I'm missing him...

[MoonyCream]

So, I don't know exactly where to post this since my story is a little bit weird. But anyway, I will be very glad with anyone who read me right now! Oh, and my bad about possible english mistakes ( english is not my first language, I'm from Portugal)

To begin with, I'll share my story. It all began six months ago. I met this boy at college. We both are physics majors. At first, I had a crush on someone else and wasn't very interested in him. He, on the other hand, was always trying to talk to me / spend time with me. After sometime, I realized I was always very happy whenever I was at his side. I couldn't believe I was actually liking him, he was not my type nor anything like that, but we started to hang out all the time... And we had a lot lot of fun! We are very similar, we like the same things, we created a lot of jokes that only us could understand, stuff like that. The first month was truly amazing. I was almost sure he liked me, and this was the first time I really liked someone who also liked me back. I never had it before. Normally I date guys who I kinda fancy, but with him, it was much more intense. On the second/ third month, we traveled together with some friends. Nothing happened there, but we were even closer after it.

Well, we never shared what we really thought about each other tough. We would only stay close and do stuff together. We sent each other romantic songs and did a lot of plans. We planned future travels, parties we would want to go, languages we wanted to learn, etc. But... God, this was starting to piss me off... Everything was too 'imaginary', too 'implicit'. I am kinda shy, I never was the first one to tell someone I liked them, but he would just not make the move... I started to feel insecure. So I decided to do it myself, to say: 'Hey, I like you, we should try something.'

I think I should give you guys a little background about him now. He is 22 and as far as I know, he never had a girlfriend before. He only kissed once when he was younger. When he was 15, he really liked a girl in a platonic way, but nothing happened. She was in love with someone else. He was very sad by then. And this is it. He moved on.

Back to my story, I finally told him that I liked him. And, for my deep surprise, he was so ****ing scared! He didn't know what to do. After struggling with his thoughts, he told me he only saw me as a friend, he wanted us to stay the way we were forever, he didn't want anything to change. It did hurt me very badly. After it, I started a two weeks of no contact. It was very hard since we always saw each other at college. I had to skip a lot of classes. Oh, and he was always trying to talk to me... At some point, I couldn't bare it anymore. I really wanted to talk to him. We started being friends again. At first, I was very reluctant. I didn't allow things to get to the point they used to be. I pushed him away. I would talk to him, but never go out only the two of us for example. I wouldn't make sacrifices anymore just to be at his side. But, nonetheless, we were getting closer and closer each day that passed. Well, and after three weeks, we were behaving exactly as we behaved before. Hanging out just the two of us, having a lot of fun. I didn't think much about what I was doing. I just stayed there, enjoying his company. We stayed one month like this.

Then, I started to feel insecure again. Deep down, I felt that he liked me. His actions were constantly denying his words about only feeling friendship about me. But, because he didn't commit, he didn't admit anything, sometimes I felt so alone... So, 'oh my god, what is happening'. After enduring one month of really happy and really crap days, I decided to talk to him again. Unfortunately, the second conversation went very similar to the first one. He once again rejected me. At some point of the conversation he said: "And you are not going to start that ridiculous no contact thing again, are you?"

I couldn't believe he could hurt me so much again! I felt truly sad. After it, to simplify things, I barely saw him, until one day we ended up going out. It was amazing. The entire day he would say things like: "It's so good to go out with you again. We should do that, and this. Thank you for being here." I wanted to hang out with him more times too. But then, I realized the pattern. Or he didn't like me, or he did like me, no matter what was truly happening, he was being selfish and reckless! He should know that I needed my space... The situation was so much more comfortable to him than to me... There I was, always at his side, willing to like him, while he didn't have to take any responsibilities for anything. So, I told him I couldn't do it anymore. He acted like he was very hurt when I told him it. But, anyway,ever since we never hang out again.

Today it makes a month of almost no contact and I am really really missing him! I know I did the only thing that I could do. I tried, it didn't work out.. But... I don't know, maybe I should have been more patient? He doesn't seem to know how to deal with his feelings. I'm not an expert on it nor anything, but maybe I could have helped him if only I could endure this a little more... He is a very sweet person and I don't think he does it on purpose. What do you guys think? Thank you for reading until here! (: I really needed to share it with someone.

[Eivuwan]

He is clearly not ready to be in a relationship with you and you can't force things. Let him go. I know this is easier said than done but do you really want to keep repeating the same patterns over and over? He wouldn't change his ways if he can get what he wants from you without having to commit to a relationship.