Despair Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Hi all, I have been lurking for a while but decided to share my story in the hope of getting some non biased advice and hopefully a man's point of view Been married for seven year. Two years ago, my husband got a job offer to work in another country. He wanted to go but I didn't. So we had a long distance marriage in that time, seeing each other every seven months but speaking every day on the phone. He came back in May and then three weeks ago, after a huge argument packed his bags and walked out. I thought he would come back after a couple of days but he has decided that our marriage is over. I knew there was something seriously wrong with it but was always naive and just assumed it would sort itself out. Looking back, I realise that when he went to live in the other country, I fell into a deep depression. Never went out, piled on the weight and when he came back, I did resent him in a way. My main shock is how he can decide after one argument that it is all over. I asked him if he had been thinking of leaving for a while and he said yes. But according to friends, when they ask after my well being, he just says that i am ok and never even mentions that we have separated. During the last conversation, he said that he will always be there for me as a friend and if I needed something, I was just to contact him. Instead I emailed him and told him not to contact me. I said it was impossible to go from husband and wife to friends in just three weeks. I have decided to start the nc rule and signed up for the gym, also getting my teeth sorted and slowly trying to get myself back to the woman he married. My question is how do I know when to give up? Despite all the problems, I feel like he is my soul mate. I can not shake the feeling that we are connected in life even though he insists the marriage is over. I can never see myself with another man or giving up hope that one day we will be together again. But this is unhealthy for me, espically if he takes a girlfriend because we live in the same town and that would tip me over the edge.
TaraMaiden Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Focus on why you initiated No Contact. You quite rightly told him that it was impossible to make the transition from spouse to friend in such a short, brief period of time. So you went NC - primarily for yourself. And that's exactly as it should be. So, having done that - shift your focus from him, to yourself. Find a strategy to lose your weight, (If you think it would work for you, read the first link in my signature - but grab the initiative and make something work for you!) and focus on making yourself the best 'you' that you can ever be. If I may say so, it's nonsense to keep the mind-set that - I can never see myself with another man or giving up hope that one day we will be together again. And even you realise this is unrealistic. Look, after 26 years with one guy, I married again, so your viewpoint is a fallacy, yes? Let him go. Cling to yourself, because you are absolutley the very best thing you have: Evaluate how many marks out of 10 you'd give yourself right now. Then take a look at the 'deficit' and decide on a workable strategy to improve that. You have a great life ahead of you. Build on it, and focus on achieving enjoyment. 1
Author Despair Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 It is true - I can not ever see myself with another man. However, I have just read your updated NC thread and guess it is not something that I should be thinking about at this time. I need to focus on getting myself back to a state where I know that I look good and have the ability to attract the attention of other men. I read somewhere that keeping a journal of daily activities and thoughts is a good thing. Can I use this thread? At least that way, I know I am not taking to myself
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