I pushed him away and now I want to be with him but he doesn't feel the same

[pinkgrease]

hi would really appreciate any advice you have on this little situation I have gotten myself in! Ok well I've been friends with this guy for nearly a year now. In about May he started getting feelings for me which he told me...but as we were friends and I didn't really feel about him that way or want a relationship to happen we just continued being good friends. His feeling grew for me and in August we kissed but nothing developped and he said if nothing was going to happen between us he needed to get his boundaries back to us just being freinds, because we used to hug a lot he is a very touchy feely person.

 

Any way then I didn't see him for a while we were both on holiday from University so we didn't have much opportunity to see each other. When we came back to uni we went out one evening and were drinking and i realised I did like him and we kissed. We saw each other a bit and then he brought up whether we were in a relationship. Having broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years the March before I still didnt feel I was entirely ready for another relationship. So I said I would have to think about it a lot. Any way a few days later we were out again and I'd been drinking a bit..any way I really wanted to be with him at that moment so I told him and he was so happy.

 

However, after this I wasn't sure if I'd done the right thing because, basically my exboyfriend an I had broken up because I didn't want to be in a relationship anymore and I wanted to experience being single at uni, and maybe end up with him afterwards. So getting into a new relationship with this guy who wanted to know that there might be a future really scared me, so we talked and decided just to be friends.

 

Anyway after this, not being with him really cut me up and I did a lot of thinking and realised if I wanted to be with my ex the I would be with him and I couldn't live in the past and just wait anround and I was thinking about this guy all the time and knew he was something special. I spent a few days thinking about this. And then about a week later I told him that I was willing to give him 100% and try things out with him and that I was sure this was what I really wanted. He had said before that this was something he had dreamed of for so long.

 

Any way I told him this and he said he'd have to go away and think. Anyway, he came back and he'd written a letter, a very long one but in short he basically said that so much had gone on between us as friends and that maybe as we had become closer our friendship was too predominant, and that it wasn't a question of whether he wanted to be with me because that was yes, always. but whether he could be and at the moment he couldn't because I'd messed up with his head to much and scattered his brain. Also he has a lot of issues of gettting too close to people and this has somethin to do with it. So basically he said we should just be friends.

 

But I don't understand, he pulled someone that night even after we'd had a long chat about him trying to sort out lots of things in his life. And since we spoke on Monday I have become so cut up about him, I think about him all the time and I just want to be woith him so much and I don't know what to do, should I just give up and get over him and be friends? even though I know how strong his feelings have been for me oin the past. I fell so down thinking about him and I jst don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this has come out a bit muddled but please help me!

[bluechocolate]

You know the saying - once bitten, twice shy?

 

Sounds to me like he's just looking out for himself. You turned him down twice already. Plus I guess he knows that you broke up with your b/friend of 3 years to experience single life at university - perhaps he thinks you'll do the same thing to him.

 

But I don't understand, he pulled someone that night even after we'd had a long chat about him trying to sort out lots of things in his life

 

Pulling someone & getting seriously involved are two different things. It kind of an understandable thing to do. He was probably really cut up about his decision & thought this would help to forget, at least for a little while.

 

I think you're going to have to settle for just friends for the time being. He may come around in the future.

[head/heels]

i am in similar situation as your old bf.....of 3 years.... so after experiencing the single life now you want another relationship right?

 

why not call the old bf....is he really not the one for you or do you want him when you are done sowing your oats....b/c if he is anything like me, he probably was heartbroken and now wont want you back w/o some serious talking and begging and then who knows ...What are your feelings toward him now and what do you think of your actions now that you are wanting to talk with someone else in a possible long term forming relationship?

[pinkgrease]

bad reason for breaking up the first time

Post: 3 | Quote:

 

 

i am in similar situation as your old bf.....of 3 years.... so after experiencing the single life now you want another relationship right?

 

why not call the old bf....is he really not the one for you or do you want him when you are done sowing your oats....b/c if he is anything like me, he probably was heartbroken and now wont want you back w/o some serious talking and begging and then who knows ...What are your feelings toward him now and what do you think of your actions now that you are wanting to talk with someone else in a possible long term forming relationship?

 

Sorry didn't reply earlier

I wouldn't say that I did want another relationship to begin with but I was given an unltimatium (not that it worked out!) and I decided that yes i was willing to commit to another relationship. you're right I think my ex boyfriend was really was cut up when we broke up, but I still speak to him a lot, and I have asked him hyperthetically would he ever get back with me and he said he'd have to think about it a lot. To be honest I guess I do think that he will always be there because he's not with anyone at the moment, but I know I can't just think this, and I can't imagine him getting another girlfriend. To be honest with you I really don't thin I know what I want and I've got all hurt and confused and messed up with my feelings! I'm just going to give every situation a bit of time and see where that takes me.

 

Would you consider getting back with your ex? Is she with anyone else?