Simon Phoenix Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 If my personality is the problem then I wouldn't have had offline success either. My problems are exclusively with online dating. Never had problems getting women in college and conventional wisdom is that women in that age group are more concerned with looks. Um, I think most people of all heights and body types have more success in college than they do before or after. And if offline dating is more successful, why not meet girls offline and just use online as a backup?
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 Yes I met women on the dating circuit who were like that. Most of the time it wasn't hard to tell either all you have to do is ask around and find out the sorts of escapades they had in the past to figure out if they are running a game on you or not. However there are plenty of GOOD WOMEN out there too you just gotta leave the INTERNET DATING SCENE to find em. Ok so let me see if i get what you're saying. what you're saying is basically I should only use online dating as a backup because it attracts generally undesirable girls (personality wise). I should concentrate on offline efforts, speed dating perhaps. Offline women won't see me as a man with a 5'9 post it sticker on his forehead, because they never have before in my experience. Offline women do not do this settling for undesirable guys like you say the online ones do ? Please correct me if I misunderstood. To be honest I never understood why any woman does online dating considering that men are always pursuit them. Doesn't this mean that almost by definition, your average attractive woman on match.com will have more dealbreakers than your average attractive women who you meet offline?
DollWelch Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 To be honest I never understood why any woman does online dating considering that men are always pursuit them. There are exceptions. But no, men don't always pursue them -simply because every woman is different. I'd like to think most women have standards. And some men may overlook certain women, hence why they end up on OLD sites. Often times, men will go for average to above average women as opposed to attractive ones.
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 This is ridiculous, JackDrc. And before I get to why I think this is ridiculous, I have a question. Question: What have you been doing for the last decade of your life in terms of finding a potential (future) partner? I would like to think you are smart enough (considering you are a medical student) to make the connection that in order to find a suitable partner, one must put in a considerable amount of effort into dating (offline) so that he doesn't run into this same issue in his early 30s. This is why I believe your post is ridiculous: I can see, and it is blatantly obvious, that you are insecure about your height -which, btw, is perfectly normal for a man. Your height will never change, that is the first of many things you should come to terms with. Secondly, you may wish to perceive yourself as a much taller man in the hopes of attracting a woman of at least 5'8 or 5'9 stature. If and when you do, you most likely will not be happy given that you will find flaws because of your own insecurities. You will constantly be in pursuit of a better woman -one who will be at your ideal height, and physical features. She may or may not exist -but it is sad to see you're focused on this. Eventually, yes, when a woman learns that you are a medical student (future doctor), she may like you even more. But there is nothing wrong with that. She may simply like you for the fact that being a doctor means helping others and learning to be there for them when they need you the most. It's about generosity and compassion. You can't have it all. With that said, forget about online dating. I say take advantage of meeting a woman in real life, because the the benefits outweigh everything else. But this time, make an effort to put yourself out there (even if it means traveling to NYC, and meeting new people). That's my take on it. I hadnt thought about my height since puberty until I started online dating. I would like to think you are smart enough (considering you are a medical student) to make the connection that in order to find a suitable partner, one must put in a considerable amount of effort into dating (offline) so that he doesn't run into this same issue in his early 30s. I did date a lot before med school and I didn't find "the one" or whatever. I think you are very wrong about what I want in a woman. When did I say that I wanted a woman who is my height? Never mentioned it. 4'10" to 6'2" is fine with me. So you're saying that because I'm single and 30 that I'm not going to be able to find as high quality of a mate as i could have had i been searching harder earlier? that's what my quote from your post above suggests. You said I'm dealing with an age issue and I had no idea. Every article I've read about it suggested that a guy's 30s are even better for dating than his 20s because girls want more mature men to settle down with.
LifeGoesOnMan Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 lol im 5 foot 5 man. cmon now. 5'9 is a blessing. get real, and why are you dating these shallow bitches who only care about height? wtf 1
Sunshine87 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I couldnt read through all the posts but 5.9 is hardly short to me. I'm indifferent about height anyway and I'm about 5.4. So 5.9 is sort of tall to me. There are millions of women who would be very happy with a guy who is 5.9! Keep looking. 1
DollWelch Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I hadnt thought about my height since puberty until I started online dating. It is obvious you are hung up on it (or perhaps it has been lying dormant subconsciously all these years), or else you wouldn't have created this thread. I did date a lot before med school and I didn't find "the one" or whatever. I think you are very wrong about what I want in a woman. When did I say that I wanted a woman who is my height? Never mentioned it. 4'10" to 6'2" is fine with me. So you're saying that because I'm single and 30 that I'm not going to be able to find as high quality of a mate as i could have had i been searching harder earlier? that's what my quote from your post above suggests. You said I'm dealing with an age issue and I had no idea. Every article I've read about it suggested that a guy's 30s are even better for dating than his 20s because girls want more mature men to settle down with.I never claimed to describe what you want in a woman. I think you misunderstood. I simply stated that because perhaps you are having difficulty with dating at your height, you may overcompensate with a taller woman, who is able to provide you with the sense of security you wish to have in regards to your height. And yes, the pool shrinks significantly as you grow older. You had opportunities in your 20s given a large pool of women, with little to no baggage. But unfortunately, the reality is women in their late 20s to mid 30s are going to come with either a child or a divorce or some kind of baggage you may not like. But since you choose not to date such women, it will require more effort on your part. 2
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 There are exceptions. But no, men don't always pursue them -simply because every woman is different. I'd like to think most women have standards. And some men may overlook certain women, hence why they end up on OLD sites. Often times, men will go for average to above average women as opposed to attractive ones. I'm sorry but I don't understand what you are saying. Exceptions to what? And aren't above avg women the same as attractive ones? How can they be opposed to ? What I'm saying is this. Online dating for most women is like being a kid in a candy store. A woman who is cute and goes on match will get dozens and dozens of messages. She can afford to be very selective and still find a quality guy. To have anywhere near as many options offline as she does online, she would have to start approaching men. Women get hit on in person but most of their boyfriends are typically from school, work or overlapping social circles. Offline, she isn't comparing a dozen guys and picking like she can online. Offline, women can still be selective but there isn't that candy store environment where women can filter by color, size and taste in viewing profiles and messages received. I think it is psychological. A woman meets a guy at a friend's party who shed normally consider dating, something is more likely to happen because there isn't that filtering going on. All the guys at the party aren't approaching her and standing in a line so she can pick, which would be the offline equivalent of online. I met my last gf two years ago at a friend's birthday party. She was very cute, so I asked my friend if she was single and when he said yes I approached her and she was my girlfriend two weeks later. It just seems to me that success like this is not possible online. The women on online dating sites who I've gone on dates with have generally been less attractive than my gf's were, all of whom I put in person.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Why are you wasting all this time on online dating? 3
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 And yes, the pool shrinks significantly as you grow older. You had opportunities in your 20s given a large pool of women, with little to no baggage. But unfortunately, the reality is women in their late 20s to mid 30s are going to come with either a child or a divorce or some kind of baggage you may not like. But since you choose not to date such women, it will require more effort on your part. I respect your opinion but completely disagree with it. I never said I couldn't date a divorced woman. Kids are out, yes but I could deal with divorce as long as it wasnt due to infidelity on her part. Almost none of my friends my age from hs and college are married or engaged. Maybe 15%. Probably half have girlfriends and maybe a third are single . Same for my female friends. That could be due to the social circles I run in, however. Most of my friends have completed or are -completing graduate-level degrees. I think people coming from this educational background often delay marriage into the 30s. And I defnitely don't need to date a taller woman to feel more secure about my height. I would expect that men with height hangups would be too insecure to date women taller than them yet I have and would. It is far from a requirement, however. It isn't even a preference. I bet most 5'2" women would give security as the reason for being attracted to tall men.
Infinity0 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I just need help in determining what to do. um don't date online?? r u cute? wide shoulders? or a skinny 5'9? I'm 5'8 and I have always said I like tall guys (6'0 would be minimum) but I am tall myself and I like to wear heels sometimes (I have to look professional at work so I usually wear them) BUT I am 5'8 (and a halfish). I don't get the 5'3 girls that want TALL men? wtf? If I was less that 5'6 I would not mind 5'9 at all. Let's put it this way now: A 6'2 guy with a nice fit body can have or not have a nice face. As long as he is not missing an ear or an eye or anything and has dark hair I will most likely find him attractive...heck he can even be blonde if he is fit and tall and big (big shoulders) and he will still be date-able. A 5'9 guy HAS to have a handsome face and be super duper fit for me to find him attractive. Not trying to sound superficial or anything....BUT online dating makes people (at least I can speak for women) even more superficial than they would be in real life. Y? because when you have 30 guys a day trying to talk to you OF COURSE u will pay more attention to the tallest the handsomest the cutest and all the -estest. Now being a taller girl like I said I like tall guys. Being new to the online dating thing I only pay attention to the tall guys (online). IN REAL LIFE I have found myself attracted to shorter guys 5'8 or 5'9 when they are really good looking and have an awesome personality. You can see the personality in person. You can't see it online thru messages. So for you I would recommend no more online dating 1
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 Why are you wasting all this time on online dating? Perhaps I shouldn't . I just liked it because it is so convenient from a time perspective compared to offline. A four sentence message to a girl takes 5 minutes tops after reading their profile. I can send out 5 messages a day and it takes barely any time. I just saw some of my friends have success with online but now that I think of it, the ones who did were 5'11 or taller and generally very introverted. I am definitely the extroverted type.
Xinreeki Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I met my bf on online dating and he's about 5 foot 5ish. We've been together in an awesome relationship for over a year now and I love him dearly! So I'm sure there are women out there who will love you for who you are! Don't give up hope! And keep searching, both online and in the real world! That way you increase your chances of finding that special someone even more! Also if you're struggling with online dating, it may be your written messages to women / profile wording that needs a tweek. A message that includes references to the profile of the woman you are messaging, with a relaxed / jokey style, will probably increase your chances of success on online dating too.
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 (edited) um don't date online?? r u cute? wide shoulders? or a skinny 5'9? I'm 5'8 and I have always said I like tall guys (6'0 would be minimum) but I am tall myself and I like to wear heels sometimes (I have to look professional at work so I usually wear them) BUT I am 5'8 (and a halfish). I don't get the 5'3 girls that want TALL men? wtf? If I was less that 5'6 I would not mind 5'9 at all. Let's put it this way now: A 6'2 guy with a nice fit body can have or not have a nice face. As long as he is not missing an ear or an eye or anything and has dark hair I will most likely find him attractive...heck he can even be blonde if he is fit and tall and big (big shoulders) and he will still be date-able. A 5'9 guy HAS to have a handsome face and be super duper fit for me to find him attractive. Not trying to sound superficial or anything....BUT online dating makes people (at least I can speak for women) even more superficial than they would be in real life. Y? because when you have 30 guys a day trying to talk to you OF COURSE u will pay more attention to the tallest the handsomest the cutest and all the -estest. Now being a taller girl like I said I like tall guys. Being new to the online dating thing I only pay attention to the tall guys (online). IN REAL LIFE I have found myself attracted to shorter guys 5'8 or 5'9 when they are really good looking and have an awesome personality. You can see the personality in person. You can't see it online thru messages. So for you I would recommend no more online datingD Thanks for the message. This is basically what I was saying. Id say im 7/10 looks. dark hair, blue eyes; nice smile, clear skin , full head of hair. do have broad shoulders. 165 pounds. 31 inch waist, 43 inch chest, 49 inch shoulders. My last gf said she said she was initially attracted to me for my arms when i approached her at the party where we met. She was 5'7"ish if I think about it. I'm sure she preferred 6' guys too but apparently I had enough to overcome it. If I had tried to meet her on a dating site instead of in person, she might not even have responded to a message from me. Does this make sense? Every guy on here saying it isn't a big deal in online dating should read this lady's post. Edited July 11, 2013 by JackDrc
soccerrprp Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Does this make sense? Every guy on here saying it isn't a big deal in online dating should read this lady's post. doc, It's obvious with some women that they require a certain height requirement. If a lady writes in her post that she won't date anyone less than a certain height and I don't meet that requirement, i simply don't pursue her. That simple. But the vast majority (in my experience) are not so specific or adamant. There are women that simply say they are looking for someone taller. There are those who simply say someone that is not shorter then herself, etc. This is example, she specifies in her profile that she is looking for someone of a particular height, so why torture yourself to calculated rejection? Again, you don't have it bad compared to some of us shorter guys. And some of us know when to pursue and when not to to better heighten our chances.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Perhaps I shouldn't . I just liked it because it is so convenient from a time perspective compared to offline. A four sentence message to a girl takes 5 minutes tops after reading their profile. I can send out 5 messages a day and it takes barely any time. I just saw some of my friends have success with online but now that I think of it, the ones who did were 5'11 or taller and generally very introverted. I am definitely the extroverted type. I mean, as a backup plan it's fine, but if you aren't having success online and you do offline, then depend more on offline. It's simple common sense. 1
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 doc, It's obvious with some women that they require a certain height requirement. If a lady writes in her post that she won't date anyone less than a certain height and I don't meet that requirement, i simply don't pursue her. That simple. But the vast majority (in my experience) are not so specific or adamant. There are women that simply say they are looking for someone taller. There are those who simply say someone that is not shorter then herself, etc. This is example, she specifies in her profile that she is looking for someone of a particular height, so why torture yourself to calculated rejection? Again, you don't have it bad compared to some of us shorter guys. And some of us know when to pursue and when not to to better heighten our chances. The woman at the beach who refused a second date had no height req in her profile. I don't message girls who have height requirements that I don't meet. My main point, the reason I started this thread was to confirm my thoughts that women in OLD are far pickier than offline. Read infinity0's post above. She's a girl. I give her post the weight it deserves because she's a girl, and she admitted standards are much higher online due to the sheer amount of messages girls get from guys. I didn't make this thread to bash women and I'm glad it hasn't turned into that. Women are entitled to preferences. All I wondered was whether I should give up on online dating and just put all my effort into offline. Speed dating and other in person encounters. I met one of my ex's while waiting in line at Starbucks. She probably wouldn't have responded to my messages online because she was 5'10". In person though, I got her.
soccerrprp Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 The woman at the beach who refused a second date had no height req in her profile. I don't message girls who have height requirements that I don't meet. My main point, the reason I started this thread was to confirm my thoughts that women in OLD are far pickier than offline. Read infinity0's post above. She's a girl. I give her post the weight it deserves because she's a girl, and she admitted standards are much higher online due to the sheer amount of messages girls get from guys. I didn't make this thread to bash women and I'm glad it hasn't turned into that. Women are entitled to preferences. All I wondered was whether I should give up on online dating and just put all my effort into offline. Speed dating and other in person encounters. I met one of my ex's while waiting in line at Starbucks. She probably wouldn't have responded to my messages online because she was 5'10". In person though, I got her. doc, I almost exclusively date OLD. How do you explain me? I'm only 5'6, remember? How do you explain my success? No, keep your options open. OLD is a viable option. Do both, of course, but OLD dating works for many, not all, but many.
pteromom Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I didn't read all the responses, but if you are going to do OLD, you have to have thick skin. You gotta realize that attractive women are bombarded with messages, and some of them become big-headed and feel that gives them the right to insult and rudely reject men. A lot of people are telling you to get away from OLD, and I disagree! I think you should double-down your efforts. Message any girl you think is attractive. Cast your net wide. But you also have to NOT take rejections personally. You may be too short for some women, so those are NOT the women you want. So who cares what they think? Focus on the ones you do not reject you and keep moving forward. There's nothing wrong with your height. Now - that said, there may be something wrong with your profile that is turning women away. If you give all your measurements and stats like you did here, yes, most women will roll their eyes and next you. 6
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 I didn't read all the responses, but if you are going to do OLD, you have to have thick skin. You gotta realize that attractive women are bombarded with messages, and some of them become big-headed and feel that gives them the right to insult and rudely reject men. A lot of people are telling you to get away from OLD, and I disagree! I think you should double-down your efforts. Message any girl you think is attractive. Cast your net wide. But you also have to NOT take rejections personally. You may be too short for some women, so those are NOT the women you want. So who cares what they think? Focus on the ones you do not reject you and keep moving forward. There's nothing wrong with your height. Now - that said, there may be something wrong with your profile that is turning women away. If you give all your measurements and stats like you did here, yes, most women will roll their eyes and next you. Thanks for the advice. No I definitely do not volunteer any of those measurements or stats either in person or on my profile. I mentioned them in the initial post to try to isolate the height effect and I was also responding to a poster who asked me to describe myself physically. 1
Infinity0 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Thanks for the message. This is basically what I was saying. Id say im 7/10 looks. dark hair, blue eyes; nice smile, clear skin , full head of hair. do have broad shoulders. 165 pounds. 31 inch waist, 43 inch chest, 49 inch shoulders. My last gf said she said she was initially attracted to me for my arms when i approached her at the party where we met. She was 5'7"ish if I think about it. I'm sure she preferred 6' guys too but apparently I had enough to overcome it. If I had tried to meet her on a dating site instead of in person, she might not even have responded to a message from me. Does this make sense? Every guy on here saying it isn't a big deal in online dating should read this lady's post. 165 is too light for a bulky guy w big arms. Dont worry too much
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 doc, I almost exclusively date OLD. How do you explain me? I'm only 5'6, remember? How do you explain my success? No, keep your options open. OLD is a viable option. Do both, of course, but OLD dating works for many, not all, but many. Model looks? Money? I read articles online this past week and blog posts from guys your height saying that with so many OLDgirls preferring tall guys, being 5'6 or under is basically a death sentence for online dating and they should stick to offline. Thank your lucky stars, whatever the reason. Sounds like it is working better for you than me.
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 165 is too light for a bulky guy w big arms. Dont worry too much Haha. If I got much larger I wouldn't fit medium shirts any longer. And to maintain a 31 inch waist at 175 or 180 would probably require sub-7% body fat which just isn't sustainable long term. I'm at between 9.5% and 10% at the moment and my abs are clearly visible. Biceps are a little over 15 inches. They do look large on my frame. Sounds like you prefer the very bulky short guys who take the"if you can't be tall, be very wide to compensate" maxim to heart?
nescafe1982 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 didn't read the pages of responses, but OP: you need to build some confidence and stop focusing on your physical specs. If I met a guy that was as insecure about being average height as your post seems, I might brush you off. Height is a lot less of a big deal than people make it out to be. And I know about being "too" something: I'm a 5'11" female who wears 3 inch heels; When I was dating I was regularly told I was too tall, and certainly too tall for my shoes. Rather than shrinking down and worrying about my height, I embrace it. And eventually I met a guy who didn't see my height as a problem (even though I'm taller than him with my tall shoes). The point is that you can't change much about your stature, and that you see 5'9" as a problem is really just too much... that's average height for a man. Focus less on your stature and more on your dates!
soccerrprp Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Model looks? Money? I read articles online this past week and blog posts from guys your height saying that with so many OLDgirls preferring tall guys, being 5'6 or under is basically a death sentence for online dating and they should stick to offline. Thank your lucky stars, whatever the reason. Sounds like it is working better for you than me. Do I have to say it again?! I think it's the ladies in NYC! Just kidding....I don't know either, really. Model looks? I laugh at you! Money? I laugh again.
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