paigej91 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I can say with certainty this guy likes me both physically and as a person (mentally/intellectually, whatever). The feeling is mutual, and we’ve been seeing each other for quite a while, but I have a gut feeling this isn’t going to work out because of timing and his life right now. We aren’t officially boyfriend/girlfriend, but I think I’m going to have to stop seeing him because he’s so busy right now with his own life (a very demanding job, his hobbies/limited free time he doesn’t want to give up, etc.). He doesn’t appear to want to carve out space for me and officially make me his girlfriend (he’d rather spend it with his buddies most of the time). It’s painful since I haven’t ever met someone who I have this great of a connection with, but it will stop me from wasting energy. I won't go into mushy detail about the chemistry/connection we have, but I will say it's not as much lustful as it is natural and easy. I have seen this exact same thing talked about on this website from the guy’s perspective, and they don’t get into a relationship because they’d rather “keep their options open” or “pursue their hobbies more first” or some other excuse. WHY IS THIS?! It frustrates me to think this guy who likes me as much as I like him (and who even misses me when we don't see each other for awhile) would pass it up. Dating is a now or never thing, not a "maybe later" cuz by that time someone else has caught him/her.
shexy Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 It's simple. It's the grass is always greener syndrome. He's not ready to settle down and get married, so he keeps his options open in case someone he perceives as "better" comes along. 2
Author paigej91 Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 It's simple. It's the grass is always greener syndrome. He's not ready to settle down and get married, so he keeps his options open in case someone he perceives as "better" comes along. A relationship isn't marriage... or is that the male perspective on relationships? 1
joystickd Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 It's simple. It's the grass is always greener syndrome. He's not ready to settle down and get married, so he keeps his options open in case someone he perceives as "better" comes along. The case is usually if he says he is not ready to settle down then he is not ready to settle down with YOU! He may have found a quality he didn't like in you and it knocked up out of the running of being relationship material
shexy Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 A relationship isn't marriage... or is that the male perspective on relationships? I'm not a dude. I've just had this happen to me enough to know that he's not ready to be in a committed relationship with you. Marriage/LTR/whatever label you want to put on it.
Imajerk17 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Are you sure he's that into you? If he were, he would have prioritized you a lot more than he has. Sorry paige, but we men are a lot more simple than you give us credit for being. 10
Author paigej91 Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 The case is usually if he says he is not ready to settle down then he is not ready to settle down with YOU! He may have found a quality he didn't like in you and it knocked up out of the running of being relationship material That's the thing, he's never said that he's not ready to settle down, or any variation of this. I've just gathered this from some of his actions
SammySammy Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 That's the thing, he's never said that he's not ready to settle down, or any variation of this. I've just gathered this from some of his actions What do you think is the reason?
nerd Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 It's a pull between being ready for any serious relationship and being ready for one with you specifically. Maybe he's really busy, but if he liked you enough, he'd carve out the time. If he weren't so busy, he might make the time, but might not be serious about you 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 What is the incentive into getting into a relationship with you when he's getting everything he wants plus keeping his freedom/options open? 5
ChessPieceFace Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Because there's more to his life than you. 1
Author paigej91 Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 What is the incentive into getting into a relationship with you when he's getting everything he wants plus keeping his freedom/options open? I'm not doing this, that's the thing. There's no way I'm doing an "unofficial" relationship where he can have his cake and eat it too 1
Author paigej91 Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 (edited) What do you think is the reason? Why do I think he's not ready to settle down? I couldn't tell you this. That was kind of my question in the initial thread: why would a guy let a girl he really likes a lot disappear? (I've seen/read about this happening other times, so it's not just my situation). Maybe he values freedom and single life over a girl he likes? I kinda wanted to know why this is from the male's perspective. I guess as a female, if I meet a guy I like as much as he likes me, I'd make time for him in my life. Do a lot of men just value singleness and autonomy more than a great potential relationship? Edited July 11, 2013 by paigej91
soccerrprp Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I have seen this exact same thing talked about on this website from the guy’s perspective, and they don’t get into a relationship because they’d rather “keep their options open” or “pursue their hobbies more first” or some other excuse. WHY IS THIS?! It frustrates me to think this guy who likes me as much as I like him (and who even misses me when we don't see each other for awhile) would pass it up. Dating is a now or never thing, not a "maybe later" cuz by that time someone else has caught him/her. Oh, how we complicate the simple.... paigej91, only going on what you've shared, it sounds simple to me. HE DOESN'T WANT TO MAKE YOU THE PRIORITY b/c he doesn't feel ready right now for whatever reason. Just b/c you fit each other like a glove and hand, doesn't mean that you are both seeking the same things from the relationship at hand. You have chemistry, you have similar dreams/philosophies, but you are not both looking for the same things in a relationship right now. Timing. I could be as simple as timing. I don't know how old you are, but the younger, the less inclined guys are to settling down. Young men, especially, it seems, want to continue exploring until they are ready to stop playing the field and exploring. Yes, he says that he misses you and all that...he misses your company, at in that very moment, but that doesn't mean that he's dreaming about a scenario when the two of you are married, with children, a house with white picket fence, etc. Just because someone misses you doesn't mean he thinking LTR with you. Hey, I'm sorry these things happen. But sometimes the explanation is more simple than complex. 1
smile1983 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 It has been my experience that sometimes a guy takes his g/f for granted and goes out with friends and does hobbies because he thinks she'll always be there when he wants her.
Star Gazer Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 It frustrates me to think this guy who likes me as much as I like him (and who even misses me when we don't see each other for awhile) would pass it up. Dating is a now or never thing, not a "maybe later" cuz by that time someone else has caught him/her. The bolded is where you're wrong. If that was true, he'd be carving that time out for you that you want. Your level of investments are off-balance; yours is greater than his. I'm in a similar situation in terms of being off-balance, so I can relate.
hoping2heal Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Oh my fair Lady... The guy may think you're an attractive woman. He may also like you in so much as he doesn't dislike you. If he was that into you he would want to spend time with you and not his buddies and he'd want to make you his girlfriend instead of his fk buddy. It's got nothing to do with "where he's at in his life." That's about as real as that excuse women use "I need to go find myself." Except she never mentions she needs to find herself underneath a different man. 7% of the time, and I'm being generous with that figure; a man or woman won't date you because of truly bad timing but if this guy has time for friends he has time for a girlfriend, if he wanted you as one. 2
RedRobin Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Good to hear you aren't sliding into the 'unofficial' role hoping for it to turn 'official'... You've got a good head on your shoulders. Next step is to train yourself not to spend even two seconds wondering why. Just move on... If you start to resent him, then cut him loose altogether.
buzzie2 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 It has been in my experience that if a guy is going hot and cold on you; or is being wishy washy it's usually because he is seeing another woman on the side. If he REALLY wanted to be with you; he would be with you. Sorry- but it happened to me. I thought a guy was crazy about me but could never figure out why he didn't want to be exclusive.I later found out he was seeing another woman on the side.
smile1983 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 How is it "on the side" if you weren't exclusive? You should have known that he was dating other chicks because he didn't want to be exclusive. Exclusive means only you, if he doesn't want that he's dating other girls. 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I'm not doing this, that's the thing. There's no way I'm doing an "unofficial" relationship where he can have his cake and eat it too Well then he simply doesn't to seem to feel the same way, especially with the incentive to be with you exclusively and in a relationship to "get what he wants" or take it to the next level. Guys can be interested in you, feel chemistry and a connection but it may not be worth the price of admission if they feel it's going to dominate or detract them from what they are doing with their life. I don't really know what you mean by you been seeing this guy for a while, especially being confident in the physicality of it all without being intimate it sounds like you're saying...so something doesn't seem to be adding up here, or information is missing, and without him even bringing it up in regards to being in a relationship, I'd think he'd at least have made an attempt at your panties. You've asking a very general question but your situation doesn't add up from the sound of it....it seems like you want that answer to be geared towards everything being perfect and him not wanting to commit scenario, when this actually sounds like a situation where the guy just isn't that into you. 3
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I'd have to agree with the majority here. A guy can find you physically attractive and a good company and still not want to be with you romantically. It's simple. It takes more than a hot body and a fun conversation to want to be in a relationship with somebody.
Emilia Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I won't go into mushy detail about the chemistry/connection we have, but I will say it's not as much lustful as it is natural and easy. What Ninja said plus the bolded.
sillyanswer Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 WHY IS THIS?! It frustrates me to think this guy who likes me as much as I like him (and who even misses me when we don't see each other for awhile) would pass it up. Either he's just not that into you, or there's a false assumption that getting into a relationship is automatically a goal (for him, with you, at this point of his life). Flip the question around: Why should he want to enter into a relationship (with you)?
Recommended Posts