Woggle Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Well, she didn't say say he was the ugliest man she's slept with. She actually really said nothing about the actual physical attraction she feels for him. And if you really cared about a fair discussion and anyone else's stories, you would have seen my recant one of my own. Men have said lots of stupid things to me about my body. Even boyfriends. And yes, I stayed with them. Maybe you should have dumped them. Don't stay with anybody that insults you especially in front of their friends.
blueskyday Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 If you must say anything, say he hits your g spot perfectly. (Bigger guys cant do that. Its only five inches or up.) Ahh, I miss that smaller, er, average ex.... Just hang in there. He needs to lick his wounds. If he gets angry, let him vent. Remain contrite.
sweetheart5381 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I, on the other hand, am appalled that so much women just don't seem to get it. I love how sweetheart5381 basically says that her boyfriend is confident of his size because he's huge. Try it out, tell him that actually you lied to make himself feel better and that he's actually kind of avarage sized. See how fast he gets insecure and leaves you. Disenchantelyyours, did those men you mentioned ever make these comments in a room full of people you later had to interact with? I don't think so. Believe me, OP's boyfriend knows that everyone in that room will remember till the day they die that he has a small dick, and he will feel that in their eyes he's less of a man. Like women feel less of a women if their SO call them ugly. No, what you don't realize is that size whether it is small, large or average is of consequence for most men when it should not be. My man is not insecure because he clearly doesn't care either way, he just wants to satisfy me. A large size causes more problems than good to be honest, but we deal with it together. He is not proud at all, hell, he doesn't have a choice in the matter, why be prideful and "confident" about something you didn't do?? Confident men and women love themselves for who they are, not their body parts.
therhythm Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 (edited) Do you realize that in the 99% the people who defends OP or think this is not a big deal are women? I love women but I think you ladies have not capacity to understand the issue from the males perspective. We can argue all day long if this is consequence of insecurities or the lack of maturity.... You can say that a man is more than the sum of his parts... but that will not change that OP's boyfriend has taken a moral hit in the place where most men hurt the most and most men in his place would dump her without any doubt. Is it childish, immature or insecure? maybe or maybe not but it doesn't matter, what matters is how OP's boyfriend feels about it and for now it is clear... If I would be OP I would be preparing fro the worse Edited July 13, 2013 by therhythm 1
sweetheart5381 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Do you realize that in the 99% the people who defends OP are women? I love women but I think you ladies have not capacity to understand the issue from the males perspective. We can argue all day long if this is consequence of insecurities or the lack of maturity.... You can say that a man is more than the sum of his parts... but that will not change that OP's boyfriend has taken a moral hit in the place where most men hurt the most and most men in his place would dump her without any doubt. Is it childish, immature or insecure? maybe or maybe not but it doesn't matter, what matters is how OP's boyfriend feels about it and for now it is clear... If I would be OP I would be preparing fro the worse All I can tell you is that its a dick... of little importance in a relationship intended for marriage. There is no moral hit here. A moral hit is when you are raped, degraded or tortured. Finding out that you have a small dick pales in comparison. Other people finding out is no big deal either...especially since all men apparently seem to have this idea that their dick is the "be all and end all of their life" I assume that all men therefore will understand this "moral hit" and treat him kindly for his suffering. Women in love simply don't care about the size. Yes, agreed, he's hurt and society sucks for making the male sexual genitalia so damn important, like boobs and ass. If they love one another they will get over it. If not, then they aren't right for one another and are best parting ways.
therhythm Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 All I can tell you is that its a dick... of little importance in a relationship intended for marriage. There is no moral hit here. A moral hit is when you are raped, degraded or tortured. Finding out that you have a small dick pales in comparison. Other people finding out is no big deal either...especially since all men apparently seem to have this idea that their dick is the "be all and end all of their life" I assume that all men therefore will understand this "moral hit" and treat him kindly for his suffering. Women in love simply don't care about the size. Yes, agreed, he's hurt and society sucks for making the male sexual genitalia so damn important, like boobs and ass. If they love one another they will get over it. If not, then they aren't right for one another and are best parting ways. Lady... saying that because a woman can get raped or abused being humiliated in public is not a moral hit is just mmmm comical? I am not trying to compare negative happenings between males and females... You believe it or not in the world it is not about the eternal competition between women and men... (so tired of this topic!). I am saying that you don't get it and the total of your post really let it very clear.. you don't. It is a dick... wow! don't you think we all know that by now? For male self esteem that is important, you like it or not it is the way it works and you can fight it and stop breathing if you want but it won't change the fact that OP's girlfriend screwed it badly! 1
Weezy1973 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I think the point actually is that we all have insecurities and we hope to find a partner where we can share ourselves and be vulnerable without being judged and hoping that it won't come back to bite us. What the particular insecurity is, is inconsequential - in this case it happens to be penis size. It could literally be anything. The tragic mistake of the OP is betraying that trust. She knew it was a sensitive topic for her fiance, but blurted it out anyways. Ian needs time to process whether or not this was a one time thing or if it's indicative of her behaviour or general insensitivity as a whole. If there is a pattern, he should dump her. If it was a one time thing, I don't believe it's a big enough discretion to end an otherwise quality relationship over (like cheating would be for example). 3
Woggle Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Do you realize that in the 99% the people who defends OP or think this is not a big deal are women? I love women but I think you ladies have not capacity to understand the issue from the males perspective. We can argue all day long if this is consequence of insecurities or the lack of maturity.... You can say that a man is more than the sum of his parts... but that will not change that OP's boyfriend has taken a moral hit in the place where most men hurt the most and most men in his place would dump her without any doubt. Is it childish, immature or insecure? maybe or maybe not but it doesn't matter, what matters is how OP's boyfriend feels about it and for now it is clear... If I would be OP I would be preparing fro the worse And people here get at me when I say most people have at least some bitterness towards the opposite sex even if they won't admit it. Just look at the division when it comes to threads like this.
therhythm Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 (edited) And people here get at me when I say most people have at least some bitterness towards the opposite sex even if they won't admit it. Just look at the division when it comes to threads like this. This is a general discussion and I don't see hate between the genders, I see people often aligning to their own gender as they feel more identified with them in this concrete topic but I don't think there is anyone here hating the others just because they are women or men... Edited July 13, 2013 by therhythm 1
Keenly Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 All I can tell you is that its a dick... of little importance in a relationship intended for marriage. There is no moral hit here. A moral hit is when you are raped, degraded or tortured. Finding out that you have a small dick pales in comparison. Other people finding out is no big deal either...especially since all men apparently seem to have this idea that their dick is the "be all and end all of their life" I assume that all men therefore will understand this "moral hit" and treat him kindly for his suffering. Women in love simply don't care about the size. Yes, agreed, he's hurt and society sucks for making the male sexual genitalia so damn important, like boobs and ass. If they love one another they will get over it. If not, then they aren't right for one another and are best parting ways. Your entire attitude on the topic of how men feel about themselves is dismissive and a "who cares" kind of attitude. How can you possibly know what its like to have the feelings of a man if you are not a man. Also, First you say it is not important, then you say it is important, so which is it? I'm tired of all this "if he loves you, he will do x" lets play that game shall we? If you love him, you'll stay with him, even though he beats you. Does this REALLY make sense?
sweetheart5381 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Lady... saying that because a woman can get raped or abused being humiliated in public is not a moral hit is just mmmm comical? I am not trying to compare negative happenings between males and females... You believe it or not in the world it is not about the eternal competition between women and men... (so tired of this topic!). I am saying that you don't get it and the total of your post really let it very clear.. you don't. It is a dick... wow! don't you think we all know that by now? For male self esteem that is important, you like it or not it is the way it works and you can fight it and stop breathing if you want but it won't change the fact that OP's girlfriend screwed it badly! Honey, women have been graded on their breast size for ages and they are external...hell, there are actual sizes to gauge them, lol. We deal with it. Not through augmentation but through understanding that there is little value in them past breastfeeding and that they are all great in their own size and shape. Penises are the same. If someone tells me I have small tits, I could not care less If my man doesn't like them, then he doesn't have to see them or touch them. I personally would not want to be with a man for the rest of my life that would cast me away because I hurt an ego based on his dick size.
therhythm Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 (edited) Honey, women have been graded on their breast size for ages and they are external...hell, there are actual sizes to gauge them, lol. We deal with it. Not through augmentation but through understanding that there is little value in them past breastfeeding and that they are all great in their own size and shape. Penises are the same. If someone tells me I have small tits, I could not care less If my man doesn't like them, then he doesn't have to see them or touch them. I personally would not want to be with a man for the rest of my life that would cast me away because I hurt an ego based on his dick size. The point is "honey" that no one here cares about your breast size... this is about OP's boyfriend and he cares about his size... since he cares and OP made her comment... what you think about the importance of penis size matters less than nothing I don't know how this is so hard to understand! Obviously OP would not want to be with someone who cares so little for his ego and psychological well being as making a comment on his penis size when she knows he is self conscious about it. Edited July 13, 2013 by therhythm 1
sweetheart5381 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Your entire attitude on the topic of how men feel about themselves is dismissive and a "who cares" kind of attitude. How can you possibly know what its like to have the feelings of a man if you are not a man. Also, First you say it is not important, then you say it is important, so which is it? I'm tired of all this "if he loves you, he will do x" lets play that game shall we? If you love him, you'll stay with him, even though he beats you. Does this REALLY make sense? Telling the truth in a moment of weakness and beating someone is entirely different. OP made a mistake and she regrets that it hurt his pride and his ego. This stuff happens in relationships. It's not a game, it's the way life goes in relationships. I care deeply for men and how they feel and at times I wish they would just stop being so damn insecure about their junk. I don't dismiss their feelings, I wish that they would try to see things in a less destructive way. I also know what it feels like to feel inadequate - I can identify and the only way I found to solve it was to decide what is more important, my inner-self, my values and attitudes or my outer-self. I chose my inner-self. Men can too.
sweetheart5381 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 The point is "honey" that no one here cares about your breast size... this is about OP's boyfriend and he cares about his size... since he cares and OP made her comment... what you think about the importance of penis size matters less than nothing I don't know how this is so hard to understand! Obviously OP would not want to be with someone who cares so little for his ego and psychological well being as making a comment on his penis size when she knows he is self conscious about it. Apparently your ego is easily bruised as well. I will take care. Hungry? Do you need a Snickers?
Author WorriedLiz Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 I understand that he's hurt and it's beyond completely justifiable. But I need ways to help him get past it, not reasons why he may be unreasonable etc. It's the fact that the info is "out there" that gets him. With me he's pissed because I blabbed but I already knew. It's all his friends that to him is a bigger problem. Concrete example is tomorrow we're invited to a bbq where some of the people from the party will also be. He doesn't want to go. He figures he'll get "looks" and stares and that he will be very uncomfortable. This is where I really want to help him.
BradJacobs Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 But I need ways to help him get past it, not reasons why he may be unreasonable etc. It's the fact that the info is "out there" that gets him. You get over it by facing it together, by letting time allow him to forget it is his issue and by never bringing it up again. Present yourselves as the happy couple and all will be well. Trust me, his good friends are never going to bring this up in public. Guessing the break didn't last long? 1
Fondue Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I understand that he's hurt and it's beyond completely justifiable. But I need ways to help him get past it, not reasons why he may be unreasonable etc. It's the fact that the info is "out there" that gets him. With me he's pissed because I blabbed but I already knew. It's all his friends that to him is a bigger problem. Concrete example is tomorrow we're invited to a bbq where some of the people from the party will also be. He doesn't want to go. He figures he'll get "looks" and stares and that he will be very uncomfortable. This is where I really want to help him. That's exactly it. It's one thing to know you're the least endowed out of fiance's previous partners, but it is another to know that everyone else does. I imagine that's an absolutely terrible feeling. There isn't a way you can help him with this. Nothing at all. And to be honest, it's probably best that he doesn't go to this party. I definitely wouldn't. It just is what it is. Either he will accept it (but you know he will hate ANY event where these friends are invited to), or he will leave you. I think there isn't anything in between. ****ty situation.
Million.to.1 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I made a joke once about my boyfriends small penis size in front of a couple of our friends. The only reason he forgave me was because I was CLEARLY being sarcastic. I learnt to never, ever say anything or even joke about a partners penis for ANY reason. Even if it's not true and you are simply joking or trying to wind them up. Bottom line : Men are extremely sensitive about their members. There is simply no equivalent for woman. We don't have a body part that encapsulates our entire sense of self. 2
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I understand that he's hurt and it's beyond completely justifiable. But I need ways to help him get past it, not reasons why he may be unreasonable etc. It's the fact that the info is "out there" that gets him. With me he's pissed because I blabbed but I already knew. It's all his friends that to him is a bigger problem. Concrete example is tomorrow we're invited to a bbq where some of the people from the party will also be. He doesn't want to go. He figures he'll get "looks" and stares and that he will be very uncomfortable. This is where I really want to help him. Just walk in there, stand by his side and watch for anyone sending "looks". If they do, then they aren't his friends anyway. If they dare to make a comment its your job to head them off. That's how strong couples work. You have each others backs, always. Ya you screwed up OP, but in time you will see that this may very well strengthen the relationship. Chances are very, very good that no one really cares at the end of the day. Folks are not losing sleep thinking to themselves, "Damn, I heard that guy has a small dick." This situation is much bigger in you and your man's mind than it really is in reality. The upcoming party will prove it. Guaranteed unless its a party of 12 yr olds.
Author WorriedLiz Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 I think Sweetheart5381 you're right. I'll try to get him to go and we will be seen as a strong couple. You're also right, it probably is not a big deal to others so why would they make it one. I didn't see it this way before. Thanks. I don't think this has a chance of happening, but what do I do if somebody after booze gets flowing makes a stupid remark? What would be the best way to act or respond? This is crucial. Maybe at that point tell them that I was joking before?
Million.to.1 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 What would be the best way to act or respond? This is crucial. Maybe at that point tell them that I was joking before? I don't think you'll get the chance. Say nothing. But if anybody says anything, Just say "obviously I was being sarcastic, dumbass" 3
Author WorriedLiz Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 Thanks Millionto1. That's an excellent line. "Obviously I was being sarcastic dumbass." That really is good. Thanks
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) I think Sweetheart5381 you're right. I'll try to get him to go and we will be seen as a strong couple. You're also right, it probably is not a big deal to others so why would they make it one. I didn't see it this way before. Thanks. I don't think this has a chance of happening, but what do I do if somebody after booze gets flowing makes a stupid remark? What would be the best way to act or respond? This is crucial. Maybe at that point tell them that I was joking before? You're welcome and sometimes we all need a change in perspective sometimes - that's what these forums are designed for. Depending on what the snide comment were, I would respond with something along the lines of... "Well, he made me cum 8 times before he even ****ed me last night. It was incredible." Then, if possible, ask the other dude's girl how many times she got off last night. (She will understand your dilemma and play along if she knows anything about what you said in error). If he's a single dude, then just ask him outright to drop his pants. I mean, its only fair if he cares to measure. Gonna guess this won't happen. Keep it in perspective Oh and I didn't mention what to do if a woman said something snide. That's because women are sensitive and understand what its like to have our bodies judged like a competition. We are used to it and understand men more than men know. Edited July 14, 2013 by sweetheart5381 1
Floridita Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I understand that he's hurt and it's beyond completely justifiable. But I need ways to help him get past it, not reasons why he may be unreasonable etc. It's the fact that the info is "out there" that gets him. And you may not be able to "help him get past it." You publicly emasculated your man. You, as another poster put it, "clubbed the proverbial seal." I honestly don't think there's anything worse you could do. In Vino Veritas. Maybe he will find a way to forgive you and move on, but don't be surprised if he can't. Trust is not something easily built back up. 2
sweetheart5381 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) And you may not be able to "help him get past it." You publicly emasculated your man. You, as another poster put it, "clubbed the proverbial seal." I honestly don't think there's anything worse you could do. In Vino Veritas. Maybe he will find a way to forgive you and move on, but don't be surprised if he can't. Trust is not something easily built back up. Truth is, he emasculates himself if he finds his self-worth in his pants. She simply spoke her mind at the time. There is nothing wrong with that, other than it was insensitive. She lost her scruples for a moment. It happens in relationships all the time. She didn't screw someone else, or ever claim to want anyone else, she simply said what she thought at the time. Yes, she spoke out loud when she shouldn't have. She didn't ruin his trust, didn't break a covenant, hell she was honest... that's a plus in my book. Strong couples grow from these things, small mistakes that become magnified. Edited July 14, 2013 by sweetheart5381
Recommended Posts