Force a dday possible?

July 10, 2013

Is there anyway without BS knowing its you that you can force a dday to happen? Any creative ways to bring A to light, all the while remaining "ignorant" to its happenings?

A forced dday with enough proof where gaslighting and rug sweeping isnt possible? I have "proof" but I'd rather stand by and watch it unfold and force MM to put down the fork in the road and choose his next path.

I dont wanna be the one to txt BS and say hey this is how its been, and I also cant seem to force MM to make a choice,

This may sound crazy, but just wondering....

July 10, 2013

Is there anyway without BS knowing its you that you can force a dday to happen? Any creative ways to bring A to light, all the while remaining "ignorant" to its happenings?

A forced dday with enough proof where gaslighting and rug sweeping isnt possible? I have "proof" but I'd rather stand by and watch it unfold and force MM to put down the fork in the road and choose his next path.

I dont wanna be the one to txt BS and say hey this is how its been, and I also cant seem to force MM to make a choice,

This may sound crazy, but just wondering....

A d-day is the way to go!:cool:

July 10, 2013

Is there anyway without BS knowing its you that you can force a dday to happen? Any creative ways to bring A to light, all the while remaining "ignorant" to its happenings?

A forced dday with enough proof where gaslighting and rug sweeping isnt possible? I have "proof" but I'd rather stand by and watch it unfold and force MM to put down the fork in the road and choose his next path.

I dont wanna be the one to txt BS and say hey this is how its been, and I also cant seem to force MM to make a choice,

This may sound crazy, but just wondering....

If someone is not ready to make a choice, forcing a DDay will not make them any more ready. What you will get is a knee jerk reaction rather than a choice. You will see a panicked response in which, most likely, the WS fights to maintain the status quo in order to delay having to make a choice. That typically means placating the BS by appearing to dump the AP, and appearing to reconcile, while still trying to keep the AP interested. Only, because the BS typically knows / suspects, the A has to go (further) underground, and becomes more difficult.it seldom resolves anything satisfactorily for anyone.

And, in some cases, the BS chooses not to believe the information and business continues as usual.

If you want the simulation resolved, you have the power to resolve it yourself. Decide what you want / need, and your "bottom line", and decide what you are willing to do if that is not met. Then act on that.

July 10, 2013

How about just walking away? That is your best option...but if you must really know I have a few options for you. Block your number and start calling the house at night and hanging up only when she answers. Have friends send anonymous emails saying her spouse/SO is cheating. Start liking every post he makes on facebook. Post a photo of the the two of you in a group multiple times and tag him each time.

Either way you chose makes it come to light....some faster than others. But why are you willing to play such a sick game. Just call her and tell her what is going on. That is a sure way to make it public and get him to drop you like a hot rock. It is amazing how often a betrayer is the first to claim foul when they are betrayed. GOOD LUCK!!!

July 10, 2013

I knew it was coming to this. Like someone else said, just *69 her and say "your husband is having an affair". or make up a fake email and send her some of the proof with your info omitted. I think its cowardly as hell, but its effective, I guess. I don't think you want to confront the BS with the info that its you, didn't you say in another thread she's a cop? I don't think that would go down well for you, so in your case, it's probably best to stick to the anonymous route, and pray like hell that she doesn't ever discover it's you, on her own or through other means.

July 10, 2013

This strikes me as obsessive. Leave it to karma, let the cards fall where they may. This sounds like something along the lines of poking holes in a condom: manipulative.

July 10, 2013

If you want the simulation resolved, you have the power to resolve it yourself. Decide what you want / need, and your "bottom line", and decide what you are willing to do if that is not met. Then act on that.

*situation.

Damn autocorrect!

July 10, 2013

I knew it was coming to this. Like someone else said, just *69 her and say "your husband is having an affair". or make up a fake email and send her some of the proof with your info omitted. I think its cowardly as hell, but its effective, I guess. I don't think you want to confront the BS with the info that its you, didn't you say in another thread she's a cop? I don't think that would go down well for you, so in your case, it's probably best to stick to the anonymous route, and pray like hell that she doesn't ever discover it's you, on her own or through other means.

That should have said *67 her! Anyway, it seems you are losing control here of yourself. If you want to force a Dday, to try to regain control of your own life, go ahead. I think that would probably be a better alternative to a Dday happening through other means or WH just up and dumping you, because if that happens you are probably gonna come unhinged and go the bunny boiler route. Not saying that to be insulting, just judging from the events that have been playing out and your reactions to them...

Edited July 10, 2013 by HopingAgain
typo

July 10, 2013

Is there anyway without BS knowing its you that you can force a dday to happen? Any creative ways to bring A to light, all the while remaining "ignorant" to its happenings?

A forced dday with enough proof where gaslighting and rug sweeping isnt possible? I have "proof" but I'd rather stand by and watch it unfold and force MM to put down the fork in the road and choose his next path.

I dont wanna be the one to txt BS and say hey this is how its been, and I also cant seem to force MM to make a choice,

This may sound crazy, but just wondering....

Why do you need a dday?

Why do you need MM to make a choice?

Lil....you may not be able to take the passive route on this, i.e. sit by hoping he breaks up with you or some angelic messenger gives the BS a dream about you two forcing it to end. You can be the change you wish to see and end it with him yourself.

I don't see a way for you to initiate a dday with proof which cannot be rug-swept or gaslighted away and it not get back to you.

July 10, 2013

Send a email with pictures with no name,make sure you make it noticeable and send a few times. I have lots of junk and she may also. So send it in threes. I think if he chooses you that you will regret it later but that is your choice. Call her tell her that her husband is cheating and tell her things that only she would know. Good Luck.

July 10, 2013

Why do you want to do it anonymously? You should own up to your choices and actions.

July 10, 2013

He's made a choice. He chooses to have an affair.

You mean you want him to choose to let one of you go. Why would he do that, if you are both willing to stay?

July 10, 2013

I am not even going to mention the fact that he ran out on you and let you get beaten to protect himself.

I'm just going to start with this: If there is a Dday that he is not prepared for, it will not bode well for you. If you want to be with him permanently, then he has to make a decision. Even if he stays a few more months and then goes, he's got to do some planning. As it is, he won't be prepared and he won't know whether to sh*t or go blind. Although I will say, he is the one who engaged in an affair and should be ready for that possibility anyway.

The other thing is that IF you do force a Dday, he will never, ever forgive you. Somehow he will find out it was you, even if only on the periphery, and he will always resent it.

You need to think this through. You are acting impetuously. At least do yourself the favor of waiting 72 hours before making a final decision. Then, if you are still determined, go ahead, but be prepared for the fallout.

July 10, 2013

Why do you want to do it anonymously? You should own up to your choices and actions.

Would you have your MM believe that you had no idea about how his wife came into the truth?

If you can have no qualms about hurting her all this time please don't start now. Just on an unhappy whim you are going to anonymously let her know the truth about her life? Whatever.

It's getting harder for me to keep your stories straight. They seem to change daily .. with your equally frequent new threads.

You be the strong one if he can't. Stand up for yourself!

July 10, 2013

I am not even going to mention the fact that he ran out on you and let you get beaten to protect himself.

I'm just going to start with this: If there is a Dday that he is not prepared for, it will not bode well for you. If you want to be with him permanently, then he has to make a decision. Even if he stays a few more months and then goes, he's got to do some planning. As it is, he won't be prepared and he won't know whether to sh*t or go blind. Although I will say, he is the one who engaged in an affair and should be ready for that possibility anyway.

The other thing is that IF you do force a Dday, he will never, ever forgive you. Somehow he will find out it was you, even if only on the periphery, and he will always resent it.

You need to think this through. You are acting impetuously. At least do yourself the favor of waiting 72 hours before making a final decision. Then, if you are still determined, go ahead, but be prepared for the fallout.

HE has to make the decision(did he not make a decision when he decided to cheat and talk about love and future?)

He won't be prepared(even though he has been in affair for years, how long does it take for him to prepare)

He has to force the DDay, otherwise he will be angry and never forgive you.

You see, it's all about him, his wants,his needs,his comforts. This man anf man MM have been made into some kind of God who'se feelings are the only thing that matter.

This is why he continues to string two women along.

As much as OW will never admit, they are always afraid to tell wife about the affair, because he may get angry at them.

This is the biggest BS, the stupidest thing I have seen. What other relationship has two people who fear each other. WS fears the affair partner will out him. AP fears WS will throw her under the bus if exposed.

That is why affairs are so bad, Because the balance of power is not equal.

AP is kept in line with the silent threat of "If you tell, you may be thrown under the bus" and I will be angry at you. He is the puppeteer. If you two were so in love, you would not have doubts about his reaction. You would know, no matter what, he will stick by you through thick and thin. Real love forgives, real love is confident, real love has no hidden stipulations or threats, real love does not hide and lie. Real love does not leave you alone with an angry man. Wake up!!!

July 10, 2013

There is one surefire way to force him to choose between her and you:

Remove yourself as an option while he is married. Just refuse to be his OW. Tell him you will be his ONLY woman, or nothing.

Right not he has a third choice: married with OW. That's what he's chosen. If you don't like that choice, remove the option.

July 10, 2013

HE has to make the decision(did he not make a decision when he decided to cheat and talk about love and future?)

He won't be prepared(even though he has been in affair for years, how long does it take for him to prepare)

He has to force the DDay, otherwise he will be angry and never forgive you.

You see, it's all about him, his wants,his needs,his comforts. This man anf man MM have been made into some kind of God who'se feelings are the only thing that matter.

This is why he continues to string two women along.

As much as OW will never admit, they are always afraid to tell wife about the affair, because he may get angry at them.

This is the biggest BS, the stupidest thing I have seen. What other relationship has two people who fear each other. WS fears the affair partner will out him. AP fears WS will throw her under the bus if exposed.
That is why affairs are so bad, Because the balance of power is not equal.

AP is kept in line with the silent threat of "If you tell, you may be thrown under the bus" and I will be angry at you. He is the puppeteer. If you two were so in love, you would not have doubts about his reaction. You would know, no matter what, he will stick by you through thick and thin. Real love forgives, real love is confident, real love has no hidden stipulations or threats, real love does not hide and lie. Real love does not leave you alone with an angry man. Wake up!!!

Now this is a good old fashioned dose of truth right here! I do agree that more OW don't tell because they fear MM will get angry at them. I will never forget on Dday hearing the ex OW ask my husband, after they knew that I had heard her talking to him and discovered he was lying "Are you mad at me?"

July 10, 2013

I exposed the possible beginnings of an affair once to my best friend. Her husband and I had a very good mutual friend. His HS girlfriend started coming around his office,always looking really good. She would also come on the guise of taking him to lunch. He told our mutual friend, he was starting to have feelings for her again. And our mutual friend told me.

I promptly called my friend and told her. She then confronted her husband and told her I OUTED HIM!! YIKES!!Well, he was a bit angry with me. But he still spoke to me and eventually understood why I did it. Real love, real understanding.

Now that I understand the Science behind love and attraction, I am so happy I did what did. Because had it been allowed to go on longer(emotional affair or whatever), his brain chemicals could have become very addicted to her. And I have to say he is absolutely in love with my friend. So much so his mother is very jealous :)and everyone around can see.

Even though I outed him, he still loves me years later and considers me as his sister.

July 10, 2013

HE has to make the decision(did he not make a decision when he decided to cheat and talk about love and future?)

He won't be prepared(even though he has been in affair for years, how long does it take for him to prepare)

He has to force the DDay, otherwise he will be angry and never forgive you.

You see, it's all about him, his wants,his needs,his comforts. This man anf man MM have been made into some kind of God who'se feelings are the only thing that matter.

This is why he continues to string two women along.

As much as OW will never admit, they are always afraid to tell wife about the affair, because he may get angry at them.

This is the biggest BS, the stupidest thing I have seen. What other relationship has two people who fear each other. WS fears the affair partner will out him. AP fears WS will throw her under the bus if exposed.
That is why affairs are so bad, Because the balance of power is not equal.

AP is kept in line with the silent threat of "If you tell, you may be thrown under the bus" and I will be angry at you. He is the puppeteer. If you two were so in love, you would not have doubts about his reaction. You would know, no matter what, he will stick by you through thick and thin. Real love forgives, real love is confident, real love has no hidden stipulations or threats, real love does not hide and lie. Real love does not leave you alone with an angry man. Wake up!!!

Well sh*t. This never, EVER happened to me. But I keep hearing I'm the 'exception'... I was never afraid of anything, and my bf did prepare. He separated finances. He got her set up to be okay when he did leave. He got his church stuff in order as best he could. And when Dday came (a little earlier than we'd planned), he was pretty much ready. And he admitted all, not giving details about our R because they are private, and left. When he did, he cited all of the reasons for his unhappiness, all of the reasons for why they were not compatible, what he needed, what she needed and that they were just not a good match. He had lists, he had reasons, he had examples.

It made things a LOT easier. So he DID prepare. And it was a decision that WE MADE TOGETHER.

OP's MM is not in that place, so I am warning her what HE will do.

In MY experience it was all about US and OUR RELATIONSHIP.

July 10, 2013

I exposed the possible beginnings of an affair once to my best friend. Her husband and I had a very good mutual friend. His HS girlfriend started coming around his office,always looking really good. She would also come on the guise of taking him to lunch. He told our mutual friend, he was starting to have feelings for her again. And our mutual friend told me.

I promptly called my friend and told her. She then confronted her husband and told her I OUTED HIM!! YIKES!!Well, he was a bit angry with me. But he still spoke to me and eventually understood why I did it. Real love, real understanding.

Now that I understand the Science behind love and attraction, I am so happy I did what did. Because had it been allowed to go on longer(emotional affair or whatever), his brain chemicals could have become very addicted to her. And I have to say he is absolutely in love with my friend. So much so his mother is very jealous :)and everyone around can see.

Even though I outed him, he still loves me years later and considers me as his sister.

Is this a joke? Why is it that some think brain chemicals take over and all reason is out the window? I am majorly in love with my bf. When our A began, and now, I could still think rationally.

July 10, 2013

Is this a joke? Why is it that some think brain chemicals take over and all reason is out the window? I am majorly in love with my bf. When our A began, and now, I could still think rationally.

No, it's not a joke. The experience she describes is very much how it happens, and the chemical changes in the brain that contribute to the swept away feelings of romance are very real. It's oxytocin, the bonding hormone.

July 10, 2013

Is this a joke? Why is it that some think brain chemicals take over and all reason is out the window? I am majorly in love with my bf. When our A began, and now, I could still think rationally.

No joke, read on on "The chemistry of love"

QUOTE;

"As a scientist, I agree that chasing the “love high” is fruitless – it leads you down bad roads and it doesn’t last anyway. However, to some extent, we are all prone to the effects of love on the brain that Dr. Fisher talks about – both at the beginning of a relationship, and and its end. When we fall in love or become infatuated, we are flooded with neurotransmitters, one of which is dopamine, which is also heavily involved in addiction, reward, and novelty seeking. And when a relationship ends, the brain changes Fisher talks about create a “withdrawal” that persists until you readjust to life without that person. You can’t escape biology, but you can be aware of it and not let it make bad decisions for you. Gotta go, but sure Pierre and members here can fill you in.

July 10, 2013

I exposed the possible beginnings of an affair once to my best friend. Her husband and I had a very good mutual friend. His HS girlfriend started coming around his office,always looking really good. She would also come on the guise of taking him to lunch. He told our mutual friend, he was starting to have feelings for her again. And our mutual friend told me.

I promptly called my friend and told her. She then confronted her husband and told her I OUTED HIM!! YIKES!!Well, he was a bit angry with me. But he still spoke to me and eventually understood why I did it. Real love, real understanding.

Now that I understand the Science behind love and attraction, I am so happy I did what did. Because had it been allowed to go on longer(emotional affair or whatever), his brain chemicals could have become very addicted to her. And I have to say he is absolutely in love with my friend. So much so his mother is very jealous :)and everyone around can see.

Even though I outed him, he still loves me years later and considers me as his sister.

You are a good friend. He probably credits you for helping to save his marriage ! I'm sure they both do.

July 10, 2013

Is there anyway without BS knowing its you that you can force a dday to happen? Any creative ways to bring A to light, all the while remaining "ignorant" to its happenings?

A forced dday with enough proof where gaslighting and rug sweeping isnt possible? I have "proof" but I'd rather stand by and watch it unfold and force MM to put down the fork in the road and choose his next path.

I dont wanna be the one to txt BS and say hey this is how its been, and I also cant seem to force MM to make a choice,

This may sound crazy, but just wondering....

Why not tell MM to F-off until he leaves his wife. That should ensure he makes a decision one way or the other. I guess I don't understand why there HAS to be a DDay . I do believe she has the right to know, but that's not my point. You can force him to make a decision if YOU tell HIM you no longer want him around if he is still married. You're choosing not to make any decision.

Why can't YOU make a decision about your life? If he wants you, he will have to get a divorce and start fresh with you.

July 10, 2013

No, it's not a joke. The experience she describes is very much how it happens, and the chemical changes in the brain that contribute to the swept away feelings of romance are very real. It's oxytocin, the bonding hormone.

I know what it is. I just believe that once you are no longer a teenager, you have a little more control over your freakin' hormones. If you really feel that a man would just do anything to feel that way, then he left his brain at home in the toilet. If we had no control over these 'chemicals' we'd all be walking around walleyed and drooling every time we saw someone with a nice ass and a few kind words.

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Force a dday possible?

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