Romantico Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 Hey; Ok so my girlfriend of a year and a month, lately has not been doing too well in school. She has been currently worrying a lot about her marks her future, saying that she's gonna fail everything, wont get into university, will end up "pumping gas" and everything having to do with school has been kinda getting her depressed. She keeps believing that she won't be able to do better and just freaks out sometimes when she's talking about it. So, recently a good number of our phone conversations have been consisting of us talking about all of this; with periods of complete silence. I am not a guidance councellor, but for some reason when we are on the phone, I seem to wanna help her out and comfort her by coming up with solutions and answers to her school problems, but i don't seem to help out very much. She told me the other day that she doesen't want solutions and answers to her problems and just like comfort her by like telling her that everything will be alright, that she's a smart girl, that i love her, that she's beautiful, etc. When she told me this, i really felt stupid cause it seemed to simple and like such and obvious thing to do at the time, but it just didnt come to me. I also felt stupid cause she like had to tell me what she needed then and i couldn't comfort her when she needed it. Now when the subjects come up again, i really dont know what to do...it seems weird to be telling her those things that she needed to hear then, because she has already told me thats what she needs...so all i seem to be able to do is say dont worry too much...ull be fine...and just hug her... I'd really like to be of more help or comfort to her because i love her and i just want to help her out and make her feel better .... any comments, suggestions?... Thanks, Romantico.
SoleMate Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 She told me the other day that she doesen't want solutions and answers to her problems and just like comfort her by like telling her that everything will be alright, that she's a smart girl, that i love her, that she's beautiful, OK. Here's what you need to do: Tell her that everything will be all right Tell her that she is smart and talented Tell her that you love her madly Tell her that she's beautiful Tell her anything other good thing you can think of Tell her that you can see that she is stressed and anxious, and how deeply you sympathize with her and would love to fix her problems for her DON'T actually try to fix the problems. See how easy that is? She wants you to sympathize with her emotions, not run her life. I hope this is clear.
dreaming4ever Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 The reason you feel like you wanted to solve her problems is because men and women approach situations like that differently. When a woman has a problem and she tells a woman friend, the woman friend will listen to her and comfort her and tell her things will work out. Whereas, when a woman tells a MAN her problem, the man immediately feels like he has to come up with a solution to her problem, because that's what men do, they take it on as their duty that they have to FIX the situation. That's just what happens naturally. Wow....are the sexes different or what? My advice is that you just be there for her as best as you can, love her deeply and do things for her to ease her stress since she's already stressed out enough by her school problems....like maybe take her out on a nice night out with just the two of you so she can forget her problems for a night or day at least. Maybe even offer to spring for a tutor for her. Good luck!
Devildog Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 Yeah, what they said. I understand your confusion. I am the same way. Must fix problem, make everything better. You have to over ride the caveman instinct of defending and protecting her from everything. Women need to feel that they can accomplish some things on their own. If she wants a jar opened, help her open it. If she is having emotional problems just listen and support her.
abbyroadme Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 Tell her your there for her and support her no matter what.
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