WorriedLiz Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Hi everybody. I need some advice really quick please. I screwed up and I have to do something to makeit right. Myguy and I have been together for a year and a half. We got engaged in April. Wereally are great for each other and we get along terrific. Anyway,day before yesterday we were at a party at my best girlfriend’s house. Everybody including me had drunk a lot. My guy (I’ll call him “Ian” drinks but not somuch.) Anyway, at some point people were talking in groups and laughingand all that. The conversation in mygroup turned to sex and the topic of “male size” came up. My girlfriend said everbody talks about the “bigones” but not the “small ones.” She then laughed and asked me who had thesmallest one in my experience. I didn’tthink before I opened my mouth because I answered my fiancé. Well Ian gave me a stunned and shocked look.I recovered and said I was kidding but I think the damage was done. The friendsin our group sort of acted sobered upand left the group. Ian and I haven’t discussed anything about this when we left or since. Yesterday when we left for work he had veryfew words to say. He later left me a voice mail that he was going to stay overat his best bud’s place which I guess he did. Times New Roman]He’sgoing to come home tonight and I really want to repair things and makegood. All suggestions would be reallyreally welcome. Thanks.
Treasa Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Oooh, you hit him at his most sensitive place. Both literally and figuratively. Not good. 1. Don't get drunk anymore, or even have to much to drink. 2. Refrain, even sober, from saying anything negative about your fiance in front of others. Same goes for him. 3. Apologize like crazy. 4. Don't let him guilt you into doing anything you know you don't want to. In the grand scheme of life, it's not THAT big (pardon the pun) of a deal. 3
BradJacobs Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Is it true? I know you said it as a joke but if it has a hint of truth to it, be prepared to own up to this when he confronts you (and he more than likely will). He may never get over this. 2
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Omg... I couldn't even imagine... I seriously wish I had advice but.. Just wow. 9
KungFuJoe Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Is it just me or have you noticed a trend where people use "fake" names (in this case, "Ian") in a post...and it turns out to be a fake story? 5
Author WorriedLiz Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 Well yeah it is kinda true that he's on the small side but it doesn't matter to me and I really mean that. If it was a big deal to me I would not be engaged to him. I know guys are really sensitive about stuff like this. I just don't want to lose him over something incredibly stupid that I said in all of thre seconds at the party. He's a really smart guy so I know he's going to ask me all sorts of questions and I don't know if I should be honest or fib or what. And ofcourse his real name is not Ian!! What did you expect mer to do? Give his real name? I know I was stupid at the party but I'm not that stupid
PCS991 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) Liz, Apologize now, and take you laptop in and get the space bar fixed Edited July 11, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 12
CherryT Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 It definitely wasn't a tasteful statement and something that offended him. All you could really do is apologize and I wouldn't even chalk it up to "it was just a joke". It always feels like you're minimizing the problem and just brushing it off like when you think your friend is stupid and you say "Why are you so stupid? Just kidding!"... just because you're kidding doesn't make it any less truthful or hurtful. Apologize and take ownership of it. That's about all you can do... if he see's that this is a bigger issue than you think it is (i.e. Can he trust you to support him? Or would you just throw him under the bus) then that's his decision to make. 2
CherryT Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Well yeah it is kinda true that he's on the small side but it doesn't matter to me and I really mean that. If it was a big deal to me I would not be engaged to him. I know guys are really sensitive about stuff like this. I just don't want to lose him over something incredibly stupid that I said in all of thre seconds at the party. He's a really smart guy so I know he's going to ask me all sorts of questions and I don't know if I should be honest or fib or what. And ofcourse his real name is not Ian!! What did you expect mer to do? Give his real name? I know I was stupid at the party but I'm not that stupid Don't lie. You screwed up. Lying won't make it better and if he really knows you, he probably will see through it. Not a way to start a marriage. To you it's something stupid, but to him (whether you feel he's being overly sensitive or not) it's triggering more than just what you said. To me, It would probably trigger thoughts like "is he the kind of guy who will disrespect me in front of people for the sake of a joke?" or "I'm suppose to be his partner and he so easily threw me under the bus".
Fondue Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Wow. You insulted him in front of all those people. TO take it one step further, it was the one "part" of a man that he treasures most and feels most insecure about. That just burns even thinking about it. I dunno what I would feel in that situation, but I would mostly likely not be able to look at you in the same way again. Sex is important to most everyone. No he feels inadequate, probably imagining your previous partners and comparing himself to them, etc. etc. That just sounds ugly. 2
BradJacobs Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Well yeah it is kinda true that he's on the small side but it doesn't matter to me and I really mean that. If it was a big deal to me I would not be engaged to him. Emphasize this last point. If it were me and we had an argument over this (because clearly it's effecting him) and I caught you lying about this or trying to dodge my questions, I would become furious with you and end the engagement. No telling what he's going to need to get over this. Hopefully it's nothing more than an apology. My gut says it will be a lot more than that.
iris219 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I was hoping it was a joke and that Ian's penis is actually porn star big, but I see that's not the case. You apologized; there's nothing more you can do. He will have to decide how he feels about it. This is one of those things that will be hard for him to get over, but with time it's possible. Do you have a habit of blurting out dumb things? If this was an isolated incident, hopefully he won't hold it against you. 1
BradJacobs Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 This is one of those things that will be hard for him to get over, but with time it's possible. He may not have a choice in whether he can get over it or not. I think the equivalent insult for a woman would be for her man to tell a group of friends that she's the ugliest woman that he's slept with. And, without further consideration here's how the apology comes off ... "But honey, it was a joke. I mean sure, I've dated prettier women but I don't care about how pretty or ugly you are. I wouldn't have gotten engaged to you if I cared about looks." How many women here would come unglued if their fiance said that? 9
todreaminblue Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Tell him how remorseful you are, be truly sorry.......the fact is you were telling the truth from what i gather and that would really hurt him, public humiliation by the person you care about supposedly the most.....not easy to get over....... just be truly sorry and never ever do this type of thing again.....it was horribly callous....dont drink..........i wish you luck....deb
RogerWallace111 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I think the equivalent insult for a woman would be for her man to tell a group of friends that she's the ugliest woman that he's slept with. And, without further consideration here's how the apology comes off ... "But honey, it was a joke. I mean sure, I've dated prettier women but I don't care about how pretty or ugly you are. I wouldn't have gotten engaged to you if I cared about looks." How many women here would come unglued if their fiance said that? Interesting point... Anyway, that's quite a flub. He may never get past it. But I've gotta ask, how big is it ? If it's really small he's probably never gonna get over it. If it's just not particularly big, maybe he'll be secure enough to let it go. My dick is 6.5 inches long, and though that's supposedly an inch over average, it feels small. I've been told it's big and/or "fat" on a few occasions but, maybe because of all the porno I've seen, I don't feel like it is. If his is under 6 I don't expect real acceptance of your mistake from him. Even if he claims it's fine.
Author WorriedLiz Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 I don't know how big he is - it's not like I've measured. But I do know he feels kinda self conscious about it just from various comments and asides he's made over time. If I had to guess, I'd say 4 to 5 inches. I'm trying to visualize here and that's the best I can come up with. So I know I'm not supposed to say he's porno size. Like I said before he's a really smart guy and would see through that
CherryT Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Damn. Well you knew he was self conscious about it. He trusted you enough to even communicate that (hard for men to do). And yet, you still publicly embarrassed him about something he was already insecure about. Hopefully your apologies work... that's all you can do. 2
Author WorriedLiz Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 OK I have to go. He's going to be here in a bit and I want to get ready and look good and everything. I still haven't decided how I'm going to play it, but of course I'm going to apologize and it will be sincere. I hope that's gonna be enuf. If I get a chance I'll log back on later and tell you how things went. Thanks everybody
ChessPieceFace Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 He'll probably dump you, and it will be deserved. Disgusting. 2
KungFuJoe Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 He'll probably dump you, and it will be deserved. Disgusting. Yup, we can always rely on ChessPieceFace to chime in and set the world straight again. BTW, that was sarcasm. MAJOR sarcasm.
BradJacobs Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't reclaim his manhood by doing just that (breaking up). Off the top of my head there's really only two ways a guy saves face in this scenario: 1. Release that homemade porno showing that he might be small but knows how to use it. 2. Break up with her. Reconciliation only works if he wants it to. If he's concerned about his image around those friends, I don't think this engagement lasts much longer. 4
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I don't know how big he is - it's not like I've measured. But I do know he feels kinda self conscious about it just from various comments and asides he's made over time. If I had to guess, I'd say 4 to 5 inches. I'm trying to visualize here and that's the best I can come up with. So I know I'm not supposed to say he's porno size. Like I said before he's a really smart guy and would see through that Uh... I thought about it and I really don't have any advice. All I can really say is that making that kind of extremely derogatory statement about your future spouse IN PUBLIC... says really bad things about you. That said... he will probably just lick his wounds elsewhere and move on. Trying to "make up" for that is going to come across as sleezy... and besides I don't think you can. The good news is that he seems like an insecure guy who is easy to push around and control. You probably won't have any problems. 1
shexy Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Girl, think about it. You just announced to a room full of people that your fiance has a tiny dick. How did you really think he might react? You can't suck words back in once they're out. I don't know, that's the lowest of the low meanest insults you could have thrown at him. 3
ChessPieceFace Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Yup, we can always rely on ChessPieceFace to chime in and set the world straight again. I could set the world straight if anyone ever listened to me. I don't coddle poor behavior. Publicly outing a guy for a small penis is definitely in the top 5 worst things a woman can do short of criminal action. She utterly humiliated him. I guarantee guys have committed suicide over what she did. How can she repair it? She can't. Like cheating, some things aren't fixable and shouldn't be. This isn't fixable. Their relationship can never be what it was before. 1
salparadise Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I agree with Stiletto_Heels... do not confirm that this is true. Try and pass it off as you just trying to be funny and you realized your mistake the instant it came out. If/when he asks, tell him it's not true. And I hope you're convincing. If you try to avoid answering, he'll know. I hope it works out for the best.
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