Author UpwardSpiral Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 Steadfast, Thanks for the feedback. I read your story and so can only imagine where you're coming from. I will never voluntarily disclose my A to my SO. I made a mistake, and know I need to resolve our marriage issues. I see no need to break his heart with this news, as it's a symptom but not the underlying cause of my unhappiness. If we have any shot at staying together, then yes, it will be under a veil of deception, and I"ll have to live with all that entails. I realize you will disagree with that line of thinking but I'm sure it's the best option for me AND for him.
Steadfast Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I read your story and so can only imagine where you're coming from. My experience has nothing to do with my response. It does not shade my outlook. Through a lot of hard work and introspection I remade my story. Critical in that was a complete emotional breakdown. But, I'd rather hit bottom and rise back up that do just enough to remain there forever. It was terrifying, but not impossible to overcome. The fear of it was worse than living through it. That's me; that's not you. You will do as you will. I will never voluntarily disclose my A to my SO. Then you, and unknowingly your husband also, will never experience the freedom that only truth can offer. Cowards reap what they sow. 1
ladydesigner Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 But, I'd rather hit bottom and rise back up that do just enough to remain there forever. It was terrifying, but not impossible to overcome. The fear of it was worse than living through it. Steadfast you summed up well the hell from which I have come from. I can relate so much to your post and the bolded is such a wonderful statement! I am both a fWS and BS.
Author UpwardSpiral Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 Steadfast, I obviously don't know you, but it seems pretty obvious to me that you have not risen from the ashes. You seem terribly bitter, for justifiable reasons but please, don't tell me you've got it all figured out. I am here because I freely admit I screwed up, I AM screwed up, and I find it helpful to hear the experiences and perspectives of other people. Hearing from BSs like you does give me some food for thought so I appreciate that.
Steadfast Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Having strong beliefs does not make one bitter. Being wishy-washy does not make one kind. My only concern is for those who aren't able to choose. Your husband deserves to know. To decide. Your fear keeps him in a prison of lies. Do not say it is for his benefit. You owe him the truth. You owe yourself too. I have shown you a great personal compassion and thoughtfulness. Perhaps one day you will recognize that. Strength is not a gift. It is hard earned. 2
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