Floridita Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Truth is, he emasculates himself if he finds his self-worth in his pants. She simply spoke her mind at the time. There is nothing wrong with that, other than it was insensitive. She lost her scruples for a moment. It happens in relationships all the time. She didn't screw someone else, or ever claim to want anyone else, she simply said what she thought at the time. Yes, she spoke out loud when she shouldn't have. She didn't ruin his trust, didn't break a covenant, hell she was honest... that's a plus in my book. Strong couples grow from these things, small mistakes that become magnified. I don't even know how to respond to that. I disagree. Maybe you don't think a man should put all his worth into his penis, but that doesn't negate the humiliation that he feels at the hand of the person he MOST trusted. His partner belittled him publicly. He has every right to end the relationship. Sometimes honesty is not the best policy. 6
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I don't even know how to respond to that. I disagree. Maybe you don't think a man should put all his worth into his penis, but that doesn't negate the humiliation that he feels at the hand of the person he MOST trusted. His partner belittled him publicly. He has every right to end the relationship. Sometimes honesty is not the best policy. His "humiliation" is rooted in how he views himself, not in how she views him. She loves him and felt secure enough to tell the truth. She was evidently wrong in her understanding of him and now wants to make amends. I do not believe that she ever once willfully wanted to belittle him. If so, she would not be here, listening to all the ridicule and still telling her story through the slander. If that were the case, she would have just ended it then and there. Its a bump in the road, nothing more, nothing less.
sdraw108 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 His "humiliation" is rooted in how he views himself, not in how she views him What difference does this make? "Oh I'm really sorry I humiliated you in front of all our friends, but it doesn't really count anyway because it's your fault you're feeling humiliated" 4
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 What difference does this make? "Oh I'm really sorry I humiliated you in front of all our friends, but it doesn't really count anyway because it's your fault you're feeling humiliated" The difference is intent. Humiliation by its very nature is done with malice and intent. I see neither, do you? Embarrassment is closer to the truth in this case. There is a distinct difference. 2
sdraw108 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I was referring to the fact that you're brushing off his feelings as if he's silly to be having them (i.e. he shouldn't be feeling humiliated or embarrassed or whatever you want to call it): Truth is, he emasculates himself if he finds his self-worth in his pants. Her intentions are irrelevant to this. He feels the way he feels, period. I think most people would agree (and most have, in this thread) that his response is normal and typical for a man in his situation. 5
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) I was referring to the fact that you're brushing off his feelings as if he's silly to be having them (i.e. he shouldn't be feeling humiliated or embarrassed or whatever you want to call it): Her intentions are irrelevant to this. He feels the way he feels, period. I think most people would agree (and most have, in this thread) that his response is normal and typical for a man in his situation. I agree that his reaction is normal and typical. That's the problem. Men should NOT be judged by their cock size. Not by females, not by other males, not ever. Because its "normal and typical" does not mean that it's the best way to be. There is something deeper at play here. A few words spoken at a party should not deserve the attention this thread is getting. I did not once say it was silly and that his feelings do not deserve attention. They do. They deserve more than a little attention. He feels hurt. It happens in relationships, its normal. Not good but normal, unfortunately. Women are hurt all the time too, often over comments about their bodies that are insinuated/overheard but never addressed. The OP never, ever intended to hurt her man, and yet how many men in this thread have told her how they would not forgive her... for what?... uttering a few words that she honestly just spit out?? How many men have talked behind their woman's back, about sex, body, etc? I know the deal, men talk, I've heard it since I have 3 brothers and many male friends. Seriously, men have to get over their cocks, they really aren't that special. Edited July 14, 2013 by sweetheart5381
damien201 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) sweetheart5381, To me this goes beyond penis or body issues. It's a deep trust issue, and it's a bit more complicated because it deals with many social issues. Imagine the conversation were, "which of your boyfriends made the most money?" If you replied, "ha, my current boyfriend is so broke, he can barely pay for us to be here right now!", I imagine it would hurt him in a similar though much less emotionally devastating way. Basically, she undermined his trust and confidence in the relationship in the worst way possible. She took his greatest personal inadequacy and made a joke of it among a group of peers. It wouldn't have made much difference if it were a race or money, for instance if she said "I can't believe I ended up dating a black guy, usually I find them repulsive (just joking hahaha)" As a person who should be the closest to him, she embarrassed him in one of the most painful ways possible and now he has to live with the fear that she will expose him in that way (or others) again. Once again, he has to trust that she will not, and now his confidence in this is going to be greatly diminished. Edited July 14, 2013 by damien201 3
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) sweetheart5381, To me this goes beyond penis or body issues. It's a deep trust issue, and it's a bit more complicated because it deals with many social issues. Imagine the conversation were, "which of your boyfriends made the most money?" If you replied, "ha, my current boyfriend is so broke, he can barely pay for us to be here right now!", I imagine it would hurt him in a similar though much less emotionally devastating way. Basically, she undermined his trust and confidence in the relationship in the worst way possible. She took his greatest personal inadequacy and made a joke of it among a group of peers. It wouldn't have made much difference if it were a race or money, for instance if she said "I can't believe I ended up dating a black guy, usually I find them repulsive (just joking hahaha)" As a person who should be the closest to him, she embarrassed him in one of the most painful ways possible and now he has to live with the fear that she will expose him in that way (or others) again. Once again, he has to trust that she will not, and now his confidence in this is going to be greatly diminished. Thank you Damien. I can appreciate what you said and you said it well. I can appreciate that she exposed him to ridicule among peers. It hurts. I can appreciate that there is some trust that will need to be re-built between them. Trust is precious in a relationship In this case, I think that love will have to suffice in order to build the trust back. Unfortunately, I really hate the fact that this whole deal is rooted in societal fears of being inadequate due to the body, rather than the whole person. Kinda like looking at things with tunnel vision. You can't see the forest for the trees. She loves him... she made a mistake. She didnt even know at the time that what she was doing was terrible. We all do it though, we're human. Edited July 14, 2013 by sweetheart5381
damien201 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Unfortunately, I really hate the fact that this whole deal is rooted in societal fears of being inadequate due to the body, rather than the whole person. I agree. This is a lot to ask of people though, and I think the reason most couples breakup. In order for them to carry on at this point he's basically going to have to be superman; He will need to lose all pride, lose all insecurity related to his girlfriends previous lovers, and firmly instill the confidence in himself that he is the best partner she's ever had even if he has a small dick. Individually these are difficult problems. In making the comment she did, she's asking him to overcome them all at once. 1
ChessPieceFace Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Thanks Millionto1. That's an excellent line. "Obviously I was being sarcastic dumbass." That really is good. Thanks Yeah great, more lies. Always the best choice for good relationships. BTW, THAT was being sarcastic. When you verbally stabbed your fiancee between the legs, you were not. 2
hoping2heal Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 The difference is intent. Humiliation by its very nature is done with malice and intent. I see neither, do you? Embarrassment is closer to the truth in this case. There is a distinct difference. After knowing how upset this guy was because of what she did, she turned around and did the same kind of thing not long after. If it would have been a one off then the context would be entirely different. It wasn't, she may not have been doing anything intentionally but the issue at large is that she either can't, won't, or doesn't know how to respect him and his feelings.
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) I agree. This is a lot to ask of people though, and I think the reason most couples breakup. In order for them to carry on at this point he's basically going to have to be superman; He will need to lose all pride, lose all insecurity related to his girlfriends previous lovers, and firmly instill the confidence in himself that he is the best partner she's ever had even if he has a small dick. Individually these are difficult problems. In making the comment she did, she's asking him to overcome them all at once. Yep, agreed. It's hard to do. Relationships are hard. Heck, my bf didn't say goodnight tonight. I could technically start a thread about what that "means", lol. I could essentially bring up every time he has "let me down" (once exactly, but its early in the relationship) and ignore all the goodness he has brought me. Sure, I could say he doesn't call me "beautiful", doesn't take me to expensive restaurants, he hogs the remote at times and sometimes falls asleep when I want him to stay up. I dont make a fuss cuz its not worth it at the end of the day. I get insecure at times too. We all do. I dont want a Superman, neither does OP. He doesn't have to lose his pride, or change his feelings of security or confidence at all. She loves and wants him, heck she wants to marry him!!! and she wants him to be happy. Edited July 14, 2013 by sweetheart5381
damien201 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) He doesn't have to lose his pride, or change his feelings of security or confidence at all. That's really not being fair to him at all. As a guy (and as a girl I imagine), your pride in the relationship is partly rooted in feeling like you **** your girl the best. That you get her off better than anyone before you. That's why you feel she's with you. What she said cast doubt on all that. If you really think that's inaccurate to say, think about how you'd feel if at a party your boyfriend told all your friends that his ex's had a way tighter pussy than you. I have a feeling you would be on this forum asking how to take it, if you stayed with him at all. Edited July 14, 2013 by damien201
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 That's really not being fair to him at all. As a guy (and as a girl I imagine), your pride in the relationship is partly rooted in feeling like you **** your girl the best. That you get her off better than anyone before you. That's why you feel she's with you. What she said cast doubt on all that. If you really think that's inaccurate to say, think about how you'd feel if at a party your boyfriend told all your friends that his ex's had a way tighter pussy than you. I have a feeling you would be on this forum asking how to take it, if you stayed with him at all. Do men really think that? That women are with them because they are the best lovers?
Deepwounds Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 As a guy with a nice size JOHNSON I wouldn't give a single ****, I would have whipped it out right there and disproving you and totally troll**** that group. Thee that has a small wee wee will be the ones to get butthurt about it, and if he happens to really have a small dick.. Well just NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER mention it to him.. You trreat the D with respect, but only if hes there.. When hes not there who gives a ****.
damien201 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) Do men really think that? That women are with them because they are the best lovers? No, obviously this isn't the only thing. But we all know sex is important to a relationship. Edited July 14, 2013 by damien201
Deepwounds Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Do men really think that? That women are with them because they are the best lovers? Evolution/DNA/Genes Just because we are an intelligent being does not un write what is genetically encoded on us. That's why the strongest Lion lays the females The beautifulest Bird gets the mate So forth an so on, and you can not for one second say it doesnt apply to Humans, but sweetheart we are mammals just like the rest of em.
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 That's really not being fair to him at all. As a guy (and as a girl I imagine), your pride in the relationship is partly rooted in feeling like you **** your girl the best. That you get her off better than anyone before you. That's why you feel she's with you. What she said cast doubt on all that. If you really think that's inaccurate to say, think about how you'd feel if at a party your boyfriend told all your friends that his ex's had a way tighter pussy than you. I have a feeling you would be on this forum asking how to take it, if you stayed with him at all. I personally expect that my man can have much tighter pussy than mine. I've had 3 children. He is a younger man and can have a 20 yr old if he wanted. If he chose to leave for that reason, then that's cool. Love is in the soul, not the body. If he leaves me for a tight pussy, then I wish him well
damien201 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) I personally expect that my man can have much tighter pussy than mine. I've had 3 children. He is a younger man and can have a 20 yr old if he wanted. If he chose to leave for that reason, then that's cool. Love is in the soul, not the body. If he leaves me for a tight pussy, then I wish him well That's fine. But what you said is kind of avoiding the point. So you're saying you wouldn't be bothered if at a party your boyfriend said "hahahaha, my girl's pussy is so loose, I guess I kind of expected it since she has 3 kids, but man!" in front of you and your friends? What's at issue here is respect and trust between partners. I feel anyone, guy or girl, would be absolutely crushed and humiliated by their partner making a comment like that. Edited July 14, 2013 by damien201
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 That's fine. But what you said is kind of avoiding the point. So you're saying you wouldn't be bothered if at a party your boyfriend said "hahahaha, my girl's pussy is so loose, I guess I kind of expected it since she has 3 kids, but man" in front of you and your friends? Well sure, that would be offensive. We would talk and get over it. It doesnt seem to me that anyone was laughing over what OP was saying, but good point nonetheless. Bothered is different than ending an engagement. I dont expect to be the "best" my man has ever had and we have enough scruples to not delve into that terrain. The past is the past for a reason
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 That's fine. But what you said is kind of avoiding the point. So you're saying you wouldn't be bothered if at a party your boyfriend said "hahahaha, my girl's pussy is so loose, I guess I kind of expected it since she has 3 kids, but man!" in front of you and your friends? What's at issue here is respect and trust between partners. I feel anyone, guy or girl, would be absolutely crushed and humiliated by their partner making a comment like that. You would only be crushed if you believed you were the best. I personally don't and work everyday to show my man that he deserves my best and work hard to please him. He does the same. We dont compare past lovers, they simply dont exist anymore. We are veterans... we show each other more love and patience than you can imagine, without stereotypes and judgement. 1
damien201 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Bothered is different than ending an engagement. I dont expect to be the "best" my man has ever had and we have enough scruples to not delve into that terrain. The past is the past for a reason I respect that. I assume you and your boyfriend don't discuss your past sex lives because you know how painful and damaging to the relationship it might be? For the OP and her partner, this conversation was initiated randomly at a party with strangers.
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I respect that. I assume you and your boyfriend don't discuss your past sex lives because you know how painful and damaging to the relationship it might be? For the OP and her partner, this conversation was initiated randomly at a party with strangers. Well, sure. Why bring up the past? We talk about it, but sparingly. We know some history but dont need the sordid details to figure it out. Eventually, things will pop up in any relationship, like at a party with strangers. This was a random occurrence with OP that would test any couple's strength. It happens, normally when you least expect it.
Tom1981 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) Wow. What an insult. I'd hate to be the guy who has such a disrespectful gf/wife. Seriously, how would you feel if your guy went around spreading the word that you have a loose vagina? You probably wouldn't like it, huh? Then what in the world made you think telling what you did was a good idea? Do men really think that? That women are with them because they are the best lovers?I'd hate it if I knew I was not my gf's best lover. I'd do whatever I could to become one and if I couldn't, I'd break up with her due to humiliation. Humiliation by its very nature is done with malice and intent. I see neither, do you? This is so wrong. You don't need malice or intent to humiliate someone. I could clumsily trip, fall and accidentally grab some guy's trousers and pull them down. In public that would be pretty humiliating experience, even if unintentional. Edited July 14, 2013 by Tom1981
salparadise Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Honey, women have been graded on their breast size for ages and they are external...hell, there are actual sizes to gauge them, lol. We deal with it. [...] Penises are the same. You still don't understand and it makes me sad. The reason that no one was laughing? That's because public castrations are not funny at all. We keep telling you that your goliath of a man can never understand what it means to have a small dick, and that he's a prick if he thinks that other people should just get over a problem he does not have. There really is no fitting analogy. Breast size is not the female equivalent, nor is the tightness of her vagina. Sweetheart, what you're failing to do here is understand and accept what it means to him. You're basing the judgements of "what it should mean" on what his penis means to you, or the degree of insecurity you big-dicked boyfriend feels with regard to penis size. Only a man who has had to deal with this issue for real his whole life truly understands. I don't understand because I'm not below average, so I'd have the ability just laugh it off because a) I don't have that particular insecurity in the first place, and b) knowing that one could simply whip it out and instantly dispel such foolishness makes one immune, and c) having seen the reaction women sometimes have when an above average sized man inadvertently get a boner that fills out his pant leg almost to the knee is like existing in a different dimension than someone who dreads revealing his small size to a new lover every single time. You have to accept his reality to be able to empathize. And I think perhaps women simply aren't able because of there not being a female equivalent. 2
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