "why" doesn't matter. He also told me that probably he would be less busy next year. This also triggered another question, how does he know how busy or not next year going to be? I don't think it's strange at all that he might know he'll be less busy a year from now, depending on the type of work he does. I told him this because I am not looking for a hook up and want a serious relationship. Then you should break up with him. He's told you he does not want a serious relationship. He asked: if I was all right if we just continue dating casually and see how things go. He is going to Las Vegas with some friends this week and we are going to meet Sunday when he comes back from the trip. I really like this guy, but I am worried that he is only trying to get in bed with me. He wants to date casually. You don't want that. So....no reason for you to keep dating him, right? If you are fine with casually dating him, then go for it, but don't expect it to turn into a relationship because he's already told you he doesn't want that. If you are worried that he is only trying to get into bed with you...just don't have sex with him. You can casually date him without that. However, IMO if you are seeking a relationship, you should just end things with him and go find a guy who wants a relationship with you. 2
coachcomeback Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 well if he came right out and said he cant give you what you want ( you want a relationship and he does not) it seems like an easy decision. There are soooo many guys out there looking for a relationship... why spend time trying to "convince" one or waiting around hoping you can change his mind? No need to figure out if its an excuse or not either. If he said it, assume it's the truth and find a guy who wants the same things you want. He is out there. Sounds like you just might be wasting your time hoping for something that may never be. If he wants you later (realizing the mistake he made) he will come searching for you in a big way. If he can keep dating you without ever having to make a commitment... he will. For as long as you let him
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