I want my ex back...

[missidk]

Long story short me and my ex had been together for almost three years until he broke up with me. His main excuse for breaking up with me was because he was moving, but I came to find out that he didn't really know how to break up to me so he used that as his way out.

 

We've been broken up for about 4 months and I just really am still in love with him. After the break up we tried talking and that didn't go so well so I asked him to just stop talking to me because it just hurt too much to hear from him, but a week later we started talking again. All I wanted him to do was prove to me that he wouldn't hurt me again, that he actually wanted me around. Well weeks went by and we continued to talk.

 

So about a month later I start hanging out with my friend, who I've known since high school. I guess that kind of made him jealous and he wanted to win me back after two months of me giving him hints that I wanted him back. By this time I was over it, and was trying to move on from him. One day he showed up at my house and called my over 50 times, but I was with my friend and my mother doing important stuff. I ignored his phone calls and didn't answer the door. This event made him resent me and he started to talk to another girl, who he likes and think is cool. He says he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now but I feel that they would be together. This made me jealous and the tables were turned.

 

About a month ago, after "no contact" for a month, I contacted him and we tried to be friends and work up to something more (or at least thats the part i wanted). We talked and hung out a few times and it seemed that he wanted me back. I became needy and clingy and I told him how I felt. I told hi I was still in love with him and that I wanted to be with him. He told me that he loved me and he wants me in his life but that he wasn't in love with me anymore which I understand why. One day we planned a date and I spent the night at his house. Everything was just amazing, I loved every moment of it. But then the next day all hell breaks loose and his "friend", my ex, and I are ended up in a room together discussing everything that's been happening.

 

My ex explained how he felt that he was in a love triangle with the both of us and that he didn't want to lose either one of us. My ex also explained to me that he was taking advantage of my vulnerability and that he was just trying to use me for everything I had since I hurt him badly when he showed up to my house that day. I come to find out he's telling his "friend" about all the conversations we've had and all the things we were doing together. I felt completely betrayed because he wasn't honest with me and he took advantage of me.

 

Well last night, we sat down and had a real conversation (no screaming, or yelling or crying on my part) and he sincere apologized to me and said he didn't mean to hurt me as the way he did throughout everything. I apologized to him for the hurt that I caused him. He says that he doesn't want to lose me and wants me in his life. He just isn't ready for another relationship.

 

I forgave him just to help ease the anger I had within myself about the situation and to help me gain peace from it. I accept everything that happened and I accepted my faults. We decided that in order for us to move forward we need to gain back trust with each other, leave the past in the past, and slowly work our way to a friendship and maybe more, but I have no expectations and I'm not holding my breath.

 

I know in the bottom of my heart that this is the person I want to be with for he rest of my life... Where do I go from here?

 

*sorry for the long story*

Edited July 10, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LinkWorshiper]

Minus a few details here and there, that could literally be what my recent experience was but a few months back. You don't have to take what I say to heart, but I'll tell you where I'm standing a bit later down this path. Maybe it will help you figure out what the best course of action is.

 

Long story short, after a messy breakup, I found myself being friendly with my ex, like you seem to be on your way with. I was eager and happy to restart friendship with him because it seems obvious that the only way for him to remember what it was he liked about you is to be there. I happily launched myself into that place twice with my man, the first time when we had a little tension/break and the second time after our horrific break up in January.

 

Things were going well and reminded me a lot of the way things went that first time we took space but ended up together again. So I was under the impression that him always texting me, me dropping in on him at work sometimes, both of us inviting the other out for food about once a week AND working on ourselves and communication skills (which were improving) was a great sign that things would eventually roll back over. In fact, things were going SO WELL, he started seriously flirting with me again. Even asking me what he had to do to prove himself to me once more.

 

Too good to be true.

 

The next week, he got stone cold silent and tried to blame it on work, but I could tell something was up. So I insisted he tell me and we went out to lunch, where he informed me that he'd "met someone", though he also had an armload of reasons why it wouldn't work out with this new girl and that he was just feeling it out and how important I was to him and how he treasured me like his best friend and his family... just... wasn't sure if he wanted a relationship with me. This is after a solid week of sexting, flirting and asking what he had to do to be boyfriend material again.

 

To cut to the chase, I realized that he was stringing me along. And it sucks to think that the person you love and trust the most would be doing that. I'm not even really sure he was aware he was, but he was relying on me for the same relationship we always had but without the benefits of kissing or sex or anything, but I wasn't getting the same back from him. Meanwhile, he's eyeing other girls while using me for backup comfort just in case it all doesn't work out.

 

So even though I really didn't want to, because I still love my man to death and I want things to work out with him and I miss spending time with him, I made the hard choice to ask for space. I told him his emotional push/pull was messing with my ability to take care of myself, it wasn't fair for him to expect that kind of relationship from me, especially if he expected me to sit by and watch him fall in love with someone else. He took it all like a kicked puppy and told me not to put a time limit on the space, but that he would take his, I could take mine, and then to reach out to him when I felt comfortable.

 

He's since blocked me on FB and I've only sent him a tiny text that I am comfortable speaking to him again if he has time and that I appreciate him giving me space, but that's it. It's been four weeks and it sucks and it's hard but it is the best way to protect yourself. If your man wants to be with you, he will fight to be with you and come to you and choose you after having some time to MISS you and think about you and reflect about what you mean to him. Otherwise, maybe you're just second fiddle, and who wants to be that, even for the person they love the most? Think of it like a test... because if you're just available all the time, he gets to have his cake and eat it too, you know?

 

Unless you're cool with that.

[missidk]

Well since then alot more has happened. One day we were having a good day together and the next he called and said he couldn't do it anymore and felt like he was giving me false hope. He finally confessed he wanted to be with her. Completely shattered me. The next week I went to go pick up my stuff and we were talking and his "friend" comes outside and she put her hands on me.

 

We physically fought and she broke my glasses. My ex drove me home ad that same night he went on a date with her like it was nothing like nothing had not just happened.

Now we are... idk nothing. But I still love him and want to be with him. Yeah it sounds stupid but my heart only wants him and im still in love with him. We constantly argue now... about who was wrong, who was right, what should've been done, how hurt i am, etc... Apparently I could please him sexually or make him happy in our relationship. He's still upset that I hung out with a guy a couple months after we broke up even though he didn't even want to try and fix things when we first broke up.

 

He says he has strong feelings for her but he's not in love with her. He says he's not sure if he love me or not or if he loves her or not. Im constantly thinking that theres still a chance for us to reconcile even though he's in a relationship. One second I was ready for him and he wasn't ready, next second he was ready and i wasnt, then when i felt ready again he was confused and played me now he says he still cares about me but afraid that i wont change and i feel the same about him because of this entire mess. I have been trying to date but I'm scared that someone else will hurt me. The guy I've been talking to says im pushing him away because im scared and hurt by someone else and that i keep comparing him to my ex.

 

My ex is in a relationship now. All week we've been talking just relax convos about random things and then wednesday we saw each other and later that day started arguing via text over why i felt comfortable with another guy so fast to give hime something my ex wanted away (which was oral) and why i was afraid to open up to him when he was ready to try and fix things. WENT SO BAD. Friday I sent him a long text saying how much i was sorry for everything that happened in the past year and all my faults and told him how much i loved him. NO RESPONSE.

 

Yesterday I was on XBOX playing GTA and he kept messaging me wanting to play online with me and then he called me and we talked and laughed idk i always take things more than what they are but I'm still in love with my ex and even after all the bad, I know we can work things out and start fresh. How do I even go about trying if he's flip flopping so much? I just don't know what to do... no matter how much i try i can't get him out of my head I love him more than anything and he's hurt me more than anyone but I'm willing to put it all in the past and start over with him...

Edited October 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Sneaky]

Hey, I've read your story and I am going to try and give you some advice that I really hope you take to heart. This guy is a bad person and you should cut him out of your life.

 

Stop worrying about working things out. He's stringing another girl along as well as you. Had you both literally fight over him and still has done nothing to change the situation. He doesn't "have strong feelings" for either of you, he doesn't care about either of you. If he did than he wouldn't be putting you through that **** and just continuing with it. This person only cares about himself.

 

I hope you find the strength to cut him out and move on from this and that things improve for you.

[ponchsox]

Start thinking as your own person and what's best for YOU. A lover should complement you and love you in return, not hurt you.

[Art_Critic]

being that he is in a relationship with someone else then the message from you should be silence.

 

Time for you to move on and let him live his life and if he contacts you then you have to tell him bye...

[ponchsox]

You want what you had with your ex back because it made you feel good. Take that out, look at the big picture, and start thinking about you without him in the picture.

[Mariposa10]

He's using you, he's a selfish prick. Go NC, believe me there are good men out there, not all of them are pigs like your ex.

 

You can't control his feelings, but you can control yours!!

 

Good luck.