sdraw108 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Men should NOT be judged by their cock size. Not by females, not by other males, not ever. But they ARE. Who cares what things "should" be like? We live in the real world, not some fantasy world where nobody is ever judgmental about anything. It's in that real world that he was humiliated in front of a bunch of friends. And it's the real world consequences he'll have to deal with.
New User Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Wow. Casual emasculation in front of friends. Friends who will now look at him differently. I'm sure that at this point in the thread you've gotten about all the advice that you can and anything said will be repeating something said earlier.
salparadise Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I'll be honest here, I'm on the small side (12 cm/4.7 inches), and moreover, I'm an extreme grower instead of a shower. If I would wip out my dick before I did some prep strokes it would be disasterously embarrasing. I don't even pee in public restrooms or take public showers. Believe me, you can insult any feature of me and I can shrug it off, but if you tell my friends how underdeveloped my penis is and I'm out of here. Yes, that's what I mean. It's like attitudes about sex and money––no big deal unless you aren't getting any, in which case it turns into the primary focus. Nobody who has not been poor knows what it's like to be hungry. Starving yourself to lose weight, while knowing the fridge is stocked, is not the same thing at all. I remember back in high school gym... we were required to dress out, and required to shower in a big open shower room. There was a poor country boy in the class who had speech impediment and absolutely no social status otherwise, but he had about a nine-inch pecker, limp - who knows what it would've been erect. Another guy was middle class and more social but he must've had a micro-penis or something because he possessed the only washcloth in school, and it always covered him walking to and from, and in the shower. You could see the pain on his face all the time. Some of the guys would ask to borrow it sometimes and then snicker. The only thing worse than having to cover up and show the world that he was ashamed, would've been to not be able to cover up. The country boy with the schlong would strut around like he owned that locker room... and he did in a sense. No average guys wanted to be anywhere near him in that locker room! He once confided in me that even though the girls in school wouldn't pay him any attention, the sluts up on the mountain couldn't get enough, were always fighting over him. I don't think either of those guys could know what it would've been like to be the other guy. And even though the women mean well when the say it doesn't matter, that's because they really do not understand. 1
kaylan Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Drencrom. Youre new, so heres so advice to help make threads easier to read. Combine your quotes into one post instead of making 5 or 6 sequential posts.
clia Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I will be shocked if he doesn't ultimately end things with you over this. It is such a huge breach of trust. I can't imagine blabbing about something so personal and private as genitalia size in public to a bunch of people at a party. (And then for you to do it again with your friend...why is it anyone's business how big his penis is???) You two are supposed to be a team, and you basically threw him under the bus. I know you claim to feel terrible about it, but why on Earth did you do that? To look cool and funny in front of other people? I just don't get it at all. I can't imagine doing that to someone I was in love with and engaged to marry. The only comparison I can think of is him telling a bunch of people that your vagina reeks or that you have big lips or a big, hairy bush. How would you feel if he blabbed that to a bunch of people at a party? I think all you can really do is apologize and then give him the space to figure out what he wants to do. But honestly, I'm not real optimistic for you. It was a terrible thing to do to him. 2
KungFuJoe Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 If only op's bf was as long as this thread...... Bazinga! 3
TheGuard13 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I seriously doubt any of the OP's fiancée's friends care about what was said, and many of them may not even remember it at this point. I have never, in my life, actually met someone who actually thinks someone is less of a person because he has a small penis. I've met women who would not sleep with that man because of physical incompatibility or a desire for a larger penis, or people who would feel sorry for him over having a small dick, but I've never met anyone who actually judges him overall for the size of something he cannot control. I'm pretty sure that if I did, I would borderline stop associating with those people, and I certainly wouldn't give a damn what they thought about the subject. I agree that OP's fiancée is contributing to his own insecurity in this case. His reaction to this is a bit extreme, I think. She said something stupid while drunk. It's a trust issue that needs to be discussed and resolved. But there are worse things she could have done. Does that excuse what she did? No. But neither is this something a relationship or an engagement shouldn't be able to bounce back from. Sometimes we hurt the ones we love. It's important to be able to get past that, and to learn from it, and move forward.
dasein Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Thread highlights a huge double standard between women and men. Don't understand why people find this so outlandish, I've heard dozens, even hundreds of women rubbish their man in public and private over the years, weight, height, penis size, impotence, literally every possible variety of insult. Happens at weddings alot when women are looking for a fling, to cheat, or just humiliate their spouse, it's pretty common actually. "Like John could ever get it up tonight... or any night" to a group of 6 people from a woman I'd just met?!? "Have some more to eat, Bill, Oink! Oink!" Things men literally can't say without extreme censure or even getting assaulted. Not only did OP get away with something most men absolutely could not without extreme consequences, she freely repeats the behavior with aplomb, and I bet will do it her whole life. She learned nothing from the experience and is now seeking to turn the incident into brunch gossip?! Whatever.
RedRobin Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 If you have a significant other, you could test this theory with more data. Do what the OP did and see if oral sex makes up for the pain in his heart.. Oh there are several. But we men will still take the BJs knowing that we're going to break up with you later. Oh, please people... read the rest of my post(s)... I'm quite sure I suggested things she needed to do to address the real issue here, and that is her betrayal of him. And duh, of course everything can't be fixed with a BJ. ... but in this case, someone has to break the ice, folks... As for some of you... ... if you are the vindictive type who would accept such knowing you were going to break up afterward, then you are more messed up and mean spirited than you are accusing the OP...
BradJacobs Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 As for some of you... ... if you are the vindictive type who would accept such knowing you were going to break up afterward, then you are more messed up and mean spirited than you are accusing the OP... You're hoping to use a blow job to manipulate a guy's feelings and you're calling me messed up?!?! It's not vindictive to receive a blow job. It's effed up to think I can be so easily manipulated by oral sex. Served them right.
RedRobin Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 (edited) You're hoping to use a blow job to manipulate a guy's feelings and you're calling me messed up?!?! It's not vindictive to receive a blow job. It's effed up to think I can be so easily manipulated by oral sex. Served them right. Again, read the rest of my post(s)... It isn't 'manipulation' to show the person you love how much you love them... and to show it in a physical way. It is extremely vindictive to receive a blow job knowing you will dump them. ... um... 'them?' How many women have you allowed to give you BJ's knowing in advance you were going to dump 'them?' Never mind, don't answer... I'm responding from the perspective of someone who only has sex within loving, exclusive relationships (me)... not the paradigm of folks who have sex with those they don't love or who don't love them back... and, I might add, the OP is/was engaged to this man. This may or may not be the kind of arrangement you are used to. Edited July 16, 2013 by RedRobin
BradJacobs Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 (edited) Then give him the best BJ and sex ever to show just how much you love it and him.... If you're hoping to give me a bj just so I won't dump you then by default you're trying to manipulate my decision. And by attaching me remaining in the relationship to my receiving of said "best BJ and sex ever" then it isn't being given freely, it's being given with strings attached to it. So where's the love in all of that quid pro quo, tit for tat expectation? This may or may not be the kind of arrangement you are used to. Never had an arrangement like you're referring to! Oh my goodness what's an engagement?!?! I only hook up with slutty girls at the bar and pay for hookers while I'm blacked out on mollies and oxy. I guess that completely disqualifies me as a man who has received this kind of "best BJ and sex ever" to make a comment? It comes off as pathetic and manipulative. If you don't think we men can't tell when you're trying much harder than normal then you are sorely mistaken. Edited July 16, 2013 by BradJacobs
Adele0908 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 WorriedLiz- How embarrassing for your fiance. He must have felt terrible. To be humiliated about something that most defines his manhood. I don't see how you could really be in love with him if you said that. What if he joked about you having a loose vagina in front of all your mutual friends? You emasculated him, so he felt like less of a man. You got drunk and the truth came out. To repair the situation, well you could apologize but he may not feel the same way about you. He wants to feel respected. So if you can find a way to make him feel respected and valued, then do that. But honestly I don't know what that would be. You might have to do some research via books or google as to how to apologize to your partner and how to rebuild trust.
anna121 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Well, she didn't say say he was the ugliest man she's slept with. She actually really said nothing about the actual physical attraction she feels for him. The problem with the ugliness analogy is that it's so unambiguously bad that it's hard to believe someone could feel that way about a woman he loves. I think a better analogy is if a woman is really sensitive about her ass because it's flat as a pancake. Or has teeny boobs. Something that a man could, legitimately, not care that much about (maybe he's a leg man or into beautiful eyes). If the man answered a similar question at a party, I'm pretty sure most women would be devastated. I sure would be. I DON'T think most women would dump him solely over that, though. I feel bad for both of them.
sdraw108 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I think a better analogy is if a woman is really sensitive about her ass because it's flat as a pancake. Or has teeny boobs. These analogies (and most of the others people have come up with) don't work because (a) those things don't have anywhere near the same social stigma associated with them, and (b) they're much more visible and obvious to everyone anyway, so the humiliation factor is significantly reduced. If someone commented on a girl's "teeny boobs", yeah it's insulting and hurtful without a doubt, but most people in the room are going to be thinking "And? I can see that for myself, and I don't care anyway". There's no lasting humiliation, other than the fact that people now realise your partner is insensitive.
TheGuard13 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Even if that was the case, she went back and made sure at least one of her friends remembered, and also just might be asking the other friends about it rather than letting bad enough alone. She was asking her friend for advice, as I recall. Which is something that people do of their friends, and given the circumstances, not out of line. I believe she also mentioned that said friend already knew about this guy's size. And if you don't think a few snickers and jokes won't come up in this circle of friends at least a couple of times over this, think again. If it does in his presence, then perhaps he should consider getting some new friends.
KungFuJoe Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Hey, it's not HER fault that he's lacking down there. I mean, sure...maybe now her friends know about it...but SHE still has to live with the guy and potentially marry him. There is an appalling lack of sympathy for op in this thread. Imagine if you had to take care of an invalid. Having sex with someone with a small penis is pretty damn similar, if you ask me.
Keenly Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Hey, it's not HER fault that he's lacking down there. I mean, sure...maybe now her friends know about it...but SHE still has to live with the guy and potentially marry him. There is an appalling lack of sympathy for op in this thread. Imagine if you had to take care of an invalid. Having sex with someone with a small penis is pretty damn similar, if you ask me. Sympathy? Are you serious? Sympathy for what exactly? I have none for her. She has proven herself unworthy.
New User Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Hey, it's not HER fault that he's lacking down there. I mean, sure...maybe now her friends know about it...but SHE still has to live with the guy and potentially marry him. There is an appalling lack of sympathy for op in this thread. Imagine if you had to take care of an invalid. Having sex with someone with a small penis is pretty damn similar, if you ask me. She doesn't deserve any sympathy. To go with your analogy- if she doesn't want to take care of the invalid, she should quit her job. I simply don't buy that this was inadvertent. The mouth is not an involuntary muscle. She did publicly humiliate him. She will almost definitely do it again- if not on this subject than on something else. The casual lack of respect her actions indicate are something that no man should ever tolerate from a partner. I'd suspect that her comment had more to do with putting him "in his place" (beneath her) than anything else. Everyone who has commented that the analogies don't really hit the mark is correct. But I suspect if a man casually humiliated his fiance in public the prevailing advice would be to dump him. Which is what this guy should do. There is no future in a relationship with someone willing to attack their mate like she did. Yes, it was an attack. A very passive aggressive one, but an attack nonetheless. Suggesting that she didn't humiliate him is absurd. She did and she knows it or she wouldn't be asking about it (of course there is the very real possibility that someone just posted this for teh lulz). She can't fix it. I can't come up with any reason why he would want to. Let's think about this- the trump card that is pulled in so many subjects is penis size; I'm sure that you've all heard someone use it on the issue of guns, cars, and probably a few other subjects that I can't think of right now. "You got a Humvee- sorry about the penis" etc. It's pretty universal in our culture and if you ever debate these subjects you've seen it many times. Everyone knows that attacking a man below the belt is the most effective way to rattle him. What she did was far more personal and far more destructive than any of the throwaway lines that are used because those using them perceive the damage that they can do if they happen to be right. She knew it was true and she went there anyway. Publicly. I can pretty much guarantee everyone there remembers it and will not likely forget his casual emasculation. This isn't about him or his perceived inadequacies- though you do a nice job of ensuring we understand that you believe him to be less of a man because of them. This is about a complete lack of respect from the OP towards a man that she is supposed to love and respect. I don't believe that she feels either of these things towards him. She came here for advice. Simply put, there is nothing that she can do. If he were the one asking for advice here I would tell him to drop back ten and punt. Somebody that so blithely disrespects you in public is not worth the effort of maintaining a relationship with. It will happen again. Repeatedly. 2
Adele0908 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 WorriedLiz if you're still reading this, everyone makes mistakes. Just take responsibility for what happened, learn from the mistake, and accept the consequences.
KungFuJoe Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 And there is an appalling lack of sympathy for the guy who was actually the one who was humiliated and hurt by his fiance by you, if you ask me. Humiliation will pass with time. His penis is not going to grow anytime soon. Advantage - op's bf.
KungFuJoe Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Sympathy? Are you serious? Sympathy for what exactly? I have none for her. She has proven herself unworthy. Oh...and a small penis IS worthy? I mean, lettuce be real.
New User Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Oh...and a small penis IS worthy? I mean, lettuce be real. Nicely obscure reference. I'll give you that. Perhaps you can get the OP's contact information so you can go explain to her fiance that he's inadequate and should simply accept whatever scraps of affection any woman is willing to toss on the floor in front of him. Be sure to explain that he is unworthy of any female attention and should be grateful that he is getting something he doesn't deserve.
KungFuJoe Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I still think people are not seeing both sides of the coin here. Maybe op's inability to contain her true feelings are stemmed from ongoing disappointment and despair from lack of sexual fulfillment.
therhythm Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I still think people are not seeing both sides of the coin here. Maybe op's inability to contain her true feelings are stemmed from ongoing disappointment and despair from lack of sexual fulfillment. I think you are the most one sided poster in this thread.... just read again your posts... there is not even a little sympathy or empathy with OP's boyfriend...
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