theonlyjuan Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I am an awful person! I have discovered some things about myself since this breakup. I have never loved anyone properly. I can really really like someone but I have never been with someone and felt anything amazing. I convinced myself in every relationship that I loved them, which is why I suffered after the breakup. When I have been single, I have hated my own company. I always felt like I needed someone. I just remembered the other day something which has opened my eyes about myself. There were many times when I could happily be alone when I was in a relationship. Sometimes I felt like I had to make a real effort to go out and see her. This sounds bad but I did enjoy being alone. Not saying I didn't enjoy her company, I did. I think it's having that things, where you know you have someone. It's more of a comfort than anything. I have lots of friends but no best friend. I think I have treated a lot of girls like a best friend, rather than a girlfriend, in my mind. I just enjoyed going out with them, doing thing. That is what I miss the most. I miss the company, I miss the days out. I miss watching TV and movies with her. I still want someone, but do you think I should look to find a female best friend? I could just see what develops from there. Now I feel awful! My ex really did think that I loved her, and my previous ex. I don't think I did. I liked them a lot but maybe for the wrong reasons. I always treated every girlfriend like a princess, I did everything right. Maybe I was forcing it a bit and maybe that showed. I think this is why there was never any spark. If I truly loved her it would have shown. It really was like having a best friend that I spent all my time with. I can still get envious and jealous if my ex gets a new boyfriend, but I think that is more to do with my ego. On the plus side........ I am yet to discover true love. Exciting times ahead!
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Thanks OP, as this is a perfect segway to these very interesting articles. I can relate to them big time!!! And this does not make you an awful person. It just means you, like most of us, have some soul searching and introspection to do... How To Re-Discover Your Identity After A Relationship Split and... How To Not Lose Yourself In Love
forgetmenot75 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 you are doing an awesome job. This NC thing has been great so far for you, you are giving meaning to some of your actions and feelings. Great job! And you're not awful at all
Jasper123 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 You sound alot like me! and I don't think either of us is awful
pteromom Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 How old are you? If you are in your teens - mid-twenties, I'd say everything you are feeling is completely normal. You are still getting to know yourself. Still getting to know what love really is. Be kind to yourself. I don't think you are an awful person. And theonlyjuan is an awesome screen name. Win!
Infinity0 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I am an awful person! I have discovered some things about myself since this breakup. I have never loved anyone properly. I can really really like someone but I have never been with someone and felt anything amazing. I convinced myself in every relationship that I loved them, which is why I suffered after the breakup. When I have been single, I have hated my own company. I always felt like I needed someone. I just remembered the other day something which has opened my eyes about myself. There were many times when I could happily be alone when I was in a relationship. Sometimes I felt like I had to make a real effort to go out and see her. This sounds bad but I did enjoy being alone. Not saying I didn't enjoy her company, I did. I think it's having that things, where you know you have someone. It's more of a comfort than anything. I have lots of friends but no best friend. I think I have treated a lot of girls like a best friend, rather than a girlfriend, in my mind. I just enjoyed going out with them, doing thing. That is what I miss the most. I miss the company, I miss the days out. I miss watching TV and movies with her. I still want someone, but do you think I should look to find a female best friend? I could just see what develops from there. Now I feel awful! My ex really did think that I loved her, and my previous ex. I don't think I did. I liked them a lot but maybe for the wrong reasons. I always treated every girlfriend like a princess, I did everything right. Maybe I was forcing it a bit and maybe that showed. I think this is why there was never any spark. If I truly loved her it would have shown. It really was like having a best friend that I spent all my time with. I can still get envious and jealous if my ex gets a new boyfriend, but I think that is more to do with my ego. On the plus side........ I am yet to discover true love. Exciting times ahead! wow this sounds like me!!!! You are making me realize things about myself now. What does it really feel like to love someone!!????? Have I just not found the right person? (well I know I haven't since I was married for 2 years and I am happily divorced at 25). But seriously I feel so guilty because the divorce for me was a relief and he is still trying to get over it. Lost his job and is a complete worthless person right now holding a masters degree and just oved in with his mom. I am a horrible person, but I never truly loved him He was just convenient someone to hang out with when I felt lonely, but I also very often had that feeling that I wanted to spend time by myself and had to force myself to spend time with him. But knowing that he is there when I needed him was comforting.
Talulah Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Sounds a lot like my ex. I hope that you find what you are looking for (whether it is on the inside or on the outside)
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