GuyMontag Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 Hello, I have been dating my G/F for about 8 months. We meet because we both were did an extra-curricular activity (we are both college students). When we were first dating, things were great (the best times I have ever had in a romantic relationship). After about 3 months of dating, I went to another state for an internship (which lasted 2 and ½ months). We keep constant contact on the phone while I was gone and even come back twice to visit. Everything was okay while was gone, with the exception of one incident. While I was gone she told that she was going to a movie with a guy with both knew. This guy had asked her out previously and still had romantic feelings for her. I sort of blew up out of jealousy, and she wasn’t happy about it because she felt like I was trying to control her friends. Anyway, that has been the only major issue in our relationship, and that’s not an issue anymore. Anyway, when I returned home from my internship, I noticed that things seem to have changed. She is less physical with me (not just sexually), doesn’t seem to have a lot of time for me (which is understandable because she is very busy with school stuff, as am I) and she generally doesn’t seem to be as happy with me and she was before. Perhaps the best way to sum this problem is that I often feel that there would be no difference in our relationship if we were exclusive dating or just friends. We have talked about this problem many times, and she has said a few things (she admits that she is acting different but isn’t exactly sure why). She says that she wants to continue dating. She says that she thinks she might be having a hard time getting into a romantic (perhaps relationship is a better term) mode, because she is constantly in an academic mode. I still make efforts to be romantic, but the effect seems to be only temporary. She also thinks that she is being more “mean” around me, because she is often critical of others whenever she talks to me. I don’t know if I can do anything to change the way she is or the way the she feels about me (so it is less academic and more romantic). This is the first girl I ever said the L word to, and I still feel like I do. I don’t know if I’m happy enough to stay the relationship, I feel that I worry about it way more than I should. I am just lingering to old memories? Should I stick it out and see if things get better? I feel like I have gotten in over my head. Any comments are welcome. If you have questions, I will answer. Thank you.
bluechocolate Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 I don’t know if I can do anything to change the way she is or the way the she feels about me If people could change the way other people are, or they way they feel about us this place wouldn't exist. So, no - you can't change the way she is & you can't change the way she feels. You dated for 3 months & then went away for almost 3 months & back now for 2 - I think you may have used the L word too soon. Maybe this is scaring her off? Who knows? Anyway, that has been the only major issue in our relationship, and that’s not an issue anymore. How can you be sure of that? You say she has changed since you came back so maybe this is indeed still an issue for her. Combine that with you telling you that you love her I could hazard a guess and say that she's thinking it all got a bit too heavy too soon. We have talked about this problem many times, Like that there - only months into dating & you're talking about "this" problem many times. I feel like I have gotten in over my head. Sounds to me like she feels the same. She admits that she is acting different, she says she is having a hard time being romantic, she says she is being more "mean" around you. These are not good signs. If I were in your shoes I would cut & run.
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