Owl Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Honestly, I have no idea what to do.its some crazy s*^t been going on and I just can't make myself believe some of it. I know since my suspicions have been raised some of the stuff I've found should really be no big deal under normal circumstances. I don't know what they were doing in the car or how they communicate Does the "how" matter, really? You don't know what they were doing in the car...I can get that this might matter to you to a degree...but given all the other circumstantial evidence, and your wife's apparent taunting of you about your inability to put the pieces together...do you really need more info to make a decision on what you need to do from here? Is there enough positive basis to reconcile/fix the marriage from? Or not?
aliveagain Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 You have enough information to decide if this is the life you want. Time to put your big pants on and make decisions for yourself, she is. Our biggest fear as a betrayed spouse is loosing the one we love and being alone. I think there are things far worse than divorce and having a wife that is actively dating other men is one of them. Talk to a lawyer, get your finances in order, every time they meet they are plotting against you, you need to put an end to this because there is one person too many in your marriage. Read and implement the 180, get to a lawyer. Get a voice activated recorder and carry it on you at all times, things are going to get crazy real soon.
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 Formspring, anyone use it? I signed up for a account but I can't figure it out. This may be how there communicating.
2sunny Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Se looks like she's cheating. So - believe it - and ACT ACCORDINGLY! Doing nothing is allowing it to continue - making you her fool. Stop allowing it. Why haven't you told her to move out?
Owl Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 I've offered Bob as much as advice as I can. Until he chooses to DO SOMETHING about the situation, other than sit there and observe it, there's little anyone can offer him.
2sunny Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 I've offered Bob as much as advice as I can. Until he chooses to DO SOMETHING about the situation, other than sit there and observe it, there's little anyone can offer him. He wants to believe something different than he's been seeing = denial. Must acknowledge evidence - then act on what is real. His inaction keeps him stuck in the illusion.
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 Please take it easy on me. Were only talking about the only woman I've ever loved and been with. I have worshipped the ground she walked on. She is /was the only the I really ever felt secure with. I have never even thought about extramarital sex. I never even really realized it went on. Yes iam in denial. I cant help it. She knows all this and yes she probably playing it against me. I am trying and yes I don't know what to do. I am very afraid and don't think I can make it on my own. I do know I want the truth and if I have to stay to get it I will. I have lost 15 lbs in two mths and many hrs sleep. I'm just baarely getting thru each day
Owl Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Bob, I'm gonna give you some manly advice. First off...if you worship the ground she walks on...that's your first mistake. You can love her, you can treat her the way a woman should be treated, but putting her on that pedestal over you gives her all the power. And a relationship should have BALANCED power. You gave her all that power...and in doing so, have totally lost any respect for you that she might have had. A woman cannot respect a man that she can treat like crap. She can't respect a man that puts himself down lower than she is. And a woman cannot remain in love with a man that she cannot/does not respect. First thing you need to do...kick that pedestal out from under her, and reclaim your half of the power in the relationship. Secondly, don't think you're the only man who's ever had the 'love of his life' cheat on him. Been there, done that...t-shirt sucked. I lost 25 lbs in 2 weeks after d-day in my case. Couldn't sleep, couldn't hold anything down, and went on walks for hours and hours at a time trying to wrap my head around things. We know how you're feeling...we've been there. And that's why should get off your butt and listen to the advice that we've been giving you all this time. This crap sandwich that you're dealing with is going to stay on your plate for just as long as you continue to eat it. Nothing will change, nothing will get better on its own. She's not going to suddenly stop treating you like crap, she's not going to stop schtupping these other men (and it sounds like she's had multiple concurrent lovers along with you, from your description). She has been successfully getting away with this for years, with you meekly standing there doing nothing. Why SHOULD she change? She gets all the 'strange' she wants, and then comes home to your loving pedestal for her to rest on. If you can't get angry enough about this to make change happen...then you need to see a therapist to figure out what's wrong in you that prevents you from doing so. Because otherwise, you're going to be posting here next August asking us if we think she might still be cheating on you. That's it man. That's all I got for ya. A final quote for you to consider. "It's time to nut up, or shut up." 1
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 Its just a damn shame aint it. I agree with what your sayin and i will try and do better.Bob, I'm gonna give you some manly advice. First off...if you worship the ground she walks on...that's your first mistake. You can love her, you can treat her the way a woman should be treated, but putting her on that pedestal over you gives her all the power. And a relationship should have BALANCED power. You gave her all that power...and in doing so, have totally lost any respect for you that she might have had. A woman cannot respect a man that she can treat like crap. She can't respect a man that puts himself down lower than she is. And a woman cannot remain in love with a man that she cannot/does not respect. First thing you need to do...kick that pedestal out from under her, and reclaim your half of the power in the relationship. Secondly, don't think you're the only man who's ever had the 'love of his life' cheat on him. Been there, done that...t-shirt sucked. I lost 25 lbs in 2 weeks after d-day in my case. Couldn't sleep, couldn't hold anything down, and went on walks for hours and hours at a time trying to wrap my head around things. We know how you're feeling...we've been there. And that's why should get off your butt and listen to the advice that we've been giving you all this time. This crap sandwich that you're dealing with is going to stay on your plate for just as long as you continue to eat it. Nothing will change, nothing will get better on its own. She's not going to suddenly stop treating you like crap, she's not going to stop schtupping these other men (and it sounds like she's had multiple concurrent lovers along with you, from your description). She has been successfully getting away with this for years, with you meekly standing there doing nothing. Why SHOULD she change? She gets all the 'strange' she wants, and then comes home to your loving pedestal for her to rest on. If you can't get angry enough about this to make change happen...then you need to see a therapist to figure out what's wrong in you that prevents you from doing so. Because otherwise, you're going to be posting here next August asking us if we think she might still be cheating on you. That's it man. That's all I got for ya. A final quote for you to consider. "It's time to nut up, or shut up."
Owl Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Its just a damn shame aint it. I agree with what your sayin and i will try and do better. Then I feel constrained to simply leave you with my best possible advice...my signature.
2sunny Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 not poem, its porn.the history said upload. Maybe she's making porn videos? One would think you'd notice if she had much of a change in her schedule or seemed to suddenly be making a bunch more money.
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 Turns out that our wi fi some how puts stuff in maps browser history that someone else searched for. I saw in my browser history some thing yesterday that i didnt search for so i started checking into it and somehow it happens. I think it has something to do with linked contacts in google.nobody here admits to looking at porn but i dont think its been her. Maps app under settings/privacy/browser history holds browser search history even if you delete it on your internet browser..you can see anybodies history if you know there gmail and password there. Chalk one up to paranoia, but I'm still in investigator mode. Maybe she's making porn videos? One would think you'd notice if she had much of a change in her schedule or seemed to suddenly be making a bunch more money.
BrokenPrincess Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Turns out that our wi fi some how puts stuff in maps browser history that someone else searched for. I saw in my browser history some thing yesterday that i didnt search for so i started checking into it and somehow it happens. I think it has something to do with linked contacts in google.nobody here admits to looking at porn but i dont think its been her. Maps app under settings/privacy/browser history holds browser search history even if you delete it on your internet browser..you can see anybodies history if you know there gmail and password there. Chalk one up to paranoia, but I'm still in investigator mode. What? Can someone explain what OP is saying here? I have never experienced seeing any of my gmail contacts' search history show up as my own?? OP, I really think you in particular just need to hire a PI. Your self-driven investigation just isn't working. Hire the PI and just get some concrete proof of either her cheating or your extreme paranoia do you can make decisions on how to move forward.
2sunny Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 You certainly aren't clear in your explanations - first your W was sitting under a tree with a guy and then you changed your version to she was in the car with some dude. Yet you still won't be clear - and you still won't do anything different with the info you've gathered. Good luck - when you take ACTION to change things is when things will change. In the meantime - give info that helps the readers here understand the message you intend to convey. 1
Realist3 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 You certainly aren't clear in your explanations - first your W was sitting under a tree with a guy and then you changed your version to she was in the car with some dude. Yet you still won't be clear - and you still won't do anything different with the info you've gathered. Good luck - when you take ACTION to change things is when things will change. In the meantime - give info that helps the readers here understand the message you intend to convey. I must agree with this, Bob. You are so vague in describing what you have found that I have no effing clue what you have or have not found, and I don't see how any one else posting here could either. I don't even think I can count how many times you have said something to the affect of, "I think I have found something big.", And then you don't ever say what it is you found. The whole finding them in a car thing is so bizarre, if it indeed happened. And it is not bizarre that it happened, but that you did nothing about it right then and there. Was it two co-workers having lunch or was it something more sinister? You really don't know. The two taunting comments you sited were still never placed in any proper context. If they were made in the context of discussing your allegations against her they would have amounted to an admission of guilt, no ifs, ands or buts. But yet you did nothing. Why? Because they were probably unrelated. Sure didn't sound like something she would say after the long discussion you had where she convinced you she hadn't cheated and decided to believe her. They are just incongruent. Nobody who is cheating and successfully getting away with it, says that. I said it before and I will say it again, from this side of the screen it sounds like you derive some sort of pleasure from this game you are playing. The reason I say that is because you could end it right now. You could stop with the paranoia, or you could file for divorce. It is that simple.
BrokenPrincess Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 LOL I thought it was just me that was having trouble understanding what was going on in this whole situation! Everyone was just giving advice like it was all crystal clear! 1
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 The car was parked under a tree. Yes I know she has been unfaithful. I didn't do anything then because I want more proof. I thought I had put those comments in context. She said them both when she was angry. I am not sure how the history eneded up in her browser history but it has something to do with your connected contacts in google. I know for sure that I didn't search for what was in my history.
Realist3 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 The car was parked under a tree. Yes I know she has been unfaithful. I didn't do anything then because I want more proof. I thought I had put those comments in context. She said them both when she was angry. I am not sure how the history eneded up in her browser history but it has something to do with your connected contacts in google. I know for sure that I didn't search for what was in my history. Proof for whom? You say you know she has cheated. What exactly does 'more proof' accomplish? You are the only person that has to be convinced, and you just said you are convinced. What are you chasing at this point? I would suggest instead of looking for more proof that you spend your time deciding how you want to proceed. Do you have an interest in trying to reconcile this? Will she? You know those answers already, so what are you going to do?
2sunny Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 You have evidence that she's cheated. Now she's mocking you while she delves further into her cheating...yet you do nothing. Take action - do something instead of nothing. Pack her bags - tell her to leave. Offer no explanation. She deserves no further words from you. She will know. And you can stop chasing what you ALREADY know.
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 Yes she said those things while discussing my allegations. I am so vague at times because i dont know if she is seeing this or not? I dont trust anyone or anything anymore. All the joy has been suckex outta my life. I went thru all my things yesterday and got alot of things in order. I am self employed and its been a great summer business wise and my shop was a disaster.I have a real job interview next week. I dont see how i could just up and run leaving everything in shambels. I dont ask her to leave because my kids all depend on her. The only thing they come to me for is cash. I feel like i must take care of myself first at this point in my life and leaving would be the wrong move right now. She lied about here whereabouts friday. She is constantly trying to figure out what i know.I must agree with this, Bob. You are so vague in describing what you have found that I have no effing clue what you have or have not found, and I don't see how any one else posting here could either. I don't even think I can count how many times you have said something to the affect of, "I think I have found something big.", And then you don't ever say what it is you found. The whole finding them in a car thing is so bizarre, if it indeed happened. And it is not bizarre that it happened, but that you did nothing about it right then and there. Was it two co-workers having lunch or was it something more sinister? You really don't know. The two taunting comments you sited were still never placed in any proper context. If they were made in the context of discussing your allegations against her they would have amounted to an admission of guilt, no ifs, ands or buts. But yet you did nothing. Why? Because they were probably unrelated. Sure didn't sound like something she would say after the long discussion you had where she convinced you she hadn't cheated and decided to believe her. They are just incongruent. Nobody who is cheating and successfully getting away with it, says that. I said it before and I will say it again, from this side of the screen it sounds like you derive some sort of pleasure from this game you are playing. The reason I say that is because you could end it right now. You could stop with the paranoia, or you could file for divorce. It is that simple.
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 This is all true, iam not making it up it is indeed happening. Iam having no fun.Yes she said those things while discussing my allegations. I am so vague at times because i dont know if she is seeing this or not? I dont trust anyone or anything anymore. All the joy has been suckex outta my life. I went thru all my things yesterday and got alot of things in order. I am self employed and its been a great summer business wise and my shop was a disaster.I have a real job interview next week. I dont see how i could just up and run leaving everything in shambels. I dont ask her to leave because my kids all depend on her. The only thing they come to me for is cash. I feel like i must take care of myself first at this point in my life and leaving would be the wrong move right now. She lied about here whereabouts friday. She is constantly trying to figure out what i know.
Owl Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Ok...well let us know when you choose to change your situation. Personally I think you shouldnsave the vague posts, and the confusing/conflicting information, and dont post anything further in your thread until its finally "action" time. Reduces your risks of her folllowing you here, and minimizes the confusion here. Good luck!
Realist3 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Yes she said those things while discussing my allegations. I am so vague at times because i dont know if she is seeing this or not? I dont trust anyone or anything anymore. All the joy has been suckex outta my life. I went thru all my things yesterday and got alot of things in order. I am self employed and its been a great summer business wise and my shop was a disaster.I have a real job interview next week. I dont see how i could just up and run leaving everything in shambels. I dont ask her to leave because my kids all depend on her. The only thing they come to me for is cash. I feel like i must take care of myself first at this point in my life and leaving would be the wrong move right now. She lied about here whereabouts friday. She is constantly trying to figure out what i know. Understood. Have you ever considered just accepting it? Just letting her do her thing?
2sunny Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 You can be that cash machine without staying with your cheater. And you can also tell the ones asking for money NO! YOU can change things - but you don't seem to take any action - so it will stay the same.
Recommended Posts