Coolit Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Good god, realist. That is a heck of a lot of work for a little extra... Bob, Here are my suggestions: 1. Forget about the potential affair and focus on your marriage. Start doing acts of love for her and also work on doing things for yourselfz 2. If you can't do the above or your wife is really as bit itchy as you describe then leave her because A. She is cheating and doesn't want to stop as shown by her deny deny deny and you are better off without her. B. she is not cheating, your side of the story portrayed here is purposefuly written to support your theory, you suffer with trust issues and paranoa and your wife is better of without you. So you can say to your wife all the reasons you believe she is cheating and as she won't give evidence to the contrary the marriage is over. Then go thru with leaving her.
Realist3 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Good god, realist. That is a heck of a lot of work for a little extra... I can see how it would be seen that way, but after a few years it really is nothing. The safeguards are well established. It's old hat. The reason being those precautions are taken is the fallout would be huge. I live in one of the top 10 largest cities in the country and it would make the papers. She could call me right now and I could meet her in 5 minutes.
Realist3 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I can understand how you might have gotten that impression, but our children's school was but a tool because we both volunteer there quite frequently. I can understand your interest, but you need not worry about me. I take the steps I do because the fallout for both parties would be big. That is really all I have to say about that.
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 Just curious. I would guess you posting here (eliciting a response) does not comprise primary or ever secondary narcissistic feed. Is it tertiary? I had to google ......but narcissistic, me? I don't think so. I feel I have been beat down over the years and made to feel like iam a idiot at times . I have not been allowed to give an opinion on a lot of topics of discussion within our family, and when I do it always gets shot down. Everyone goes to her with there problems. I have really never felt any stress untill all this came up. I don't take pics of myself. I was never abused as a child. I do not function well in crowds or parties i tend to find a corner or go outside. Tertiary? I was a middle child? Lol . You may have to tell me what exactly you mean by that.
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 I would still like to know the context, because those two statements are the most material thing has has divulged in this saga. she said " your just mad because you can't put the pieces together" a day or two after I confronted her with my suspicions. I was "grilling" her about how could all those texts and phone calls could be all business. She said "you just don't know what to do,do you" during a conversation we were having about me seeing a counselor and a lawyer. And she was right I didn't and still don't know what to do. I have been trying to change the way I carry myself and take care of myself better, financially and physically and mentally. I would say that she was taunting me , or at least that is how it felt.
Owl Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 OK...so what you gonna DO about it? Did you take the time yesterday to try to sort out what she's doing, what made her act "off"? Ask someone to follow her? Put a voice activated recorder in her car? Enable GPS on her phone? Hire a PI to follow her? Make plans for her to do yesterday so that she didn't have the time to go do whatever it was? What did you DO to try to figure out what was going on?
Realist3 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 she said " your just mad because you can't put the pieces together" a day or two after I confronted her with my suspicions. I was "grilling" her about how could all those texts and phone calls could be all business. She said "you just don't know what to do,do you" during a conversation we were having about me seeing a counselor and a lawyer. And she was right I didn't and still don't know what to do. I have been trying to change the way I carry myself and take care of myself better, financially and physically and mentally. I would say that she was taunting me , or at least that is how it felt. Okay, so this was a couple of days after you confronted her. I would agree those are taunting comments, BUT was she taunting you about the counselor and the lawyer or about her alleged affair? That makes a HUGE difference.
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Okay, so this was a couple of days after you confronted her. I would agree those are taunting comments, BUT was she taunting you about the counselor and the lawyer or about her alleged affair? That makes a HUGE difference. The comments she made a couple of days apart. I think I may have put the pieces together. I can't believe I was so stupid.
Realist3 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 The comments she made a couple of days apart. I think I may have put the pieces together. I can't believe I was so stupid. Please let us know.
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Why don't you just move out? Ok I believe that I will.ok
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Ok I believe that I will.ok Are you ok? What exactly are you thinking right now?
2sunny Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 If there were no pieces - then there would be no reason to put them together. What evidence did you find?
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Are you ok? What exactly are you thinking right now? something like cutting down that shadetree there sittin under right now
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Calmly walk over to them and tell her it's over. No I left they didn't see me.I'm gonna give a little more rope then rock there world.
2sunny Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 So - you've been trailing her for a loooong time now - which guy did you see her with? Which puzzle pieces have you put together?
Running Man Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Did you take pictures???? Did they make contact with each other or could your wife spin it to say they were just chatting like "friends"???
Realist3 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 something like cutting down that shadetree there sittin under right now Congratulations!
Realist3 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 No I left they didn't see me.I'm gonna give a little more rope then rock there world. Remember you are the only one that has to be convinced. I'm actually surprised you were able to keep yourself from confronting her right there.
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Remember you are the only one that has to be convinced. I'm actually surprised you were able to keep yourself from confronting her right there. I've come a long way in the past few months.
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 something like cutting down that shadetree there sittin under right now I'm so sorry this is happening, I know you must be angry and frightened and confused, do you have a friend or family member you can go talk to right now?
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I'm so sorry this is happening, I know you must be angry and frightened and confused, do you have a friend or family member you can go talk to right now? I'm good.no worries.
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