Justano Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 This was posted on another site or two. Im curious what people have to say. Been getting alot of good help. So I will try to split this into sections to make it easier to read. So as the title says I need help with my Ex girlfriend. Its been a month and I have given her space. Less convo and the such. Im not mad shes in a new relationship already and I do still love her. What im about to say was over the course of 2 and a half But anyhow, lets begin note some of this may be out of order and i may have accidently left stuff out. So before we broke up she became a little distance after a Giant fight we had. I said stuff i shouldn't have. Like she has to get out of my house. That she didn't care about me and the stuff I've done. She only thinks of her self. etc etc etc. Which after,she said it was one fight to many. We didnt fight all the time, but when we did they were big. But we did try to work on them and fix things after the fight. Especially after she told me she probably is leaving. We really were working on the relationship. Mainly me, with anger and controlling issues. Some of them were usually on the same issue about a friend or two. But it was one of the situations when we just couldn't be friends with them. But thats different now. So, I then realized she was talking to another guy a bit more who was a mutual friend of ours. Which i didn't care about because they were just alike in many many ways. Also sometimes people need someone to talk to about things thats not the boyfriend. I fully understand this. Well more so now. Then the conversations became more and more frequent. I asked her to stop talking to him as much. After a while she asked to leave again. Thats when we had a very serious talk and she agreed she didn't want to leave she was just stressed and she thought i was trying to tell her who to talk to etc etc. But we did start fixing things. She calmed down with talking to the guy. She even made plans about getting a job and both of us chipping in on a car so we can travel easier. Plans for stuff we did together and so forth. She got really excited about stuff she had in store for us too. Alot of random things happened, good bad etc. Its a relationship it has its ups and downs. She went to visit the guy i mentioned above for a few days. Which was difficult for me but i was showing trust and what not. I was supose to come visit as well but work and what not stopped me. So after she came back she was more loveable and closer to me then the last few weeks. So it made me feel like things were working out. But i still had that odd gut feeling. Then one day out of nowhere she woke up really early in the morning and was upset. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was titll mad at me. I knew this was coming and i tried to talk to her. She wouldn't give me any reasons other then past events that we were working on. It was almost like whom ever texted her that night before and in the morning made her mad. So then i got really upset and emotional. I know very very stupid of me. I said stuff that i shouldn't have said not about her but me. She got upset, held me close and cried. We then went back to bed and that day hung with a few friends. One friend slept over who wasn't invovled in what happened next. So the next day I had to wake up for work and left. I worked at 5 am so i left really early. Oddly enough my job told me i can leave early so i texted her to tell her iwas getting out early. big mistake! She didn't answer I thought she was sleeping so left it be. When i got out and got home I called to ask her to let me in. But she wasn't answer so I walked up to the door and it was open. I entered the house and all her stuff was gone....well her main supplies were gone. My friend then woke up and freaked out he didnt know what happened. I tried to call her, and the friends i knew she was with one answered and told me. they took her because she wanted to leave. I got mad, but later apologized. I found out she left a draw full of clothes. She left my room full of her stuff. Enough to fill 3 big trash bags. The next day she sent me a text in the morning explaining things. I agreed on alot of it saying i would have got overly dramatic if she left a note in the state i was in. But she kept bringing up she was a horrible gf and shes like my exs. I told her shes not mainly because she is caring for my feelings by messaging me. Then she said i would never take her back. I said well im not going to make you come back and that it wasnt true. She said it again in a different way. O just say i can't make her come back. After a bit more convo she said why are you going in circles i wont come back don't hold your breathe or soemthing of that manner. But last bit of convo we had was not about it. So we ended the convo. I also knew she was with the guy who she was talking to all that time and they already are dating. Later that night i messaged her and the next few days i did as well. She even let me call one day to talk about a matter not invovling us. Then she said plans may change about me going to this event with her and our friends. I said it wasnt fair i was being singled out. She got mad. So then I decided to go No Contact. Because we both needed space. Me Especially. So during no contact i did work on myself. She messaged me the first day of no contact. I didnt answer, she did so the next. I left it alone a few days later she messaged me again saying happy fathers day. So i answered and asying my dad was happy to hear it from her. I also told her i was busy so thats why i didnt answer and the text i tried to send didnt send. Which is partially true. I missed the send button. After that i didn't message her for a few days. She messaged me a few times but it didnt feel important to answer because its stuff she doesnt have to ask me directly and it was silly to ask me. Then she messaged me angry saying why am i ignoring her. I told her i wasn't that ive been busy. Then i didnt talk to her for a few days. fter this Each convo we had which i tried to keep short she started. One weird part was when her boyfriend was away. She would message me and hold fun silly convos with me. Until he got home. She did this one other time and i was asleep so i got it the next morning. She also messaged me a few times saying she wouldn't take me back and she was being mean to make sure i wouldn't want it. Remember she was going back and forth with nice and mean. She even said it was because i had hope we would get back together. Which i never told her. At this point i was moving on and was very happy for her. Which i told her, i aslo said i know she wouldnt take me back plus shes with someone. After that she was nice to me again. Then she posted something online basicly leaving the business type thing we had together. Then messaged saying she not like the friend she hates and she wasnt doing this for attention and **** you. So i messaged her saying I know your not and i don't know where she was getting her info. After that i stoped talking to her for a few days again. 3 days later! She had a friend text me with her phone. I know this because she doesn't let people usually touch her phone to text someone. She then proceeded to talk herself and said stuff about the event how it may fall through. I explained i was already going to pay a chunk.Which i guess made her happy. Then she brought up the fact I cut my hair as a friend told her. (my hair was colored) this seemed to make her sad. A day or so later, i went to visit one of our mutual friends. Our friend posted about in on the web and once i got off my bus i got a message from her being surprised i was there. I told her ya i went to visit. Then most of the nigth she talked to me via text. up until she said she was hungry then she disappeared. The next day she messaged me and asked what me and our friend did for the day. I told her briefly and she said cool. Later that nigth she posted about she was stress eating and a friend took her out to eat. On the note of social media, she was posting alot more then usual. Our friends found this odd as well. She was even posting good and bad stuff seemly directed at me with out meaning too. So this is the final part, She decided to call me out of the blue and talk about the event we were going to. Then the conversation shifted to random stuff and i was the one who had to end the talk. Summary We did try to fix things and it was working. Plans for the future were made. Left me while i was at work and went right to a new guy shes been talking too She left a ton of her stuff behind, including a drawer full of clothes. Talked to me day after to explain the situation and kept turning it back to not taking her back She got mad at me so I decided it was time for no contact She tried to break no contact and message me. I tried to ignore it but she kept trying. Eventually i answered back She messages me when herr boyfriend isnt around. She gets angry one day and mean. The next day or so she is very nice. She brought up random things about not going back with me even when i didn't bring it up. Social media she posts more some directed towards me and or trying to get my attention.(this may not fully be true) When i visited a friend she got curious and wanted to talk to me. When i ended the convo it made her mad it seems. She called me and tried to keep the convo going. She says shes happy with her new boyfriend. In some ways, it feels like some people around her are feeding her info. She even told a friend i was saying bad stuff behind her back before the break up which wasn't true. Also at this time i do want to get back with her. But i do know she needs space time to calm down and the such. Also she needs to be with someone else right now and im happy for her. I was also told she is in a rebound relationship and some sites have reinforced this. I am moving on in my own way. What im asking now, how can i go about getting her back Do any of you think she may be back in the future. Is it a rebound relationship how often do relationships starting with cheating last. Why didn't no contact with her work for so long. Any insight would be helpful in anyway.
sdraw108 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Forget this girl. Go NC properly (delete/block her, make it so she can't get in touch) and begin the process of moving on with your life. Only pain will come from continuing down this path you are on. 1
along60years Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 It doesn't sound like you were NC for very long. She has power over you right now because you always give in on HER terms. Make her work for it if she wants it and do not reply to her until you get something real back. She may never be coming back, and cheaters suck anyways. SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO BE MAD AT YOU FOR NOT MAINTAINING A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER, SHE CHOSE THIS. Give her some time to realize what she gave up. Also, it is understandable that you want her back, you love(d) her and unfortunately for us dumpees we can't just shake that off, but you need to stop chasing or she will keep running and figure out where you want to stand and what you are willing to accept from a partner and NOT settle for less than that. 1
StrongLass Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Her mind sounds less sorted than the clearance bins at most walmarts. I'd back away from this Justano, focus on yourself for now & go NC for REAL this time.
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