Author WorriedLiz Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 I want to add a couple of things. People have said I was maybe insulting him and malicious and whatever. Believe me I was NOT being malicious. I did NOT have any intention to insult him or hurt him. Also, NO I have not discussed this in the past with anybody. Why would I want to hurt him. My bff knows cause of the party and our talk yesterday but that's it. And that's the 100% truth. I just don't know how to figure out if the others in our group actually heard for sure Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 I want to add a couple of things. People have said I was maybe insulting him and malicious and whatever. Believe me I was NOT being malicious. I did NOT have any intention to insult him or hurt him. Also, NO I have not discussed this in the past with anybody. Why would I want to hurt him. My bff knows cause of the party and our talk yesterday but that's it. And that's the 100% truth. I just don't know how to figure out if the others in our group actually heard for sure Dude really? You went out to lunch and repeated your first crime all over again, and your main priority is finding out who might've heard at the party?? I'm not saying you did anything to be malicious, maybe you just really don't know any better and are unaware of what respectful boundaries are. I have no idea what it is but the fact that you turn around and do the same thing all over again after knowing what an impact it had round 1 on "your great guy" is just almost mind blowing. It's like have you stopped to think how this guy feels or only about how it feels for you? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 As some have suggested, I DO want to give him the world's best bj, but he's just not responsive when I try to get intimate. He's completely emasculated. Nothing short of time and/or therapy will change how he is with you. You want a recommendation? Get over him quickly because chances are that he's not coming back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WorriedLiz Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 My girlfriend already knew so it's not like I gave out information she didn't already have. I wanted her advice. And I trust her not to blab. I'm just not sure about others. Maybe I can tell people I just made a dumb joke that isn't at all true or something. But if I say that and they didn't hear in the first place, then it makes things awkward. I've even suggested that to Ian but he said yeah like they'd believe you. Should I maybe approach the others that were in our group - ever so carefully and tactfully? Link to post Share on other sites
Titania22 Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 My girlfriend already knew so it's not like I gave out information she didn't already have. I wanted her advice. And I trust her not to blab. I'm just not sure about others. Maybe I can tell people I just made a dumb joke that isn't at all true or something. But if I say that and they didn't hear in the first place, then it makes things awkward. I've even suggested that to Ian but he said yeah like they'd believe you. Should I maybe approach the others that were in our group - ever so carefully and tactfully? No, never say anything about it, just pretend like it never happened around other people and never bring it up. Act dumb if they bring it up. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 My girlfriend already knew so it's not like I gave out information she didn't already have. I wanted her advice. And I trust her not to blab. I'm just not sure about others. Maybe I can tell people I just made a dumb joke that isn't at all true or something. But if I say that and they didn't hear in the first place, then it makes things awkward. I've even suggested that to Ian but he said yeah like they'd believe you. Should I maybe approach the others that were in our group - ever so carefully and tactfully? What the what? She already knew? What was the point of telling her and demonstrating with your fingers? Jeez luweez and why does she even know in the first place?? This is what I'm talking about. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Titania22 Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 What the what? She already knew? What was the point of telling her and demonstrating with your fingers? Jeez luweez and why does she even know in the first place?? This is what I'm talking about. She already knew from the party. What thread are you reading? The first event happened at the party, her friend heard her response. Then you went for tea with her friend and they broke it down girl talk style. She was trying to do some damage control. Girlfriend asked for more specifics, she gave them (that's what girls do), and then her friend reassured her (that's what girlfriends do). Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 You did it again ?????? Really? .... really.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 She already knew from the party. What thread are you reading? The first event happened at the party, her friend heard her response. Then you went for tea with her friend and they broke it down girl talk style. She was trying to do some damage control. Girlfriend asked for more specifics, she gave them (that's what girls do), and then her friend reassured her (that's what girlfriends do). Yes, I'm aware that she mentioned something at the party. I thought going into "specifics" was a bit much and just repeating the exact same behavior. She admitted she knows he's sensitive over size but she actually bothers to make a hand gesture indicating it? Aye aye aye; I don't give out intimate details about my partner to other people, friends or not. What we do in private and details of his body shouldn't be fodder for anyone to know, friend or not. I realize many people do this and they think it's okay to do so but in this instance the guy made it clear he felt humiliated by her sharing details like that with other people and she went and did it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Geiss Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 You really should stop talking about his penis to your friends. I'd say from his reaction so far that this might have been a blunder that you can't recover from. It sounds like you are really sorry and it would be a shame to throw away a relationship because of one dumb comment but it was one of the worst ones you could say. Just give him some time. Another thing though it's not like something he could go to and talk to his friends about. His friends will just laugh at him. So I heard you got a small dick. He is going to have to tackle this one alone. You can thank your friend for bringing up the penis conversation at the party. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 This is a waste of time. Op is not sorry at all because she repeated the behavior. She is only "sorry" that he is mad. You clearly have no respect for your boyfriend. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 This is a waste of time. Op is not sorry at all because she repeated the behavior. She is only "sorry" that he is mad. You clearly have no respect for your boyfriend. This girl has "issues" and am really disgusted after I read this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shexy Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 Good grief. You efffed up and its not fixable. I don't feel bad for you, because you had absolutely no regrets about what you said at the party until the second you realized he heard you. If he hadn't heard what you said, you and your buddies would still be cackling behind his back about his small dick. And now you want to go talk about his dick to ALL of your other friends that were at the party. Good grief, girl, have you no brain???????????????? Leave this guy alone, seriously. Just let him go with whatever shred of dignity he has left and go date a guy with a huge dick. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 My girlfriend already knew so it's not like I gave out information she didn't already have. I wanted her advice. And I trust her not to blab. I'm just not sure about others. Maybe I can tell people I just made a dumb joke that isn't at all true or something. But if I say that and they didn't hear in the first place, then it makes things awkward. I've even suggested that to Ian but he said yeah like they'd believe you. Should I maybe approach the others that were in our group - ever so carefully and tactfully? Probably your best course of action is to leave Ian be and accept that your engagement is more than likely at an end. You chose to attempt damage control a second time as opposed to actually even giving a thought to being contrite. Why you would even have done a 2nd go around on this subject with your Girlfriend flies in the face of common sense. And sadly the only thing it really indicates is that you are far too immature to be getting married to anyone. Part of being an adult is accepting that there are consequences for all of our words and actions, even as unimportant as we may think those words or actions are. You will very soon begin to feel those consequences as whatever tentative plans you had for a wedding will simply become a thing of the past. You will in the coming days or weeks be faced with uncomfortable questions from friends or perhaps even family members as to why you and Ian are no longer together. The collateral damage will be there..... I know what I speak of when it comes to having an engagement end.... 25 years ago I was 3 weeks from getting married when I walked in on my Fiance riding my friend's rod so I know a bit about cancelling engagements and the collateral damage that comes with it. And it all could have been avoided had you just kept your mouth shut instead of responding to one question at a party. This will be a very hard lesson to learn but if you can lean anything from it, hopefully it will be to actually show a modicum of empathy or respect for someone you purport to love in the future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 My girlfriend already knew so it's not like I gave out information she didn't already have. I wanted her advice. And I trust her not to blab. I'm just not sure about others. Maybe I can tell people I just made a dumb joke that isn't at all true or something. But if I say that and they didn't hear in the first place, then it makes things awkward. I've even suggested that to Ian but he said yeah like they'd believe you. Should I maybe approach the others that were in our group - ever so carefully and tactfully? You're trying to way too hard to do damage control and repair something that cannot be fixed, and in doing so you're just making a bigger blip on the radar. You need to just let it go, it's been done, it's over what was said was said and now everybody knows about that was there at the party and within the circle of people likely from the person who heard it...there's nothing you can do, the cat is already out of the bag. At this point you just need to let things simmer down, you're not going to make him feel insta-better with some nonsensical girly tactic, this guy is clearly hurt and extremely disappointed and feels utterly betrayed, and you want to just whip of some magic powder and make it go away....it's too late, it was too late the second you opened your mouth about him being the smallest tiger in the wild you've ever seen...the damage is done, the more song and dances you try to do to win him back will continue to just make you look utterly immature and like this is all about you and your feelings...which at this point it is, it's becoming a focus of you not wanting to lose him. That's going to be up to him, the decision is in his hands and he might very well take a break from you to get over this for a while, because this is something you clearly don't understand and don't sympathize with because you're just putting that smothering pressure of trying to "win him back" and make everything ok...It's not OK, you in a sexy outfit is not going to make it ok, a bj is not going to make it ok, what in the hell people even thinking that he'd even want you anywhere close to his penis after you just called it the tiniest thing you've ever laid eyes on? He doesn't trust you anymore, he doesn't want to be intimate with you right now...his feelings are in disarray...not only is he questioning the entire relationship but your level of competence and maturity, and whether you're somehow he wants to be with and trust again, it might just be too damaging to his self-esteem and traumatic for him to psychologically get through...the guy's already lacking confidence down there and feeling ill equipped, you might have cut this guy way deeper than you think, because you're just thinking about YOU and US, when you clearly betrayed this guy...what you did was stupid and trust shattering, the subject matter was just the twist of the knife with something personal and private which happens to be one of the most embarrassing things I'm sure this guy could imagine...this is like a bad dream for him I'm sure, a nightmare where you drop your pants and everyone is laughing at you or some shet. You gotta give this guy some time to think, and then do something BIG to prove yourself that you are truly sorry, whether it's embarrassing yourself to all your friends or very thoughtful and sincere gestures and apologies that are more than just words and I'm so sorries...you're going to have to prove that your sorry not just with your words but with actions...none of this trying to take it back or manipulate the crowd to reduce the fallout...they'll get over it and be onto the next savory juicy detail by next month, people have short attention spans and he needs to ultimately embrace this insecurity and you need assure him constantly and make him feel like a king in the bedroom when that time comes. If you keep smothering him and keep pushing this the way you're doing now, you're going to piss him off and he might react impulsively, stop swinging from his nuts and trying to do things your way because of how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 Small dick =/= bad lover. Societies like ours like to make up these stupid misconceptions. If Ian was really that bad of a lover, the OP would not be engaged to him. Doest thou have ownership of a pen0r of meager size in thy trousers? Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 Sorry I'm late jumping in. OP should say the benefit of a smaller package is that it will fit in her butt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 I wish there was something I could say that would help. There is no way to know whether he'll be able to get past it, I hope he will, but it's not really within your realm of control now. I think you should give him some space and time, yet stay in touch and reiterate that you love him with all your heart, for the person he is. If it were me, the one thing that would help is feeling your infinite dedication. I think it's important he feels loved and cherished unconditionally, and maybe he'll feel like that's something he just can't throw away over wounded pride. Folks, she's truly remorseful. She doesn't need more criticism. Go easy. Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 The issues isn't just the penis size. She knew he was insecure about this, she presumably knows this is a touchy subject for most men and she thoroughly disrespected and shamed his trust. That's the real issue. Add to it that she broadcasted this publicly before ever talking to him about. That's the deal breaker for me. It lacks class. Destroys trust. Emasculates the man. All at the same time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 There are a lot of guys in here that are acting like the OP clubbed a seal. Some of y'all women just don't get it. Would you have sex with your man if he said you were the ugliest woman he's ever slept with? In public no less before ever telling you this. Could you stay with him? Trust anything he's ever said that made you feel beautiful? Anything that he will say in the future of the sorts? In the OP's relationship she clubbed the proverbial seal. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 I would think that if a guy has any kind of smarts and self confidence he would know this was a misunderstanding. As a man I have never really understood the whole cock size thing. I just don't care one way or the other because my cock is mine and its the only one I am going to get so there really isn't any reason to not be proud of it. I know for a fact its bigger than some and not as big as others. We have all been in a locker room and have seen the varying sizes many times. I am probably average and that is better than not being able to go nut deep in some chick because my cock could row a boat. I have had compliments on mine and I have had a few that tried to make me feel like I wasn't that big and neither of the comments swayed me one way or another. IMO this guy needs to dump the gal and get over having his feelings hurt. Great post and I agree that the self-confidence thing with dicks is a quite puzzling. I mean, when you meet a great person you connect with and decide to pursue a relationship with, you don't know how big their cock is yet. It truly is a non-factor. I personally love the confidence my man displays and I certainly hope it doesn't come from his physical dick size and perception of his performance. He is by all accounts huge and he is always aware that he can "hurt me" and is careful and conscious of this in the bedroom. Otherwise, his dick rarely enters a conversation, except where I perhaps feel a lil insecure that I can't perform oral on him as well as I would like to. He reassures me with a lil pat on the head and tells me, "Baby, you're great, don't worry." In fact if anything, his large size can become a bit of a barrier and we have to work together to find a compromise. Honestly, he doesn't give a damn that he has a big one and neither do I. When you fall in love with someone, it is the whole person, not just a part of them. OPs man should hopefully understand this, appreciate the fact that his girl loves him regardless of size and get over the hurt feelings. You don't throw away a loving relationship/engagement over a silly drunken comment at a party unless you truly cannot comprehend the depth required to make a marriage work. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 (edited) 10 characters. He is attracted to me and I am attracted to him. It is more than just skin deep and beauty means nothing when love is involved. I have a disfiguring birthmark that spans my left thigh. There was a time that it would bother me. I don't even see it now, its a part of me. My man btw didn't even notice it for a month, because we were too busy laughing and sharing good times getting to know each other. My confidence is not derived by how I look. A healthy man's confidence should not be derived by his penis size/shape/function. Men don't get women with their dicks, they get them with their emotional intelligence. Pass it on Edited July 13, 2013 by sweetheart5381 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 I don't think there is any coming back from this. I will also add I am pleasantly surprised by women's reactions in this thread. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 This is so funny.... she screwed up and everyone expect him to be the one who takes a higher standard and overlook her *** up like if she has the right to humiliate him and he has to accept it so certain people in LS can go to sleep happy... OP's boyfriend is a person and he can decide by himself if this is something he can accept or not... If I would be OP's boyfriend I would be long gone... not because any reference about my sex (I don't have problems there) but because what she did is so unintelligent that is really unattractive and a great turn off. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 You must send the awesome letter a poster wrote a few posts back. Absolute perfection. I agree: grovel and be very humble.Tell him he is average and that he is perfect. Never say a guy is "small", ever again! Link to post Share on other sites
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