charisma.9901 Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 TBH, I don't think the issue is height. Really I don't, and I read all bloody 9 pages of this thread. I can point out a few things that I *think* might reveal the issue, but I'm going to come across as a total b*** doing so--- still, I feel compelled. 9 pages, I'll throw in my .02 cents. So to give perspective: I'm a fairly savvy OLD... 5'2, petite, run full marathons/swim daily & I have a Master's degree. I'm not Sophia Vegara, but I'm a good looking gal. I've dated guys on both ends of the height spectrum-- including two guys shorter than I am (which, trust me, is fairly rare). I'm incredibly picky when it comes to OLD. Why? Because I can be. Because I can read profiles at my leisure, because I can analyze every little thing written-- because I don't like to waste my time meeting someone I'm not likely to connect with in person. However, I'm not picky about superficial things (height, weight-- to an extent, eye color, etc.)... I'm MOST picky about congruence... When I read a guy's profile, I am looking for word usage and grammatical structure that matches up with the level of education or vocation he claims. I'm looking for pop culture references that accurately place his age. Why? Because, simply put, I've found there are more than a few fellows who lie. Sometimes, it's relatively easy to spot those issues just by carefully raking over what is "there" for you to see (i.e. their profile). FTR, what I do for a living is investigative as well, so I'm fairly proficient at it. I can point out a few things in the OP's responses that make me want to call "red flag", if you will, and could likely explain why he's turning off potential gals (who are blaming it on height-- because they don't know what else to say): - Word usage. In the majority of the posts, there are some usage/agreement/grammatical issues. Those make me wary, consider the level of education & profession you claim. Just stating. If you have similar errors in your profile, it could be causing some girls to shy away because it doesn't "jive" right with the rest of the image you are trying to project. (NOT saying you are lying, just saying it could come across as odd/red-flag worthy). - You're 31 and a med student... which is incredibly rare. By 31, you should be in your residency already. Only 2% of 2nd year Med students are over the age of 25. It's odd-- and could be contributing to "doubt" about your story. Moreover, it entails years more of schooling & a grueling schedule. I would think long and hard about getting involved with a resident, much less a student. Especially being over the age of 25 and actually wanting to have a real relationship. - You mentioned you were looking to find a relationship because there is "time left" in the Summer. Maybe these girls get the "vibe" that you are looking for a short-term booty call/FWB/fling? Not saying that you are, just saying, maybe that's how you are coming across? If that's what you are looking for, and these girls are looking for LTR, it could be just that you're coming across as incompatible with that. - & finally, the Napoleon complex. It's real. No matter how much you deny it, I would personally wager *money* that it (height) is a major issue for you. Whether or not you realize it, you could very well be carrying around a chip & that can be incredibly off-putting. TL;DR? Height is guaranteed *not* to be your problem-- but you definitely have a problem. 1
SJC2008 Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 TBH, I don't think the issue is height. Really I don't, and I read all bloody 9 pages of this thread. I can point out a few things that I *think* might reveal the issue, but I'm going to come across as a total b*** doing so--- still, I feel compelled. 9 pages, I'll throw in my .02 cents. So to give perspective: I'm a fairly savvy OLD... 5'2, petite, run full marathons/swim daily & I have a Master's degree. I'm not Sophia Vegara, but I'm a good looking gal. I've dated guys on both ends of the height spectrum-- including two guys shorter than I am (which, trust me, is fairly rare). I'm incredibly picky when it comes to OLD. Why? Because I can be. Because I can read profiles at my leisure, because I can analyze every little thing written-- because I don't like to waste my time meeting someone I'm not likely to connect with in person. However, I'm not picky about superficial things (height, weight-- to an extent, eye color, etc.)... I'm MOST picky about congruence... When I read a guy's profile, I am looking for word usage and grammatical structure that matches up with the level of education or vocation he claims. I'm looking for pop culture references that accurately place his age. Why? Because, simply put, I've found there are more than a few fellows who lie. Sometimes, it's relatively easy to spot those issues just by carefully raking over what is "there" for you to see (i.e. their profile). FTR, what I do for a living is investigative as well, so I'm fairly proficient at it. I can point out a few things in the OP's responses that make me want to call "red flag", if you will, and could likely explain why he's turning off potential gals (who are blaming it on height-- because they don't know what else to say): - Word usage. In the majority of the posts, there are some usage/agreement/grammatical issues. Those make me wary, consider the level of education & profession you claim. Just stating. If you have similar errors in your profile, it could be causing some girls to shy away because it doesn't "jive" right with the rest of the image you are trying to project. (NOT saying you are lying, just saying it could come across as odd/red-flag worthy). - You're 31 and a med student... which is incredibly rare. By 31, you should be in your residency already. Only 2% of 2nd year Med students are over the age of 25. It's odd-- and could be contributing to "doubt" about your story. Moreover, it entails years more of schooling & a grueling schedule. I would think long and hard about getting involved with a resident, much less a student. Especially being over the age of 25 and actually wanting to have a real relationship. - You mentioned you were looking to find a relationship because there is "time left" in the Summer. Maybe these girls get the "vibe" that you are looking for a short-term booty call/FWB/fling? Not saying that you are, just saying, maybe that's how you are coming across? If that's what you are looking for, and these girls are looking for LTR, it could be just that you're coming across as incompatible with that. - & finally, the Napoleon complex. It's real. No matter how much you deny it, I would personally wager *money* that it (height) is a major issue for you. Whether or not you realize it, you could very well be carrying around a chip & that can be incredibly off-putting. TL;DR? Height is guaranteed *not* to be your problem-- but you definitely have a problem. It's so funny how many women rationalize their pickiness when it comes to OLD but they still usually wind up getting pumped and dumped by the 3rd date from the ones they do "pick" lol! 1
Pistol pete Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Height is no guarantee of anything, I'm 6'1 and decent-ish looking but still get rejected frequently, it's just the way it works. To be honest though, I'm sure the money thing will soon outweigh the height thing as you get older anyway.
BluEyeL Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I also do not think that you get rejected because of your height. You state your height in your profile and you go on first dates, then you say they tell you you are too short. It doesn't make sense. They don't click with you at the first date for whatever other reason. 5.9 is not tall, but not too short either.
Author JackDrc Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 (edited) TBH, I don't think the issue is height. Really I don't, and I read all bloody 9 pages of this thread. I can point out a few things that I *think* might reveal the issue, but I'm going to come across as a total b*** doing so--- still, I feel compelled. 9 pages, I'll throw in my .02 cents. So to give perspective: I'm a fairly savvy OLD... 5'2, petite, run full marathons/swim daily & I have a Master's degree. I'm not Sophia Vegara, but I'm a good looking gal. I've dated guys on both ends of the height spectrum-- including two guys shorter than I am (which, trust me, is fairly rare). I'm incredibly picky when it comes to OLD. Why? Because I can be. Because I can read profiles at my leisure, because I can analyze every little thing written-- because I don't like to waste my time meeting someone I'm not likely to connect with in person. However, I'm not picky about superficial things (height, weight-- to an extent, eye color, etc.)... I'm MOST picky about congruence... When I read a guy's profile, I am looking for word usage and grammatical structure that matches up with the level of education or vocation he claims. I'm looking for pop culture references that accurately place his age. Why? Because, simply put, I've found there are more than a few fellows who lie. Sometimes, it's relatively easy to spot those issues just by carefully raking over what is "there" for you to see (i.e. their profile). FTR, what I do for a living is investigative as well, so I'm fairly proficient at it. I can point out a few things in the OP's responses that make me want to call "red flag", if you will, and could likely explain why he's turning off potential gals (who are blaming it on height-- because they don't know what else to say): - Word usage. In the majority of the posts, there are some usage/agreement/grammatical issues. Those make me wary, consider the level of education & profession you claim. Just stating. If you have similar errors in your profile, it could be causing some girls to shy away because it doesn't "jive" right with the rest of the image you are trying to project. (NOT saying you are lying, just saying it could come across as odd/red-flag worthy). - You're 31 and a med student... which is incredibly rare. By 31, you should be in your residency already. Only 2% of 2nd year Med students are over the age of 25. It's odd-- and could be contributing to "doubt" about your story. Moreover, it entails years more of schooling & a grueling schedule. I would think long and hard about getting involved with a resident, much less a student. Especially being over the age of 25 and actually wanting to have a real relationship. - You mentioned you were looking to find a relationship because there is "time left" in the Summer. Maybe these girls get the "vibe" that you are looking for a short-term booty call/FWB/fling? Not saying that you are, just saying, maybe that's how you are coming across? If that's what you are looking for, and these girls are looking for LTR, it could be just that you're coming across as incompatible with that. - & finally, the Napoleon complex. It's real. No matter how much you deny it, I would personally wager *money* that it (height) is a major issue for you. Whether or not you realize it, you could very well be carrying around a chip & that can be incredibly off-putting. TL;DR? Height is guaranteed *not* to be your problem-- but you definitely have a problem. I'd like you to point out some of these grammatical errors which you claim are scattered liberally in my postings, keeping in mind that I was an electrical engineering/computer science major. I'm also typing my replies on an iphone, and the predictive text feature can result in some funny looking sentences and words on occasion. I've found a few grammatical errors in your post and I suspect that your master's degree is in a softer discipline, perhaps psychology or English? Most people would expect you to compose posts with fewer grammatical errors, considering the factors outlined above. I found a glaring example rather easily: "Those make me wary, consider the level of education & profession you claim" The correct word choice for that sentence would be "considering", or perhaps "taking into account." I found that error in the very sentence you used to criticize my grammar and word choice. Would you consider that to be ironic? Yes this is dickish of me but you opened the door. I would have never considered criticizing someone's online writing considering the advent of smartphones and the general laziness with which many online forum posters approach their posting. I did change my mind because you apparently have no qualms about it. I don't worry about ending sentences in prepositions either. Your assertion that only 2% of MS2's are over the age of 25 is false. Nationwide, the average age for matriculating MD students is 24. I have 160 classmates and 9 of us are now 30 or older. I have two classmates in their 40s. The youngest MS2 just turned 22 years old, and more than half of the class took at least one year off after undergrad. The average age upon entry for my class was 24. The youngest was 21 years old. It's clear to see that your 2% statistic is way off and I'm really wondering where you found it. You are also neglecting to include osteopathic medical schools. There is a D.O. school in my state where the average age at matriculation is usually right around 25. When you consider the reality that more than 20% of graduating US med students in 2016 will graduate with a D.O. degree, this further weakens your claim. Half of my M2 classmates that I hang out with are over 25. I'm not exactly sure why you believe women would doubt my story when they could take a cursory glance at my Facebook page (I add them as contacts before meeting for safety purposes) and see that my school e-mail address is listed under my contact information. If a woman has a problem with my chosen career given my age then they certainly shouldn't date me. I don't think this is a problem for most women, however. I'll start residency less than three years from now and I'm going for emergency medicine, one of the shortest residencies possible. Residency work hours in emergency medicine average approximately 55 hrs a week, which is less than attendings in many surgical fields work. When I finish training just before my 37th birthday, I'll only be working 40 hrs per week (granted the ER can be exhausting), and my income will quintuple literally overnight. If a woman has a problem with then they are probably not that interested in driven people. My residency choice will leave me plenty of time for a relationship and I have more free time than I thought I would in medical school. I'm not the top of my class but I'm cracking the top 20%, which is good enough for my specialty choice. During my first year of classes, a typical week involved class from 8am-1pm M-F and then studying till 6pm. I'd hit up the gym from six to seven on two of those weekdays and sometime over the weekend. I would generally study from 9am-1pm on Saturday and then take the rest of the weekend off. Third year is a real bitch with rotations but fourth year is an absolute joke from everything I've seen. M4's referred to it as a vacation. So if you're still reading, you can see that I have plenty of time for a relationship. Most girls seem to ask me what I'm looking for, either online or on a first date. I tell them that I'm looking for a relationship. Any confusion in that regard is probably imagined because what I tell them is that I have basically all the free time in the world until mid August, and then less time during the school year. I never thought about my height until I entered OLD world. Women are dad more selective online because they could be. I seriously doubt that many women online or in person have similar thoughts to yours regarding my grammatical skills and career choice. You worried about coming off as a bitch in your post but I don't view you in a negative light. I hope you don't mind reading a pointed response to your constructive criticism. I had no idea that my posts were possibly indicating a lack of education, but I suspect you're the only poster on here who thought that when reading them. P.S.: I scanned through your other posts and I read that you are a single mother of a 6 year old. How old are you out of curiosity? You must be pretty good looking to be getting tons of interest from guys my age in online dating, if you are in fact in my age range. You probably know that what you are looking for is probably very different from what a typical 25-28 year old woman without children is looking for. I understand why a single mother seeking a partner with a stable income source would not want to date a student or resident, but I hope you realize why I am now reluctant to put much stock in your post. Motherhood is one of my two stated dealbreakers and so I have no experience dating single mothers. Your expectations are very different from the women that I have dated and been in relationships with. I agree that my OLD experience has given me a Napoleon complex but I won't agree with the idea that I am a risk and undesirable because I am choosing to pursue my dream. This isn't like quitting my job to open a restaurant or pursue a music career. I have a guaranteed job waiting for me when I finish. Here's the relevant quote from your post: Yes I date "differently" than I did before divorce/motherhood-- but I wouldn't say it's a struggle or hindrance at all. I'm careful about who she meets, I keep my parent "life" and my partner "life" separate (until/unless the relationship becomes committed), and I work hard to balance the two so that neither side is short-changed. Don't you realize that your parental status is coloring your view of the situation? You probably view me as immature and reckless for giving up a solid career at my age to pursue med school, despite the fact that 19 of my classmates did the same thing at age 27 or older? Perhaps you view a guy lie me as an unstable influence on your daughter and I agree that I would be. When you become a mother, you have to take everything more seriously. Something like my med school detour changes from a net positive to a serious red flag in your eyes, but I doubt this is the case among single childless women in my age range. I base this conclusion on the fact that you're the first poster in the thread to mention it. Everyone else who mentioned it made comments about how it would make me more attractive to women but perhaps for the wrong reasons. Gotta watch out for golddiggers. Edited July 12, 2013 by JackDrc 1
clia Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 It’s not just your height that's the problem if you really are 5’9”. If you were 5’1”, I might tend to agree with you, but not 5’9”. That's a perfectly respectable height. Let me tell you how online dating works for the type of woman you are looking for – which are the most sought after women on any online dating site. You said you want a girl in good shape, of any race, with confidence, with no kids, 20s to early 30s, and I’m going to guess reasonably attractive. (Right?) Do you know how many messages per day that woman is getting on Match.com? Easily 30-40. If she’s new to the site, she’s probably getting over 100 a day. So, she has to weed through all of those messages. Half are easy throw aways – the guy is way too old, lives on the other side of the country, has some other major dealbreaker to her (like kids, unemployed, no college degree, whatever). The other half she has to go through a little more closely. You’ve got a lot of competition in online dating, and the girl you are looking for doesn’t have time to message and meet everyone. So she whittles down the hundreds of messages flooding her inbox to maybe 3-6 guys who she wants to start corresponding with, and hopefully eventually meet. Now, your girl may not mind dating a guy who is 5’8” or 5’9”, but her preference might really be taller guys. (For example, my college boyfriend who I was with for 2 ½ years was 5’8”, but I really have always preferred taller guys.) So, if her preference is taller guys, and, all else being equal, she has 20 taller guys and you to choose from to fill her 3-6 slots, you are probably going to lose out. You wouldn’t believe the things you use to whittle down the list – there are just too many guys to choose from. So in online dating I think people are a lot pickier just because they can be. They have to be. You just don’t have time to correspond with or meet everyone who looks interesting. That’s why it’s more difficult for most people. But it doesn’t mean these girls have more issues or dealbreakers. They are the same girls you meet in person. Contrast that to meeting someone in person. If you approach a girl in Starbucks, a bar, or a Meetup event, there likely aren’t 20 other guys over 6 feet tall clamoring all around her at the same time. You have her undivided attention. It’s a much easier process – you have little to no other competition right at that moment, so you can really sell yourself. Many, many guys lie about their height online. I learned to subtract 1-2” from the height stated if they said they were under 5’10”. (The 5’10” and above group doesn’t need to lie.) So, a girl who sees your profile might assume you are only 5’7” and rule you out on that basis, even if she would have no problem dating you at 5’9”. It’s not your fault that other guys lie, but you do have to bear the repercussions of them doing so. Other things that may be contributing to your lack of success: your baby face, listing that you are still in grad school at age 30 (not specifying that it’s med school might be a disadvantage to you), and the fact that you will be moving to pursue your residency. But to me, your biggest “dealbreaker” is that you don’t want kids for at least 7 more years. You are effectively ruling out most women who are 27-28 and older – essentially the women in your exact age bracket. (I can’t see most women who want kids wanting to wait until they are 34-35+ to have their first kid.) If that is really how you feel, you might be better served to focus on younger women. I don’t know if this has ever come up on your dates with these women, but women can figure out that if you are really not going to be starting your career for 7 more years…well… But, at the end of the day, if a girl is wowed by everything else in your profile, your being 5’9” is not going to dissuade her from meeting you (assuming she is shorter than 5’9”, which most women are.) If she is wowed by you in person, your being 5’9” is not going to dissuade her from going out with you again. The women who tell you that the problem is your height are merely taking the easy way out. It’s easy to blame it on something you can’t change. The problem may partially be your height (if they really prefer guys who are taller), but if you knocked her socks off in other ways, that becomes way less important. Plus, they went out with you in the first place presumably knowing how tall you are. It’s hard to meet someone who you really hit it off with on all cylinders. Those women may not have been feeling it with you for a combination of other reasons, which exacerbated the problem they had with your height. It’s just easier to say “It’s your height” as opposed to “I hate your mannerisms” or “I don’t like your voice.” I really think you should just focus on meeting women in real life. If you think you can meet women offline, then I don’t see what the issue even is. Online dating isn’t for everyone. Also: Don’t wear lifts. Don’t message girls who specify that they want guys who are taller than 5’10”. That’s unbelievably annoying. 1
KathyM Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 5'9" is average height. Although there are some women who prefer taller men, there are also plenty who are happy with average height men. I'm a tall woman, 5'8", and my husband is my same height, 5'8". I like that we are the same height. It feels better to hug and kiss someone that is my height, since I don't have to crane my neck to kiss or hug him, and I can look directly into his eyes, rather than up to him. My first boyfriend was also average height. I prefer average height instead of taller men. If you are not getting any response from OLD, it is likely because of some other reason, although it is true that some women will think average height is too short for them.
charisma.9901 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I'd like you to point out some of these grammatical errors which you claim are scattered liberally in my postings, keeping in mind that I was an electrical engineering/computer science major. I'm also typing my replies on an iphone, and the predictive text feature can result in some funny looking sentences and words on occasion. I've found a few grammatical errors in your post and I suspect that your master's degree is in a softer discipline, perhaps psychology or English? Most people would expect you to compose posts with fewer grammatical errors, considering the factors outlined above. I found a glaring example rather easily: "Those make me wary, consider the level of education & profession you claim" The correct word choice for that sentence would be "considering", or perhaps "taking into account." I found that error in the very sentence you used to criticize my grammar and word choice. Would you consider that to be ironic? Yes this is dickish of me but you opened the door. I would have never considered criticizing someone's online writing considering the advent of smartphones and the general laziness with which many online forum posters approach their posting. I did change my mind because you apparently have no qualms about it. I don't worry about ending sentences in prepositions either. Great point here-- it should have been considering (vs. the consider that was written). Unfortunately, like typing on a smartphone, iPad predictive text can occasionally screw up. It was a wee bit late, I was tired, & didn't take the sufficient time to proofread. Mea culpa. My point wasn't necessarily to nit-pick your grammar on this specific thread, so much as to make an observation. I was looking to point out that, generally speaking, I had noticed several grammatical issues within your writing (of course, this could include words that may have been incorrectly interpreted by the medium you are using to input text). If the same is true of your profile, it could create confusion-- & the vibe that there is something generally off about your stated educational level and profession. I knew I would come off as a bitch stating it, but truthfully it was written as constructive criticism. I thought perhaps it might provide a starting place for analyzing what is really causing the issues in your OLD experience. As I truly do not believe the issue is height, I looked at other factors and noted this as a possibility. Evaluating the merits of the criticism leveled was/is completely your prerogative-- use what you want, discard the rest. Criticism of my Master's degree is amusing to say the least. Whether it is in a "softer" discipline (according to your estimation/valuation of disciplines) or not, the argument you present is entirely beside the point. I wrote conversationally, expecting it to be read as such. Critiquing my writing & usage is, of course, entirely within your right... but I cannot see how it assists you in any way. I pointed it out to give you food for thought about your own writing and how that might be influencing the opinions of the women you meet before you even meet them. Your assertion that only 2% of MS2's are over the age of 25 is false. Nationwide, the average age for matriculating MD students is 24. I have 160 classmates and 9 of us are now 30 or older. I have two classmates in their 40s. The youngest MS2 just turned 22 years old, and more than half of the class took at least one year off after undergrad. The average age upon entry for my class was 24. The youngest was 21 years old. It's clear to see that your 2% statistic is way off and I'm really wondering where you found it. You are also neglecting to include osteopathic medical schools. There is a D.O. school in my state where the average age at matriculation is usually right around 25. When you consider the reality that more than 20% of graduating US med students in 2016 will graduate with a D.O. degree, this further weakens your claim. Half of my M2 classmates that I hang out with are over 25. I'm not exactly sure why you believe women would doubt my story when they could take a cursory glance at my Facebook page (I add them as contacts before meeting for safety purposes) and see that my school e-mail address is listed under my contact information. The statistics were pulled from a website (Our Students ? Medical School ? UT Southwestern) which includes a sampling of the average age of med students, at this particular school, upon admission. 25 should have corrected as 29 (again, mea culpa, it was 3:00am when I was posting)-- but that is still younger than your stated age. I looked at several other websites that posted similar statistical information about the age of their students. It was an extrapolation, based on looking at multiple sources. In any case, it is unusual to meet a med student who is still in school vs. in their residency, at your age. Again, not impossible, just unusual in my general experience. You add them as FB friends before meeting-- a bit unusual, but I'm sure appreciated by your prospective dates. That would certainly help to verify your story. Take it from a gal who has met more than a few creative storytellers in OLD-- the ability to verify that someone is who they say they are is certainly encouraging. I would count that as a positive indicator in your favor. You worried about coming off as a bitch in your post but I don't view you in a negative light. I hope you don't mind reading a pointed response to your constructive criticism. I had no idea that my posts were possibly indicating a lack of education, but I suspect you're the only poster on here who thought that when reading them. I had not meant to imply a lack of education was evident in your posts-- only that perhaps your educational level *might* be incorrectly judged as being different than it is. Certainly, you don't come across as uneducated, just pointing out congruence issues, as seen from my perspective. I think this dead horse has been sufficiently beaten at this point-- phew. I did realize you would likely read my post with a "pointed" tone inferred. There isn't a great deal I can do to convey tone here, thus I expected a response much along these lines. P.S.: I scanned through your other posts and I read that you are a single mother of a 6 year old. How old are you out of curiosity? You must be pretty good looking to be getting tons of interest from guys my age in online dating, if you are in fact in my age range. You probably know that what you are looking for is probably very different from what a typical 25-28 year old woman without children is looking for. I understand why a single mother seeking a partner with a stable income source would not want to date a student or resident, but I hope you realize why I am now reluctant to put much stock in your post. Motherhood is one of my two stated dealbreakers and so I have no experience dating single mothers. Your expectations are very different from the women that I have dated and been in relationships with. I agree that my OLD experience has given me a Napoleon complex but I won't agree with the idea that I am a risk and undesirable because I am choosing to pursue my dream. This isn't like quitting my job to open a restaurant or pursue a music career. I have a guaranteed job waiting for me when I finish. AND Don't you realize that your parental status is coloring your view of the situation? You probably view me as immature and reckless for giving up a solid career at my age to pursue med school, despite the fact that 19 of my classmates did the same thing at age 27 or older? Perhaps you view a guy lie me as an unstable influence on your daughter and I agree that I would be. When you become a mother, you have to take everything more seriously. Something like my med school detour changes from a net positive to a serious red flag in your eyes, but I doubt this is the case among single childless women in my age range. I base this conclusion on the fact that you're the first poster in the thread to mention it. Everyone else who mentioned it made comments about how it would make me more attractive to women but perhaps for the wrong reasons. Gotta watch out for golddiggers. I'm 26 (as stated in my original post). Digging up my previous posts-- how inventive. Yes, I have a 6 year old daughter, and yes I was quite young when I had her. I managed to finish my undergraduate (at 21) & graduate (at 24) degrees while working full-time to support us. Before you infer otherwise (as it seems likely you might), both of my degrees are from major universities & have well respected programs in the fields in which I studied-- not some fly by night online program. It was a busy few years, to say the least. I find it mildly insulting (but also vaguely amusing) that you question my relative attractiveness and immediately correlate that to my finding success in online dating-- just because motherhood is a deal breaker for you, it isn't necessary for every man in your age range. You paint with a rather broad brush there. I would offer to PM you a picture and you can judge for yourself. I have nothing to hide or prove (Ha- "Just the facts ma'am"... or something to that effect). The men who contact me tend to range in age between 28-38, and those that I actually end up dating usually fall in the 30-35 age group. I never said I would hesitate to date a resident or student, you merely inferred that. Frankly, as someone with a stable career & income, I would be more inclined to take a chance on a student (provided they are grad-level+ student)than say: a woman who might immediately want to settle down and start having children (which is something most women in my age range are looking to do). I have my daughter-- I'm not looking to necessarily have any more children any time soon. Most recently, I dated a man who was in his early 30s (32), who was involved in starting his own company after being a successful exec in another field. It did not make me nervous in the least as: 1) I'm fully capable of supporting myself, 2) my life is inherently stable, and as such I create stability for my daughter-- I'm not looking for anyone to take care of us, and 3) I prefer the slow approach to relationships (ie. I am willing to wait, take my time, see what develops organically over the course of the relationship-- no rush here). In short-- what I am looking for is different than most 25-28 year old women. I'm not in a hurry and many of them ARE. As Clia stated, the women you are dating are likely looking to get into relationships that are stable & are ready to start families. Maybe you've simply had a bad run of luck? I don't know. But I still firmly stand by assertion that your height is not the issue. However, after reading and responding, I might have figured out what is.
amaysngrace Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I don't know why anybody would do online dating. It seems like it's hard to find a person of quality that way because its so easy to score a date if things don't work out so nobody tries real hard to date anyone because they mostly just want to hook up. It seems desperate. 3
FitChick Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 You state your height in your profile and you go on first dates, then you say they tell you you are too short. It doesn't make sense. Good point. It's just a handy excuse when the women don't want to give the real reason. 2
kaylan Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 OP was TL;DR You are 5'9, as am I. Stop crying, because at average height, we have it just fine man.
USMCHokie Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I don't know why anybody would do online dating. It seems like it's hard to find a person of quality that way because its so easy to score a date if things don't work out so nobody tries real hard to date anyone because they mostly just want to hook up. It seems desperate. True. It's like shopping on Amazon rather than walking around the brick and mortar stores, talking to salespeople, and learning about the products themselves. You go online, look at the pictures, read a review or two, and then buy it. If you don't like it when you receive it, you just throw it away or return it. Then you go buy another model. 3
thefooloftheyear Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Good point. It's just a handy excuse when the women don't want to give the real reason. Eh ,,I suppose whats good fir the goose is good for the gander... In the little that I dabbled in OLD the women either lied about their age (one did)..Or lied about their weight..(ALL did.).Every single one posted pics that looked absolutely NOTHING life they did in real life. Either the pis was very old or it was somehow photoshopped. "Im retaining water"... Not that I even asked or anything.. Point is it happens on both sides and Id almost bet women are more inclined to lie than men are about their weight/appearance.. My feeling is that its better to downplay yourself a bit so that when you do finally meet they will be pleasantly surprised...We all have a pic of ourselves that for some reason makes us look FAR better than we really are..This holds true for those stupid "Glamour shots" that some people get...Its best to NOT use those pics as they are almost always going to result in a huge letdown once the meeting takes place.. TFY
USMCHokie Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Point is it happens on both sides and Id almost bet women are more inclined to lie than men are about their weight/appearance.. My feeling is that its better to downplay yourself a bit so that when you do finally meet they will be pleasantly surprised...We all have a pic of ourselves that for some reason makes us look FAR better than we really are..This holds true for those stupid "Glamour shots" that some people get...Its best to NOT use those pics as they are almost always going to result in a huge letdown once the meeting takes place.. This would make sense since men generally value these traits higher for initial attraction. I have a good friend I'm out here with and he sees it's amazing how much of an "advantage" he has simply because he actually looks just like his pictures. It also helps that he's 6', white, and in very good shape... But he tells me how amazed women are when they meet him and he looks like his pictures. It makes me wonder how bad people actually are on their OLD profiles...
deissy_12 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 If a girl refuses a 2nd date just because of your height then she isn't worth it. Height is not so important and your kinda making a big deal out of it. I'm 5'3 & thin and I'm dating a guy who is exactly my same height.. he is really skinny so it makes him look even smaller. When I first saw him I agree that I noticed he was short, but after continuing the first date he was also sweet, nice, respectful, and caring. You should focus more on this factors when you first meet a girl. Be confident about your height! 1
bac Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 If my personality is the problem then I wouldn't have had offline success either. My problems are exclusively with online dating. Never had problems getting women in college and conventional wisdom is that women in that age group are more concerned with looks. What I'm saying is that girls on online dating sites reject me for my height and I wonder what I can do about if, anything. I know short guys can get women. My Dad is a good looking doctor and is 5 foot 4 on a good day. Thoughts? From my experience, if your dad is 5 foot 4, you are probably looking for a tall young girl (it is an unconscious mechanism of defence to improve your genes and it is good for your future kids). There are 2 ways to get the right girls. The first one is to add a few inches on your profile because no girl really cares for a few inches. Girls have no way to figure out what your height/weight/age is exactly. But, you need to have some other good qualities. You are very much into irrelavant details, controlling and self-absorbed. And, you do not pay attention to your emotional intelligence. It is ability to understand emotions and intentions of other people. So, you might hurt girls somehow, therefore they want to hurt you back calling you short. I had rejected many men for many reasons including being short. But, I would never want to hurt a short guy calling him short because it is pointless and cruel.
sweetheart5381 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I'm always surprised about the height issue between men and women. It really doesn't surprise me that OLD is the real issue here. I don't use OLD anymore, but when I did I had a guy once lie about both his height and weight. I'm 5'7" and rather tall for a woman with a smaller build. This guy and I connected immediately online and quickly determined that we were going to meet. I was in for quite a shock when I found out that he was 50 lbs heavier than his pics suggested and several inches shorter than his profile stated (he said 5'11", he was actually 5' 7"). The real problem for me was that I could not recognize him in the restaurant we were meeting at! He and I still hit it off incredibly despite his initial deception. We are still friends to this day and he is now married to a lovely lady. I personally care far more about an emotional, caring connection than the physical body, but I still remember wondering why such an awesome person would lie in a profile. It's baffling that height and/or weight can be such a deal-breaker before ever meeting a person. 1
USMCHokie Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I personally care far more about an emotional, caring connection than the physical body, but I still remember wondering why such an awesome person would lie in a profile. It's baffling that height and/or weight can be such a deal-breaker before ever meeting a person. Baffling, but true. Would you have even responded to him if he had listed his actual height and posted current pictures?
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Baffling, but true. Would you have even responded to him if he had listed his actual height and posted current pictures? Yep. I never even looked at his pics til we were about to meet. I could not care less bout pics, they are just a shot in time anyway. We just got along so great, it was awesome to meet someone online and actually connect with them and laugh and talk openly about stuff. That's why I wondered why he lied about his weight and height. It made no sense to me. I don't care about height and a few pounds doesn't make a difference to me. He was perfect at the time but wasn't ready for a relationship. Neither was I, but we had great times together
charisma.9901 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I don't know why anybody would do online dating. It seems like it's hard to find a person of quality that way because its so easy to score a date if things don't work out so nobody tries real hard to date anyone because they mostly just want to hook up. It seems desperate. ---While it might seem desperate to you, for many people OLD offers the opportunity to meet other singles outside of their normal realm of interaction. Personally, I don't do the bar/club scene any more, and I work with mostly women. OLD offers opportunities to meet men outside of some of the more typical venues, particularly since I wouldn't/can't date anyone I work with. You might knock it, but I know quite a few people who've had resounding successes using it (including LTRs & marriages) and I have thoroughly enjoyed the majority of my dates/experiences. Of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion & YMMV. I find it distasteful thought that somehow it is automatically labeled as "desperate"... that's utter nonsense. 1
MrCastle Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 ---While it might seem desperate to you, for many people OLD offers the opportunity to meet other singles outside of their normal realm of interaction. Personally, I don't do the bar/club scene any more, and I work with mostly women. OLD offers opportunities to meet men outside of some of the more typical venues, particularly since I wouldn't/can't date anyone I work with. You might knock it, but I know quite a few people who've had resounding successes using it (including LTRs & marriages) and I have thoroughly enjoyed the majority of my dates/experiences. Of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion & YMMV. I find it distasteful thought that somehow it is automatically labeled as "desperate"... that's utter nonsense. I think desperate in the sense of -- OLD is nobody's first choice. Or at least not the overwhelming majority. Most people prefer to meet others through their social circle including work and school, and through friends. Those that don't have those as options have to resort to OLD. OLD is typically used for when your options in real life are limited. Also, given how unsuccessful a large group of its users are when it comes to landing quality dates, I can understand how one can see it as a pointless exercise.
Eve Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Only read the opening page. I think this could be a problem only if you like tall girls. My youngest daughter is one inch shy of 6ft and so has only really gone out with tall men.. until she met her current boyfriend who is your height. His insecurity is the only thing which may end their relationship. So be careful of that. Being a Doctor is pretty hot anyway so I doubt you will have many troubles attracting women. Take care, Eve x
phineas Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 OP I'm 5'8" and while your height may be hurting you, I really think it's your face or body that's killing you if nobody is responding to you on OLD. I've been dropping weight & now that my jaw line is showing i've gotten more responses than ever after updating my profile pic. Even women who ignored me or stopped messaging me after the 1st or 2nd message have been responding well. Hell, i'm not even crafting a message. I just email them "Hello." Last night I went on a date with a 5'8" woman. She wasn't overweight either. She was wearing these sandles with 3" heels. She didn't seem to mind she was taller than me so I didn't either. Had a good time. She even bought me a drink. I think she dug me.
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