blueskyday Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Yes, its about trust. He more than likely feels betrayed and not special (the best). Everyone wants to be the best person their significant other has ever been with. It hits on a few levels, trust and loyalty at the top.
MidwestUSA Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 This thread is awesome It got even more awesome when means and standard deviations were introduced! 1
bubbaganoosh Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 The thing about all of this is that when men and women are young they have a huge ego. I did a long time ago when I was in my 20's, I'm now 65 and being that I am well past the "macho" era in my life, things like this don't really bother me any longer, considering that when I jump out of the shower, look at myself in a full length mirror and gag, I can laugh about it. When I was in the Army back in the mid 60's, I was in Germany and one night I was at a party and met a woman there, she was in her early 30's and me 21. One thing led to another and she agreed to come back to my apt. She also said her girlfriend wants to come with us. ME AND 2 WOMEN!!! My ego and "machoism" was running at fever pitch and I thought that these two women were in for the time of their life. We got back to my place, had a drink and went straight to the bedroom. ME AND TWO WOMEN!! WELLLLLLLL things took off like a rocket and I did my best and did my job. Ego running high. Then round two started with ME AND TWO WOMEN!! Gotta say I held my own but was feeling pretty tired. Little did I know that there isn't any way a guy can keep this up but they did and then the table was turned and to make a long story short, when the ladies left, in my bed was nothing left of me but bones, hair and teeth. Sexually, I got the crap kicked out of me. Come Monday morning, all my buddies were asking how it went and of course I LIED THROUGH MY TEETH and said that they were begging for mercy but truth be told I could never admit that I got taken to the cleaners sexually by these two until I was in my late 50's. Right now I have no ego and have no problem laughing at myself. It's just a shame that being young, trying to keep up with your image by either being well endowed or having C or D cups matter. What good is a large penis or huge boobs when their attached to a lousy person. Just my opinion. Just be who you are and be satisfied.
Keenly Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Wow... Tonight on LoveShack I learned that a man's penis is apparently the most important aspect of a long-term relationship between a man and a woman. Comparing penis size to a woman's appearance is fallacious; men tend to value attractiveness in women more than women value big dicks on men. There really isn't anything in the opposite gender you can compare it to, there is no part of a woman's body that she mysteriously values above everything else in life (so it seems from reading some of the posts about men's penises on here) that the man actually doesn't care too much about. The OP estimated her man's penis to be approximately 4-5" long (I'll just say 4.5" for the sake of argument)... Given that the average penis length is something like 5.5", the dude's penis is probably well within one standard deviation of the mean and can therefore be considered to be a normal penis. What the OP did was tasteless, sure, but if the guy is going to be indefinitely butthurt about it and drag his bruised ego to some secluded cave and hide there for the rest of his life, that's his own problem. It would be ridiculous for him to end a relationship because of a drunken comment his SO made about something that she probably never even thinks or cares about. Good grief, she didn't even know how big it was, it's obviously not a pressing issue in their relationship. So if you and I were dating , and we were at a party, and my friends and I were sitting right in front of you, and we were talking about who's ex girlfriends vagina smelled worse, and I said "definitely my girlfriends, smells just awful. You'd be alright with that right ?
CarrieT Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Has the OP come back at all and reported the results?
MidwestUSA Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Has the OP come back at all and reported the results? Nope. At last check in, she was waiting to talk to him the day after he went to sleep on someone else's couch.
BradJacobs Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 My money is they're on a break. I have to admit that I'm more than curious of the outcome given the circumstances surrounding the story.
worldgonewrong Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 A true, loving relationship doesn't end over this sort of crap.... I wholeheartedly disagree. A true, loving relationship doesn't have a fiance putting down the size of your genitalia in front of a bunch of people. It's the ultimate humiliation. He should dump her like a hot potato. He'll eventually get over it, but not if he remains with her. 2
salparadise Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Has the OP come back at all and reported the results? Nope, she hasn't posted in two days now. I'm guessing this is not going well. Either that or she's giving that little penis one awesome blowjob. It would be hard enough knowing you're a small dick man, but prior to this he could assume that he's not THE smallest, or maybe even average in her experience. But then having the her announce it in front of everyone at a party... can't even imagine how much that must've hurt. I really hope they can find a way past it.
white Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I just realized that white is apparently a male poster and not a female. That's even more upsetting. If we have men willing to excuse this type of behavior and minimize its impact, I think there is little hope for the species. The only differences between men and women will be anatomical and cellular in nature. Hey white, When you read this thread and see that you're basically excusing the behavior and that this kind of comment wouldn't bother you, I question your manhood. Not your physical manhood, but your emotional manhood.If you are willing to be a vicarious doormat then that's incredibly disappointing. You bring it up later. Maybe you even storm out of the party. You hash out why it was unacceptable and why she has a problem with alcohol and a loose tongue. You communicate (argue). I didn't say you excuse it. I said you don't break up over it because it's the worst thing possible for anyone to say ever.
TheGuard13 Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 This kind of thing happens. Sometimes the girl honestly means it as a "joke" and it just comes out wrong. I don't think this is dumpworthy for a long term couple. It's a huge social blunder on her part, and incredibly stupid, but though you won't do something you wouldn't do or think about drunk if sober, drunk people do often say stupid and unfiltered things. Breaking up over the truth, even if the truth is hurtful and embarassing, isn't the way to go with something like this. Also, if she has any female friends, I kind of doubt this is the first time anyone in their social circle has heard about this guy's penis and its relative size...it was just a really uncomfortable moment they were both in. Those happen. She needs to be genuinely apologetic, and handle this with sensitivity, honesty and openness, and he needs to be a man about it and be able to forgive her. And they need to talk about how to avoid something like this happening again. Otherwise they aren't going to be good together regardless.
BradJacobs Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Forgiveness and being a man are mutually exclusive topics. I manned up and divorced my wife but still forgave her. One has nothing to do with the other. 2
KungFuJoe Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 So no one here has ever said or done something totally tactless while drunk? It's not like she was TRYING to humiliate him. She got asked a question and the alcohol dulled the portion of her brain that guides "control" and her natural response was to answer truthfully.
therhythm Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 So no one here has ever said or done something totally tactless while drunk? It's not like she was TRYING to humiliate him. She got asked a question and the alcohol dulled the portion of her brain that guides "control" and her natural response was to answer truthfully. One thing is saying something tactless and another completely different thing is to humiliate your boyfriend in front of all his/her friends and all the 100s that have heard about that story the days after... If she would have told OP about this, that would have been still tactless but a much minor issue but she did in a party in front of every one... that is really, really bad 2
KungFuJoe Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 One thing is saying something tactless and another completely different thing is to humiliate your boyfriend in front of all his/her friends and all the 100s that have heard about that story the days after... If she would have told OP about this, that would have been still tactless but a much minor issue but she did in a party in front of every one... that is really, really bad Yeah, but intent is everything. Not saying alcohol is a valid excuse, but there is a difference between blurting something out without thinking cuz you're drunk and then saying something to be willingly malicious.
Keenly Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 So no one here has ever said or done something totally tactless while drunk? It's not like she was TRYING to humiliate him. She got asked a question and the alcohol dulled the portion of her brain that guides "control" and her natural response was to answer truthfully. "Your honor, I wasn't TRYING to rape her. I was just drunk and horny and the self control part of my brain was inhibited, so the natural response was to rape her." Does this work? No. And for the record, I have never once done something stupid while drunk, short of spilling something. 3
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Yeah, but intent is everything. Not saying alcohol is a valid excuse, but there is a difference between blurting something out without thinking cuz you're drunk and then saying something to be willingly malicious. In the end, it doesn't really matter. The end result is still the same. It's like comparing Aaron Hernandez and Jayson Williams. Hernandez intentionally killed someone while Williams was playing with the gun and it went off. The intent is completely different(one intentional and the other unintentional, but completely careless), but the end result is still the same. Someone ended up dead. This is no different. Even if she had no malicious intent, OP humiliated him, hurt him beyond belief, and he still has to face these people. If you're playing with a gun and it goes off and kills someone, the person is still dead. The fact that it wasn't intentional doesn't change that. Same thing here. Her mouth caused harm in more ways than one. 3
KungFuJoe Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 In the end, it doesn't really matter. The end result is still the same. It's like comparing Aaron Hernandez and Jayson Williams. Hernandez intentionally killed someone while Williams was playing with the gun and it went off. The intent is completely different(one intentional and the other unintentional, but completely careless), but the end result is still the same. Someone ended up dead. This is no different. Even if she had no malicious intent, OP humiliated him, hurt him beyond belief, and he still has to face these people. If you're playing with a gun and it goes off and kills someone, the person is still dead. The fact that it wasn't intentional doesn't change that. Same thing here. Her mouth caused harm in more ways than one. The harm is done, yes. They are both guilty, but Williams got a lesser sentence than Hernandez is sure to get (even with the fact that Williams tried to hide it). Because the intent was different.
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 The harm is done, yes. They are both guilty, but Williams got a lesser sentence than Hernandez is sure to get (even with the fact that Williams tried to hide it). Because the intent was different. Someone ended up dead. The punishment doesn't bring either victim back. OP has no one to blame but herself.
KungFuJoe Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Someone ended up dead. The punishment doesn't bring either victim back. OP has no one to blame but herself. I'm not saying she's absolved of all blame, but that the situation is reparable and not exactly grounds for breaking up.
therhythm Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Yeah, but intent is everything. Not saying alcohol is a valid excuse, but there is a difference between blurting something out without thinking cuz you're drunk and then saying something to be willingly malicious. Honestly for me the intent in that situation would matter less than nothing... if I would get humiliated in front of all my friends the "oops I am sorry, I was drunk" would not suffice... I have been drunk and used drugs but never (ever) have done something that stupid.
KungFuJoe Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Honestly for me the intent in that situation would matter less than nothing... if I would get humiliated in front of all my friends the "oops I am sorry, I was drunk" would not suffice... I have been drunk and used drugs but never (ever) have done something that stupid. you DO realize the irony in that sentence, right?
Author WorriedLiz Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 Hi everyone. I've been off the board for a couple of days. Pretty glum over all this. My guy and I have talked about it a few times and basically he says he thinks he wants a break to think things over and the future. I apologized over and over like two dozen times. I said it was just a ridiculous stupid thing that came out of my mouth before I had a chance to think - and that was the truth. I explained that I loved him and that I could care less about size and that he was perfect for me - otherwise we wouldn't be engaged to be married. I was expecting lots of shouting and stuff but he didn't. He said he's hurt and feels like a fool because he thinks I think he's small and probably not good enough. Also there's the huge issue in his mind that it came out in front of other people. I tried to downplay all that and said that everybody was drunk, it was loud at the party and that probably nobody else heard. He thinks that for sure my girfriend knows and that even if others didn't hear, she has probably blabbed to others in our circle. He just feels like he lost face and doesn't know how to face our friends again. I had coffee with my girlfriend and unfortunately she did hear. Anyway, I told her under penalty of death to not ever tell anybody else. She promised she wouldn't and I believe her. She likes Ian - there's never been any isue. She and I have been best friends forever. She apologized for bringing it up. She said she was just being stupid and silly. It's just that maybe others did hear at the party. She asked me if Ian was always sensitive about this and I said a bit. She asked if he was really small and I said no. She asked how small and I made a length between my fingers. Anyway, she said that she's had smaller and that this wasn't huge but it wasn't way small either. I guess maybe the guys I've been with may have been bigger than average and that why Ian's looked a bit smaller. So even though I'm giving him all the space he wants, he hasn't really gotten better and I don't know what to do. I tried "dressing up sexy" for him but he just wasn't interested. As some have suggested, I DO want to give him the world's best bj, but he's just not responsive when I try to get intimate. So I don't know how to go forward. Any suggestions now would be more than welcome. I know I really f-ed up. I just don't want to lose a great guy, MY great guy, over this
KungFuJoe Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 There's nothing you CAN do. What's done has been done and you can't erase it. It's one of the risks you take when you get too drunk. Trust me, I've done some STUPID **** when I was drunk and I'm lucky I never killed anyone. You, unfortunately, are not so lucky. It's really up to him and whether or not he feels he can look you in the face again. Sorry I have no answers for you, but in this case, there are no answers. 3
hoping2heal Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Hi everyone. I've been off the board for a couple of days. Pretty glum over all this. My guy and I have talked about it a few times and basically he says he thinks he wants a break to think things over and the future. I apologized over and over like two dozen times. I said it was just a ridiculous stupid thing that came out of my mouth before I had a chance to think - and that was the truth. I explained that I loved him and that I could care less about size and that he was perfect for me - otherwise we wouldn't be engaged to be married. I was expecting lots of shouting and stuff but he didn't. He said he's hurt and feels like a fool because he thinks I think he's small and probably not good enough. Also there's the huge issue in his mind that it came out in front of other people. I tried to downplay all that and said that everybody was drunk, it was loud at the party and that probably nobody else heard. He thinks that for sure my girfriend knows and that even if others didn't hear, she has probably blabbed to others in our circle. He just feels like he lost face and doesn't know how to face our friends again. I had coffee with my girlfriend and unfortunately she did hear. Anyway, I told her under penalty of death to not ever tell anybody else. She promised she wouldn't and I believe her. She likes Ian - there's never been any isue. She and I have been best friends forever. She apologized for bringing it up. She said she was just being stupid and silly. It's just that maybe others did hear at the party. She asked me if Ian was always sensitive about this and I said a bit. She asked if he was really small and I said no. She asked how small and I made a length between my fingers. Anyway, she said that she's had smaller and that this wasn't huge but it wasn't way small either. I guess maybe the guys I've been with may have been bigger than average and that why Ian's looked a bit smaller. So even though I'm giving him all the space he wants, he hasn't really gotten better and I don't know what to do. I tried "dressing up sexy" for him but he just wasn't interested. As some have suggested, I DO want to give him the world's best bj, but he's just not responsive when I try to get intimate. So I don't know how to go forward. Any suggestions now would be more than welcome. I know I really f-ed up. I just don't want to lose a great guy, MY great guy, over this Oh Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl, Here's the problem and by problem I mean big problem. This guy wants to go on a break to think things over. Ok. He's upset because you humiliated him which could have been an isolated incident and you know we all make mistakes. But, knowing how upset this guy already is about both your comment and humiliating him; you go and do it to the guy again! I just face palmed without even thinking about it. 2
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