Owl Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 OK...you suspect something is up for today. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?!?!?!?!?! Turnera asked about having someone track her...you ignored it from him, and from me several days ago. If you're not going to take the time to investigate things properly...then don't waste your time worrying about them. I mean really...what's the point of this whole thread if you're simply not going to take the advice you're given?!?!?!?! Have someone follow her. Hire a PI if you don't have a friend available. Take the day off of work and do it yourself if you think you can pull it off. But don't whine about it if you're not going to actually do something about it.
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 OK...you suspect something is up for today. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?!?!?!?!?! Turnera asked about having someone track her...you ignored it from him, and from me several days ago. If you're not going to take the time to investigate things properly...then I mean really...what's the point of this whole thread if you're simply not going to take the advice you're given?!?!?!?! Have someone follow her. Hire a PI if you don't have a friend available. Take the day off of work and do it yourself if you think you can pull it off. Maybe I am doing all I can about it right now.iam just now getting to the point where I can control my emotions enough that she doesn't ask me what what iam thinking. Her demeanor this morning tells me something is up. The nevousness in actions as she got ready tells me something is up. She also asked me what was wrong with me when I was just acting normal. But don't whine about it if you're not going to actually do something about it. And where else and who to am I gonna "whine" about it that won't cost me 80 bucks an hour?
Realist3 Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 I am trying very hard to get over this and move on. You kinda act like you know who we are. Not sure why I think that, call it my paranoia if you want. I heard enough of the phone call to tell me it wasn't just all business. Sure they talked about some business stuff but not like they were talking business. And tell me why two days later she can't even remember the conversation? Not any of it. And tell me why if it was all business why is she calling him from her personal cell phone from her car when she just left the office where she been texting him all morning. Tell me why she would be texting and calling him while we are on vacation. I wish someone would cause she can't. I can handle the truth and I can get over it without breaking up our family. I couldn't have said that two months ago. I just need to know the truth and I don't think I've heard it yet. I have absolutely no clue who you two are, so yes that would be your paranoia. What I do know is your personality type. You are handling this so poorly I almost wonder if you want to know the truth. You find just enough to keep your suspicions going, but never end up with anything concrete. Like has been stated several times previously, you either need to get really serious about it, or let it go. What you are doing now is not helping you or your relationship. The real bottom line is that you have lost trust in your wife, and thus you are paranoid. You might want to consider some individual counseling, or even marriage counseling because once one loses trust in a partner it is very difficult to regain. Until you can find a way to deal with it, it will eat away at you forever. 2
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 Sorry my last post got all jacked up and I couldn't edit.
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 I have absolutely no clue who you two are, so yes that would be your paranoia. What I do know is your personality type. You are handling this so poorly I almost wonder if you want to know the truth. You find just enough to keep your suspicions going, but never end up with anything concrete. Like has been stated several times previously, you either need to get really serious about it, or let it go. What you are doing now is not helping you or your relationship. The real bottom line is that you have lost trust in your wife, and thus you are paranoid. You might want to consider some individual counseling, or even marriage counseling because once one loses trust in a partner it is very difficult to regain. Until you can find a way to deal with it, it will eat away at you forever. You are absolutly correct. She even said "you don't know what to do do you" And yes it will be hard for me to trust her. She also said "your just mad cause you can't put the pieces together". And yes this whole ordeal has rockes my whole world and beat me down bad if i could move on i surley would..
Realist3 Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 (edited) You are absolutly correct. She even said "you don't know what to do do you" And yes it will be hard for me to trust her. She also said "your just mad cause you can't put the pieces together". And yes this whole ordeal has rockes my whole world and beat me down bad if i could move on i surley would.. She actually said those things? In what context? That sounds very different than the previous discussion you mentioned. Edited August 7, 2013 by Realist3
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 She actually said those things? In what context? That sounds very different than the previous discussion you mentioned. Yes she said those things and I dont understand what you mean by in what context.
Owl Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Yes she said those things and I dont understand what you mean by in what context. He means...was she taunting you that you "couldn't put all the pieces together" and generally saying that she's been cheating on you but you're too stupid to figure it out....... ...or did she say this about something totally unrelated? 1
Owl Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 I am starting to agree with Realist. I suspect that you're enjoying the drama you create, either in your own mind, or in your relationship. Whether or not she's actually cheating doesn't matter to you...you're enjoying the 'thrill of the chase' more than you really want to know the truth and address whatever's wrong in your situation. If you WANTED things to get better...you'd put forth more effort into finding out the truth and "putting those pieces together". I think what you WANT is the attention you gain by creating this drama in your life....whether or not the drama is real doesn't matter. Give that some thought. Tell me WHY YOU HAVEN'T DEVELOPED A PLAN? WHY HAVEN'T YOU PUT FORTH ANY TRUE EFFORT TO GET THE TRUTH? WHY DO YOU JUST POST ABOUT THE SITUATION, RATHER THAN CHANGE IT??? 2
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 He means...was she taunting you that you "couldn't put all the pieces together" and generally saying that she's been cheating on you but you're too stupid to figure it out....... ...or did she say this about something totally unrelated? no we were "discussing" the phone calls and texting. She was angry when she said those things .and yes I guess I am too stupid to figure it out.
Realist3 Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 I'm sure it has rocked your world, and I will share a couple of things with you. 1. If someone is determined to cheat, is smart about it, and takes numerous precautions they will never get caught. They never leave a trace of anything. That is how I conduct my affair. Don't get me wrong there is a lot of communication, but I would have to literally tell someone who was looking how to find it. The thing is most people don't generally do that. Most cheaters are exceedingly sloppy until someone prematurely accuses them with very weak evidence. Then they take it more underground. 2. I have a friend that is very much like you except he went full boat in his investigation. He spent a year accusing his wife of cheating, then another year of heavy investigation and found nothing. One day his wife had enough and left him. She didn't cheat on him. He drove himself crazy, her crazy, and ruined the relationship in the process. They had been married for 22 years. He has tried to seriously date 4 women since the divorce, meaning exclusive relationships. A couple of them even moved in with him. All of them ended within several months because he would accuse them of cheating. He lost his ability to trust anyone all over nothing.
Realist3 Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Yes she said those things and I dont understand what you mean by in what context. I mean in the context of the discussion. Before it sounded like she was saying your concerns were unfounded, and you wanted to believe her. Those phrases sound like someone that is taunting you. "Ha ha I'm cheating, and you can't figure it out." See the difference?
2sunny Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 no we were "discussing" the phone calls and texting. She was angry when she said those things .and yes I guess I am too stupid to figure it out. Wy bother with her? Seriously - you've allowed her to torture you and steal your peace of mind for a long time. It's been too long - that you've taken no action - to figure out what's really going on with her. But - since YOU have to chase her truth - it's not even worth chasing at this point. She's cheating. Her behavior at least looks like she is. Are you planning to divorce her - or just continue to be her fool?
Author bobwhite007 Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 I'm sure it has rocked your world, and I will share a couple of things with you. 1. If someone is determined to cheat, is smart about it, and takes numerous precautions they will never get caught. They never leave a trace of anything. That is how I conduct my affair. Don't get me wrong there is a lot of communication, but I would have to literally tell someone who was looking how to find it. The thing is most people don't generally do that. Molst cheaters areppl exceedingly sloppy until someone prematurely accuses them with very weak evidence. Then they take it more underground. 2. I have a friend that is very much like you except he went full boat in his investigation. He spent a year accusing his wife of cheating, then another year of heavy investigation and found nothing. One day his wife had enough and left him. She didn't cheat on him. He drove himself crazy, her crazy, and ruined the relationship in the process. They had been married for 22 years. He has tried to seriously date 4 women since the divorce, meaning exclusive relationships. A couple of them even moved in with him. All of them ended within several months because he would accuse them of cheating. He lost his ability to trust anyone all over nothing. 1-So please tell me what I'm missing or should look for because she like you is smart enough to pull it off and I'm missing it.2-I hope its not true and you can help me see that its not by giving up your secret methods of communicating. I can't get in her phone long enough to double check all her contacts to see if that's really who they are if that's how you do it. So your saying you are actively involved in an affair and have been and your spouse has no clue?
2sunny Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 You close your eyes - because you don't want to see what you see. It's called being delusional. It's called denial. You know what's going on - why aren't you divorcing her?
Owl Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 1-So please tell me what I'm missing or should look for because she like you is smart enough to pull it off and I'm missing it.2-I hope its not true and you can help me see that its not by giving up your secret methods of communicating. I can't get in her phone long enough to double check all her contacts to see if that's really who they are if that's how you do it. So your saying you are actively involved in an affair and have been and your spouse has no clue? How about the suggestions that we've been giving you all along? I'm going to disagree with Realist here...most affairs eventually get found out. Once a BS starts to suspect...NORMALLY they investigate until they find that evidence. In your case, there are so many more things you could/should be doing, but for whatever reason have not.
Realist3 Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 1-So please tell me what I'm missing or should look for because she like you is smart enough to pull it off and I'm missing it.2-I hope its not true and you can help me see that its not by giving up your secret methods of communicating. I can't get in her phone long enough to double check all her contacts to see if that's really who they are if that's how you do it. So your saying you are actively involved in an affair and have been and your spouse has no clue? I would like for you to answer the context question at some point. Yes, I am active in an affair for several years. My wife knows after a stupid mistake in the first few months after it started, but that is another story. The methods I use right now are about her spouse not finding out. He has employed every possible method to catch her, all of which have come to nothing, but I highly doubt she is doing what we do. I don't mind giving up my secret methods at all. First I will tell you what you should do, and then how I get around it because her husband has pretty much done everything one can do including a PI. 1. Keylogger on the personal phone and laptop if possible. It only takes a couple of minutes. The problem for you is that she has that work phone which you probably don't have access to. Same thing as a cheater phone. The cheater phone is a huge key. The reason being is because you can forward all calls texts to the second phone, and the original phone can be left where it 'should be' to thwart GPS detection. Most keylogger programs also include real time GPS location. My guess would be that IF anything is going on it is with that work phone. I bought my MW an iphone identical to her 'normal' phone, same case and all. I also bought her an iPad, which is just like the one she already owns. With that I have taken the keylogger issue off the table. When she communicates with me it is with the safe devices. 2. GPS on the car with realtime feedback. So now you have the phone and the car. But you said she doesn't take her personal phone with her at lunch. So, to defeat that the car and the regular phone are always where they are 'supposed to be' in the daily routine of whatever she does. A step further is that wherever we do meet it has more than one entrance/exit, which is not visible one from the other. A school, shopping mall, it's endless. This takes care of PI's. 3. VAR in the car. A lot of people have success with this. We simply never talk while we are in the car. It is all text on her cheater phone. 4. Hire a PI. Many people find success with this if you are willing to spend the $$$, but even so it can be a total shot in the dark. Since you are paying by the hour you had better hope you guess right or you will be facing on heck of a bill. I already mentioned above one way we avoid that problem. The second is no routine. While our meeting are part of her routine, there is no routine time when we meet. Most people that cheat have limited times when they can meet. Humans by nature are creatures of routine. That is how the PI's bust them. 5. Get the passwords to social media and email accounts that you know about. The keylogger is a great help with this. Cheaters will have conversations through these mediums, but they will delete them as soon as the conversation is over. If you are lucky enough to get the password to a Facebook or Google+ account you can see when they are active from the chat box. Login as them when they are active and watch the messages. Our main communication is through Facebook, but it is not through our regular accounts. It is through dummy accounts. Another main communication point is through games we play together that have interactive chat.
Owl Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Interesting, Realist. Couple of cautions. My wife and her AP used the in game chat features to get around my snooping. Once I became suspiscious, I figured out how to enable logging within those applications. Same with the chat programs that the two used (MSN being the main). Your method also assumes neither of you ever screw up. You ALWAYS remember to clean up after yourselves, you ALWAYS remember to grab the right device and keep the other secured. That's how most folks get caught...they get complacent, and then sloppy.
Steen719 Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Interesting, Realist. Couple of cautions. My wife and her AP used the in game chat features to get around my snooping. Once I became suspiscious, I figured out how to enable logging within those applications. Same with the chat programs that the two used (MSN being the main). Your method also assumes neither of you ever screw up. You ALWAYS remember to clean up after yourselves, you ALWAYS remember to grab the right device and keep the other secured. That's how most folks get caught...they get complacent, and then sloppy. Additionally, I work in a school. You might be surprised at how much the people in the schools know....who is sleeping with who, who is drinking, who is....you fill it in. I never knew until I went to work there just how much everyone there knows. You go out the back and you think no one sees you, but every so often, someone sees. If it is the "right" person...oops! People are very nosy and the talk! You just don't know!
Realist3 Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Interesting, Realist. Couple of cautions. My wife and her AP used the in game chat features to get around my snooping. Once I became suspiscious, I figured out how to enable logging within those applications. Same with the chat programs that the two used (MSN being the main). Your method also assumes neither of you ever screw up. You ALWAYS remember to clean up after yourselves, you ALWAYS remember to grab the right device and keep the other secured. That's how most folks get caught...they get complacent, and then sloppy. I agree. Sloppiness from complacency is numero uno in terms of getting busted.
whichwayisup Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 She actually said those things? In what context? That sounds very different than the previous discussion you mentioned. Wow, she's got balls to say that. Hello she could fill in the blanks for you but she won't. Witch with a capital B! This woman doesn't respect you, she's gas lighting you and enjoying that you're messed up over this living with doubt and confusion. What is it you love about her?
Realist3 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Additionally, I work in a school. You might be surprised at how much the people in the schools know....who is sleeping with who, who is drinking, who is....you fill it in. I never knew until I went to work there just how much everyone there knows. You go out the back and you think no one sees you, but every so often, someone sees. If it is the "right" person...oops! People are very nosy and the talk! You just don't know! I know about that. The thing is I know several teachers at the school personally, and while during a blowup earlier this year in front of everyone I have not heard any rumors. Certainly nothing anyone could act on. Secondly with the recent crackdown on school security that option is still useful because of the particulars of the location.
NoMoreJerks Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Honestly really I don't know what to think about any of this.she says I'm crazy and paranoid and I'm begininning to think I am. I don't think she wants to split up or if she does she wants it ti be my fault and my doins. I do know I ain't givin a clue I think anything this time.I dunno know if she is trying to see if iam still spying or how much I know or what.she ask me what's wrong a lot and I used to just tell her what I was thinking or suspected but not any more I say nothing at all is wrong, just tired or something like that.I am getting tired. Go with your gut feeling, OP. Most of the time our instincts are not wrong... Have you ever heard of gaslighting? That's what she might be doing to you -- it gets to the point where you actually believe that you are paranoid, and not that she has a problem (cheating, etc.). My ex did this to me for over a year (with various things, not paranoia over cheating). I would honestly try to get to the bottom of this, if I were you -- for your peace of mind. Follow her (and preferably have a friend accompany you when you are doing so, to keep you in check in case you get too upset), and see where she's going. I don't regret snooping on my ex's phone when I started suspecting that he had cheated/was cheating.
AbeNormal Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I agree. Sloppiness from complacency is numero uno in terms of getting busted. Just curious. I would guess you posting here (eliciting a response) does not comprise primary or ever secondary narcissistic feed. Is it tertiary?
Realist3 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Wow, she's got balls to say that. Hello she could fill in the blanks for you but she won't. Witch with a capital B! This woman doesn't respect you, she's gas lighting you and enjoying that you're messed up over this living with doubt and confusion. What is it you love about her? I would still like to know the context, because those two statements are the most material thing has has divulged in this saga.
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