Should I stay friends with my ex?

[Nessax]

Me and my boyfriend broke up in April, I was the one who broke up with him but it was because I felt like he didn't care anymore we were going through a rough patch and I just got scared. After that we didn't speak for a month and in May he messaged me and told me he still wanted to be friends since before dating and even when we were dating we had such an amazing friendship, we connected in so many levels. So I agreed on being friends again and it quickly all went to how it used to be before, he really made me feel like he still loved me and we were getting back together. We didn't talk for a few days but I didn't see it as anything bad. Then a friend tells me how his ex, the girl he dated before, was planning on calling him and apologizing for everything so they can be friends again. I flipped out because when I met him he had just broken up with her and she was the biggest b*tch. She talked crap about him and all of his friends even me, so we both didn't like her at all. After hearing that she was going to do that I told him if we could meet up because I wanted to talk to him about something. So I basically told him everything how I felt and how I was still so in love with him and breaking up was the biggest mistake I've ever done. I'm sure I took him by surprise and he told me I meant a lot to him and he loves me and wants the best for me, and if I want to stop being friends because of my feelings for him then he understands. I told him how I still wanted to be friends because honestly I didnt want him out of my life. I also told him about his ex wanting to be friends with him again and I confessed to him that I didn't want them being friends again at all. He told me he doubted she was even going to do that because their relationship was pretty bad and their break up was rough. After that we went home and we were messaging each other saying how much we wanted to stay friends, after that I guess I said something that got him mad because he started giving me dry answers and then he just stopped answering. Then the next day I message him again and I apologized if anything I said made him mad and he kept saying he wasn't mad but I know him too well and he was indeed mad or annoyed. He stopped answering again and I decided on giving him some space.

 

A few days later I checked his facebook and his ex was already posting on his wall, so my biggest fear became real. They both made up. I didn't do anything about it but it was killing me. After a few days I saw them flirting and even on facebook and twitter they were sending hearts to each other. That was it for me I literally lost it, I just couldn't believe that he made up with someone who made him feel so worthless and was practically the worst girlfriend ever instead of answering me and making things right with me, the girl who never once mistreated him and I was the best girlfriend I could be. So I unfriended him on facebook, unfollowed him on twitter and every other social media. He knew I was furious.

 

He hasnt tried contacting me and he's been with her and they flirt so much they even call each other baby so I'm sure they're getting back together. But I miss him so much I want him in my life again. I don't know what to do I'm heartbroken that he went for her. What if he used me? I want to get over it and stop thinking about it but I can't it's all I ever think about. It's like one day I'm all good and doing better but the next its like I take 2 steps back. I also can't stop checking his twitter, and its hurting me like hell. So I was thinking that maybe I should message him again and just be friends? I don't even know what do to at this point, please help me because I'm desperate. I can't stand seeing him moving on. I want him to miss me like I miss him.

Edited July 11, 2013 by Nessax

[Own Worst Enemy]

this sounds awful, and i sympathise very much.

 

but for your own sanity, you have to block him and stop checking his FB. the ONLY way to make him miss you is to go cold turkey on him. if that makes him miss you, he will get in touch. if it doesn't, then nothing on this planet that you can do will ever make him miss you.

 

it is probably partly hurt and wounded pride: the "what has SHE got that i haven't" thing. as someone who has been dumped despite being otherwise (apparently) perfect for being a curvy brunette instead of a skinny blonde, i totally feel that too. you just have to keep telling yourself, it's his loss, and more fool him, and he's someone else's problem now.

 

and sooner or later, it will be YOU with the amazing new man, and he will just be a blip.

 

it's not always easy. sometimes these thoughts cheer you right up. otherwise they don't work at all, and you sob in a heap. i know, i'm there. but one last thing... i wouldn't still be there if i'd gone cold turkey 18 months ago. he'd be long since forgotten, instead of 18 months of misery spent trying to be "friends".

[Jaina19]

Do you want to get back together with your ex or not? Because if you do, and he's with this other girl, you're headed for heartbreak, much more than if you just forget about him.

 

I know what you mean about his ex... my ex I loved very much as well still kept in contact and was friends with an ex of his that treated him very badly and even cheated on him, and he knew it. He would rather have been with her than me. I know it sucks, afraid I can't give you much advice on it, apart from to say that love and infatuation makes people do stupid things... we've all done too much for someone we knew never appreciated us. Your ex is probably just on the rebound, and if he does get back with this girl, it surely won't last with all the bad memories between them. Or he's just feeling lonely and likes the attention or wants someone to hang out with that isn't his most recent ex.

 

Friendships with exes are hard right away. It's difficult because you both want to and should be moving on, instead of talking to each other. I suggest you forget about him for now, removing him on facebook is good for you anyway because it will only set you back to see pics and status's from him. Let him know it's nothing personal, if it makes him mad. Just keep in contact texting occasionally, then when there's less emotion you can try actually being friends. But a friend is someone who truly wants what's best for the other person. We don't like to see our friends with a partner that is not good for them, but only when you can see him with another gf and it not be eating you up inside is when you can be friends, or you'll just get hurt. Don't let your ex and this girl make you unhappy, do fun things with friends and try to keep busy. Good luck

[Nessax]

this sounds awful, and i sympathise very much.

 

but for your own sanity, you have to block him and stop checking his FB. the ONLY way to make him miss you is to go cold turkey on him. if that makes him miss you, he will get in touch. if it doesn't, then nothing on this planet that you can do will ever make him miss you.

 

it is probably partly hurt and wounded pride: the "what has SHE got that i haven't" thing. as someone who has been dumped despite being otherwise (apparently) perfect for being a curvy brunette instead of a skinny blonde, i totally feel that too. you just have to keep telling yourself, it's his loss, and more fool him, and he's someone else's problem now.

 

and sooner or later, it will be YOU with the amazing new man, and he will just be a blip.

 

it's not always easy. sometimes these thoughts cheer you right up. otherwise they don't work at all, and you sob in a heap. i know, i'm there. but one last thing... i wouldn't still be there if i'd gone cold turkey 18 months ago. he'd be long since forgotten, instead of 18 months of misery spent trying to be "friends".

Thank you so much.

Edited July 11, 2013 by Nessax

[Own Worst Enemy]

He?s with someone else ? Why her and not me? | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

 

it might help a bit...

[Nessax]

He?s with someone else ? Why her and not me? | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

 

it might help a bit...

how do i act when i see them together being all lovey dovey? what can i think of to keep myself from having a break down?

[Own Worst Enemy]

Deep breaths. It's all in your head. You have no idea what he is really feeling. It is your brain doing it to you.

 

And every time you feel sick about the thought of him doing stuff with someone else, just keep remembering - one day, you will too. And he will be beyond history. Cling onto that.

[Simon Phoenix]

Not until you are indifferent.