Bryanp Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 If I understand the facts correctly: 1. Your wife said a PA was heading that way before she stopped it. 2. Your wife called two hotel resorts and then immediately deleted the messages. 3. Your counselor says you are not paranoid. It sounds to me that you have reasons to be concerned.
BetrayedH Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I hope you don't feel like you can't say it on here because of anything I have said in the past about what you have divulged. Just called it as I saw it. I agree. Realist and I have differing opinions and we can come across a bit harsh but neither of us state our views to be cruel. Think of it as a sort of tough love. He tends to think you're paranoid. I tend to think you should investigate. But I think I speak for both of us when I say we don't think you should straddle the fence. So we're both trying to give you a shove. A common expression here when faced with tough posts is to take what works for you and leave the rest. But don't feel like you can't say what you mean. Other sites can be less harsh but I've always appreciated the brutal honesty of LoveShack. I sure took a beating here when I tried to reconcile with my wayward wife. You should have seen it. I was repeatedly called a doormat and a cuckold. Several posters were banned. Many others were supportive. But the collective set of divergent opinions eventually helped me immensely in finding my own voice and to stand behind it with confidence. You can eventually do the same. Someday you may find yourself here trying to give someone that shove. Just my $.02 1
TobyBoy Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 If she suspects that her car is "GPS", she will find a way to get where she "wants" to be. What I'm saying, she'll park somewhere conspicuous, then get picked up from there. The Mall parking lot is a popular place cheaters go to meet.
BetrayedH Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 It's possible that she made the hotel calls to book a secret getaway with you. It's another reason not to confront unless you know exactly what is going on. I'm glad that it appears that you're done confronting withoit cold, hard proof. 1
Realist3 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 If she suspects that her car is "GPS", she will find a way to get where she "wants" to be. What I'm saying, she'll park somewhere conspicuous, then get picked up from there. The Mall parking lot is a popular place cheaters go to meet. While what you said it true, it is my guess that almost no one ever suspects a GPS device unless it is divulged by the investigative partner or it is discovered accidentally. It is imperative for Sherlock (Bob) Holmes to be calm, cool, and collected. And as mentioned before in this thread don't go running to her with piece meal factoids that may be discovered. Build an irrefutable case from several different avenues. When and IF you are able to build a case, make damn sure everything is solid and correct, because given your past history of accusations toward her, it very well could be a relationship-ender if you are wrong. 1
Realist3 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I agree. Realist and I have differing opinions and we can come across a bit harsh but neither of us state our views to be cruel. Think of it as a sort of tough love. He tends to think you're paranoid. I tend to think you should investigate. But I think I speak for both of us when I say we don't think you should straddle the fence. So we're both trying to give you a shove. A common expression here when faced with tough posts is to take what works for you and leave the rest. But don't feel like you can't say what you mean. Other sites can be less harsh but I've always appreciated the brutal honesty of LoveShack. I sure took a beating here when I tried to reconcile with my wayward wife. You should have seen it. I was repeatedly called a doormat and a cuckold. Several posters were banned. Many others were supportive. But the collective set of divergent opinions eventually helped me immensely in finding my own voice and to stand behind it with confidence. You can eventually do the same. Someday you may find yourself here trying to give someone that shove. Just my $.02 Very well said.
BetrayedH Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 If she suspects that her car is "GPS", she will find a way to get where she "wants" to be. What I'm saying, she'll park somewhere conspicuous, then get picked up from there. The Mall parking lot is a popular place cheaters go to meet. Certainly true. It could be a waste of $250. To me, it was worth the expense when my marriage hung in the balance. My wife even knew I was suspicious but the GPS caught her anyway. I also recommended a VAR. Unless he keeps up the appearance of investigating and she stays vigilant, odds are that he'll eventually be able to piece together the truth. Lots of trips to the mall would make it easy to connect the dots. A PI would also be able to follow her but my experience was that it was a $250 crapshoot each time.
Author bobwhite007 Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 I will agree i do feel very paranoid and i am not scared of your opinions.Call it like you see it thats what i want. I havent given up all i know on here and what steps i have taken.i gues you can call that paranoid too.i think now shes messin with me.lying about things that dont matter.it makes no sense unless shes just checkin to see what i know.also i read the thing about gaslighting and yes i think its happening to me.is that something they do on porpose or is it just a natural thing? I have actually been gaslighted from day 1.thanks for your input!!!You don't have enough posts yet for pm's. I hope you don't feel like you can't say it on here because of anything I have said in the past about what you have divulged. Just called it as I saw it.
Realist3 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 It's possible that she made the hotel calls to book a secret getaway with you. It's another reason not to confront unless you know exactly what is going on. I'm glad that it appears that you're done confronting withoit cold, hard proof. I was thinking this same thing in terms of possibilities for the calls.
Realist3 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I will agree i do feel very paranoid and i am not scared of your opinions.Call it like you see it thats what i want. I havent given up all i know on here and what steps i have taken.i gues you can call that paranoid too.i think now shes messin with me.lying about things that dont matter.it makes no sense unless shes just checkin to see what i know.also i read the thing about gaslighting and yes i think its happening to me.is that something they do on porpose or is it just a natural thing? I have actually been gaslighted from day 1.thanks for your input!!! I tend to believe it is a natural response that is done on purpose. Gaslighting doesn't just happen in affair situations. It is always easier to play off the trust of the other person than to admit to a wrong or a lie. At the same time if nothing is going on what would you expect her to do? She would react the same way as 'gaslighting'.
Realist3 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Certainly true. It could be a waste of $250. To me, it was worth the expense when my marriage hung in the balance. My wife even knew I was suspicious but the GPS caught her anyway. I also recommended a VAR. Unless he keeps up the appearance of investigating and she stays vigilant, odds are that he'll eventually be able to piece together the truth. Lots of trips to the mall would make it easy to connect the dots. A PI would also be able to follow her but my experience was that it was a $250 crapshoot each time. I thought he already did the VAR and it came up empty, all business talk.
BetrayedH Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I thought he already did the VAR and it came up empty, all business talk. Hmm. I'm not sure about that. My recollection is that he just pieced together the calls via phone records and her explanations. I would have a VAR under the steering column and be checking it whenever I had the balls to go fetch it from her car.
janedoe67 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 QFT The natural human tendency is to find a way to make it about "someone else."
turnera Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 cheaters gaslight naturally, to hide their cheating.
Author bobwhite007 Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 if she is cheatin she is dang good at it, or it has ended or I'm just too stupid to figure it out I will have to go with she's not and try and make up for what I've put her thru with all my senses on high alert.she is taking it all very well and says she is not mad at all.I didn't make all this up.good grief how and why would I? Life goes on.
turnera Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 bob, can I ask a favor? Will you stop starting new threads and keep to one? It's hard to know your story if you keep popping up all over the place. And you'll get more people helping if you stick to one thread. I found this (after searching a lot): phone records show 70+ calls to a plumbing contractor in Ga.All business related. Lol. Couldnt sleep and she started leaving phone out so I could easily access it.plumber been deleted, he's married anyway and would never cheat, lol.looked at app store on her phone, she didn't think she would have to delete hangout app.she had a different last name and two frequent contacts, one not being the plumber. 1insurance man, one man she used to work for.iam afraid I been a fool for along time how disgusting. Where do I go from here? So you know she's a cheater, yet you're still there. What's your plan? And btw, PLEASE stop apologizing to her. It's exactly THAT BEHAVIOR that disgusts women and lets them justify cheating on you.
Realist3 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 if she is cheatin she is dang good at it, or it has ended or I'm just too stupid to figure it out I will have to go with she's not and try and make up for what I've put her thru with all my senses on high alert.she is taking it all very well and says she is not mad at all.I didn't make all this up.good grief how and why would I? Life goes on. For your own sanity and your marriage let it go for awhile. Don't look at anything. Allow yourself to trust her. I know it will be difficult, but you must try.
Realist3 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 This isn't paranoia. This is justifiable concern and there is something shady going on. And just because someone is paranoid doesn't mean someone is NOT out to get them;) Then she must stop making calls to hotels and deleting the evidence. Please. All you are doing is feeding into what has proven to be fruitless. It is not helpful.
Realist3 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Why? Because YOU don't believe that calls to motels and deleting them are her doing something she isn't suppose to be doing? Because you believe it might be her setting up a surprise getaway? Ok, then he should ask her. If what you say is true and he ruins his surprise, so be it. I don't believe for a minute, however, that she is deleting calls to motels because she is planning a getaway. I would suggest you read back on this story.
LivingWaterPlease Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Seems some of you have knowledge about tracking devices. Not sure if it's appropriate to ask on this thread, but, how do you find out if one has been put on your vehicle? I had a friend who stalked me. Before I knew i was being stalked he was a great (helpful friend who did lots of favors for me and once volunteered to take my car to have the tires balanced. After I realized he was stalking me I wondered if he had put a tracking device on my car that day he took it. He seemed to be able to show up anywhere I was. (got restraining order, had him arrested, etc., eventually). Still wonder if there's a device on my vehicle. How can I find out?
LivingWaterPlease Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Thanks, drencrom! Would it be under the hood or in the car? Or could it be in either place?
Realist3 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Seems some of you have knowledge about tracking devices. Not sure if it's appropriate to ask on this thread, but, how do you find out if one has been put on your vehicle? I had a friend who stalked me. Before I knew i was being stalked he was a great (helpful friend who did lots of favors for me and once volunteered to take my car to have the tires balanced. After I realized he was stalking me I wondered if he had put a tracking device on my car that day he took it. He seemed to be able to show up anywhere I was. (got restraining order, had him arrested, etc., eventually). Still wonder if there's a device on my vehicle. How can I find out? Go to a mechanic shop and ask them to search the underside of the vehicle. Typically, the GPS device will be in a housing that magnetically attaches. It is pretty obvious. Usually in a wheel well. 1
Realist3 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Thanks, drencrom! Would it be under the hood or in the car? Or could it be in either place? It could be either, but placing it inside the vehicle is not the preferred option. 1
Realist3 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I didn't ask you. You don't know the answer to those questions. You are basing your responses on your own experiences as a wayward spouse, therefore putting up for his wife that clearly has shown him some warning signs, as I found in his quote above. And in any case, whether the answer to 1 and 2 are "no" or not, you are definitely wrong in your answer in #3. The signs and red flags ARE there. I'm basing those answers on what he has stated on this board. Bob himself has stated he has found nothing. Anyone can make a red flag out of anything; that doesn't make it valid.
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