mtnbiker3000 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Or is it simply all of the shock, pain and suffering associated with the BU itself? For me it's the latter. Mostly the rejection and the loss of someone special from everyday life. Actually, I think NC a good coping mechanism for the BU. I've found it somewhat of a relief and a safe place to exist for the time being. Out of site, out of mind... After all, what's the alternative, right? But, I know there are many here who just can't seem to stay away from the source of their pain. And for that I truly feel for you. Good luck to all of us, no matter how we are coping 3
StrongLass Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I think for some it's like a drug, or just a strong case denial that it's over so they can avoid the inevitable mental state of suckitude. 1
AllTooWell Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I think most people EVENTUALLY get to where you are right now But fresh after the breakup, they have so many questions and can't believe it's over. Eventually you get to a point where you realize there is no point in contacting them, nothing left to say. 1
itto ogami Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 My recent NC was the hardest and easiest thing I've ever done. But four months to this day, I am in another world. No tears, no pain, and no endless head spinning. There are thoughts of her certainly, but the feelings are so distant....NC was the best thing I could have done. 2
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 I think most people EVENTUALLY get to where you are right now But fresh after the breakup, they have so many questions and can't believe it's over. Crikey. I still have a lot of questions and I still get a gut punch when I realize it's all over. I just know contacting her won't do a damn thing except make it worse. 1
Philosoraptor Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 NC is hard the same way any other life adjustment is. You take something that was a constant in your life and remove it completely, and that's difficult. But like anything else, the hard work at the start pays off with speeding up the healing process. The latter is like scraping your knee and ripping off the scab every time it comes back. Not only does it take forever to heal, but it leaves a nasty scar. 2
lukekarts Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 It is really difficult. Especially after you have lived together, and especially after it has been so long. I'm two weeks into being single, after being together for 10 years. I haven't got into the full No Contact phase yet, because I've still needed to get stuff, my stuff that she still has. I also spent a week between being dumped via text and actually having that 'closure' conversation this Monday. It is hard, I take the bus straight past her place of work and her flat every day, on my commute. We used to talk for up to an hour a day when apart, text 10 times a day; and obviously when we were together we were part of one another's day. That's the really hard bit. I'm not used to doing anything different.
hotpotato Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 It's hard. For me it was the void not having him left. I spend a lot of time alone because of work, and besides that im very much a loner. My life revolved around our conversations which I see now was the problem. Dumpers shield themselves from this void by lining someone else up before they dump. Most of us here are dumpees that didnt have that luxury. I think its only hard in the beginning. I am in a much better place now than two months ago. I think it looks so bad on ls because in the beginning people post a lot. Then after awhile they leave or post less. Meanwhile a new influx of dumpees comes.
JDPT Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 NC is a very abrupt and crude portion of the process but sadly something that we must adhere to and endure. My BU occurred roughly one and a half months ago and I like many of us had so many questions unanswered, felt rejection from someone who would go out of her way to see me and felt simply like I wasn't worth much. I started analyzing and accepting her abrupt decision to end things. I was suggested to simply accept and respect her decision and that's exactly what I did, zero contact, cold turkey now I won't deny how painful that part of the process has been but in hindsight there was no better way. All I can say is let's just hang in there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
soccerrprp Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Actually, I think NC a good coping mechanism for the BU. I've found it somewhat of a relief and a safe place to exist for the time being. Out of site, out of mind... It is "a" coping strategy, but it's difficult b/c it's not as simple as out of site, out of mind. It's difficult b/c it's out of site, but inconveniently on your mind...
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 ^^^^ Hahahahaha. Yeah, you're right about that!!!
Hoaks Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I have no choice in NC. She has a new phone. Which makes it easier. Only been a week but there is no way i could bring myself to text or call her now anyway, even if i could.
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