BetrayedOne Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Hi there, first time poster and to be honest I thought I would never be on any sites like this but after reading a lot of posts I am glad I am here. You all support each other which is amazing and I hope I may be able to support you in the future. Anyway to my main post, I am a 30yr old guy and I have a soon to be ex gf who will be 23 in a few days and we have been together just over 4 years. (why do a lot of relationships seem to die around the 4 year mark?) From about July last year I noticed she was online until early hours a lot and she just told me that she joined a roleplay group with some gamers from America (they roleplay game characters. Weird I know) I thought ok and had a look for myself and it looked innocent so I didn't mind BAD MISTAKE. FF to October last year and we had just moved into our own place, things were fine as we had our own place and that novelty feeling. We had no internet for a month which didn't really bother me but bothered her and at that time I was too blind to see why but I created an account with an ISP and even booked a day off work so I was home when they came to set it all up. When we had the internet again she went back to spending early hours in the morning on the net, sometimes until 5am. We still spent time together and everything and had a good sex life until about Feb when I had lost my job so I assumed it was down to stress. In April I noticed her mood had changed, she seemed distant and her mind was elsewhere so I talked to her about it and she said it was stress from what has happened. In May I had this gut feeling something wasn't right, she couldn't look at me when talking to me and she didn't seem interested in what I was saying so when she went to work I was debating whether to snoop on her PC and of course curiosity got the better of me so I decided to snoop. I found nothing in her emails or her history but I found stuff in her Skype chat logs which completely broke me, it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and thrown on the ground and stomped on. She is having an emotional affair with someone from that rp group. I confronted her about it and she just said it's just roleplay, she would never cheat on me yadda yadda yadda and of course with all her crying and her half assed apology I was dumb enough to believe her. The day after all this I get a call that my great grandfather passed away, so with that and what happened and being jobless, my mind was all over the place. For the next week I just focused on my family and the funeral and worry about looking for a job when I got back and tried to carry on as normal as I possibly could. When I got back my girlfriend was at work so I thought I would check her PC because I had my doubts about it all only to find out she changed her password on her PC, added a password on her laptop and added a password on her iPad too. If that isn't suspicious then I don't know what is, I found a way of getting her Skype records without needing a password and in a non destructive way so I extracted from her PC and laptop as she uses that too and found out more than my stomach could handle, she poured her heart out to this other person, that she has fallen in love with her, yes HER. And she is her everything and couldn't imagine a life without her and a lot of sexual content, what they will do when my soon to be ex goes there in July. They were also on webcam with each other while I was at my great grandfathers funeral and when I am work and doesn't mention it when I ask what she's been doing on her evening off. So yeah, she's going to visit her on Sunday for 10 days and I know it will turn into a physical affair but I'm not sure how to go about it, drop her off at the airport and tell her I know everything and there will be nothing to come back to when she returns? Or send her a nice birthday email while she is there or have a nice surprise for her when she returns? Oh yeah one more thing, she tells her online friends that she is either single or seeing that other girl. Sorry for the long post
Roflsaurus Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) My ex did the same emotional cheating for a year, then physically cheating for 6 months before breaking up with me, so I know the pain. I noticed the 4 year trend as well, I guess its kind of like the make or break point in every relationship especially after no life changing commitment is made (kids marriage etc). Who I wanna know is the person they are talking to, that knows this person is in a relationship but tries to take what they want anyway. The guilty **** human being behind every affair. The one that plays on someones emotions when they are having a rough time. Cheating is a two way street, and you and I were just the pavement they drove on. If someone breaks up with you just to be alone then that might cause someone to reflect on the issues they brought to the relationship. But since shes emotionally cheating none of this was really your fault and you need to drill that in your head to move on out of the relationship, even if she and those skype convos make it out to be "all your fault". Leave her, don't pick her up at the airport. You are better than this, cut off contact completely. Just say goodbye before she leaves and don't be there when she gets back. Edited July 10, 2013 by Roflsaurus
SimonSerenade Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 That is one of the most messed up stories I've ever heard, a 23 year old woman role playing?, don't get me wrong i love my jrpg games but would I roleplay about it in a bs forum or something?, hell no, it's hard to tell you what to do, this just seems like a fantasy in her head and believe me, it'll hit her one day soon and she'll feel pretty crappy about it, as for you, why are you sticking around through all this?, isn't that just supporting her messed up behaviour, right now she probably thinks she can do whatever she likes and you've just got to sit back and endure it because you love her, I would advise you to leave her and take a break and see what happens, don't just let her get on a plane and cheat all over your ass, I think around 4 years people get bored, not everyone but fickle demanding people will, it's nothing personal on you, it says more about her as a person and frankly she doesn't sound like a good person.
Chi townD Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I wouldn't even bother taking her to the airport. I would still try to monitor her Skype records and see if you get more concrete proof...i.e. them talking about what they're going to do together....blah....blah.... Then, the day before she leaves, I would drop the boom. Tell her you know everything. That you will not drive her to go have sex with another person and if she walks out the door to go meet her, don't bother coming back. You'll have all her sh*t packed up and moved out to her folks place or to one of her friends. You'll have the locks changed within an hour of her leaving because she making it apparent that she's choosing this girl over you and you're not going to be played a fool. Then, stick to your guns...no idle threats. 2
Author BetrayedOne Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 Thanks for the responses guys and you are right, SimonSerenade. She isn't and she seems like a pretty messed up person. After going through 10 months of logs, apparently she 'fell' for this girl about 10 months ago, the girl is 16 and she was 15 when it first started. Chi townD, I think I have solid evidence now, if you want to see it then I can email it to you and see what you think or whatever, I won't post it on here just yet. I will confront her before she goes with the stuff I have and just stand my ground and see through the BS she will try and throw at me and she can take the first possible plane back to her own country. Which would make NC easier as I won't need to worry about seeing her on the street or anything.
Arabella Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Oh boy. Quite a situation you have there, my friend. I don't envy you. As a former roleplayer, I can tell you that this is very very common... They start roleplaying stories with their characters, and sometimes, these become romantic in nature. Not with the person, but the character, you know? However, in many cases, the jump is made from character to person and before you know it... you have a real affair. What do you want to do at this point? Are you interested in trying to save the relationship at all? Or you want to just end it? You have options: 1) To repair the relationship: Go ahead and expose her right now. Show her the proof and tell her she has to cut contact with the girl and cancel the trip, and recommit herself to you. You want full disclosure and access to all of her accounts and devices. Nothing short of that will do. 2) To end it: Why wait? Expose her, and tell her to get out of the place. She doesn't get to take advantage of you and keep playing you for a fool. If she starts crying and begging, it's up to you. If you want to try to forgive her, go back to option 1 and proceed accordingly. Good luck, and keep us informed! 1
jphcbpa Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Why wait when you know what you know. The sooner you can start moving on the better.
Author BetrayedOne Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 You two are right, I want to end it because I don't want to be a part of her messed up life anymore, no offense to you, Arabella Also if you don't mind, if you can give me your email address so I can get more light on the roleplay scene thing. I completely understand if you don't want to.
Arabella Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 You two are right, I want to end it because I don't want to be a part of her messed up life anymore, no offense to you, Arabella Also if you don't mind, if you can give me your email address so I can get more light on the roleplay scene thing. I completely understand if you don't want to. If I were you, I would ABSOLUTELY end it. I was just giving you options I'd rather not post my email address publicly, but feel free to ask any questions about the RP scene here and I'll be happy to answer it for you. I was involved in it for over ten years... and I still would be if I had time for it. It can be a fun, healthy hobby... I promise! But like all hobbies, it does have its risks.
Author BetrayedOne Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 If I were you, I would ABSOLUTELY end it. I was just giving you options I'd rather not post my email address publicly, but feel free to ask any questions about the RP scene here and I'll be happy to answer it for you. I was involved in it for over ten years... and I still would be if I had time for it. It can be a fun, healthy hobby... I promise! But like all hobbies, it does have its risks. Thank you Arabella, I have no other choice, she's at work so I will do it tonight. As for the email, I don't blame you but if I have any questions then I'll post here and thank you.
Arabella Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Thank you Arabella, I have no other choice, she's at work so I will do it tonight. As for the email, I don't blame you but if I have any questions then I'll post here and thank you. Please do it tonight. Don't let her go off on her trip this weekend... she's going to be having her fun while you sit there and simmer in anger for 10 days. She's young, so ... I suspect she's going to break down crying, cancel the trip, and beg for forgiveness. If you really don't want to reconcile, be strong during this! Let us know how it goes!
Author BetrayedOne Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 Please do it tonight. Don't let her go off on her trip this weekend... she's going to be having her fun while you sit there and simmer in anger for 10 days. She's young, so ... I suspect she's going to break down crying, cancel the trip, and beg for forgiveness. If you really don't want to reconcile, be strong during this! Let us know how it goes! I am printing off the evidence so I have it to hand but not sure the best approach, either go full on with all of it or just be vague with what I know and see what her responses are and how much of it she is willing to hide.
Arabella Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 She's hidden all of it for 10 months, my friend. You already know the answer to that. Take a highlighter and mark the parts of the printouts that are truly egregious. Things that she cannot just say it's "roleplay", like sexual things she said she wants to do with her lover, or love declarations, etc. Slap the evidence on the table in front of her and don't say a word... then wait.
Author BetrayedOne Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 She's hidden all of it for 10 months, my friend. You already know the answer to that. Take a highlighter and mark the parts of the printouts that are truly egregious. Things that she cannot just say it's "roleplay", like sexual things she said she wants to do with her lover, or love declarations, etc. Slap the evidence on the table in front of her and don't say a word... then wait. Good point, I like that idea and that is what I shall do. I will let you know how it goes. It's gonna suck but at the end of the day she is in the wrong and I am too for being her doormat all this time.
Arabella Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Good point, I like that idea and that is what I shall do. I will let you know how it goes. It's gonna suck but at the end of the day she is in the wrong and I am too for being her doormat all this time. Breaking up is never easy to do. At some point, this is going to really hit you and you will feel hurt, betrayed, foolish... but it will pass. In the end, you don't need somebody like that in your life. Don't look at it as the end of your life with her. Look at it as the beginning of your new, better life. After tonight, settle financial matters and her belongings quickly and DO NOT remain in contact with her. Once she's completely gone, you will feel like you've finally regained your dignity and self-respect, even if you're still hurting. You will be okay.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 . After going through 10 months of logs, apparently she 'fell' for this girl about 10 months ago, the girl is 16 and she was 15 when it first started. So hate to be the one to point this out, but a 23 year old having an sexual affair with a 16 year old is statutory rape in most states in the US.
Arabella Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 So hate to be the one to point this out, but a 23 year old having an sexual affair with a 16 year old is statutory rape in most states in the US. Yeah, but she hasn't actually had sex with her yet... nor is it the OP's problem, really. If his girlfriend is stupid enough to do something like this... that's on her!
JackDrc Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 So hate to be the one to point this out, but a 23 year old having an sexual affair with a 16 year old is statutory rape in most states in the US. Eh, my home state has an age of consent of 16. By my count, 22 states have an age of consent of 16. Three states set their age of consent at 15 and 2 set it at 14. If this thing involves interstate travel though then I think some federal statutes may apply.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Eh, my home state has an age of consent of 16. By my count, 22 states have an age of consent of 16. Three states set their age of consent at 15 and 2 set it at 14. If this thing involves interstate travel though then I think some federal statutes may apply. It also depends on the age of the perpetrator. (more than x years older). Yuck. Hopefully it is not his concern...hopefully he kicked her to the curb.
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