gd1039 Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 Ugh, I had this huge thing typed up, but it was to long and confusing so I had to delete it. This is basically what I wanted to know anyways. I am rethinking my strategy for meeting girls. Usually if I see a girl in class that I am interested in I will go and make some small talk (hopefully show off my humor) and if it goes halfway decent I will ask for a number. I then call within a few days to arrange meeting for coffee. I let the coffee time be the chance to get to know eachother (stuff besides where u from, whats your major etc). I am wondering from a girls perspective, if they think it is better for a guy to get to know them more (and see if you hit it off) before meeting for coffee vs coffee being the time to get to know each other (and see if you hit it off). Getting to know eachother before helps weed out bad dates, but that isn't what I am looking to do. Lets say there is a girl that is definitly interested in getting to know me better. Am I any better off getting to know eachother before a date than I am on the date? If we get to know eachother more first, we may hit it off and go on a date or not hit it off and not go on a date. If we get to know eachother on a date we might hit it off and go on a second date, or not hit it off and never go out again. So, are these 2 scenarios really that similar, or is one a disadvantage to the other? I hope someone understands this the way I mean to ask it...
overseas2004 Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 No we dont understand and that is basically because you are confused and dont know what you are saying.
Jilly10340 Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 I think I kind of understand. You want to know if you should get to know her before the date just in case you guys don't hit it off? Okay, I think going on the date is better because that's what you do on a date: get to know the person better. If it turns out that you guys don't hit it off what have you really lost? One boring evening when you may have just been sitting at home anyway? Besides, you guys may not hit it off but could turn in to really good friends. There's no harm in going on ONE date with someone.
tattoomytoe Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 well...personally i would want to know you alittle bit more, if i am going to meet up with you. maybe talk after class or call then after chit chatting on the phone, and you still like the girl, then aske her to meet you for coffee or whatever.....and have a date, time and place picked out already!
Author gd1039 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Posted October 22, 2004 Thanks for the replies. I agree with how Jilly thinks. You don't loose anything by having a date that doesn't go great so why not take advantage of the oportunity? tattoomytoe also as a good point though that I should use some oportunities after class (or the phone) to open a little more conversation up. I think that before the date I ususally make to much generic small talk vs bringing something small up, like a movie I saw and then seeing what kind of movies she likes. On one hand, that could all be asked when we actually went out, but if I see her around I can't just rely on my sense of humor and the generic conversations (class stuff scool stuff) to hold me over until we go out. I think I was so worried about making it clear to the girl (without comming off as psycho) that I am interested in getting to know her as more than friends, that I became kind of oblivious to just acting like myself. Even though I am a great conversationalist and can almost always start up a conversation anywhere with anyone, I felt like I had to save any real conversation until we went out. So after the replies here, I think I know how I need to change. I still don't think I should really get to know a girl before the date (avoiding the friends thing) but I need to take any conversations, whether it is running into eachother on campus or calling to set up a date, as an oportunity to say something INTERESTING! Something that will give her a chance to open up a bit more.
Author gd1039 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Posted October 22, 2004 And overseas - yes I know I was a little vague and all over the place with what I was asking. It was one of those things where it was late so it was difficult to type. I know why I posted, but I don't know why I wasn't able to figure the answer out myself since that is what I did using advice from here. Sometimes just typing out your question helps you understand it and when that doesn't work the input people here give you should help get you thinking on the right path. I think my basic question (even though this wasn't exactly what I solved) was in the big picture, does a guy and girl who gets to know one another before he asks her out stand a better chance than the guy and girl who get to know one another on a date. The answer I came up with (that had more thought than the question) was that its fine to get to know one another on the first date, but I need to open up some more before the date, whether or not a date is set. I might have a date set, but if I see the girl and keep making boring conversations she will lose interest and so will I. I think this is what I have been doing, and although I had still gotten the date in most cases, I really need to just relax and be myself. I think I got too caught up in reading dating advice (other sites than this one) and while it helped me boost my confidence to approach girls and get numbers, I think other advice worked to my disadvantage. Hopefully I just had some enlightening vision and this will all change....
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