LostGirl11 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I've never been cheated on or left for someone else and I often wonder how people cope with having either done to them. Did knowing they're with soemone else make it easier or harder to move on? Did you have urges to contact them? Did you contact them? If so, what did you say? Would you have taken them back? Did you feel worthless or did you think '**** you' Do you now find it hard to trust people? If this has happend to you recently then I'm sorry for asking these questions, I'm just curious as to how people cope with such things happening to them...
eddyctv Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I had a girlfriend confess to me that she cheated on me. I was at such a low self-esteem point already, so after I initially flipped out, I stayed with her, only because of my low self-esteem. But staying with her after knowing that only made my self-esteem issues worse. Luckily I was able to get out from under my cloud and dump her. She was a piece of s*** anyway. If you were cheated on, wouldn't that be enough to make you want to walk away?
frostythesnowman Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I've never been cheated on or left for someone else and I often wonder how people cope with having either done to them. Did knowing they're with soemone else make it easier or harder to move on? Did you have urges to contact them? Did you contact them? If so, what did you say? Would you have taken them back? Did you feel worthless or did you think '**** you' Do you now find it hard to trust people? If this has happend to you recently then I'm sorry for asking these questions, I'm just curious as to how people cope with such things happening to them... My ex made a drunken "mistake" by just kissing a guy. This guy "happened" to be her boyfriend a few months after she ended the relationship with me. The way it played out makes it look like a coincidence but I often think otherwise. I do feel like she left me for him in the end, and while she kept me on a hook for over a year after we broke up, she definitely chose him over me. Can't say it has made it any easier to move on. Especially whenever I have seen them together... But when I go back to college it should be easier. Still, knowing she is a bitch for cheating on me gives me reason to move on, so in a way it does help a little. Hell, when we were even younger (early on in high school), she kissed me when she was with her previous boyfriend. Can't say I am proud of this on my having to do with it, but as the saying goes "once a cheater always a cheater". One day it's gonna bite her in the ass.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Been cheated on once. Didn't discover it until the relationship ended, but once I found out, it made it very easy for me to move on. I don't tolerate that type of behavior.
lissa90 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Yep, my ex left me for another girl and it hurt so so much. The fact I had confided in him about my fears of abandonment since I was kid and him promising never to leave was the kicker. It has significantly affected how I trust men now as he came across so genuine and sincere that I doubt my abilities in knowing who is trust worthy and who is not. It has been just over 4 months now and I no longer feel pain or that horrible feeling in my stomach. Nor do I cry or want him back. I guess I feel indifference now. Although some days I get the "**** you jackass" mentality. But yeah, its not a nice feeling. You question everything about yourself and sense of worth.
Author LostGirl11 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 Yep, my ex left me for another girl and it hurt so so much. The fact I had confided in him about my fears of abandonment since I was kid and him promising never to leave was the kicker. It has significantly affected how I trust men now as he came across so genuine and sincere that I doubt my abilities in knowing who is trust worthy and who is not. It has been just over 4 months now and I no longer feel pain or that horrible feeling in my stomach. Nor do I cry or want him back. I guess I feel indifference now. Although some days I get the "**** you jackass" mentality. But yeah, its not a nice feeling. You question everything about yourself and sense of worth. Lissa90, is this the same guy that you've been posting about recently?
lissa90 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 In the dating section? No that's a guy I've known for two years and got back in touch with once my relationship ended
Author LostGirl11 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 In the dating section? No that's a guy I've known for two years and got back in touch with once my relationship ended No, I mean the guy that left because of his issues?
lissa90 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Ahh, yes. He led me to believe that our relationship couldn't continue because of his prior issues and depression. Which in my opinion is a terrible excuse to use because he knew I'd be heart broken yet understanding to a degree. So I was devastated to find out he was already professing his love to another mere weeks after our breakup. Further more I've realised they were talking whilst we were together.
Roflsaurus Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 one day at a time, I work out obsessively, find new hobbies and talk to random people throughout the day. I have really no friends where I live now so I'm making the best of my situation.
Author LostGirl11 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 Ahh, yes. He led me to believe that our relationship couldn't continue because of his prior issues and depression. Which in my opinion is a terrible excuse to use because he knew I'd be heart broken yet understanding to a degree. So I was devastated to find out he was already professing his love to another mere weeks after our breakup. Further more I've realised they were talking whilst we were together. I'm so sorry to hear that! I have a feeling that my ex seeing someone else already, makes me feel pretty worthless. I tell myself things like 'if he can move on so quickly then he obviously didn't love me and clearly wasn't the one for me'
iouaname Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I've never been cheated on or left for someone else and I often wonder how people cope with having either done to them. Did knowing they're with soemone else make it easier or harder to move on? Did you have urges to contact them? Did you contact them? If so, what did you say? Would you have taken them back? Did you feel worthless or did you think '**** you' Do you now find it hard to trust people? I wasn't left for anyone else, but I was cheated on and then dumped several months later. I took him back and felt worthless for most of the relationship and then after the breakup, and I definitely find it hard to trust people. I also find myself caring even more about what people think about me than I ever did before...
lissa90 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 The bad news is that nothing you say to yourself is going to make you feel better. I've done the whole "I'm better than him anyway" "he can't of loved me in the first place" "he's a stupid loser and I don't know what I saw in him" routine. As much as it sucks to say, it didn't work - only time did. And it took me 3 months to get to a place where it didn't occupy my thoughts,dreams or heart If your ex is seeing someone else, its a great incentive to move on and to know what a jerk he is if its a relatively fresh break up. Just keep yourself focused on moving on to someone better and more compatible. It sucks like a bitch but you get through it and move on.
Author LostGirl11 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 I wasn't left for anyone else, but I was cheated on and then dumped several months later. I took him back and felt worthless for most of the relationship and then after the breakup, and I definitely find it hard to trust people. I also find myself caring even more about what people think about me than I ever did before... I didn't know he cheated on you You really have dodged a bullet, even though it doesn't feel that way right now. Please tell me you're NC
iouaname Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) I didn't know he cheated on you You really have dodged a bullet, even though it doesn't feel that way right now. Please tell me you're NC We aren't. Well -- not in the strict sense. We don't speak one-on-one anymore, but in group settings we are casual. I don't think he cares for me all that much and I don't even really know what I feel about him. Sort of indifferent, I guess. He followed me on instagram so I followed him back. It's been nearly 7 months though, so I think most of the wounds are healed. There's always an undercurrent of awkwardness and tension, but I'm not in love with him anymore so I don't have the anxiety or panic that I once had over him being in group settings with me or over him seeing someone else. He cheated on me very early on into the relationship, on five separate occasions over the first 9 months of the relationship. I didn't know about it until way later, though. I made a huge mistake in taking him back. I'm actually friends now with one of the girls he cheated on me with (we were not friends at the time and she didn't know about me at the time). Edited July 10, 2013 by iouaname
Spoonss Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 My ex did both and it took my confidence down so low. I am slowly getting it back but i feel so disgusting around the opposite sex. Never use to. But now i feel like if a girl who loved me could do it to me. Whats stopping some one i barely know from doing it
LoveB86 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 It's been 3 months and 8 days since HE left me for someone else. Infact, I didn't know what was going on. I just happened to call him and he never responded. So, I let a day go by thinking something may had happened. Never heard from him till 5 days later with a "I need space" text. Never heard from him until a co worker told me that he was sleeping around with another co worker behind my back. He then text me to "Move on and stop thinking about us", dumped me on April fools day and made her his girlfriend that same day. I had never heard from him since. I never had anyone hurt me the way he did. It was a coward and spiteful way to hurt someone. He is still with her and I work with them, so I have to see them everyday and see him buyin her flowers, taking her to lunch, doing all this stuff for her that he never did for me. What is more sad us that he acted as if I never existed, didn't do those nice things for me, basically showing me that our relationship was fake and phony. I was used and took advantage of. It shattered me to pieces, but in the end.. I walk away knowing I gave him my all. I didn't deserve what he did to me, but what he did, he will have to live with it. I don't know much about Karma and how it works, but whatever happens, hope he would learn the word RESPECT.
KatZee Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) I've never been cheated on or left for someone else and I often wonder how people cope with having either done to them. Did knowing they're with soemone else make it easier or harder to move on? Did you have urges to contact them? Did you contact them? If so, what did you say? Would you have taken them back? Did you feel worthless or did you think '**** you' Do you now find it hard to trust people? If this has happend to you recently then I'm sorry for asking these questions, I'm just curious as to how people cope with such things happening to them... I had both situations happen, with the same guy. My ex wound up cheating on me with HIS ex and he fessed up after we had been together over 2 years. Basically someone was about to rat him out, that's the only reason he came clean. I stupidly gave him another chance because I was "in love" and justified it with all the stupid reasons people will forgive cheating for. Worst mistake of my life. He really wasn't sorry at all that he cheated, he just wanted to sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. If he saw me upset, he'd get angry. I really never forgave him for the cheating despite staying with him. We remained together for maybe 8 months after he confessed and I actually grew to despise him. I hated him, and more specifically I hated myself for staying with him. Over the period of 8 months I detached emotionally from him, so when he finally dumped me (HE dumped ME!!!! As if he had reasons to dump me! ) I had zero emotion. I didn't even shed one tear. I stood there staring at him as he was crying and I was like "whatever dude. Here's your crap. Bye." He never saw or heard from me again. I was livid that he was the one who dumped me, when all along I had the reasons to leave HIM. 5 weeks later his cousin posted a picture of him and some new chick on FB. It was his new girlfriend, and a girl he met at the new job he had started while we were still together. I found out he met her while with me and used her as an "out" of the relationship. So I found out then that he dumped me for her. A.sshole. He was too cowardly to tell me the truth, so the anger I felt after that really helped me to move on, but I hated him... and I mean HATED him more than I've ever hated anyone on this planet for months after the fact. I spent 3 years with him and I regret every single second. He's garbage to me. I will never look back and think of him fondly. I cut him out of my life, blocked him everywhere, and will never wish to reconnect anywhere down the line. He's pretty much dead to me. Edited July 10, 2013 by KatZee
todreaminblue Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 yep got dumped for another....i am still in contact with my ex we are friends now......its taken years to be at the place i am now....i dont want him back .....he is the father of my girls...he gave me three reasons to continue loving him....none of those reasons are his love for me...merely his love of the girls and my love of those girls......i always thought i would never want to fall in love again....fifteen years with one guy.....no other guy really knowing me for the past twenty odd years now.....i am scared to fall for someone and give my all again....the chances of me getting hurt are pretty high......but....i have developed feelings for someone else........so there's hope fro me yet i dont feel that every guy is like my ex at all...........or will cheat on me......i do fear rejection, i fear making myself vulnerable to that...its not that i cant trust again but that i will trust again because i am retarded that way, i always do that is where the fear comes in..in trusting someone i shouldnt...... i think the deepest cut when i got dumped was the rejection of someone who i trusted and adored and forgiven time and time again loved him unconditionally through good and bad...supported him..... to make a choice that basically said "yeah you're just not good enough deb you are second best"...that hit hard...because i was trying to handle everything at home without putting pressure on him....because he seemed to be uptight and stressed.....he was ...because lol he was having an affair and being dishonest..... i was getting sick dealing with family problems at the time...it was pretty horrible....but anyway...smilin what is done ....is done and gone ....re hashed and therapied....... life goes on .....as does my heart....hopefully to someone who loves me for me...no second best again for me or my family...ill get it right this time......deb
mbee Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Yes, my most recent ex cheated on me and left me for that person. However this person is married and has been with her spouse for 10 years. She also lives 1000 miles away. The relationship will fail but shows me a lot about his character. The months leading to the breakup were very happy, he seemed happy, and said during the breakup and afterwards how amazing and loving I am. Even a month after we broke up, and I knew about everything, he still talked about us getting together in 4-5 years! Egh! He's with her right now and it tears me apart. It's even worse because he chose someone who is unavailable. They have no future since it's going to be long distance for awhile and she's still working things out with her husband. He's been reaching out to me the whole time saying he loves me, thinking of me and calling me by pet names. It's like why are you doing this and still with her? Anyway he's a broken person. The pain is less heartwrenching than it was in the beginning. It's been 2.5 months since the breakup but I also spent 3 hours just crying this afternoon. The betrayal hurts tremendously and I am still in love with this man, or the person I thought he was. I wont take him back if he ever wanted it, but am trying desperately to move on. Coping is tough. NC is really all I can do and trying to move on. Just like a previous poster said, I feel absolutely worthless and care more about what people think about me than I ever had. I am trying to remember there are tons of people who care about me and lots of wonderful things about my life that I love and I can't let this one crappy person make me feel like crap because of his poor decisions.
rosie9 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 My ex that I was going out with for two years cheated on me. He broke up with me and then started going out with the girl he cheated on me with a couple days later. He wasted no time making it known to everyone that they were going out. It killed my confidence and I essentially have no self-esteem anymore. It's a terrible feeling and basically made me feel like I wasn't good enough and this other girl was better than me. He doesn't seem to think he did anything wrong.
shatteredworld Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 My ex cheated on me, and then start dating someone else weeks later. He told me it was a one night stand. He then left me after I told him I wanted to give him a second chance. It's been 5 months and he's still in my heart and always on my mind. Him being with someone else just caused more pain. Being cheated on by someone who supposedly loves you is one of the worst things a person can go through, you can't help but feel unlovable and worthless.
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