jesha Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Background story...My ex and I dated for about two and half years and after the one year mark we started having an on and off relationship because he was having a hard time dealing with his emotions and felt disconnected after his parents separated. It became a pattern where he would break up with me because of these difficulties and then regret it immediately after and claim he "missed me like crazy". About a month ago we broke up (he ended things, like usual) and I decided it would be best for me to unfriend him on facebook so that I wouldn't have to see what he was posting, and it would be easier to move on. He has unfollowed me on all social media (like Twitter and Instagram) and I was just wondering what reasons in a break-up would the dumper do this? Usually it is the dumpee who removes their ex from social media and I am having a hard time understanding why he feels the need to do this and it hurts to feel like he wants nothing to do with me anymore so suddenly.
AllTooWell Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Who cares? You guys have decided it's over. You actually want to move on this time (and assuming this breakup is for real) He doesn't want to see what you're up to. The end. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Background story...My ex and I dated for about two and half years and after the one year mark we started having an on and off relationship because he was having a hard time dealing with his emotions and felt disconnected after his parents separated. It became a pattern where he would break up with me because of these difficulties and then regret it immediately after and claim he "missed me like crazy". About a month ago we broke up (he ended things, like usual) and I decided it would be best for me to unfriend him on facebook so that I wouldn't have to see what he was posting, and it would be easier to move on. He has unfollowed me on all social media (like Twitter and Instagram) and I was just wondering what reasons in a break-up would the dumper do this? Usually it is the dumpee who removes their ex from social media and I am having a hard time understanding why he feels the need to do this and it hurts to feel like he wants nothing to do with me anymore so suddenly. Social Media is awful. Probably the worst thing created on the Internet I swear to you. Its annoying as hell and probably holds MANY of us back because of the easy access to check out what the other person is doing. I know it has set me back MONTHS because I tried to not contact the person and then I keep looking even when I blocked them. Honestly, trying to find out reasons people do stuff will only set you back MUCH farther than you started. See this as being a new start. Its probably best you cant see anything TRUST ME 1
Author jesha Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 It's crazy how much we let social media intervene with our lives now a days, and unfortunately I let it mess with my head.
drake13 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 He's disconnected, he lacks the emotional maturity to handle his parents separation, it's natural for him to push anything away that reminds him of that, it isn't because of anything you did, stay out of the social media scene for a while or anything that reminds you of him, it's not your fault.
Author jesha Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 Thanks for the reply It is difficult for me because I am constantly over thinking and over analyzing the situation, and I wonder if our problems are simply because of the emotional effects inflicted on him because of his parents separation, or if it's just me that is the problem. Even though it shouldn't matter what the real reasons are - we are much better off not being in a relationship anymore and it was the best decision for both of us.
LOSTnMT Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Social media is only negative if you enable it. Its the simplest problem in the world to solve. If it bugs you stop using it. If you are being bullied, turn off your damn computer and the problem stops instantly. It is black and white......so treat it as such.
HobGadling Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 It sucks. I unfriended my ex. Only because I needed space. It's complicated. But we broke up because it was long distance, and we had communication problems (I'm English, She's Korean). My grandfather just died, my father was in hospital. She was being harassed by her uni professor. Her dog got sick so she couldn't come to visit for a while. The stress in my life meant I was gaining weight and getting depressed. She (understandably) was getting hostile and short-tempered. The last time we met in person was a disaster. Break up was inevitable. I was so fed up with her I was planning at the least to "have the talk" but was quite ready to break up. She did it first. Anyway. Went no contact. Sent her a message on Facebook to see how she was, genuinely because I want to know that all the crazy stuff with her professor, her graduating, her mum's dog being sick all worked out ok. She blocked me. (This is several months after). That hurt. I couldn't see her profile anyway. But why block me? Why not just ignore me? Or be classy and send a "Erm yeah... hey. Erm... how are you?" (Who was that guy again... oh that shmuck!). I mean. I'm over it now but a few months ago I was really hurting over it like a big baby. It was a big slap in the face, and the ego. Of course she'd had a stalker before. So I can understand her zero tolerance stance. And social media does give ample opportunity to stalking (she knew my sisters names before I'd even mentioned them - before our first date she'd seen all 1,000(!) of my Facebook photos. Sorry. 2nd ever post and I ramble on about myself. But this is a great place to heal. Anyway. If a girl I just met asks to see my Facebook I say no. In a serious relationship I'll say yes. But my ex would stalk mine relentlessly. She would get obsessed over any girl who posted on my wall. Then when we broke up she used it so passive aggressively and spitefully spit in my face. Anyway. A proper relationship should be as intimate as possible. Any questions she has should be answered in person. In a way it feels a little like a violation. I don't want to see their old pictures unless they offer them to me. Social Media seems to cause too many problems.
eddyctv Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I made the mistake of looking at my exs FB page...just seeing her post up new pics, smiling, without me, just completely crushed me. I have since lost my FB password, and i dont intend to get it back 2
aloneinaz Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Thanks for the reply It is difficult for me because I am constantly over thinking and over analyzing the situation, and I wonder if our problems are simply because of the emotional effects inflicted on him because of his parents separation, or if it's just me that is the problem. Even though it shouldn't matter what the real reasons are - we are much better off not being in a relationship anymore and it was the best decision for both of us. Either way, he ended the relationship. In doing so, he told you he doesn't want you in his life anymore. If that's your pic, you should have NO issues finding a guy that will be everything you want, need and expect in a relationship. My ex broke up with me a few times. The last time was it for me. No more. Once I got my stuff back from her two days later, she was wiped clean from my computer. Blocked on Facebook (she's since blocked me, I looked the next day). Spying on an ex will only add pain and grief to you as your go down your healing journey. He did it so he could get over you as quick as possible too. All the social media is just part of dating in this century. We need to accept it and then move on.
L1ght Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I made the mistake of looking at my exs FB page...just seeing her post up new pics, smiling, without me, just completely crushed me. I have since lost my FB password, and i dont intend to get it back Its amazing how much of a psychological backwards step checking out our ex's profiles can be. One picture with a smile is all it takes like you say. We grow so much when we avoid it at all costs and by avoiding it we start to see the reality of the situation which is that their life isn't any more special than ours and the fake smiles they put on Facebook are just a front to cover the personal issues that you know for a fact they deal with on a daily basis. (To the OP)Forget your ex and focus on yourself now. He had his chance to show you that he cares but he blew it so shut the door and welcome the new direction your life has taken with open arms without looking back.
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