lovemaynotbeenough Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I need advice. I have 2 sets of divorce papers to choose from. One has a stipulation that my husband and I can have no overnight visitors while we have the kids for up to 1 year. The other does not. I am filing a contested divorce with no lawyer so if he wants to contest my demands he will have to get one then and so will I. In our discussions about divorce he wants joint custody and wants me to sign a paper saying he will not have to pay child support. (everyone I have talked to with knowledge on this has said there is no way he will get out of child support) I do not want joint custody. I want full. And I want child support. So... my question is would I be pushing my luck putting in the no overnight visitors thing? With the judge and my husband? I am affraid I will seem bitter to the judge. As of now I do not speak to husband unless it has to do with the kids or the bills he is giving me money to pay (his bills). He does not know I am filing. He thinks I am waiting on him to give me some money to do this together. I am afraid to ask him not to spend the night at her house when he has the boys because every time I ask him to do or not to do something he does the exact opposite. He says I can not tell him what to do anymore. He has told me that he thinks his girlfriends kids have been molested. He accused the father and grandmother of the girlfriends children. I do not want my kids around those kids overnight because kids that have been molested are more likely to repeat the pattern. This is all just hear say from my husband (I am sure his girlfriend told him this but he says he came up with the theory all on his own) So this is my delima. Since I do not have a lawyer and do not want to have to get one I am affraid if I go that far in my demands he will try to get one and fight me. But at the same time I do NOT want my kids spending the night with them. To get more backstory my original post is "why does my husband want to sleep with me when he has another woman" Please let me know what you think Thanks
iris219 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 In our discussions about divorce he wants joint custody and wants me to sign a paper saying he will not have to pay child support. (everyone I have talked to with knowledge on this has said there is no way he will get out of child support) I do not want joint custody. I want full. And I want child support. Why don't you want joint custody? Unless you can prove that your ex is an unfit parent, the judge is likely to award joint custody. My bf has joint custody and doesn't pay child support. Why should he? Why should your ex husband? You will have the kids an equal amount. My bf pays for their after school care and most of their doctor bills (all checkups and 60/40 for major things). If your ex makes considerably more than you and you stayed home most of the marriage, ask for alimony. So... my question is would I be pushing my luck putting in the no overnight visitors thing? With the judge and my husband? I am affraid I will seem bitter to the judge. The no overnight thing sounds controlling, unless you know that his gf and/or her kids are unstable. And if they are, what difference will a year make? Has there been a problem between your kids and his gf's kids? So this is my delima. Since I do not have a lawyer and do not want to have to get one I am affraid if I go that far in my demands he will try to get one and fight me. But at the same time I do NOT want my kids spending the night with them. Get a lawyer.
Author lovemaynotbeenough Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 Why don't you want joint custody? Unless you can prove that your ex is an unfit parent, the judge is likely to award joint custody. My bf has joint custody and doesn't pay child support. Why should he? Why should your ex husband? You will have the kids an equal amount. My bf pays for their after school care and most of their doctor bills (all checkups and 60/40 for major things). If your ex makes considerably more than you and you stayed home most of the marriage, ask for alimony. The no overnight thing sounds controlling, unless you know that his gf and/or her kids are unstable. And if they are, what difference will a year make? Has there been a problem between your kids and his gf's kids? Get a lawyer. Please read my original post. My husband is not your ideal loving caring always be there kinda father. I do not want to keep him from the boys because 1) I know that relationship is very important 2) I don't want the boys resenting me later 3) the boys love him and he loves them. I would not keep them apart. Ever. If they want to see dad or dad wants to see them I will make that happen. I can not trust my husband to help when I need it. Never have been able to. Thats why I want child support. I want to be sure the boys have that when I don't have enough to get what they need. The only problem between the kids has been my youngest has a crush on the girlfriend youngest. He gets upset every time they hang out because he gets jealous if she wants to play with any other boy including my oldest. Other than that they all get along.
ForNoOne Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 In these circumstances, get a lawyer. If you have little income, see if your local Legal Aid office can help you. This situation sounds too complex for a non-specialist to handle. I'm a lawyer myself (not a divorce lawyer) and wouldn't know how to handle the difficult issues you raise.
iris219 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I can not trust my husband to help when I need it. Never have been able to. Thats why I want child support. I want to be sure the boys have that when I don't have enough to get what they need. You have to get a lawyer. If you want full custody and your husband plans to fight you over this, you need a lawyer to help you. Please don't try to do this on your own. Even uncomplicated divorces benefit from having a lawyer.
Recommended Posts